Today, my boyfriend, who is supposed to protect me from murderers and rapists, had an emotional breakdown because he was so excited that I'd cooked french fries for dinner. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend was cooking me dinner. He walked away and I decided to help by giving the pan of veggies a sautee flip. My boyfriend failed to mention that he had just pulled that pan out of a 500 degree oven. FML
Today, my fiancé yelled at me after I got off the phone with my friends, because I said I hadn't felt this happy and hadn't laughed this much in a long time. He was also mad that I didn't cook him dinner. He didn't ask me to cook dinner for him. He then told me to go somewhere else if I'm not happy with him. FML
Today, I woke up early and made my boyfriend french toast. When he woke up, he yelled at me because it was his dish day and I was creating more dishes for him to do. He made me do the dishes. FML
Today, I wanted to surprise my boyfriend by bringing him some dinner. He made the same noise unwrapping the burger that he does when he sees me naked. I'm not sure if that's a good or a bad thing. FML
Today, I had a mental breakdown after going through severe depression for several years. I told my boyfriend that everybody thinks I'm useless, to which he replied, "No you're not. You cook me good dinners." FML
Today, I cooked dinner for my boyfriend, hoping to impress him with my culinary skills. I burnt the garlic bread, overcooked the chicken, and managed to set off the smoke alarm three times. When I finally served the meal, my boyfriend said, "It's like a sad buffet at a middle school prom." FML
Today, my boyfriend gave me a dutch oven, with my own fart. FML
Today, my boyfriend dragged me to the local McDonald's, refusing to drive me home until he ate. When I mentioned how dangerous that part of town is, he stopped and went all Walter White on me in front of everyone, spouting lines like "I AM the danger" and "I'M the one who knocks, babe." FML
Today, my boyfriend came home while I was making a snack in the kitchen. We started making out and he lifted me up and sat my ass on the hot stove. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having dinner with my family. He killed a bug and ate it. FML
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Top comments
Pelreskovich 11
That's a good thing isn't it? He was happy you made him something he enjoys. Food always gets to us men.
perdix 31
He's protecting you from murderers, yet you are trying to kill him from the inside. Ingrate!
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Comments (156)
Pelreskovich 11
That's a good thing isn't it? He was happy you made him something he enjoys. Food always gets to us men.
iliketofu 6
And beer. And sex.
xxGheTToGumbYxx 16
And cars.
Pelreskovich 11
And sports.
theten_fml 9
French fries were his rapist/murder fighting fuel!
shrekus 0
Other than those I can't think of anything else... Us men are so simple.
You_Need_Soap 6
Y'all really did sum it up... Men look strangely different now... Nah, no they don't.
alikayanna 0
Maybe has was overly excited because you either don't cook or are not a very good cook. F his life if the best thing you ever made is French fries!
ColdplaySucks 18
Guns are the things that protect you from rapists. Can't rely on your BF now, OP.
HahaHokayThen 10
Who says you can't have a guy who loves fries yet can still protect you from rapists?
_Oblivion_ 12
Where are all the pansies that say "OMG DUMP HIM"
RochelleRedvines 8
I don't blame him. French fries are delicious.
girl112891 7
I cooked French fries and chicken for my guy last night. I love cooking for him! No wonder he sticks around ;) but I didn't let him have any till he finished his salad. He finished it.
RaggleFrock 13
I don't like this fml. Fyl for thinking that's the only thing boyfriends do.
LeFailureInLife 7
What does OP usually make for him to be so damn happy about French fries?? XD
CherryOnTop222 7
You are friggen hot! Look at your picture...dayum boy ;)
mairelys 21
Lucky him. Unhealthy food and a gf who acts like his mom.
Barn312009 0
Damn... Bitch.... Lol jk... But seriously
day624 14
Ugh so true haha
YtotsDI 0
Fries are his energy food.
rocklare18 7
and weed
Codezlol 21
What you think he can protect you on an empty stomach? He need to fuel the cannons sweetcheeks.
cruxx 0
124... You monster
Dreamkiller51 5
85- Gubs don't kill people. I kill people with guns!!
Dreamkiller51 5
O shit I meant guns not Gubs stupid auto correct
ballwiz24 0
And bacon
RussianFox 13
And My Little Pony.
Mordakai420 6
233- Only the men who are 20% cooler.
perdix 31
He's protecting you from murderers, yet you are trying to kill him from the inside. Ingrate!
