Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. My hand-eye coordination went straight to hell and I managed to accidentally smack my nose into his penis. He told all his friends about it, and I'm apparently now known as Woodpecker. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, and he slid his hand up near my face too fast and ended up clocking me in the nose. It is the first time that I've ever had nosebleed while orgasming. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting heated, and he started to go down on me. In excitement, I accidentally drove a knee into his face. No amount of fondling his diddlestick made him forgive me for his bloody nose and swollen eye. FML
Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. I went slowly to build up the excitement, and I thought it was working really well, until he sighed, "For fuck's sake, it's a dick, not a shotgun." and told me to stop embarrassing him. FML
Today, I was having sex with my partner and we got very into it. I went to wrap my hand around his neck and somehow accidentally poked my finger in his eye socket so hard he ended up in emergency. He still can’t see properly out of that eye now. FML
Today, I got my boyfriend's pants down for the first time and turns out my thumb is bigger than his erect penis. I already know he has weak tongue technique, but this is an extra slap in the face I do not need. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. He was about to make me come so I lifted my arm above my head with pleasure. I accidently punched him in the eye, hard enough that he had to stop for a while because he said he felt dizzy. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend for the first time. I moved my leg to wrap it around him and accidentally hit his penis. Without thinking, I said, "Sorry little guy!" FML
Today, my husband and I were getting frisky. All was going well until I decided to go down on him, causing him to freak out, thinking I was going for his butt, ending the night with a black eye from being knee'd in the face. FML
Today, I gave my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. Apparently, I was so bad at it that he eventually just slapped my hand away and angrily said he'd do it himself. FML
Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, my fingers got stuck between the wall and headboard. Screaming, he thought I was enjoying the sex and kept going even harder. I have 3 broken fingers. FML
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Top comments
EdenCrystal 21
Well he won't be getting a peck on the cheek anytime soon.
fuckedPriceless 17
Why were you being so nosy?
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Comments (105)
missnuthin 10
personally, i would dump him. telling all his friends about private things between you two? NOT a good thing.
worldclassrager 39
Well next time you'll get it...don't worry about it they'll probably drop it soon..,
siggy_mcsigx 22
I had intercourse way before I gave (and certainly got) oral sex. The guy with whom I lost my virginity was equally uninterested in oral so that was fine. I was terrified going down for it the first time. I do not find penises aesthetically pleasing. But I learned to look but not see, or to close my eyes, and it's fine now, especially when it's a win-win situation ;) ! Anyway he should have laughed a bit then let it slide. He sounds like such an immature douchebag. It was your first try!! :(
tgbvfr 8
And there is a classic case of split infinitive - "to smack accidentally" would be how to say in English...
AdamInNi 3
I'm sorry OP, but that's hilarious
itsjusttofunny 8
what a dick head.
XypherDubstep 8
I can't stop laughing
tankard94 1
Boyfriend is an ass...feel sorry for you.
Neckyl 6
Break up. What kind of dick tells his friends the intimate details of your sex life? You're not a one-night stand. Girlfriends deserve better.
billyisgone 4
I believe it's called "every guy who has straight guy friends" It doesn't mean he doesn't love her any less. Guys talk about sex, girls talk about sex, who cares.
xXBrennanXx 5
oh no so...pfftch.. sorry op hope ... hehehahaha... you live down that...hahahahahahahaha.. nickname