Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, he stopped,...

By jessica - 2/2/2011 20:59 - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, he stopped, got off, walked into the kitchen grabbed a doughnut, and came back to finish while he ate it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39173

You deserved it

7426

Favorite

Intimacy

Family values

Insane parents

Headache

By Mandy - 26/3/2012 22:21 - United States

Today, I learned why the phrase "seafood taco salad" terrifies everyone in the school's cafeteria. What happened to me after eating it made Saw III look like a Disney movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24843

You deserved it

3943

Favorite

By Anonymous - 6/8/2020 05:02

Bored

Today, I'm considering working as an escort again, to get some human closeness, have interesting conversations and feel wanted and appreciated. I'm actually in a steady relationship; I guess it’s not a very good one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1272

You deserved it

492

Favorite

By owowowow - 24/7/2010 01:30 - Canada

Today, I found out how much it hurts to be shot with a paintball in your open mouth. My mouth was only open to say I was hit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35010

You deserved it

7565

Favorite

By Anonymous - 14/1/2012 19:26 - United States

Today, I got into an argument with my wife over how she spends too much time with her gay best friend. Now she says that if I want to ever get intimate with her again, I'll have to let her watch as I give him a striptease. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40098

You deserved it

11202

Favorite

By Bratty son - 23/10/2012 04:25 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my young son and I were in line at Subway. I guess he got bored and started to insult the teenage girl behind us. I tried to get him to stop, but he wouldn't listen. Eventually the girl punched him in the face and left. As my son cried uncontrollably, everyone else there clapped. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12341

You deserved it

59261

Favorite

By Aimee Lutz - 19/10/2017 22:00

Cat Burglar!

Today, I found my lost cat. As I was hooking it up to a leash to get it in my car, a man approached and asked what I was doing. His kids alerted him that there was a woman stealing their cat from their front lawn. It was not my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3018

You deserved it

1047

Favorite

By fml9124 - 21/12/2019 05:00

New urinal

Today, my wife caught our six-year-old son peeing in the bathroom sink. He pulled his little stool up in front, that he uses to brush his teeth, and was peeing in the sink. When we asked why, he said that he wanted to pee like a man, "like we do at football games." My son is using our bathroom sink like a urinal. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1675

You deserved it

285

Favorite

By missgayle319 - 15/3/2012 07:53 - United States

Today, I decided to finally try out the veggie slicer I bought a few months ago to make healthy homemade potato chips. Along with the sliced potatoes, I am now missing about a quarter inch chunk of skin from the side of my hand and quite a bit of blood. At least the chips were good. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20195

You deserved it

12970

Favorite

By innocent - 6/1/2015 03:11 - United States

Today, my father seems to be having an affair. A used condom was carelessly left on his nightstand and my mother found it. She refuses to believe that my boyfriend and I are not responsible. As punishment I am "no longer allowed to see him." We're both 22 and live together in our own apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43819

You deserved it

3314

Favorite

By davidthegreat - 5/7/2011 08:27 - Japan

Today, I had to come to terms with the fact that I'm getting older because my pubic hair is turning white. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38727

You deserved it

5872

Favorite

By apowell5 - 2/10/2009 18:16 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor to try and get answers about the numbness and tingling in my right leg. The Dr told me I was too fat for my pants, and I pinched a nerve. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14527

You deserved it

40450

Favorite

By mean mommy - 16/7/2019 12:30

Today, I was hosting a slumber party for my daughter, but I ended it abruptly and demanded that every child be picked up. Several pissed off parents and a sobbing daughter later, I’m the most hated. I made them leave after 2 of the girls bragged about losing their virginity. They’re 12. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1561

You deserved it

2041

Favorite

By Jen - 1/12/2009 17:25 - United States

Today, while on the phone with a client at work, I was planning on saying either "Yeah." or "Uh-huh." Without thinking, I combined the two and ended up saying "Yee-hah," like a cowboy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14676

You deserved it

33441

Favorite

By loser4life - 30/7/2011 04:38 - United States

Today, in health class, I raised my hand and asked if you could get an STD from dogs. I have officially now ruined any extremely small chance I had of being popular. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12387

You deserved it

79229

Favorite

By badsinger - 4/6/2010 09:38 - New Zealand

Today, my fiancée told me she was having a bad day while we were lying in bed. Just as she was about to fall asleep I thought it would be sweet if I sang her a song that her Mom sang to her when she was a child. Instead, I was told to shut the fuck up and that I sucked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40926

