We're bad at this

By Anonymous - 12/08/2014 20:24 - United States - Chandler

Spicy
Today, I hooked up with a girl at a club, and we had sex. She just lay there like a corpse the whole time. It got so bad, I ended up faking an orgasm and blaming the lack of semen on a botched vasectomy. She actually believed it. What the hell? FML
I agree, your life sucks 49 472
You deserved it 12 043
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Same thing different taste

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Top comments

everton99 16

At the rate the post was going I truly thought he was going to say "and then I discovered she really was dead. FML"

311 2

Comments

xReDMemory 28

In my opinion,YDI. Instead of faking an ******,lying to her and complaining about it here you could have told her something about it. She may have been inexperienced,but if you told her something about it the sex may have been at least a little better,so it's partially your fault.

142 27
CatchMe25 16

One night stands shouldn't have to come with instruction manuals lol but maybe that girls mum told her when it comes to sex just lay back and think of England ;)

38 5
LeashaJoy5595 28

If she was clubbing and went home with a guy she didn't know... More than likely she wasn't too new to the whole sex scene.

12 2
Almost_Positive 18

Being a lesbian doesn't mean she'll just lie there like a corpse

75 3
ohishkabibble 21

Sounds like she was starfishin' it! Sorry, dude. Better luck next time? At least she believed the lie. But maybe you should've told her the truth: she's baaad at sex!

39 5
cjwayy 22

Holy shit, this is the funniest FML I've read in awhile.

25 10
little_one 20

If you're gunna make the guy do all the work you could at least make some noise or something! Sorry OP that must of sucked. Maybe she was super drunk and out of it...

26 9
SillyBeanie 8

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway
26 57
Nymeria_fml 25

Were you expecting posts about great hookups? This is FML, there's a reason for the name.

32 6
smokecloud_ 37

You know, some people just don't like relationships. I'm one of them. It can be a huge turn on for some people to have sex with strangers. If both adults are consenting and aware of the risks, who are you to judge?

26 6
cjwayy 22

#45: Amen. It's not 1935 anymore. We are free to do as we please with our bodies and we shouldn't be judged for it.

4 3
RedPillSucks 31

Sorry. If you hook up with some random person at a bar and have unprotected sex, you're going to be judged.

39 12
sammieshortcake 15

Says the girl who's photo is a cleavage shot. lol

23 2
laurenasabutton 26

56, no one said anything about the sex being unprotected

12 2
siggy_mcsigx 22

I hooked up with someone and 10 months later we're still happily together :)

6 1
drmisin 5

We all judge its human nature. Personally I think its just wrong to hook up with someone you don't know. That's how diseases spread. And don't tell me about safe sex, nothing is 100% safe.

6 4
Axel5238 29

Agreed it's as an adult fun is one thing, but sleeping with someone just met particularly at a club or a bar sounds awful. Also the rise of std's just make it less appealing.

3 3
kalbrek009 20

Wow...a whole "10 months"??? Try "And married for 5 years" before you try to brag....lol, in about another 1 year & 2 months...maybe they'll be "the one" or maybe you or they will be on to the "next" random hookup...only time will tell.

1 2
vividpictures 17

Maybe she was a virgin and did not know how to have sex¿

9 23
xoteeshaox 22

girls are really big on their virginity before they lose it. so a one night stand virgin is highly unusual. at least where im from it is

23 10
R3TROxLOV3 32

26, not always. I actively had to try to find someone who was willing to take my virginity. From personal experience, I've found that a lot of guys aren't willing to have sex with a virgin.

25 2
FYlife604 18

I wonder why? Not it's pretty obvious lol

0 7
Marie54321 19

The least she could have done was moan or use her nails. Or if she didn't want to have sex she could have given you some type of job. Sorry she didn't know what she was doing OP.

8 2
usnwife 18

On my phone app your gender is showing as female OP, that made this quite amusing. But FYL, even when I'm really not into it I do SOMETHING so its pleasurable for my husband!

9 15
Marie54321 19

Actually it shows that the OP is a guy. Do really think women get vasectomies?

26 9
usnwife 18

I understand its for men not women, but the first part about not moving during sex was amusing. I'm not stupid. Maybe its a glitch with the app, Windows phones tend to have app issues, but it clearly shows me a female gender sign.

12 1
JustStella 28

On my app it shows female as well. I have a windows phone as well.

10 1
Kalipczo 21

it shows male on my app, I have a Droid

2 3
usnwife 18

aaaaand now its changed to male.

1 1