Today, I let my 5 year old play on my tablet while we were both... - FML

21/12/2018 14:00

Today, I let my 5 year old play on my tablet while we were both using one of those family restrooms with two toilets. She took a selfie showing both on us on the toilet and sent it to my husband. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1 660

You deserved it 1 221

The smell detective is on the case

Hiding from the drama

Batman

28/04/2012 06:54 - United States - Fullerton

Today, I was with a friend at the mall and I made eye contact and smiled at the worker at a smoothie stand that I went on a date with last year. He saw me, and then ducked down behind the register, where he remained while his coworker awkwardly leaned over him to take my order and money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 783

You deserved it 3 182

18/06/2011 01:25 - Switzerland

Today, my girlfriend bought several packs of bottled water, even though we have pure mountain water on tap. She did this because the pile-up of unwashed dishes in the sink makes it virtually impossible to slide a glass under the tap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 420

You deserved it 46 572

15/07/2016 16:14 - United States - Altamonte Springs

Today, I finally got my fussy newborn back to sleep after the creaking of my chair woke her. I then crept two rooms over and opened a pack of chips, the crinkle of which woke her again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 688

You deserved it 3 060

28/06/2009 08:25 - United States

Today, it was my birthday. Normally, the little office I work in throws a big party for every employee on their special day, but nothing was done for me, not even a "Happy Birthday" came my way. I didn't want to be rude, so I stayed silent. They didn't do anything because I was getting laid off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 649

You deserved it 3 140

03/11/2014 19:06 - United States - Springfield

Spicy

Today, I decided to give my boyfriend a surprise striptease. After I turned around, I heard him murmur "Oh, wow." I turned back around, only to find him watching a gif of a cat falling into snow in slow motion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 128

You deserved it 4 915

15/06/2011 18:00 - Canada

Today, I had to lie to my female roommate about what happened last night. She was drunk and spent half the night cuddling with me and trying to get me to kiss her. I've loved this girl for two years, but I promised her I wouldn't let her cheat on her boyfriend with anyone. Even me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 956

You deserved it 12 748

08/10/2015 13:07 - United States - Niles

Today, I had my first open job interview, which is when a group of applicants are interviewed together. I also found out that despite being great at one-on-one interviews, I will panic and make myself look like a complete moron when I'm part of a group. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 476

You deserved it 2 343

13/01/2011 02:26 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend met my dad for the first time. The first thing my dad said to him was "So, how low have you kissed?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 935

You deserved it 3 903

25/09/2017 23:15

Today, I had to explain to my 7-year-old son that it's not okay to smell others' "wieners". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 289

You deserved it 312

18/08/2009 11:47 - United States

Today, my nose was itchy. As I reached towards it to itch it, I sneezed ridiculously hard. I punched myself in the eye and now it's all purple and puffy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 666

You deserved it 9 778

10/11/2013 10:28 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my husband and I went for our 20 week scan and found out we're having a girl. The first thing he said to me was, "The next one better be a boy or I'm leaving you". FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 478

You deserved it 4 889

22/02/2009 03:23 - United States

Spicy

Today, while I was making out with my boyfriend, he left my dorm suddenly without telling me where he was going. A few hours later, he texted me to tell me that being with me made him feel dirty and he had gone to confession. He then called me a sinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83 277

You deserved it 7 810

10/11/2012 00:16 - Canada

Today, I got my wisdom teeth removed. My girlfriend had agreed to come over after and make sure I was okay, so I called her, saying I was done. She told me she'd made new plans, and to "just suck on a tampon, you pussy". FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 671

You deserved it 3 286

Tasty!

