Today, I was texting the guy I like. He's really smart, funny, athletic, and cute. This all changed when he told me he was jacking off. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I got to talk to the guy I like. Thinking it would be about something pleasant. I was completely wrong. It was about the guy who sits in front of me and his masturbation problem. FML
Today, I was texting this guy that I really liked. Things were going pretty well. I got a call from his number and excitedly answered it. It was his girlfriend asking if he was bothering me because he likes to text random people when he's drunk. FML
Today, my fiancé texted me, saying he'd been masturbating to pictures of me. I told him that I couldn't wait to get home and take care of him. He replied, "Nah, don't bother, I got this." Now I'm horny and sad. FML
Today, I was texting this guy i've liked for a really long time, because of how nice and sentimental he is. We were sending each other things like "You make me smile" and "You're so damn cute" when finally he said "Let's just stop texting and hook up already." So much for sentimental. FML
Today, I was on the phone with my best friend who lives out of town. He was strangely quiet. Later that day I asked him why he didn't talk much. He admitted he was jacking off to the sound of my voice. FML
Today, I was texting my boyfriend and things were getting a little steamy. He said, "I really want you right now." So, of course, I told him to come over. To which he replied, "Nah." FML
Today, I was sending my boyfriend dirty texts to try and turn him on so when I see him the next day he will want to get intimate. Twenty minutes later he texts back, "ew stop." FML
Today, I was texting this cute guy that I like. After a couple of minutes I get a missed call from him, I call back and his girlfriend answers and says "Hi this is his girlfriend, please stop calling him". FML
Today, I was dirty texting my boyfriend since we couldn't see each other this weekend. We were getting really into it when he said, "If only you were this good in real life." FML
Today, I was in a movie when my boyfriend sent out a mass text saying that he'd just lost his virginity. FML
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Top comments
syki 22
So he was suddenly dumb, humourless, overweight, and ugly?
zoPwNAgEzo 21
What a jerk off
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Comments (63)
I_Punch_Babies 7
That just means he likes you too. He may even be willing to be your FIRST! sexual partner!
Mr_Chow 5
What a wanker...
GovernorGeneral 8
Aha first impressions like this usually get you to like the guy. Then you get to Know him..and stalk his fb...and you find ..stuff about him that would turn people off :/
japtch 15
1 - Gotta slip that "First!" post in there somewhere. Very clever.
zoPwNAgEzo 21
What a jerk off
markrs 0
I don't see what's wrong with this FML. Silly girl, romance is for movies!
LoonyKev 0
If she's turned off by guys that jerk off then i don't see how OP has ever dated in her life :-O
sadistmonkey 19
LoonyKev - She's turned off by a guy who she isn't even dating yet telling her that he's jacking off at this very moment. I think that's a bit different from knowing in general that he does jack off. I apologize if you were being sarcastic...
kateheartswaffle 0
It's been nearly a year since I've watched Jersey Shore and I definitely imagined that in Snooki's voice. Okay, I am done here. *hides behind cat*
peachesncreem 21
A guy jerking off to you ISN'T a compliment? And here I was getting all flattered each time.
construction 7
Not to her
TheSmoothDude 10
He's just being honest
syki 22
So he was suddenly dumb, humourless, overweight, and ugly?
Roevera 14
I didn't know jacking of changed an entire persons character!
stevenJB 25
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I hate how girls can "love" a guy until he makes a common mistake and suddenly theyre garbage...oh America :p
BeaterOfTheDrums 15
^ it's in Canada..
imustbeinsane 2
Oh Canada! Oh Canada!
StoryOfTheYear 15
3- No, he's simply just like every other male. We need to swipe the pipe while it's still ripe.
flippinsweet17 0
They were being sarcastic.
jonegg 0
The opposite of athletic isn't overweight, just saying
Keyganator 5
At least you now know he's honest, I mean that's a start.
RedMosquito 4
And ambidextrous!
danni218 1
pics or it didint happen..
Hyde_is_Back 4
And a multitasker.
WeezyBites 6
The man has needs.
Dante17 6
People have needs like everyone else do, difference is that they don't publish it
GoWithTheFro 10
What did you expect? He's a guy.
yahoowizard 16
Yup, since girls never do that, now do they
Darklord53 0
That's not a good excuse to say you're jerking though.
hombrepollo 0
We whack off a lot. If u want a boyfriend u gotta get used to it what can I say
ThisIsMyReign 4
And he was thinking the exact same thing in his moment of glory.
SettoFail 9
Well, he likes you
WearingHats 14
All three of them do.
stewpididiot 11
Well , ya gotta realize that 95% of Guys jack off... The other 5%.....
I_Punch_Babies 7
...are eunics!
BeaterOfTheDrums 15
"Hey you think that girl is hot?" "no!"
alstbv12 13
...lie about not jacking off.
GoW_Chick 15
... are to busy jacking off to be a part of this statistic.
RedMosquito 4
Tragically lost their hands in a chipper shredder accident.
japtch 15
23% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
japtch 15
72% of all statistics are made up on the spot.