Miscellaneous: Today, my boyfriend and I were having dinner with my family....

By Anonymous - 19/03/2012 00:49 - United States - Dansville

Today, my boyfriend and I were having dinner with my family. He killed a bug and ate it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 906

You deserved it 4 081

Miscellaneous

Taking stock

This is us

Thinning

By picaboo - 10/08/2009 16:41 - Singapore

Today, I bought a new computer. I gave my old one to my mother. After handing it over and going home, I realised I forgot to change the background picture, a naked photo of my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 038

You deserved it 68 061

Toynado

By Dad41 - 21/06/2019 12:00

Today, I came home from work and found that my son had taken every single one of his toys out and left them on the floor. Plus some goldfish crackers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 319

You deserved it 286

By extrashiftwhoo - 04/11/2016 13:59 - Australia - Preston

Today, I really didn't want to go to work. Still, I showed up for work early on the busiest night of the week and stayed back until past 10 p.m. Exhausted, I went to sign off the roster when I realised that, in fact, I was not rostered on for today at all. I'm on tomorrow, though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 815

You deserved it 3 504

By LustyDragon - 05/06/2017 14:00

Today, my husband won't shave his beard, despite the fact it grows in wiry and looks like pubic hair. He is now accusing me of "not loving him for who he is." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 887

You deserved it 1 208

By *sigh* - 08/12/2015 22:56 - United Kingdom

Today, I confronted my friend about the £260 he owes me. He got offended and said, "Friends don't have to pay back." He called me selfish and walked off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 607

You deserved it 2 181

By idiot - 24/01/2013 19:53 - Australia - Newcastle

Today, I took a swig of lemonade from my cup, only to feel something hard in my mouth. Thinking it was a roach or something, I freaked out and spat out the drink. I doused my laptop and soaked myself in the process, only to find out it was a small ice-cube. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 544

You deserved it 40 212

By shitberries - 25/12/2015 16:00 - United States - Jefferson City

Today, I tried dying my hair blonde. I put my hair in a bun and waited for it to dye. I guess I did something wrong, because my hair is now 4 different shades of blonde/orange, along with patches of my natural black hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 057

You deserved it 11 905

By itsawonderfulife - 23/02/2010 06:25 - United States

Today, I was walking around my new school trying to figure out where to go. Then I realized I was talking to myself. Out loud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 497

You deserved it 10 717

By I think its dead - 15/01/2013 07:33 - Canada - Brandon

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. In the entrance way I felt a slight tugging on my jeans. Used to my Doberman tugging when he wants to play, I shoved hard with my foot. I successfully punted their Chihuahua off the ground and into the next room where it landed with a thud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 904

You deserved it 41 349

Time travel is possible… via hair salons

By Jennifer H. - 20/03/2017 14:00

Today, I told my new hairstylist that I like Jennifer Aniston's look and that I'm trying to grow my hair out. She gave me the "Rachel" haircut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 157

You deserved it 1 232

By Bekah - 04/07/2011 13:24 - United States

Today, I finished reading a book about the treatment of mental patients and decided to use some of the strategies on my dad. We've never gotten along better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 560

You deserved it 4 425

Contradictions everywhere

By Anonymous - 14/05/2020 02:00

Today, I was demoted from my job because I didn't volunteer to help out with my job during COVID-19. I texted them on the day of sign-up to see if they had enough people. I was told since I was there not to worry about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 451

You deserved it 135

By jasmine - 10/06/2019 14:00

Today, my daughter is 16 hours-old and cries every time I pick her up, and refuses to be breast fed. She loves sleeping peacefully in her dad’s arms, and being bottle-fed by him. My 16 hour-old baby hates me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 090

You deserved it 298

By JudasThePriest - 01/12/2013 07:42 - United States - Greensboro

Today, while delivering pizzas, someone ordered $19.41 in pizza and wings. After finally finding her appartment, she paid me in two sandwich bags full of pennies and nickels. I had to count them out before giving her the pizza. We aren't allowed to enter the residence, and it was 22 degrees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 488