You deserved it

15463

Favorite

By Xabeix - 3/6/2019 08:00 - Canada - Gatineau

Today, I got a rejection letter after I filed a claim regarding potholes on a high speed road that damaged my vehicle. Two of my tires and very expensive Honda mags, worth 1000$ each, are done for. Meanwhile, the city claims they're working hard to fix the roads. It's been 3 weeks, the potholes are still there and the city says they're not at fault. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1732

You deserved it

286

Favorite

By Shelling Ford - 25/8/2015 11:55 - Germany - Munich

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I said I wouldn't find her attractive in 20 years. What I actually said was that I wouldn't sleep with her mother now, who happens to be 20 years older than her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26120

You deserved it

3283

Favorite

By cuteloser - 4/10/2014 13:57 - Australia

Today, I thought I would be cute for my 1 year anniversary with my girlfriend so I cooked a three course meal for her with candles and rose petals on the floor. She loved the dinner, except now she's passed out in a food coma upstairs while I'm left with the dishes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40212

You deserved it

7489

Favorite

By ohgodwhy - 10/2/2012 09:37 - United States

Today, my boyfriend came over to cheer me up after I'd had a sleepless night. He thought it would be a good time to propose. Unfortunately, it coincided with me yawning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28905

You deserved it

5101

Favorite

By - 16/1/2019 20:00

Today, I got trapped in the airport lift for half an hour with my family while heading to departure. We ended up missing our flight. 3000 Malaysian bucks were spent on that flight. No one wants to compensate our loss. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2655

You deserved it

163

Favorite

By gabbykinz13 - 8/3/2012 21:48 - United States

Today, I asked my girlfriend when she'll be having her period, since she was acting pretty bitchy the last time around. She duct taped my leg hair and ripped it off while I was napping. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15997

You deserved it

56955

Favorite

By pa - 21/5/2009 13:06 - United States

Today, my parents bought me a wine glass with "Who needs a man?" painted all over it. Cute, until after dinner my mom looked me in the eyes and asked with complete sincerity, "Kara, are you gay?" My parents tried to get me to come out. I'm straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54484

You deserved it

3578

Favorite

By SolaceInRage - 20/3/2013 23:53 - United States - Wilmette

Today, I tossed half a sausage to a dog sitting beside a park bench. It wasn't until he lunged for it and dragged the man beside him off of the bench that I realized it was a seeing eye dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34076

You deserved it

26766

Favorite

By Disgusted - 5/7/2009 06:30 - United States

Today, I met my biological mother for the first time. I also found out from her husband that she has her nipples and nether regions pierced. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42895

You deserved it

3769

Favorite

By Angry and Confused - 29/6/2013 09:55 - United States - Reno

Today, my house was broken into. The burglar didn't steal my brand new laptop, iPad or TV. They instead made off with every single item of clothing I own. When I went to turn on my TV to try and distract myself from this, I found all of the cables in back missing. The police don't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52982

You deserved it

2939

Favorite

By notatherapist - 1/10/2014 23:08 - Netherlands - Huizen

Today, my boyfriend and I were roleplaying therapist and patient in bed. When I playfully asked him what bothered him, he told me his mother hates him and burst into tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47316

You deserved it

6276

Favorite

By dannyboy1422 - 2/10/2009 19:17 - United States

Today, we had a lockdown in our school for 2 hours because a man was sitting outside our school in his car with a gun in hand. I texted my mom telling her what was going on and that it's on the news. She responded saying "I'll tape it". FML

I agree, your life sucks

35819

You deserved it

3633

Favorite

By BathroomMuch - 25/12/2009 16:15 - United States

Today, I have been stuck in the bathroom. Apparently, my 8 year old son decided to sneak in some TurboLax into the juice we left out for Santa. Well played son. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36754

You deserved it

7692

Favorite

By Anonymous - 1/2/2013 23:31 - Brazil

Today, I was on the treadmill at the gym, when I felt my pants start slipping. I tried to pull them up, but lost my balance and fell face-first onto the floor. When I go to my wedding tomorrow, half the guests will probably think I've exchanged my fiancé for Chris Brown. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33319

You deserved it

4597

Favorite

By Anonymous - 19/9/2012 14:43 - United States

Today, my crazy mother-in-law threatened to camp out outside my house so she will "never get left out" of our lives, all because we called instead of sending a written invitation to my three-year-old's birthday party. I actually believe she's crazy enough to do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23029

You deserved it

1824

Favorite

By fuck family - 17/7/2013 20:13 - Poland - Walbrzych

Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my family. Over the next hour, a huge religious debate erupted, and my grandfather drunkenly told us all how he almost killed himself once while experimenting with auto-erotic asphyxiation. My boyfriend called us all crazy and seems to have dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50736

