Yummy

Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, he stopped, got off, walked into the kitchen grabbed a doughnut, and came back to finish while he ate it. FML

No kinkshaming, but come on…

Today, I finally had sex with this great guy I've been seeing. I thought I'd found a catch. We get into his room, start kissing, and things heat up. Everything is perfect until he reaches under his bed, pulls out a doughnut and shoves it into my mouth, snarling, "Eat it, eat it!" FML

Today, my boyfriend bought my favorite doughnuts for our anniversary. After settling down and pouring a glass of wine, I grabbed a doughnut and quickly realized the filling inside wasn't jelly. He thought it would be funny to replace it with toothpaste. FML

Say yes

Today, my boyfriend stopped in the middle of sex to ask if I wanted to get donuts. FML

Wandering

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, I remembered I had a Reese's Krispy Kreme doughnut in the car. I orgasmed while thinking about a doughnut. FML

The Conquest of Bread

Today, my boyfriend and I were playing around, tickling each other. He grabbed my stomach roll and told me it looked like a baguette. FML

Today, my boyfriend told me about this guy who makes balloon animals with his penis. My boyfriend has spent the last 4 hours trying to make his penis look like a pretzel. FML

Groucho

Today, my boyfriend tried to make me wear a fake mustache during sex. He said it "turns him on." FML

Today, my boyfriend said he wanted to try something new. By something new, it was to put flour in my butt and see what would happen if I farted. FML

Today, I was giving my boyfriend head. As I was beginning to enjoy and really get into it, I heard him say, "Oh my god, this is good shit." I looked up sexily, only to find that he was eating a Twinkie. FML