Intimacy: Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, he stopped,...

By jessica - 02/02/2011 20:59 - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, he stopped, got off, walked into the kitchen grabbed a doughnut, and came back to finish while he ate it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 245

You deserved it 7 440

Intimacy

This Charming Man

Best teeth in the game

Get out

By Anonymous - 18/11/2018 22:00

Today, I needed some contact lens solution, so I left my room to look in my sister's room to see if she had any. I walked in to see my mom sucking my dad off on her bed. They didn't see me so I walked away, but the image is engraved in my mind forever now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 059

You deserved it 483

Thanks, great feedback everyone!

By Anonymous - 27/01/2021 23:01

Today, after years of not meeting my partner's family, along with the new arrival of our daughter, we decided to travel to meet them all and introduce our bundle of joy. Instead of the usual welcoming committee, all they could go on about was whether or not my daughter was his because of how fair toned she is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 854

You deserved it 88

By ygma - 01/12/2015 16:39 - United States - Mansfield

Today, my extremely religious grandmother disowned me for watching Supernatural. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 384

You deserved it 2 750

By vron991 - 13/05/2012 05:02 - United States - Wilmington

Today, I went to the store for some pads with my dad. We got them and then went to the cashier. That's when he realized that they were scented. He took one out of the box, sniffed it, made me sniff it, then insisted the cashier smell it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 479

You deserved it 2 715

By Tib - 18/12/2009 06:42 - United States

Today, I had to take a urine test. I drank a lot of water so that I wouldn't force it. When I got there, I had to pee really bad. The cup was too small and when I relieved my bladder, it was a jet that rebounded off of the cup and overflowed going all over my hands, clothes, toilet, and floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 337

You deserved it 26 396

By ???? - 25/01/2012 06:32 - United States

Today, I fell and sprained my ankle while trying to step into my underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 860

You deserved it 6 658

By TiredMom - 16/02/2012 21:42 - United States

Today, after finally getting my newborn baby to sleep, I made a sign to put on the door asking people not to knock or ring the bell, since our 3 dogs will bark loudly and wake the baby. When I went to print the sign, my dogs barked like crazy at the sound of the printer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 900

You deserved it 10 058

By TordNorski - 04/05/2016 17:44 - United States - Mission Viejo

Today, I finally had a day off in two weeks and I was excited about getting to sleep in. At 5am, my mom came in and knocked loudly. When I asked her what she wanted, she said she was checking to see if I was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 821

You deserved it 1 110

By Anonymous - 05/08/2011 04:18 - United States

Today, my friend's dad had a heart attack. Without realizing what I was saying, I texted her, "If you need anything, you know I'll be there in a heartbeat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 201

You deserved it 13 225

By Megan - 17/06/2012 19:38 - United Kingdom - Neath

Today, I was forced to listen and politely nod with a smile on my face, as my boss droned on and on, explaining that everything in the universe is slowly getting bigger, aside from him, because he's never felt so short before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 523

You deserved it 2 303

By Anonymous - 17/02/2015 17:42

Today, I've been freezing in my office for days at work. When I finally complained about it to a coworker, she led me into my office, said, "Let me show you something," then pointed out the thermostat I'd never noticed was even there and turned it up with a pitying look. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 593

You deserved it 26 602

By Etta - 04/03/2017 22:00 - United States

Today, I stayed home from work, feeling ill. Come lunch time, I made myself some ramen noodles, thinking that the broth would feel good on my throat. Too bad I sneezed while carrying the bowl, dumping the boiling hot broth all down my front. The skin on my boob peeled away like tissue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 432

You deserved it 561

By swervelol - 20/08/2017 23:15

Today, the mosquito infestation is so bad that multiple mosquitoes sucked the blood out of the steak I was grilling and promptly died on top of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 345

You deserved it 318

By ShortTermMemoryFailure - 01/11/2018 08:00 - Canada - Halifax

Today, I discovered that I once again forgot my credit card in the vending machine at work. This is the second time in a week that this happened, and now 6 coworkers have bought drinks with my card since I lost it. I have no way of making it back to work for a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 344

You deserved it 3 384

Strange dynamic

By Anonymous - 15/11/2021 01:59

Today, my husband has been texting women to see if he can go out on a date with one of them, just because I’ve befriended his friend and apparently, the movie and food I got with the friend was a first date, so now he wants to get even. FML

I agree, your life sucks 639

You deserved it 2 088

By blue. - 19/05/2011 23:32

Today, I'm the coach of a football team. To celebrate winning a game, they poured a cooler of blue Gatorade over my head. This would've been great, if not for the fact that I'm highly allergic to blue food dye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 144

You deserved it 3 438

Happy… where d'he go?