You deserved it 3 204

By scared - 17/03/2015 21:35 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I finally went to the doctor's about my severe anxiety. I am so used to putting on a happy performance around people that she didn't believe anything was wrong with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 599

You deserved it 4 308

By fuckfuck - 31/01/2014 18:46 - United States - Fort Smith

Today, on my first day at my new job delivering mail, I was yelled at by a guy, who threatened to shoot me if I "trespassed" on his property. He made me toss his mail toward his porch from the street, before telling me to get lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 267

You deserved it 3 342

Egg mode

By Anonymous - 22/11/2020 22:58

Today, I found out my husband had a Pornhub account where he photoshops himself to look like a girl. The worst part is that I noticed he wore some of my maternity clothes in the pictures. I guess they were the only ones big enough to fit him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 968

You deserved it 150

Easy mistake

By NoFightResponse - 24/04/2009 03:53 - United States

Today, I parked my car on the street late at night, when I was distracted by a text message. Some guy then gets in my passenger side. Panicked, thinking I was being robbed, I bolt out of my car bruising my head and dropping my phone onto the pavement. The guy meant to get in the car behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 179

You deserved it 7 103

By NoPrivacy - 26/04/2012 10:44 - United States

Today, my boss overheard me singing, "I need a shit, I need a shit" on my way to the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 150

You deserved it 34 624

By Spudzy - 11/04/2012 16:46 - Australia - Gold Coast

Today, I tried hitting on the new receptionist at work. After a few flirtatious comments and subtly hinting that I thought she was bangable, she informed me that she's married to our boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 410

You deserved it 44 767

By Anonymous - 07/10/2009 21:16 - United States

Today, completely excited, I told my mom about this guy from high school, that I had really liked and who had found me on Facebook. He said he regretted not asking me out in high school and offered to fly me out to visit him. Her response? "Has he seen what you look like now?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 450

You deserved it 4 343

By dhbeaver - 17/03/2012 13:04 - United States

Today, while coming out of Walmart, I dropped a $50 bill. Some kid came running up after me yelling, "Hey mister, you dropped this!" as he ran past me laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 959

You deserved it 4 590

By anonymous - 13/01/2014 01:40 - United States - Upper Darby

Today, it was my birthday, so when I woke up, I came downstairs yelling, "ALL I WANT FOR MY BIRTHDAY, IS A BIG BOOTY HOE," only to find that my family had thrown me a surprise party. All my grandparents were at the bottom of the stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 102

You deserved it 44 172

By Anonymous - 11/08/2016 00:24 - United States - Denver

Today, on my way to a big convention in Chicago, I found out that when my friend said, "I live in Chicago," they really meant, "I live an hour and a half outside of Chicago." Hello traffic and hours of daily driving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 583

You deserved it 1 755

By mlove - 06/09/2010 08:35 - United States

Today, my future mother-in-law finally admitted that I'm "not the girl for her son" and that she will do anything to break us up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 338

You deserved it 2 889

By Anonymous - 07/12/2013 07:17 - United States - San Pablo

Today, my fifteen year old son decided to tell his little five year old sister that Santa isn't real. She now refuses to talk to any of us and thinks "her whole life is a lie". FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 475

You deserved it 6 926

By toothfairy - 26/06/2009 14:20 - United Kingdom

Today, My 5 year old sister informed me she had left me a present in my bed. She had tied a ribbon around a dead rat's neck and propped it up on my pillow. The label says his name was Bert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 631

You deserved it 2 968

Stealth dog

By Anonymous - 02/06/2020 02:00

Today, while I was sitting in a waiting room to be seen, my service dog (who was tucked under the bench I was sitting) let out the most vile, silent but deadly fart. The person near me retched and heaved, and I got death glares while someone sprayed their old lady perfume to mask the smell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 538

You deserved it 206

Good friends

By HelpStrandedOnShittyPlanet - 08/05/2021 20:08

Today, after I supported my friends through heartbreak, had long conversations at 4 a.m., stayed late at work to help through breakdowns, I finally broke after a series of bad experiences. I decided to reach out. All I got was, "lol that sucks", "Oh, would you believe the week I had" or simply no response. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 001

