Miscellaneous: Today, my new roommate moved in. One of the first conversations...

Hey guys! OP here. First of all: yay, one of my submissions finally made it! So, to clear some things up: 1. The fml is obviously about me being embarrassed to death that this happened. I wanted to make a good first impression and I was so nervous and I forgot to put the cup away. It's defiantly not about me thinking she made an unreasonable request or anything. 2. The cup was emptied and thoroughly cleaned. I had left it on the edge of the sink to dry off before putting it away and I accidentally forgot about it. She saw that and was fine with touching it, so it wasn't really something disgusting, just a very, very unfortunate thing to happen on our very first day of living together. 3. This happened a while ago, and neither I or my roomie think it's a big deal. We're both fine with, you know, women occasionally not covering up all evidence of having their period once in a while. It was just incredibly embarrassing and awkward when it happened, but now we're all good! :) Cheers!

Miscellaneous

BO Central

Leave us alone

Our house, in the middle of our street

13/02/2009 15:02

Today, for the first time in months, I got a call from a beautiful girl asking me what I was doing tonight. Then my battery died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 488

You deserved it 8 352

13/01/2015 01:11

Today, I had to call a few different women and explain to them that my little brother had catfished them. I had to do it because he is mute and my parents were too busy screaming at him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 931

You deserved it 2 260

Addams Family Values

By Anonymous - 12/12/2020 07:56

Today, I heard my mom say to the dogs, "Are you hungry? Do you want something tasty out of the garbage can?" Don’t worry though, she probably only meant the one in our garden, where she keeps the deer heads. FML

I agree, your life sucks 673

You deserved it 72

01/01/2010 05:07

Today, my dad came home from work early only to walk in on me and the boy I'm not supposed to be seeing having sex. Did I mention doggie style? FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 351

You deserved it 32 710

17/09/2009 04:15

Today, I finally figured out that when a man says "Maybe some other time, I'll be busy then" more than once, he really means "I don't really want to see you again. I didn't think you'd actually USE my number." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 291

You deserved it 33 908

12/03/2017 18:00

Today, my mother warned me that if I ever have anal sex I will die. I'm 28. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 027

You deserved it 479

20/01/2013 22:13

Today, I realised in the middle of my shift how useless my deodorant is in the stifling heatwave spreading through my country. It's no longer effective against my awful B.O., which is a problem because I'm a mascot, and my costume traps the smell inside like a portable toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 120

You deserved it 4 948

25/09/2010 08:57

Today, I failed my trigonometry exam because my scientific calculator was on the wrong setting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 547

You deserved it 46 075

28/12/2012 17:33

Today, while my girlfriend was playing a game on my phone, an unknown number sent me a nude picture and the words "Miss you, baby." This person's mistake just cost me a black eye, and probably my relationship too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 180

You deserved it 4 276

16/12/2012 00:57

Today, some beefed-up guy wearing a wife-beater sat in my restaurant, took out a big sack of coins, and played My Little Pony songs on the jukebox for 4 hours straight. I couldn't summon the courage to tell him to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 034

You deserved it 5 946

25/05/2011 14:06

Today, my dad came to my graduate art show wearing a t-shirt saying "My other daughter is a science major". He'd had it specially made. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 784

You deserved it 7 594

Mind the handbrake!

By Anonymous - 07/09/2021 11:01

Today, I've been loyal to my wife for almost 25 years then I randomly bumped into my high school sweetheart, sparks flew like when we were teenagers, and less than an hour later we were having sex in her car. I feel like such scum. What the hell is wrong with me? FML

I agree, your life sucks 349

You deserved it 4 783

12/02/2011 04:06

Today, I thought it would be fun to drive into a stack of some empty cardboard boxes on my street. They weren't empty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 107

You deserved it 57 278

23/12/2009 07:15

Today, a car was tailgating and honking at me while trying to pass me, so I decided to be a bitch back and go extremely slow. We got to a two lane road and the car passed me up. The man in the front seat flipped me off while pointing to his wife in the back seat who was clearly in labor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 939

