Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. My hand-eye coordination went straight to hell and I managed to accidentally smack my nose into his penis. He told all his friends about it, and I'm apparently now known as Woodpecker. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, and he slid his hand up near my face too fast and ended up clocking me in the nose. It is the first time that I've ever had nosebleed while orgasming. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting heated, and he started to go down on me. In excitement, I accidentally drove a knee into his face. No amount of fondling his diddlestick made him forgive me for his bloody nose and swollen eye. FML
Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. I went slowly to build up the excitement, and I thought it was working really well, until he sighed, "For fuck's sake, it's a dick, not a shotgun." and told me to stop embarrassing him. FML
Today, I was having sex with my partner and we got very into it. I went to wrap my hand around his neck and somehow accidentally poked my finger in his eye socket so hard he ended up in emergency. He still can’t see properly out of that eye now. FML
Today, I got my boyfriend's pants down for the first time and turns out my thumb is bigger than his erect penis. I already know he has weak tongue technique, but this is an extra slap in the face I do not need. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. He was about to make me come so I lifted my arm above my head with pleasure. I accidently punched him in the eye, hard enough that he had to stop for a while because he said he felt dizzy. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend for the first time. I moved my leg to wrap it around him and accidentally hit his penis. Without thinking, I said, "Sorry little guy!" FML
Today, my husband and I were getting frisky. All was going well until I decided to go down on him, causing him to freak out, thinking I was going for his butt, ending the night with a black eye from being knee'd in the face. FML
Today, I gave my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. Apparently, I was so bad at it that he eventually just slapped my hand away and angrily said he'd do it himself. FML
Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, my fingers got stuck between the wall and headboard. Screaming, he thought I was enjoying the sex and kept going even harder. I have 3 broken fingers. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
EdenCrystal 21
Well he won't be getting a peck on the cheek anytime soon.
fuckedPriceless 17
Why were you being so nosy?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (105)
dimple13194 10
Practice makes perfect!!!!!
Laxinitup 18
hmmm a nose job; that sounds interesting. Way to use your head...
TheRoyalBattler 5
Pecker-nose sounds better!
cchuckcloninger 5
Sex acts should not be for public consumption. If he tells now what will he do when you break up?
Merylwen 24
Sorry OP, but your boyfriend is a moron.
Kitten_Calderon 14
I don't know but if this happened to me I'd kind of laugh. I mean there are WORSE things to be picked on about sexually. Still I agree that, even though if I would laugh, it's not cool to just go tell his friends about your faux pas without considering your feelings. :s
slkeithh 14
Why the hell do women allow guys to go and spout that shit off to their friends likr they're 14 years old..
carebear97 1
I'm sorry, since when was it a woman's responsibility to control their partner's behavior? She should have been able to trust him not to share private details of their sex life. It is not her fault that he decided to act like a 14 year old, so if I were you I'd rethink the way you phrased that comment. ie "Why do men go and spout that shit off to their friends like they're 14 years old?". Thanks.
kingdomgirl94 29
didn't you know 79, anything a man does is the woman's fault. he cheats? well she wasn't satisfying him. he spreads their sex lives around? well she should have kept control of him. of course if a woman does the same its her fault. wait what? you're telling me this makes every problem the woman's fault and never the mans? well damn, guess that means that people are full of bullshit and need to be slapped for their stupididty.
amypr 20
Sounds like a great way for him to ensure that you'll never be going down on him again.
sammyjanette 17
I wonder what the comments would have been if the girlfriend had called him Limpy because he couldn't get it up or something like that. What he did was INCREDIBLY demeaning, and to stand for that kind of behavior is disgusting.
sonictardis 8
if it was reversed, it still would have been demeaning.
sonictardis 8
I've had this happen too. sans a new nickname though.