By Lonely - 05/09/2021 04:59 - United States

Today, it's our fifth-year anniversary with my boyfriend. I gave him his gift and walked over to the kitchen to serve him some food I'd made. On my way back to the dining room, I overheard his plans with his friend to ditch me in 10 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 085

You deserved it 82

By Anonymous - 04/06/2015 12:26 - United States - San Bruno

Today, I told my boyfriend I was horny and was waiting for him at my place. 30 minutes later, he still hadn't arrived, so I called him and asked if he was coming. He replied "Already did, right into a kleenex." and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 395

You deserved it 4 383

By Anonymous - 24/10/2009 02:25 - United States

Today, I was changing my shirt in the bathroom when I dropped it. It fell on my foot, so I decided to flip it up with my foot instead of bending down to get it. I flipped it, and it landed in the toilet. Which somebody had not flushed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 315

You deserved it 35 536

By housebroken - 22/01/2010 06:17 - United States

Today, my godmother informed me that the rule of thumb my ex had used for our relationship during a year of cohabitation was taken directly from a Cesar Millan book on "How to train dogs." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 368

You deserved it 3 313

By Iguana - 12/09/2012 02:35 - Canada - Oromocto

Today, my boyfriend invited me over to "play with his lizard." After excitedly rushing across town, I realized this wasn't a euphemism, he actually bought an Iguana. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 669

You deserved it 28 650

By Anonymous - 28/07/2013 14:31 - Sweden - Ludvika

Today, I was crying at my desk at work. My colleague tried to cheer me up by saying: "Don't worry, I'm sure you will find a new job soon". I didn't even know I was fired. I was crying because my cat died this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 370

You deserved it 4 245

By daddydaughterWTF - 02/08/2012 00:06 - United States - Port Saint Lucie

Today, after spending five years regaining contact with my estranged father, I finally met him. I tearfully dropped my luggage and ran to hug him. He belched and told me to get in the car, because he had diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 449

You deserved it 2 607

By Anonymous - 15/01/2013 00:21 - Canada - Corner Brook

Today, my boyfriend gave me lingerie from Victoria's Secret. He then added that his mother picked it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 510

You deserved it 3 404

By melissa - 10/02/2009 23:41 - United States

Today, my sister teased me about being a mistake baby. When I told my mom what my sister said, her response was "I still love you anyway". FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 447

You deserved it 3 762

By Anonymous - 28/12/2014 00:22 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was waiting in line while a lady paid for her shopping, when her credit card got declined. She started ranting and insulting everyone and kept insisting: "I'm not poor!" By the time the lady had finally stormed off, I had spittle on my face, and the cashier was almost in tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 084

You deserved it 2 629

Perv

By niquey62307 - 08/12/2009 03:36 - United States

Today, I found out my neighbor has been watching my husband and I have sex for the 2 years we've been married. He slaps his sausage and smokes 5 cigarettes while he watches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 251

You deserved it 5 737

Wind up merchant

By Username - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff

Today, I was told by my mom that I'm a terrible person because I won't help my brother get a girlfriend. He's gay, but won't tell her because he thinks it's hilarious when she yells at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 824

You deserved it 4 993

Early bird special

By Anonymous - 15/10/2019 16:00

Today, despite the fact they know I'm commuting hundreds of kilometres, I was requested to come to work at the earliest possible hour, every day. I'll be waking up at half past 3 a.m. and admire sunrises on my way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 524

You deserved it 207

By Username - 09/08/2011 21:21 - United States

Today, I was asked how far I've gone with a guy. My answer? Eye contact. I'm 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 589

You deserved it 8 051

Assumption Day

By hashtag beard life - 12/10/2020 17:01 - United States

Today, my 5-year-old daughter said she, “hates daddy’s kisses because they feel funny.” My extended family freaked out and assumed the worse. My husband has recently grown a beard and my daughter hates how scratchy it feels. He’s not a monster but they still treat us weird now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 305

You deserved it 68

By pmek - 26/03/2012 09:11 - Australia - Collingwood

Today, things started to heat up in the bedroom. Not in a sexual way, though; the lamp caught fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 362

You deserved it 3 254

This job sucks

By Rafael - 14/01/2022 20:01

Today, the thirteenth new hire quit at the call center I work at, while still in training. We just started last week with a wave of 20 new hires. FML

