Intimacy: Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, he stopped,...

By jessica - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, he stopped, got off, walked into the kitchen grabbed a doughnut, and came back to finish while he ate it. FML

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39206

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Intimacy

Our house, in the middle of our street

British Broadcasting Corporation

Leave me alone

By Noname - United States

Today, me and my boyfriend had some crazy rough sex. In the process I ended up with huge bruises and bite marks all over my neck and chest. I'm giving a speech on domestic violence today. FML

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32338

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By Anonymous - United States - Topeka

Today, my roommate thought it would be funny to throw a brick down the laundry-chute. Guess who spent the night at the hospital. FML

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24367

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By somuchforthat - Australia

Today, I woke up and found a small leg of what used to belong to a spider on the corner of my mouth. FML

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35598

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2502

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By halza - New Zealand - Christchurch

Today, after a long 16 hour shift, I was milliseconds from sleep when my girlfriend said she "wants to talk". I'm now writing this from the couch. FML

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14337

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I went out for New Year's. When I got back, I found my house had been broken into. I found a note saying, "Happy New Year, sucker." FML

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35947

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided to use glow-in-the-dark body paint to make an arrow on his stomach pointing down. I guess he thought he'd "spice up" the way he always demands a blow job before sex. FML

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31898

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By missingcharlie - United States

Today, in the middle of having sex with my boyfriend, instead of saying something sexy, he decided to tell me that the bowling alley had a new air hockey table. FML

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44994

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By Grandmas lost it - United States - Staten Island

Today, I turned around after loading the washing machine to discover my husband's 89-year-old grandmother dropping her pants. She looked at me and said, "I hope you don't mind but when you got to go, you got to go." She then sat down on the toilet and let out a loud, long fart. FML

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39656

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By Eli - United States

Today, I was pointing out my car to my roommate. He responded with, "Oh that one with the broken window?" Turns out my car had been broken into. They took my CD player, GPS and Ipod. On top of that they left a Reese's Fastbreak wrapper and sunflower seeds on my front seat. FML

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By tony1401 - United States

Today, I got another email from Amazon asking me how I like my new Kindle. I don't have a Kindle. It's the one I bought my ex for Christmas, right before she left me while I was deployed overseas. FML

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32794

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By unknown - United States - Cape Coral

Today, a couple stopped me on the beach to take a picture of them kissing in front of the sunset. I agreed feeling generous, until they continued making out after the picture was taken, leaving me standing there awkwardly with their camera. FML

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49703

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By paparoach - United States - Kapolei

Today, I was at an outdoors Christmas party and I jokingly complained that my son says 'mama' way more than he says 'dada'. One of my students was at the party and watched him for a couple of hours. He taught him to say 'dada' every time he sees a bug. FML

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29474

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By bdaygirl - United States

Today, I turned eighteen. Thinking I was going to get a big present from my parents on this special day, I eagerly unwrapped my present. They got me a bag of M and M's. Last year I got flannel bed sheets. FML

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34844

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that I was one point away from passing a state science exam. FML

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37569

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By Cheer4Life - United States - Bloomington

Today, after making several comments about how I didn't exactly look thin, my boyfriend said, "Well, at least we know you'll look good pregnant." FML

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46064

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By Ryan - France

Today, I cut my finger at work while chopping some vegetables. I grabbed the nearest rag I could to stop the bleeding and put it on the cut. I didn't know the rag had just been used to clean up a lemon juice spill. FML

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38377

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By Anonymous - United States - Brookfield

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because he wasn't feeling our two-month relationship was up to par with his parents' 30-year marriage, and, furthermore, I wasn't similar enough to his mother. FML

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27066

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2114

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By sexyredhead - United States

Today, I was in class when someone came in with a rose for me. My teacher made me read the card aloud: "I'm breaking up with you, happy Valentine's." It was from my boyfriend. FML

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49083

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By Live02Dance - United States

Today, my mother won't give me any painkillers for my migraine. She believes that "When medicine goes into your stomach, the acids stop the medicine from working" and that "It's all in people's heads when medicine works". FML

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36378

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By NotFromAustralia - United States - Denver

Today, I thought the earwig infestation that had plagued my basement apartment for weeks had finally solved itself. Turns out the black widow infestation took care of it for me. Time to move. FML

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13610

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By iloveZELOS - United States

Today, my boss told me he is a superhero. He has written countless comics about his crusades and adventures. I make fifty dollars an hour less than him. FML

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41937

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to go get my driver's license, only to be told that I need a copy of my birth certificate. In order to get the copy of my birth certificate, I need a driver's license or my passport. In order to get a passport, I need a copy of my birth certificate or a drivers license. I have none. FML

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48604

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Bradford

Today, I got run over. Not by a car, but by a lady in a wheelchair. Am I really that invisible? FML

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1527

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143

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By Spoilicious - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I was reading a book in public. Some bastard stranger came over and started spoiling the plot for me. FML

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29009

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2854

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By thisblows - United States

