Today, my boyfriend, who is supposed to protect me from murderers and rapists, had an emotional breakdown because he was so excited that I'd cooked french fries for dinner. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend was cooking me dinner. He walked away and I decided to help by giving the pan of veggies a sautee flip. My boyfriend failed to mention that he had just pulled that pan out of a 500 degree oven. FML
Today, my fiancé yelled at me after I got off the phone with my friends, because I said I hadn't felt this happy and hadn't laughed this much in a long time. He was also mad that I didn't cook him dinner. He didn't ask me to cook dinner for him. He then told me to go somewhere else if I'm not happy with him. FML
Today, I woke up early and made my boyfriend french toast. When he woke up, he yelled at me because it was his dish day and I was creating more dishes for him to do. He made me do the dishes. FML
Today, I wanted to surprise my boyfriend by bringing him some dinner. He made the same noise unwrapping the burger that he does when he sees me naked. I'm not sure if that's a good or a bad thing. FML
Today, I had a mental breakdown after going through severe depression for several years. I told my boyfriend that everybody thinks I'm useless, to which he replied, "No you're not. You cook me good dinners." FML
Today, I cooked dinner for my boyfriend, hoping to impress him with my culinary skills. I burnt the garlic bread, overcooked the chicken, and managed to set off the smoke alarm three times. When I finally served the meal, my boyfriend said, "It's like a sad buffet at a middle school prom." FML
Today, my boyfriend gave me a dutch oven, with my own fart. FML
Today, my boyfriend dragged me to the local McDonald's, refusing to drive me home until he ate. When I mentioned how dangerous that part of town is, he stopped and went all Walter White on me in front of everyone, spouting lines like "I AM the danger" and "I'M the one who knocks, babe." FML
Today, my boyfriend came home while I was making a snack in the kitchen. We started making out and he lifted me up and sat my ass on the hot stove. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having dinner with my family. He killed a bug and ate it. FML
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Top comments
Pelreskovich 11
That's a good thing isn't it? He was happy you made him something he enjoys. Food always gets to us men.
perdix 31
He's protecting you from murderers, yet you are trying to kill him from the inside. Ingrate!
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Comments (156)
DjeePee 25
OP... ehmm ... I'm sorry to break the news for you, but... stone age is over. For a very long time now. I think your boyfriend has better things to do than save you from rapists and murderers.
ShroomsOnAcid 17
Such as, rape and murder you himself.
bubo_fml 11
If your boyfriend is like Superman, then french fries are his kryptionite!
acidburnz1107 10
43 love it! My kryptonite would be fast food. I love fries. I make them as a snack. Lol Op cops are supposed to portect you from bad guys.
fyl9907 0
Murderers and rapists...I don't see the relevance.
jasony0423 0
I wish my wife made French fries.
kurzweilfreak 1
Amazingly, the police force is not everywhere 24/7. If you're relying on the police to keep you safe rather than as a clean up service, then you're in for a shock if something ever goes down. When seconds count, the police are only minutes away. The only person you can rely on to protect you is YOU!
skylersilcon 3
I wonder how he would act if u cooked him a loaded baked potato or even mashed potatoes??!? Mmmm. He might strip all your clothes off & have sex with you right there in the kitchen.
ClumsyKee 14
I would have done the same if my boyfriend cooked me french fries. Frikkin love those things. Who doesn't? Lol this isn't much of an FML.
Cinn_fml 23
So he likes chips, be happy you made him happy. What's the problem? Also, it's not his "job" to protect you, he might well do that when the situation demands it, but it's mainly the police force's (not to mention there's some responsibility on your own part to be careful and such). Besides, how does a fondness for chips mean he's not tough enough to protect you?
Lexi9312 5
I'm slightly confused by the murderer/rapist part, but home cooked French Fries are the best French Fries, so why not get a little emotional?
blueeyedwolf 10
Since when did a relationship mean signing a petition saying you will also be her body guard? I don't know about you OP, but I can take good care of myself. My husband isn't responsible for taking care of me.