You deserved it 67 866

28/11/2010 07:10

Today, while sleeping over at my girlfriend's house for the first time, I got up to go to the bathroom. I went to go back and once in the room asked, "You ready for round two baby?" The light came on and at this moment I realized I went into her parents bedroom by mistake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 115

You deserved it 44 883

18/05/2012 21:50

Today, after weeks of sorting, inspecting, and waiting, my high school's yearbooks were distributed. I'd searched carefully for photo errors and was proud to say there were none. That is, until someone told me that a boy on the last page was flipping the camera the bird. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 754

You deserved it 4 735

Winner

By Anonymous - 09/01/2020 20:00

Today, my parents met my fiancée's parents for the first time in a large family gathering two weeks before our formal wedding. Both sets of parents were telling funny stories about our pasts. My dad's story won. He told how I spent a week in jail earlier this year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 999

You deserved it 950

13/11/2017 09:37

Today, my soon-to-be ex-husband had the audacity to ask if the woman he cheated on me with could be in the delivery room while I give birth to our baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 597

You deserved it 300

25/07/2014 18:16

Today, I held the door open for a woman and her kids on my way out of the bank. She started accusing me of patronizing her, and when I just let go of the door in protest, she deliberately leaned in so it hit her in the face. I felt the glares from the entire bank as she pretended to cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 041

You deserved it 4 001

22/12/2012 22:19

Today, while talking to my boyfriend, he got upset and accused me of making up words to make him feel stupid. All because I used the word "vapid." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 464

You deserved it 7 564

12/08/2010 14:50

Today, I got back from a 3 and a half week trip to South Africa to do volunteer work with children in townships. My parents forgot to pick me up, and I had to sit there by myself and wait for them, while 80 people of the same organization got loving hugs from their proud parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 514

You deserved it 3 816

17/03/2012 02:21

Today, I had a nasty cough, but I went to college anyway. When I walked into class, I could practically smell menstrual blood in the air. After a few coughs, our instructor gave me an "Oh, shut up!" After half an hour, she kicked me out for not "taking the class seriously". FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 900

You deserved it 8 621

20/01/2010 15:59

Today, I lost my job to a girl that graduated with the same bachelor's degree from the same college as me. She also got a master's in an unrelated field. I've been working there 7 months, and her master's in maths apparently makes her a better athletic trainer than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 182

You deserved it 4 274

11/11/2012 00:29

Today, while at a stop light, I was rear-ended by a car behind me. The guy got angry at me, because according to him, I should've known that his car has poor braking distance, and so I should've moved forward a few more feet to compensate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 173

You deserved it 1 646

19/12/2010 05:24

Today, my boyfriend called me into the bathroom after he had been in there awhile. I found him with his pants down, looking at a pimple on his butt in the mirror. He asked me for "help". FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 795

You deserved it 4 519

30/03/2012 14:35

Today, while playing badminton, I was so distracted by my ex winking at me that I didn't notice the shuttlecock that hit me in the eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 689

You deserved it 21 367

17/02/2013 15:50

Today, while on my way to the movies, I stopped at a gas station to pick up candy so I could avoid the high prices at the movies. The guy who tore my ticket asked for my purse, confiscated my candy, and then kicked me out of the movie theater. That guy was my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 592

You deserved it 9 012

10/06/2016 19:18

Today, I lost an art contest to some talentless arsepipe whose piece was literally just a broken heart crudely drawn in her own blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 210

You deserved it 1 970

Kittens are everything

By Squanto - 16/08/2021 16:01

Today, I realized that since moving in with my boyfriend and adopting two kittens, I feel more alone than ever. He cuddles the kittens more than me, he doesn’t want to hang out with me at home anymore. Is this normal? FML

I agree, your life sucks 725

You deserved it 135

05/07/2013 01:32

Today, I came back to my apartment after moving most of my stuff out. Upon returning, I learned that my now ex-roommate drank all of my alcohol and threw away my things, thinking that I had forgotten them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 172

