Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. My hand-eye coordination went straight to hell and I managed to accidentally smack my nose into his penis. He told all his friends about it, and I'm apparently now known as Woodpecker. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, and he slid his hand up near my face too fast and ended up clocking me in the nose. It is the first time that I've ever had nosebleed while orgasming. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting heated, and he started to go down on me. In excitement, I accidentally drove a knee into his face. No amount of fondling his diddlestick made him forgive me for his bloody nose and swollen eye. FML
Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. I went slowly to build up the excitement, and I thought it was working really well, until he sighed, "For fuck's sake, it's a dick, not a shotgun." and told me to stop embarrassing him. FML
Today, I was having sex with my partner and we got very into it. I went to wrap my hand around his neck and somehow accidentally poked my finger in his eye socket so hard he ended up in emergency. He still can’t see properly out of that eye now. FML
Today, I got my boyfriend's pants down for the first time and turns out my thumb is bigger than his erect penis. I already know he has weak tongue technique, but this is an extra slap in the face I do not need. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. He was about to make me come so I lifted my arm above my head with pleasure. I accidently punched him in the eye, hard enough that he had to stop for a while because he said he felt dizzy. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend for the first time. I moved my leg to wrap it around him and accidentally hit his penis. Without thinking, I said, "Sorry little guy!" FML
Today, my husband and I were getting frisky. All was going well until I decided to go down on him, causing him to freak out, thinking I was going for his butt, ending the night with a black eye from being knee'd in the face. FML
Today, I gave my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. Apparently, I was so bad at it that he eventually just slapped my hand away and angrily said he'd do it himself. FML
Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, my fingers got stuck between the wall and headboard. Screaming, he thought I was enjoying the sex and kept going even harder. I have 3 broken fingers. FML
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Top comments
EdenCrystal 21
Well he won't be getting a peck on the cheek anytime soon.
fuckedPriceless 17
Why were you being so nosy?
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Comments (105)
xyluna 5
You call this asshole your boyfriend ?
verhelle21 8
I'd say you suck... but clearly you didn't... lol!!
ironhead_fml 20
That's a Hard Wood!
superdom 12
Cute
ReeceThePiece69 6
That's actually a pretty brilliant nickname.
FemskyD 26
He's a genius, that nickname is hilarious!! =D
Ksweety_fml 27
I don't know what's worse, that he gave you a nickname "WoodPecker" or he told his friends that you gave him head. I would've dumb him after that if I were you... Just saying.
BigJazz 7
Maybe instead of OP we start calling you WP? Lol
Saikon1357 25
Not cool for him to have shared that. Would definitely suggest telling him not to do that anynore
frizz101 22
If OP has to tell him not to share embarrassing moments about their sex life, he shouldn't have a girlfriend. You shouldn't have to tell someone not to share such personal moments, it should be implied.
israelnotjacob 20
Dump his ass. Only a complete douche bag would talk that way about his girlfriend. I guarantee he'll dump you once he gets bored, so dump him first so he's the one who gets hit the most by it.