Intimacy: Who knows?

Who knows?

By Anonymous - 08/02/2014 18:49 - United States

Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. My hand-eye coordination went straight to hell and I managed to accidentally smack my nose into his penis. He told all his friends about it, and I'm apparently now known as Woodpecker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 777

You deserved it 11 077

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 16/03/2012 20:23 - Ireland

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting heated, and he started to go down on me. In excitement, I accidentally drove a knee into his face. No amount of fondling his diddlestick made him forgive me for his bloody nose and swollen eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 772

You deserved it 13 694

Nosebleed

By bloody good time - 23/11/2019 05:00

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, and he slid his hand up near my face too fast and ended up clocking me in the nose. It is the first time that I have ever had nosebleed while orgasming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 196

You deserved it 254

By sucks at sucking - 15/12/2012 00:27 - United Kingdom - Bournemouth

Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. I went slowly to build up the excitement, and I thought it was working really well, until he sighed, "For fuck's sake, it's a dick, not a shotgun." and told me to stop embarrassing him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 886

You deserved it 9 239

Really into it

By Anonymous - 08/11/2023 22:00

Today, I was having sex with my partner and we got very into it. I went to wrap my hand around his neck and somehow accidentally poked my finger in his eye socket so hard he ended up in emergency. He still can’t see properly out of that eye now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 337

You deserved it 227

Chemistry

By Anonymous - 21/01/2023 10:00

Today, I got my boyfriend's pants down for the first time and turns out my thumb is bigger than his erect penis. I already know he has weak tongue technique, but this is an extra slap in the face I do not need. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 218

You deserved it 364

The heat of the moment

By righthook - 08/04/2015 19:56 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. He was about to make me come so I lifted my arm above my head with pleasure. I accidently punched him in the eye, hard enough that he had to stop for a while because he said he felt dizzy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 889

You deserved it 8 654

Turn of phrase

By MiniJeans - 30/04/2015 02:25 - United States - Casselberry

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend for the first time. I moved my leg to wrap it around him and accidentally hit his penis. Without thinking, I said, "Sorry little guy!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 311

You deserved it 12 301

By Anonymous - 04/01/2016 06:59 - United States - Atwater

Today, my husband and I were getting frisky. All was going well until I decided to go down on him, causing him to freak out, thinking I was going for his butt, ending the night with a black eye from being knee'd in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 607

You deserved it 2 704

Frustrated wank

By Anonymous - 05/10/2023 19:00

Today, I gave my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. Apparently, I was so bad at it that he eventually just slapped my hand away and angrily said he'd do it himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 564

You deserved it 305

By fungettingdressed - 12/10/2010 12:57 - United States

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, my fingers got stuck between the wall and headboard. Screaming, he thought I was enjoying the sex and kept going even harder. I have 3 broken fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 944

You deserved it 9 090

EdenCrystal 21

Sunday 9 February 2014 2:11

Well he won't be getting a peck on the cheek anytime soon.

fuckedPriceless 17

Sunday 9 February 2014 2:18

Why were you being so nosy?

Comments

EdenCrystal 21

Sunday 9 February 2014 2:11

Well he won't be getting a peck on the cheek anytime soon.

nightowl713 25

Sunday 9 February 2014 5:09

Wow. He seems like a real douche. Sexual exploits should be kept between the couple. It's extremely demeaning to have ones personal life discussed. He seems pretty immature to me.

buttcramp 21

Sunday 9 February 2014 5:42

couldn't have said it better myself #42! OP, I would tell him you're not going to do him any sexual favors until he proves himself to be more considerate. I feel like the laugh from his friends meant more to him than your feelings.. not cool. I'd have a chat about it and take it from there because you don't deserve this.

Eff_Itt 20

Sunday 9 February 2014 6:01

#42 although I definitely see where you are coming from and I agree that most of the time that isn't okay, some people have the kind of relationship where they talk to their friends about things like and it's okay. Especially with teenagers that have mutual friends and can light-heartedly joke about that stuff.

itwasalongnight 10

Sunday 9 February 2014 6:56

Obviously OP was embarrassed about it, being new to the oral realm and all, and her boyfriend NEVER should have said anything to his friends about it. That's a very personal thing. My friends and I can and do talk about ANYTHING sex or otherwise, but I wouldn't say anything that I know would make my boyfriend embarrassed or uncomfortable! That's unacceptable behavior.

buttcramp 21

Sunday 9 February 2014 6:56

49, you're right until you said the part about light joking. I will tell my friends "oh my husband and I did things a little different last night and it was soooo good to mix it up!" that's all the details they need lol but if you do choose to be more open, it should be agreed between the couple that this is okay. Also, I don't think being made fun of behind your back by your partner is acceptable.