You deserved it 60

Faint praise

By Anonymous - 09/06/2021 12:02 - Romania - Iasi

Today, we had a group of friends over, as well as my grandma. She started talking about me when I was a kid, when I suddenly heard her saying, "Well, yeah, she wasn’t a beautiful child, not at all, she looked.… OK." FML

I agree, your life sucks 784

You deserved it 65

By Anonymous - 12/09/2009 07:25 - Australia

Today, at dinner with my boyfriend and my family, my mother had too much to drink and asked my boyfriend how I was in bed with the purpose of embarrassing me. His reply? "Not as good as her sister." His defense? "It was only one time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 748

You deserved it 2 885

By YipYop - 20/01/2016 04:06 - United States - Brandon

Today, I rode a skateboard down a street past a busy two-story outdoor cafe. As I rode by, a group of people thought it'd be funny to kick stray pebbles at my wheels, trying to make me trip. It worked. My backpack ripped open in the process letting all my school-work float away in the wind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 757

You deserved it 1 911

By Dilly - 10/10/2010 20:29 - United Kingdom

Today, I was tidying my room when my gran came in and offered to help. I said I didn't need any, but she started going through it anyway. She found a tube of "Very Cherry" lube and asked what it was. I subtly tore off the label and tried to convince her it was a face mask. She's taken it to try it out tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 709

You deserved it 9 238

By allergic - 21/10/2010 03:12 - France

Today, I found out that I have a gluten allergy. What this basically means is that I can't eat anything with wheat in it; bread, pasta, cake, you name it. I am Italian, this basically limits me from eating any of the awesome food my family makes almost every night. Here I come plain rice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 655

You deserved it 3 280

By Anonymous - 08/02/2012 15:38 - United States

Today, I had to get my picture taken for a badge at the hospital. My sister came home and told my parents that she'd had a horrible day at work. They showed her my "hysterical" badge picture to cheer her up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 437

You deserved it 2 797

In the way

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 05:00 - Germany - Neusalza-spremberg

Today, I was on a camping trip, just about to pitch my tent, when the fire brigade showed up. No, I did not set anything ablaze. This nice, quiet little meadow I picked to spend the night? It’s their habitual training ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 781

You deserved it 178

Shitheads

By Robert - 06/02/2021 14:00 - United States

Today, it's been a week since I hired a 17 year-old guy to work at my store. Three of his friends decided to come in today and "prank" him by all three taking a shit in one toilet and clog it. The toilet overflowed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 960

You deserved it 67

I could be happy

By Anonymous - 17/06/2021 00:01

Today, I got my first job offer in over a year, a mere few days after being accepted to study for my dream career. My crippling depression won't allow me to enjoy any of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 783

You deserved it 114

Mistaken identity

By thedogwalker - 09/08/2020 08:02

Today, I was out walking my dog, when a lady called out to me asking, “Is that a boy or a girl?” Assuming she meant the dog, I told her that he was a boy. When I turned away, I heard her say to her kid, “I was talking about the person walking the dog, but whatever,” then audibly laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 400

You deserved it 185

By Anonymous - 09/09/2014 20:23

Today, I fell asleep with my luggage at a bus terminal. Upon waking up, I found that someone had opened my bags and stolen all my socks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 314

You deserved it 7 734

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Top comments

ICATiger 13

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Monday 19 March 2012 8:53

According to Bear Grylls bugs have lots of protein.

MrsPegg 45

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Monday 19 March 2012 8:53

That's just downright disgusting! I can just picture a little bug's leg sticking out from in between his teeth when he smiles. *shudders*

ICATiger 13

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Monday 19 March 2012 8:53

According to Bear Grylls bugs have lots of protein.