You deserved it 3 819

04/11/2010 19:32

Today, I woke up to two text messages from my mother. The first said, "You could've had this for breakfast. How do you like your eggs?" The next text was a picture message of her naked. I think it was meant to be sent to her boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 302

You deserved it 2 869

24/03/2011 14:46

Today, while at the mall I opened a bathroom stall thinking nobody was in there. The door just didn't close properly. I hit an elderly woman in the head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 715

You deserved it 10 051

13/02/2015 19:05

Today, I'm working for a company that makes over a million dollars a year, yet leaves me with no choice but to pee in a cup because they won't pay to fix the only toilet in the building. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 719

You deserved it 2 430

20/06/2013 01:09

Today, I helped an elderly lady put a bookshelf in her car. She then thanked me by hitting me with her car as she drove out of the parking lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 181

You deserved it 3 067

17/08/2013 05:11

Today, while in the restroom washing my hands, a girl decided to let one rip while in the stall. When she came out she gave me a dirty look of disgust and said, "At least wait until I leave." She and I were the only ones in the restroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 881

You deserved it 3 309

13/11/2010 06:29

Today, I went to the waterpark and my kids were fighting so I grounded them both. We concluded the day by boogey boarding on a mechanical wave. There was so much water I didn't realize my boobs had completely fallen out of my bikini. As revenge, my kids didn't tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 687

You deserved it 20 615

16/08/2016 16:10

Today, my ex-husband introduced our daughter to her "new mommy". That's the third time this year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 108

You deserved it 1 188

18/08/2011 04:02

Today, my family decided it would be hilarious to catch the biggest moths they could and let them loose in my room. I'm terrified of moths and they thought it would be 'funny as hell' to watch me freak out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 719

You deserved it 5 090

30/06/2016 20:42

Today, my boss threw me out of her office during a conference call for daring to correct her. The client fired the company because she subsequently got all the information on the call wrong, and plainly had no idea what was going on. From all the screaming, this is now all my fault. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 941

You deserved it 888

29/09/2011 12:27

Today, after 4 months of no family contact while deployed in the military, I receive an email from my mother. Attached was a picture of a toilet full of green shit, with a message from my mom saying, "Seen neon poo before? Thought I would share!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 190

You deserved it 2 385

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Top comments

attak_fml 7

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Sunday 23 April 2017 13:39

wickedgetz 29

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Sunday 23 April 2017 13:02

atleast your roommate was cool about it and wasn't bloody mad

Comments

LadyRen 20

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Saturday 22 April 2017 21:22

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

C8H18 33

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Saturday 22 April 2017 21:56

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

foxesntea 22

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Sunday 23 April 2017 14:36

I think that's a little extreme. Even if I didn't see op's reply I would presume it was cleaned up, because it would make no sense to leave a cup full of menstrual blood.

seasonedtoast 19

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Sunday 23 April 2017 12:13

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

wickedgetz 29

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Sunday 23 April 2017 13:02

atleast your roommate was cool about it and wasn't bloody mad

attak_fml 7

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Sunday 23 April 2017 13:39

indienerdgirl 27

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Sunday 23 April 2017 14:20

Dude I would have been so embarrassed! But I'm glad it didn't stop you and your roomie from being cool with each other. Glad all is okay now!

species4872 19

Sunday 23 April 2017 16:36

So? What's the big deal? I wouldn't have had a problem with that even though I'm male. Females have specific needs. Living in a house full of females allowances are made for that sort of thing.

Dreamer5393 21

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Monday 24 April 2017 4:36

What is a menstrual cup?

siggy_mcsigx 22

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Monday 24 April 2017 12:16

a google search that can change your life

EbyKat 16

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Wednesday 26 April 2017 21:20

It's a silicone cup shaped device that you put in your vaginal canal to collect the period blood. They are safer than tampons, can be used for 12 hours and for $40 can be cleaned and reused for several years which serious lowers the cost of having a period. Some places sell less sturdy disposable versions if you are interested.

Oatmeal1311 17

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Tuesday 25 April 2017 8:02

I've done the same thing but on the side of my bathtub xD