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. I started to moan right when I was about to climax. He got worried, stopped and asked, "Are you okay?!" FML

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51653

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By APetsPet - United States

Today, I got an email from the company that manages my cat's microchip informing me that I had to update my information that had been entered by the local Humane Society. Apparently, they listed my cat "Coral" as the owner, and me as the pet. To change it, they needed the cat's signature. FML

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54331

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By *SuperCringe*

Today, I was matched with my boss on Tinder. FML

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3089

You deserved it

952

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By Lily - United States

Today, I came to school late because I had to drop off my daughter at school. When I got on campus, the security told me I was late but I said, "Oh no, I work here." and he said, "Oh like I haven't heard that one before." And he took me to detention. My boss, the Principal, had to bail me out. FML

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50378

You deserved it

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By leilei - Philippines

Today, I refused to ride with a friend on a motorcycle because it is unsafe and went to take the bus. As I got off the bus, I got hit by a speeding motorcycle and ended up in hospital. FML

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34335

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By the girlfriend - United Kingdom

Today, at my boyfriend's house, I met his mother for the first time. And promptly fell in their pond. FML

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28001

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's mom for the first time. She pulls out a freezer bag full of condoms and says "I have some cooler ones upstairs, if you want his penis to glow in the dark." FML

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29747

You deserved it

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By Missy - United States

Today, I told my mom I broke up with my boyfriend because he wanted to have sex and I wasn't ready. Her reply? "Well, you can't stay a virgin forever." FML

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42054

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By Anonymous - 26/4/2020 20:00

It's mine now

Today, my best friend's boyfriend stole her car, so now she wants my car, the one that I just bought from her. FML

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1533

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By Anon - Canada

Selfish

Today, my mom yelled at me because I refused to lend her money. The reason I won't lend her money? The last time I did, she and my dad went out and bought a Macbook and a new car instead of paying bills. Apparently, I'm being 'selfish' by keeping my own money and putting it towards university. FML

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41862

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By countrygirl8846 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I went to pick up some pictures I took on a family trip, but the person at the counter said someone else had already picked them up. Now not only am I out $20, some random creep has pictures of me and my whole family. FML

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22242

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By laststand11 - United States - Lexington

Today, I had to explain to my 15-year-old son why it wouldn't be a good idea to include a picture of the red Power Ranger in his "Weapons throughout history" project. FML

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21617

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By Sam - United States

Today, my friend and his girlfriend got in a fight while drunk and he started walking home. While driving around looking for him, I accidentally hit him with my car. FML

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32951

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By illjustlimpthen - United States - Waukesha

Today, despite my pain, my mom still refuses to take me to a foot doctor because, "They all have foot fetishes." FML

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25415

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By shadysheikh - Canada - Calgary

Today, I had my first job interview. The manager asks me to sell him his pen. Thinking I'm all smart, I reenact the scene from the Wolf of Wall Street and say, 'Write down your name'. He calmly reaches into his drawer, takes out another pen and writes his name down. He then looks at me and laughs. FML

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By dogproblems - United States - Charlotte

Today, I shaved my beard in preparation for an important work conference. Now my dog won't stop growling and barking at me. FML

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Top comments

By I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#2039093 - Thursday 3 February 2011 1:05

YDI for dating a cop(;

By coralita | 0

#2039079 - Thursday 3 February 2011 1:03

he should of brought you one!

COMMENTS

By coralita | 0

#2039079 - Thursday 3 February 2011 1:03

he should of brought you one!

Xythenol | 6

#2039149 - Thursday 3 February 2011 1:12

#1
It's should HAVE. HAAAVE for fuck's sake!

coralita | 0

#2039198 - Thursday 3 February 2011 1:20

sorry! hehehe! should've!

oliver86 | 8

#2039229 - Thursday 3 February 2011 1:25

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

tamie306 | 5

#2039285 - Thursday 3 February 2011 1:36

#10 actually

lbeer | 1

#2039407 - Thursday 3 February 2011 2:10

#10 god [email protected] grammar nazi

TheCass_ | 3

#2039412 - Thursday 3 February 2011 2:10

eight million actually.

TheRealFamilyGuy | 5

#2039464 - Thursday 3 February 2011 2:24

It's important to keep sugar levels up during sex, iv heard it makes jizz shoot 2 meters

relyo | 0

#2039529 - Thursday 3 February 2011 2:39

he mad.

Rawwrness | 3

#2039679 - Thursday 3 February 2011 3:20

.....was it from Dunkin donuts?

daka_fml | 5

#2039862 - Thursday 3 February 2011 4:15

ahahah what a rock star he is!

Moniii723 | 0

#2039927 - Thursday 3 February 2011 4:37

lol

iloveloosy12 | 0

#2040125 - Thursday 3 February 2011 5:27

lol people are so weird

jon33_fml | 0

#2040230 - Thursday 3 February 2011 6:04

did he share?