Raeser 7

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Monday 19 March 2012 9:01

That is Really interesting! Better drink my own piss.

dirtroadboy 7

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Monday 19 March 2012 9:18

Tells you something about your family's cookin'.

abethehonest 4

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Monday 19 March 2012 9:21

..even more so if you piss on it

FMLshark 12

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Monday 19 March 2012 9:48

Did he kill the bug by shooting his tongue out at it? And did his burp sound more like a croak?

oops_im_fucked 8

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Monday 19 March 2012 10:16

I ate a bug... Better wash it down with my own piss...

DaKillaMafia 2

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Monday 19 March 2012 12:15

He's just tryna up his protein intake.

Nevereverland 8

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Monday 19 March 2012 14:24

May i suggest keeping him in an aquarium :)

ScubaSteve96 0

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Tuesday 20 March 2012 5:07

"These bugs are a real delicacy." - Bear Grylls

MasterGamer591 13

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Friday 23 March 2012 7:14

I was thinking about that

MrsPegg 45

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Monday 19 March 2012 8:53

That's just downright disgusting! I can just picture a little bug's leg sticking out from in between his teeth when he smiles. *shudders*

harrystylesfan69 5

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Monday 19 March 2012 9:21

i regret reading this comment..that image is going to be stuck in my mind now..

MatheusRajuidas 5

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Monday 19 March 2012 11:34

This FML is really bugging me. But I guess OP's bf's teeth are just fine with it.

gamercanadian 11

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Monday 19 March 2012 16:20

I shouldn't have read your comment. Screw you lol.

vturbz91 0

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Tuesday 20 March 2012 5:28

I think her bf is bear grylls

LoveMay 10

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Monday 19 March 2012 8:53

Food not good enough?

br0dawg 6

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Monday 19 March 2012 9:06

oh man like what would you do if someone found a bug more appetizing than your own cooking?haha that'd be fucked up.

IdfkMyUsernamexC 5

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Monday 19 March 2012 15:05

Just remember-that's her boyfriend. She kisses him, so really, fuck her life.

lilyisme1324 0

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Monday 19 March 2012 20:52

He's a keeper:)

bettyboop428 24

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Tuesday 20 March 2012 3:28

10-I don't know why but I read your comment in Shaggy's voice (from Scooby Doo). That made your thought even funnier.

cameron194 9

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Wednesday 27 June 2012 6:46

LMFAO 91!!

HoboSmeller 6

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Monday 19 March 2012 8:55

well at least you know he isnt picky with his food.

swampbilly 5

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Monday 19 March 2012 11:22

Is that a Suicide girl in the pic or sumthin?

XtraEzeee 8

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Tuesday 20 March 2012 7:15

Ok 39 1. I think you're thinking of emos. 2. Your a dick.

seacadet 18

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Friday 14 December 2012 17:20

*You're

Betz 10

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Monday 19 March 2012 9:00

Not all frogs turn to princes you know...

yahoowizard 16

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Monday 19 March 2012 9:59

Only one way to find out

deviable 9

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Monday 19 March 2012 9:02

Don't let him cook you food.

MatheusRajuidas 5

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Monday 19 March 2012 11:45

Unless she wants something exotic someday.

klovemachine 24

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Monday 19 March 2012 9:04

This must be "bugging" you, haha : D

False_Stupidity 41

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Monday 19 March 2012 9:08

Well I'll be buggered, a pun that was actually funny!

eatdemcupcakes 4

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Monday 19 March 2012 13:37

cntrygrl_09 0

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Monday 19 March 2012 9:06

May not want to kiss him anymore :/, or even be with him actually. Yuck.

THExistentialist 13

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Monday 19 March 2012 11:11

Today, I had dinner with my girlfriend 's family. I felt so awkward, when I saw a bug I immediately killed and ate it. then, she dumped me. FML. Nah, I wouldnt dump the poor kid. that would be a tad bit unreasonable.

Mister_Triangle 21

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Monday 19 March 2012 9:07

He's a survivalist! Score for you, OP. We don't all get to know people like that. At least you know he'll keep you safe when the mole people rise from their buried tombs to battle the centurions left behind by the ancient aliens who built the pyramids.