By Sad and hungry - 25/04/2020 17:00

Today, my in-laws invited us over to dinner. I decided to help out in the kitchen and watched in horror as my mother-in-law licked every utensil, sucked her fingers while making the plates and slurped wine straight from the bottle. My husband said I was rude for refusing to eat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 856

You deserved it 214

22/11/2009 17:39 - Austria

Today, I arrived in Austria. Within about an hour, I realized that I couldn't understand any "German". Turns out they have a totally different dialect here to anything I was taught in school. I'm here till May. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 245

You deserved it 18 735

30/05/2015 01:34 - United States - Silver Spring

Today, on my second day as a lifeguard, I locked myself out of the pool. My angry guests and I had to wait for 45 minutes for my manager to arrive and unlock the gate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 578

You deserved it 5 872

14/12/2016 23:22 - United States - Erie

Today, I made dozens of cookies just in time for Christmas. When I went to take out the last pan from the oven, I slipped. In a desperate attempt to catch the pan I grabbed it with my bare hand. My hand is striped like a candy cane. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 831

You deserved it 876

21/11/2011 06:23 - Australia

Today, I discovered my wife and I have referred to our two-year-old as 'cutie' or 'beautiful' so many times she won't respond to her own name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 692

You deserved it 42 836

26/10/2008 21:20 - United States

Today, while at the dinner table, my grandmother told me she backed over a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 113

You deserved it 4 435

20/02/2019 18:00

Today, me and my hubby wanted to spice things up in the bedroom. He’s always wanted to eat food off my body but never wanted to deal with the mess. He got a little too excited and ended up biting my nipple instead of the spaghetti. I didn’t know someone was capable of biting that hard on soft food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 976

You deserved it 616

05/03/2013 18:57 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that he may have an STD. When I asked who he was with before me, and where it might have come from, he listed off almost every single one of my friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 139

You deserved it 5 409

29/09/2013 19:46 - United States - Winfield

Spicy

Today, I sent my boyfriend a text asking him to come over a little later and have some "fun" with me. He texted back, "WTF babe? Breaking Bad's on tonight. You got a dildo, fucking use it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 617

You deserved it 27 635

31/03/2011 21:53 - United States

Today, my girlfriend tearfully complained that I was smothering her to death with my clinginess, and that I should learn to respect her boundaries. This is after she complained I wasn't giving her enough attention. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 812

You deserved it 5 067

31/10/2016 15:22

Today, it's Halloween and my boss changed his mind at the last minute, telling us we're no longer allowed to carve pumpkins in our lunch hour because, "It would be too distracting". What are we supposed to do with 12 pumpkins now? FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 051

You deserved it 959

Remember me?

By sydthekid2000 - 23/03/2020 20:08

Today, I called my workplace to ask if I was going to be working, and if our store would be open. I was told that yes, we're still open, however, I can order inside, but I can’t sit in the dining room. They thought I was a customer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 249

You deserved it 248

06/02/2009 19:23 - United States

Today, my mom decided to tell me about her new boyfriend. I know him. I've slept with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84 521

You deserved it 18 516

25/06/2011 20:39 - Switzerland

Today, my family went out to dinner at a seafood restaurant. While we were eating our food, my grandma demanded to see the manager, and loudly complained that her fish was "too fishy". FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 987

You deserved it 4 205

19/10/2012 02:49 - Canada - Regina

Today, after being totally in love with a guy since middle school, I finally had enough self confidence to go and talk to him. Turns out he's boring as fuck. I obsessed over this guy for nearly 4 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 968

You deserved it 37 092

20/04/2015 01:46 - Canada

Today, my exchange student asked me for a ride to a party at a friend's house that I didn't know about. When I said, "Oh, just let me change", she replied, "I just need the ride, you're not invited." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 321

You deserved it 3 212

22/05/2011 06:30 - United States

Today, I was talking to this boy I really like and we were laughing together, until I got this disgusting putrid smell. I started to say how awful the smell was and he stopped laughing to take a sniff too. As soon as he closed his mouth the smell was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 094

You deserved it 4 493

Suspicious

By Anonymous - 11/09/2020 15:02 - United States - Boise

Today, I pulled over because my cell phone was ringing, as it's now illegal to use in a car. I finished the call when a motorcycle cop on side of road pulls up behind me and comes over. The reason? "You pulled off the road and it was suspicious, then I ran your plate…" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 117

You deserved it 306

22/12/2009 05:57 - United States

Today, my girlfriend canceled our date I've been looking forward to all week because her dog was having puppies. She doesn't have a dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 333