You deserved it

5406

Favorite

By Anonymous - 1/10/2019 06:00

Looks

Today, my mom and dad were talking about how if I lost weight, I would be attractive and have guys all over me. My dad said, “That’s exactly what I’m worried about.” It took me a while to realize they both think I’m ugly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1289

You deserved it

311

Favorite

By ticket - 6/10/2009 15:44 - United Kingdom

Today, I got a ticket for having my brights on. The street was pitch black and it was 1:30 in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37844

You deserved it

6843

Favorite

By Anonymous - 13/8/2019 20:00

Today, my friend was extremely constipated when he used my toilet. I'm now having to go buy a new toothbrush, because he used mine to dig out his shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2052

You deserved it

135

Favorite

By Anonymous - 15/11/2013 09:45 - United Kingdom - Bicester

Today, I made eye contact with a cute guy from across a packed train. He then yelled out, in front of everyone, "You've got foam on your nose!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

37313

You deserved it

4018

Favorite

By Anonymous - 8/3/2010 00:44 - Australia

Today, I was listening to a client's heartbeat with a stethoscope, when I noticed one of my hairs had fallen on her chest. I tried to brush it off, but it didn't move, so I went to pick it up with my fingers. That's when I found it it wasn't my hair, it was hers... and it was still attached. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27108

You deserved it

5949

Favorite

By .... - 8/6/2009 04:08 - United States

Today, I was introduced to my dad's girlfriend of six months. I've already heard them sleeping together several time,s and seen her car pull away early in the morning. After meeting face to face, I also learned that she's only two years older than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

71677

You deserved it

3243

Favorite

By MC - 14/5/2009 14:11 - Canada

Today, while working at a children's day camp, one of the kids who is allergic to peanuts went into anaphylactic shock. I ran and grabbed the boys eppe pen. I was holding it backwards so the injection went into my hand, causing me to pass out and both of us to be rushed to hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27554

You deserved it

56613

Favorite

By WhatsThatSmell - 25/2/2011 13:25 - Australia

Today, I took a busy train into the city. I was lucky enough to get a seat. People were forced to stand in the aisle in front of me, and the person directly opposite me, whose butt was level with my head farted in my face. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35724

You deserved it

4490

Favorite

By Anonymous - 12/3/2014 03:34 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, my 3-year-old son discovered his testicles. When I asked him what they were, he replied, "They're my balls! They make my winkie happy!" Now he won't quit singing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42780

You deserved it

6086

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#2039093 - Thursday 3 February 2011 1:05

YDI for dating a cop(;

By coralita | 0

#2039079 - Thursday 3 February 2011 1:03

he should of brought you one!

COMMENTS

By coralita | 0

#2039079 - Thursday 3 February 2011 1:03

he should of brought you one!

Xythenol | 6

#2039149 - Thursday 3 February 2011 1:12

#1
It's should HAVE. HAAAVE for fuck's sake!

coralita | 0

#2039198 - Thursday 3 February 2011 1:20

sorry! hehehe! should've!

oliver86 | 8

#2039229 - Thursday 3 February 2011 1:25

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

tamie306 | 5

#2039285 - Thursday 3 February 2011 1:36

#10 actually

lbeer | 1

#2039407 - Thursday 3 February 2011 2:10

#10 god [email protected] grammar nazi

TheCass_ | 3

#2039412 - Thursday 3 February 2011 2:10

eight million actually.

TheRealFamilyGuy | 5

#2039464 - Thursday 3 February 2011 2:24

It's important to keep sugar levels up during sex, iv heard it makes jizz shoot 2 meters

relyo | 0

#2039529 - Thursday 3 February 2011 2:39

he mad.

Rawwrness | 3

#2039679 - Thursday 3 February 2011 3:20

.....was it from Dunkin donuts?

daka_fml | 5

#2039862 - Thursday 3 February 2011 4:15

ahahah what a rock star he is!

Moniii723 | 0

#2039927 - Thursday 3 February 2011 4:37

lol

iloveloosy12 | 0

#2040125 - Thursday 3 February 2011 5:27

lol people are so weird

jon33_fml | 0

#2040230 - Thursday 3 February 2011 6:04

did he share?

ImaBmyLonurTees | 0

#2041007 - Thursday 3 February 2011 12:02

oh my coralita's picture is mighty distracting

AKlesbian907 | 0

#2041287 - Thursday 3 February 2011 13:33

moobs... Srsly thought you were female. least they are not saggy I guess...

istylez2 | 0

#2042836 - Friday 4 February 2011 4:05

i gotta say coralsita u sexy

daddyluiigi | 3

#3882040 - Saturday 14 January 2012 11:12

Like a boss lol

By snuu_man | 0

#2039085 - Thursday 3 February 2011 1:04

what you two have is really special!