ImaBmyLonurTees | 0

#2041007 - Thursday 3 February 2011 12:02

oh my coralita's picture is mighty distracting

AKlesbian907 | 0

#2041287 - Thursday 3 February 2011 13:33

moobs... Srsly thought you were female. least they are not saggy I guess...

istylez2 | 0

#2042836 - Friday 4 February 2011 4:05

i gotta say coralsita u sexy

daddyluiigi | 3

#3882040 - Saturday 14 January 2012 11:12

Like a boss lol

By snuu_man | 0

#2039085 - Thursday 3 February 2011 1:04

what you two have is really special!

Jackmangold | 0

#2039832 - Thursday 3 February 2011 4:06

YDI for not having a sandwich prepared for him

alex1432 | 9

#2040603 - Thursday 3 February 2011 8:48

I like sex, I like doughnuts. I fail to see a problem here...

Edokun | 0

#2041214 - Thursday 3 February 2011 13:10

haha lol apparently a doughnut is enough to make OP's sex better lol I think she should improve so they don't get replaced for a sandwich next time xD

bwhahaha_fml | 10

#2041278 - Thursday 3 February 2011 13:30

indeed it is special. I mean how many men actually go to the kitchen for food?

By I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#2039093 - Thursday 3 February 2011 1:05

YDI for dating a cop(;

amypr | 20

#2039204 - Thursday 3 February 2011 1:20

Haha

nlr | 9

#2039713 - Thursday 3 February 2011 3:33

how so you know he's a cop? do you know them?!

AnagenisisZagus | 13

#2039948 - Thursday 3 February 2011 4:43

You are missing the joke you son of a bitch!!! Hold me back!! Hold me back!!! We cool? We cool.

AmandaNAckles | 0

#2040122 - Thursday 3 February 2011 5:27

hahaha @ 76, wow.

Bosia | 0

#2040286 - Thursday 3 February 2011 6:25

Speaking of cops… I think it's illegal to have your cat's caboose so close to your face!

tesuan | 0

#2040410 - Thursday 3 February 2011 7:11

Homer Simpson isnt a cop...

dtrump_fml | 0

#2040474 - Thursday 3 February 2011 7:55

haha

fml2102 | 0

#2041658 - Thursday 3 February 2011 17:33

it's illegal for a man to have that big of an object in his mouth too!!

drthunderbolt | 4

#2919676 - Monday 18 July 2011 8:26

No YDI for dating Vash the Stampede!

By Trentman30 | 5

#2039102 - Thursday 3 February 2011 1:06

mmm. doughnuts.

By anthonyblower | 0

#2039108 - Thursday 3 February 2011 1:07

Never has there been more win performed my one man.

CH1CKEN_FL1PPEN | 4

#2039137 - Thursday 3 February 2011 1:11

very true

FYLDeep | 25

#2039146 - Thursday 3 February 2011 1:12

#5 You let your man act like that though? Some people might see it as disrespectful.

oliver86 | 8

#2039215 - Thursday 3 February 2011 1:23

Was that really needed #11. Calm down.

oliver86 | 8

#2039267 - Thursday 3 February 2011 1:33

^ don't know why this posted here, sorry

By TheDrifter | 23

#2039115 - Thursday 3 February 2011 1:07

I guess sploshing with doughnuts never crossed your mind before that?

Sounds like you two are going to have a very messy love life.

PeteyPablo12308 | 20

#2040143 - Thursday 3 February 2011 5:32

Sploshing?!?

Darko21 | 5

#2040336 - Thursday 3 February 2011 6:47

He meant splooshing, jizzing, or the simplest form 'cumming.'

TheDrifter | 23

#2040348 - Thursday 3 February 2011 6:50

Google is your friend.

TheDrifter | 23

#2040360 - Thursday 3 February 2011 6:52

Sploshing, slang for sexual or sensual use of food on the human body. Try google or urban dictionary.

I had no idea that fmlers were so sheltered.

By AbyoErui | 0

#2039122 - Thursday 3 February 2011 1:08

YDI for letting him finish.

LordLiam316 | 0

#2040906 - Thursday 3 February 2011 11:07

What a profile picture

LordLiam316 | 0

#2040910 - Thursday 3 February 2011 11:08

I do have one question. Is he climbing in your window? I'm curious because I want to know if he's snatching your people up

unclepester | 0

#2041019 - Thursday 3 February 2011 12:09

hide your kids hide your wife,
hide your kids hide your wife!

By poppinzilla | 0

#2039144 - Thursday 3 February 2011 1:12

instead of doing all that I would have just called up pizza hut and ordered bread sticks

By saraheve1188 | 5

#2039160 - Thursday 3 February 2011 1:14

at least you weren't in the car having sex while he was doing a donut.

kaoriblossom | 8

#2039745 - Thursday 3 February 2011 3:39

errr.....that would be just a tad bit freaky.....

By FYLDeep | 25

#2039165 - Thursday 3 February 2011 1:15

Did he glaze those doughnuts himself?

ctran | 0

#2040391 - Thursday 3 February 2011 7:00

he ate them. and he would be gay if he did but her name was Jessica so I don't think he's gay. I mean, hey maybe he is