I agree, your life sucks 732

You deserved it 205

By wellthisisbad - 29/02/2016 12:27 - United States - Boynton Beach

Today, I learned that not only am I pregnant, I'm too far along for an abortion. My husband and I originally bonded over the fact that we both hate children. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 632

You deserved it 29 385

All the single ladies (All the single ladies)

By Lissa - 10/09/2019 20:00

Today, I’m a 28 year-old single mom who has never has never experienced an orgasm. This sucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 720

You deserved it 545

By Anonymous - 14/11/2014 22:36 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out one of my girlfriend's recent Google searches was, "should I admit to cheating or just dump him?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 531

You deserved it 2 571

By Anonymous - 16/12/2011 14:18 - United States

Today, my husband and I have been trying to buy a house and start a family together. Now I find out that he just spent $5000 on comic books. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 225

You deserved it 4 484

Serial killer

By bananapie69 - 29/05/2020 23:00

Today, during my staff Google Meet conference, I forgot to mute my mic when I joined and I was still listening to a true crime podcast. I started to notice people's confused looks and realized they were all hearing the details of the bodies found. FML

I agree, your life sucks 986

You deserved it 963

Delivered

By Matt - 30/04/2019 02:00

Today, I got a call saying I was successful in my interview to be a pizza delivery driver. As I picked up my contract and got in my car, I reversed sideways into a pole and ripped off my front bumper. The manager came out and helped jam the bumper in so I could make it home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 637

You deserved it 670

Kitchen Nightmares

By just the tip, though - 28/01/2014 17:06 - United States - Grovetown

Today, at work teaching a cooking class, one of the kids asked if they could use a knife to help me chop vegetables. I said no, because it was very sharp and only staff members are allowed to use them. Just as I said that, the knife sliced through the tip of my thumb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 963

You deserved it 11 889

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

I_iz_B_a_troll 23

Send a private message

Thursday 3 February 2011 1:05

YDI for dating a cop(;

coralita 0

Send a private message

Thursday 3 February 2011 1:03

he should of brought you one!

coralita 0

Send a private message

Thursday 3 February 2011 1:03

he should of brought you one!

Xythenol 6

Send a private message

Thursday 3 February 2011 1:12

#1 It's should HAVE. HAAAVE for fuck's sake!

coralita 0

Send a private message

Thursday 3 February 2011 1:20

sorry! hehehe! should've!

oliver86 8

Send a private message

Thursday 3 February 2011 1:25

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

tamie306 5

Send a private message

Thursday 3 February 2011 1:36

#10 actually

lbeer 1

Send a private message

Thursday 3 February 2011 2:10

#10 god [email protected] grammar nazi

TheCass_ 3

Send a private message

Thursday 3 February 2011 2:10

eight million actually.

TheRealFamilyGuy 5

Send a private message

Thursday 3 February 2011 2:24

It's important to keep sugar levels up during sex, iv heard it makes jizz shoot 2 meters

relyo 0

Send a private message

Thursday 3 February 2011 2:39

he mad.

Rawwrness 3

Send a private message

Thursday 3 February 2011 3:20

.....was it from Dunkin donuts?

daka_fml 5

Send a private message

Thursday 3 February 2011 4:15

ahahah what a rock star he is!

Moniii723 0

Send a private message

Thursday 3 February 2011 4:37

lol

iloveloosy12 0

Send a private message

Thursday 3 February 2011 5:27

lol people are so weird

jon33_fml 0

Send a private message

Thursday 3 February 2011 6:04

did he share?

ImaBmyLonurTees 0

Send a private message

Thursday 3 February 2011 12:02

oh my coralita's picture is mighty distracting

AKlesbian907 0

Send a private message

Thursday 3 February 2011 13:33

moobs... Srsly thought you were female. least they are not saggy I guess...

istylez2 0

Send a private message

Friday 4 February 2011 4:05

i gotta say coralsita u sexy

daddyluiigi 3

Send a private message

Saturday 14 January 2012 11:12

Like a boss lol

snuu_man 0

Send a private message

Thursday 3 February 2011 1:04

what you two have is really special!

Jackmangold 0

Send a private message

Thursday 3 February 2011 4:06

YDI for not having a sandwich prepared for him

alex1432 9

Send a private message

Thursday 3 February 2011 8:48

I like sex, I like doughnuts. I fail to see a problem here...