Jackmangold | 0

#2039832 - Thursday 3 February 2011 4:06

YDI for not having a sandwich prepared for him

alex1432 | 9

#2040603 - Thursday 3 February 2011 8:48

I like sex, I like doughnuts. I fail to see a problem here...

Edokun | 0

#2041214 - Thursday 3 February 2011 13:10

haha lol apparently a doughnut is enough to make OP's sex better lol I think she should improve so they don't get replaced for a sandwich next time xD

bwhahaha_fml | 10

#2041278 - Thursday 3 February 2011 13:30

indeed it is special. I mean how many men actually go to the kitchen for food?

By I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#2039093 - Thursday 3 February 2011 1:05

YDI for dating a cop(;

amypr | 20

#2039204 - Thursday 3 February 2011 1:20

Haha

nlr | 9

#2039713 - Thursday 3 February 2011 3:33

how so you know he's a cop? do you know them?!

AnagenisisZagus | 13

#2039948 - Thursday 3 February 2011 4:43

You are missing the joke you son of a bitch!!! Hold me back!! Hold me back!!! We cool? We cool.

AmandaNAckles | 0

#2040122 - Thursday 3 February 2011 5:27

hahaha @ 76, wow.

Bosia | 0

#2040286 - Thursday 3 February 2011 6:25

Speaking of cops… I think it's illegal to have your cat's caboose so close to your face!

tesuan | 0

#2040410 - Thursday 3 February 2011 7:11

Homer Simpson isnt a cop...

dtrump_fml | 0

#2040474 - Thursday 3 February 2011 7:55

haha

fml2102 | 0

#2041658 - Thursday 3 February 2011 17:33

it's illegal for a man to have that big of an object in his mouth too!!

drthunderbolt | 4

#2919676 - Monday 18 July 2011 8:26

No YDI for dating Vash the Stampede!

By Trentman30 | 5

#2039102 - Thursday 3 February 2011 1:06

mmm. doughnuts.

By anthonyblower | 0

#2039108 - Thursday 3 February 2011 1:07

Never has there been more win performed my one man.

CH1CKEN_FL1PPEN | 4

#2039137 - Thursday 3 February 2011 1:11

very true

FYLDeep | 25

#2039146 - Thursday 3 February 2011 1:12

#5 You let your man act like that though? Some people might see it as disrespectful.

oliver86 | 8

#2039215 - Thursday 3 February 2011 1:23

Was that really needed #11. Calm down.

oliver86 | 8

#2039267 - Thursday 3 February 2011 1:33

^ don't know why this posted here, sorry

By TheDrifter | 23

#2039115 - Thursday 3 February 2011 1:07

I guess sploshing with doughnuts never crossed your mind before that?

Sounds like you two are going to have a very messy love life.

PeteyPablo12308 | 20

#2040143 - Thursday 3 February 2011 5:32

Sploshing?!?

Darko21 | 5

#2040336 - Thursday 3 February 2011 6:47

He meant splooshing, jizzing, or the simplest form 'cumming.'

TheDrifter | 23

#2040348 - Thursday 3 February 2011 6:50

Google is your friend.

TheDrifter | 23

#2040360 - Thursday 3 February 2011 6:52

Sploshing, slang for sexual or sensual use of food on the human body. Try google or urban dictionary.

I had no idea that fmlers were so sheltered.

By AbyoErui | 0

#2039122 - Thursday 3 February 2011 1:08

YDI for letting him finish.

LordLiam316 | 0

#2040906 - Thursday 3 February 2011 11:07

What a profile picture

LordLiam316 | 0

#2040910 - Thursday 3 February 2011 11:08

I do have one question. Is he climbing in your window? I'm curious because I want to know if he's snatching your people up

unclepester | 0

#2041019 - Thursday 3 February 2011 12:09

hide your kids hide your wife,
hide your kids hide your wife!

By poppinzilla | 0

#2039144 - Thursday 3 February 2011 1:12

instead of doing all that I would have just called up pizza hut and ordered bread sticks

By saraheve1188 | 5

#2039160 - Thursday 3 February 2011 1:14

at least you weren't in the car having sex while he was doing a donut.

kaoriblossom | 8

#2039745 - Thursday 3 February 2011 3:39

errr.....that would be just a tad bit freaky.....

By FYLDeep | 25

#2039165 - Thursday 3 February 2011 1:15

Did he glaze those doughnuts himself?

ctran | 0

#2040391 - Thursday 3 February 2011 7:00

he ate them. and he would be gay if he did but her name was Jessica so I don't think he's gay. I mean, hey maybe he is