Today, my boyfriend, who is supposed to protect me from murderers and rapists, had an emotional breakdown because he was so excited that I'd cooked french fries for dinner. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend was cooking me dinner. He walked away and I decided to help by giving the pan of veggies a sautee flip. My boyfriend failed to mention that he had just pulled that pan out of a 500 degree oven. FML
Today, my fiancé yelled at me after I got off the phone with my friends, because I said I hadn't felt this happy and hadn't laughed this much in a long time. He was also mad that I didn't cook him dinner. He didn't ask me to cook dinner for him. He then told me to go somewhere else if I'm not happy with him. FML
Today, I woke up early and made my boyfriend french toast. When he woke up, he yelled at me because it was his dish day and I was creating more dishes for him to do. He made me do the dishes. FML
Today, I wanted to surprise my boyfriend by bringing him some dinner. He made the same noise unwrapping the burger that he does when he sees me naked. I'm not sure if that's a good or a bad thing. FML
Today, I had a mental breakdown after going through severe depression for several years. I told my boyfriend that everybody thinks I'm useless, to which he replied, "No you're not. You cook me good dinners." FML
Today, I cooked dinner for my boyfriend, hoping to impress him with my culinary skills. I burnt the garlic bread, overcooked the chicken, and managed to set off the smoke alarm three times. When I finally served the meal, my boyfriend said, "It's like a sad buffet at a middle school prom." FML
Today, my boyfriend gave me a dutch oven, with my own fart. FML
Today, my boyfriend dragged me to the local McDonald's, refusing to drive me home until he ate. When I mentioned how dangerous that part of town is, he stopped and went all Walter White on me in front of everyone, spouting lines like "I AM the danger" and "I'M the one who knocks, babe." FML
Today, my boyfriend came home while I was making a snack in the kitchen. We started making out and he lifted me up and sat my ass on the hot stove. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having dinner with my family. He killed a bug and ate it. FML
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Top comments
Pelreskovich 11
That's a good thing isn't it? He was happy you made him something he enjoys. Food always gets to us men.
perdix 31
He's protecting you from murderers, yet you are trying to kill him from the inside. Ingrate!
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Comments (156)
shooz89 3
Maybe he just had a bad day?
shooz89 3
Maybe he just had a bad day?
ExToRtiOn 0
What a faget
tactical_bacon 4
if he was so overjoyed he was moved to tears, you obviously dont cook enough french fries.
maackenzie 9
Why are you expecting him to protect you from murderers and rapists? I highly doubt he's super man, men can be murdered and raped too. Don't expect so much.
Callyn 47
I agree, his job is to be your friend, confidant and partner, not your personal bodyguard. If you want a bodyguard, they generally want to be paid.
ClaremoreZebra 8
Maybe she pays him in French Fries?
TunechiXXL 0
And sex!
Yourheadache 19
And gum.... No?? Aaawwee im sorry then.
sorrowevicteon 9
I'm supposed to be my girl's bodyguard, but pay's been sparse lately... Time to faint at the sight of french fries...
datoismyname 22
What do French fries have anything to do with murderers and rapists? It's not like you made them while you were getting mugged.
fyl9907 0
I gave this a thumbs up simply because of your picture. Haha
datoismyname 22
Haha thank you :)
1JDub 6
*note to self....dont go into any dark alleys with my bf....FML
Mekeritrig 15
"boyfriend, who is supposed to protect me from murderers and rapists" No, see what you want is a bodyguard.
dustyroaty 7
I don't remember being a body guard being In the description when I signed up
LennyComa 39
Are you expecting to be murdered and raped...the opening line of this FML seems pointless...have you hired your boyfriend to protect you...that line bugs me for some reason.
briannajm 9
Hahaha good luck :p