You deserved it 3 270

24/10/2010 05:26 - United States

Today, while I was substitute teaching a middle school class, a boy, named Chris, refused to get in the boy's line for the bathroom. After I had said, "Chris, what makes you think you're a girl?" in a very loud voice, one of the other students said "She is a girl." I've scarred a child for life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 824

You deserved it 52 505

Let's say, hypothetically…

By Anonymous - 08/12/2014 04:35 - United States - Long Beach

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend gave me a long, philosophical explanation about how he doesn't love me, but we should still have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 731

You deserved it 3 846

10/01/2010 02:20 - United States

Today, while arguing with my boyfriend about how I wasn't a bad driver and could parallel park, I decided it was easier to just let him do it. Unfortunately, while getting out of the car to switch seats, I forgot to take the car out of drive and it ran into the car in front of us. He was right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 295

You deserved it 31 785

29/03/2009 04:37 - United States

Today, I was denied acceptance to The University of Georgia. I was down all day so I decided to go to a party my friend was throwing. Thinking it would cheer me up, as soon as I arrive all I see is colleges on shirts, hats, and sweatshirts, most being UGA. It was a college acceptance party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 976

You deserved it 7 843

05/12/2014 02:12 - France - Marchaux

Today, to avoid walking on a thumbtack that had fallen on the floor, my little sister took a red sharpie to the carpet and drew a circle around it, "so that way, everyone will see it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 696

You deserved it 3 059

22/05/2013 09:44 - United Kingdom - London

Today I returned home after a semester at university. I guess I did too good a job of getting into shape as my parents phoned the police, thinking I was a burglar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 915

You deserved it 3 818

01/03/2009 00:22 - United States

Today, my fiancée broke up with me. Via a myspace message. While we were in the same apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 367 726

You deserved it 32 608

06/10/2015 22:03 - United States - Dayton

Today, I found out that when I was 4 I killed my bunny by drowning it. Apparently, my aunt bribed me to do it because it pooped in her shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 855

You deserved it 2 495

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Top comments

fjvitt 14

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Friday 21 December 2018 15:24

Better than to your boss...

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Friday 21 December 2018 15:43

At least it was sent to someone who already knows you both intimately. That was actually probably the best case scenario in that situation. But it’s definitely time for a lesson on privacy!

Comments

fjvitt 14

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Friday 21 December 2018 15:24

Better than to your boss...

NostalgiaFreak9 40

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Friday 21 December 2018 15:31

And everybody on her contact list

NostalgiaFreak9 40

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Friday 21 December 2018 15:32

And why did you let her play on your tablet while she was using the toilet?

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Friday 21 December 2018 15:43

At least it was sent to someone who already knows you both intimately. That was actually probably the best case scenario in that situation. But it’s definitely time for a lesson on privacy!

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Friday 21 December 2018 16:26

I don't see why it's an FML...

Xeebar 28

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Friday 21 December 2018 20:30

At least it was your husband and no one else.

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Friday 21 December 2018 21:04

Poor job kid. You should know that kind of pic needs to be sent to mommy's boss.

thefmlman2011 35

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Friday 21 December 2018 22:01

I don't get why this is a FML. Embarrassing yes, but not FML worthy in my opinion.

Taurus_ChicKa 36

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Saturday 22 December 2018 1:19

YDI for letting a five-year-old play with a tablet. I'm fed up with seeing these little kids with brand new phones, tablets, etc. They don't need them and they're not mature enough for them. And they'll just fry their brains.

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Saturday 22 December 2018 5:04

Woah! Easy there, Tiger. Calm down & get with the times! 😂

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Saturday 22 December 2018 2:12

can’t even give your kid a rest from the tech stuff even on the toilet? thank god i was part of the last tech-free generation!

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Saturday 22 December 2018 4:56

Oh no... Your husband saw you on the toilet... 🙄

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 114

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend came out as a polyamorous, and then immediately asked me if he could date another guy I thought was my friend. I’m such a pushover, I said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 250

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 591

You deserved it 69