Phyre24 17
We should warn him! XD
downtime 13
He shouldn't have to protect her from murderers or rapists if shes staying in the kitchen where she belongs. Clearly shes not conforming to her 1950's media stereotype since hes so excited over fries, so why should he?
dixiefoxx 22
Yes, we totally should, it'd save his life!
ClassyCommando 13
He won't listen. That stuff is seriously addictive. I should know.
BIGBOY4rmAHM 19
Who doesn't like home cooked French fries?
ShroomsOnAcid 17
I cut my potatoes in circles, line them up in a very lightly oiled pan in one layer, then sprinkle some olive oil and a little salt on top. Bake them till they're done, and they come out with all the crispiness of french fries, and much less of the grease. Oops, gotta go clean all that drool off the floor!
BIGBOY4rmAHM 19
^^^ made me drool too lol
The_Tool1 13
Baked potatoes are quite delicious.
RrLSf19 0
I LOVE french fries. But bake potatoes are good too....
desireev 18
I just love all kinds of potatoes.. Fried potatoes,(with Lawrys seasoned salt. Mmmmm..), baked potatoes, potatoes au gratin, scalloped potatoes. French fries, potato cakes, potato bread.. All of it! I love potatoes!!! Mmmmmmm.....
EvilPotato 15
*looks and notices people staring and drooling* now people calm down! *starts running away*.
RrLSf19 0
I also really like poutine even tho it sounds kinda gross..
YayorNay 8
159 - Imma eat chu!
j_cat187 20
In&Out has the best fries
Margemander 4
"Gonna have to face it, you're addicted to spuds." -Weird Al
CSRozell 4
cook more
BlueOysterCult87 13
They must have actually been fried and not baked.
snipeshow 3
Women ask for equality then say things like this. You can only have it one way or the other, make your choice.
GoingCommando93 14
Where do murderers and rapists come into play here? He's just happy that you made him fries. You should start playing video games. He'd never break up with you.
alliewillie 22
I agree with this. I am SO confused how "murderers and rapists" (wtf?!) and crying in happiness over fries are even remotely related.
Katastrophe101 8
She's implying that he's supposed to play the role of "Mr. Big and Tough" and protect her from danger. How is he supposed to do that when he turns into an emotional wreck when she makes french fries?
wisese 0
I take issue with the idiotic gender roles in play here in this relationship.
cardinallove 11
Right? This is ridiculous.
ssnowywinter 0
You could say the same thing about all the 'make me a sammich' comments/FMLs that come up as well.
AceArctic 4
Yes, but those are a joke 99.5% of the time. Don't act as if you thought they were true.
LoganBurrito 6
That's why I got me a girl that can cook, loves football, AND plays video games ;) couldn't be happier
TheNewGuy03 29
I'm just trying to follow OP's train of thought. Perhaps she wants a boyfriend that automatically swivels in the direction of all potential danger, like some sort of sentient security camera with ultimate ninja skillz. Alternately, it could be that, in OP's neighborhood, one out of two people is a rapist, and she needs a perpetual meat shield to protect from all of the involuntary pork-sword penetrations. |the kid|
downtime 13
Shes clearly a bumbling superhero and he's her skilled sidekick who usually saves the day. Kind of like the Green Hornet and Kato, except they have less sex and Kato has to resort to fast food to satisfy his needs as a man.
154rct 7
Couldn't have said it better myself
WillMsGf 0
My bf agrees with you XD
HollowSanctuary 7
The way to a mans heart is through his stomach?
Chad_the_Brony 0
No. Think....... Lower.....
ShroomsOnAcid 17
His feet?
xkayxkayx 5
No obviously his belly button! It's the secret passage to the heart.
notjohn 4
Actually the way to a mans heart is through the ribcage.
TahoeFMler 22
106, you forgot to add "with a sharp knife!"
innka 2
his toenails maybe? -.-
candii123 0
Look who's talking!! Jesus fatty!! Jk haha
jacquay09 3
155- That was a tad bitchy of you. I'm just saying...
TheFakeFamilyGuy 10
155- **** you.
Vulpes21 6
155- says the venereal diseased *****.
thatKidzmOm 10
I wanna know what these moderated comments said. :-/
Mister_Triangle 21
False. If you can pierce the bone, the chest cavity is the quickest route
joeyl2008 29
I thought it was through the rectum
redhead6 9
Duh. French fries are delicious.
AlexRen 21
I'd break down to.They're French fries ESPECIALLY home made. It just means he loves you even more:D