Edokun 0

Send a private message

Thursday 3 February 2011 13:10

haha lol apparently a doughnut is enough to make OP's sex better lol I think she should improve so they don't get replaced for a sandwich next time xD

bwhahaha_fml 10

Send a private message

Thursday 3 February 2011 13:30

indeed it is special. I mean how many men actually go to the kitchen for food?

I_iz_B_a_troll 23

Send a private message

Thursday 3 February 2011 1:05

YDI for dating a cop(;

amypr 20

Send a private message

Thursday 3 February 2011 1:20

Haha

nlr 9

Send a private message

Thursday 3 February 2011 3:33

how so you know he's a cop? do you know them?!

AnagenisisZagus 13

Send a private message

Thursday 3 February 2011 4:43

You are missing the joke you son of a bitch!!! Hold me back!! Hold me back!!! We cool? We cool.

AmandaNAckles 0

Send a private message

Thursday 3 February 2011 5:27

hahaha @ 76, wow.

Bosia 0

Send a private message

Thursday 3 February 2011 6:25

Speaking of cops… I think it's illegal to have your cat's caboose so close to your face!

tesuan 0

Send a private message

Thursday 3 February 2011 7:11

Homer Simpson isnt a cop...

dtrump_fml 0

Send a private message

Thursday 3 February 2011 7:55

haha

fml2102 0

Send a private message

Thursday 3 February 2011 17:33

it's illegal for a man to have that big of an object in his mouth too!!

drthunderbolt 4

Send a private message

Monday 18 July 2011 8:26

No YDI for dating Vash the Stampede!

Trentman30 5

Send a private message

Thursday 3 February 2011 1:06

mmm. doughnuts.

anthonyblower 0

Send a private message

Thursday 3 February 2011 1:07

Never has there been more win performed my one man.

CH1CKEN_FL1PPEN 4

Send a private message

Thursday 3 February 2011 1:11

very true

FYLDeep 25

Send a private message

Thursday 3 February 2011 1:12

#5 You let your man act like that though? Some people might see it as disrespectful.

oliver86 8

Send a private message

Thursday 3 February 2011 1:23

Was that really needed #11. Calm down.

oliver86 8

Send a private message

Thursday 3 February 2011 1:33

^ don't know why this posted here, sorry

TheDrifter 23

Send a private message

Thursday 3 February 2011 1:07

I guess sploshing with doughnuts never crossed your mind before that? Sounds like you two are going to have a very messy love life.

PeteyPablo12308 20

Send a private message

Thursday 3 February 2011 5:32

Sploshing?!?

Darko21 5

Send a private message

Thursday 3 February 2011 6:47

He meant splooshing, jizzing, or the simplest form 'cumming.'

TheDrifter 23

Send a private message

Thursday 3 February 2011 6:50

Google is your friend.

TheDrifter 23

Send a private message

Thursday 3 February 2011 6:52

Sploshing, slang for sexual or sensual use of food on the human body. Try google or urban dictionary. I had no idea that fmlers were so sheltered.

AbyoErui 0

Send a private message

Thursday 3 February 2011 1:08

YDI for letting him finish.

LordLiam316 0

Send a private message

Thursday 3 February 2011 11:07

What a profile picture

LordLiam316 0

Send a private message

Thursday 3 February 2011 11:08

I do have one question. Is he climbing in your window? I'm curious because I want to know if he's snatching your people up

unclepester 0

Send a private message

Thursday 3 February 2011 12:09

hide your kids hide your wife, hide your kids hide your wife!

poppinzilla 0

Send a private message

Thursday 3 February 2011 1:12

instead of doing all that I would have just called up pizza hut and ordered bread sticks

saraheve1188 5

Send a private message

Thursday 3 February 2011 1:14

at least you weren't in the car having sex while he was doing a donut.

kaoriblossom 8

Send a private message

Thursday 3 February 2011 3:39

errr.....that would be just a tad bit freaky.....

FYLDeep 25

Send a private message

Thursday 3 February 2011 1:15

Did he glaze those doughnuts himself?

ctran 0

Send a private message

Thursday 3 February 2011 7:00

he ate them. and he would be gay if he did but her name was Jessica so I don't think he's gay. I mean, hey maybe he is

Nearly

Today I ripped my lovely £50 coat on barbed wire, what I only worn a hand full of times, ended up having to spend £10 to get it repaired, have to wait till Friday to pick it up, it’s only Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11

You deserved it 16

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 394

You deserved it 1 092

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 857

You deserved it 1 244

Add a comment - Reply to : #

Top comments

Comments