Today, I went to see a movie with the girl I've liked for months....

By Lo - 25/10/2008 16:56

Today, I went to see a movie with the girl I've liked for months. After the commercials, she told me she had to go to the ladies room. She never came back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

65641

You deserved it

4695

Favorite

Love

Banished

Assumptions

Weird kid

By weirdesout - 5/6/2010 02:03 - United States

Today, I found out that my best friend kisses me while I sleep. We're both guys. FML

I agree, your life sucks

71804

You deserved it

8712

Favorite

By Anonymous - 26/8/2017 01:30

Today, my girlfriend was in the midst of giving me head when she got lockjaw. My dick was stuck inside her mouth as she bit down on it for over an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5257

You deserved it

676

Favorite

By youcould'vejusttoldme - 11/5/2017 21:00 - United States - College Station

Today, my roommate started packing up for when we move out in August. Thirty boxes later, I realized she's leaving me with only a dishtowel and a skillet while she traipses through Europe for the summer. She even packed the silverware. And the curtains. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3247

You deserved it

442

Favorite

By Anonymous - 25/3/2011 03:36 - United States

Today, I'm babysitting three children under the age of seven. They have no discipline, don't listen, scream all the time, won't nap, terrorize my dog, and have peed their pants a collective 5 times today. I am not getting paid for this. Their mother has no plans to come get them any time soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40552

You deserved it

9683

Favorite

By Creeped_out_n_stuck - 5/8/2011 04:46 - United States

Today, my roommate demanded that I dance naked for him as a birthday present. When I declined, he offered to pay me. When I declined again, he stormed off to pout in his room and played really loud depressing music. We're both guys and I have 11 months left on my lease with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46285

You deserved it

3692

Favorite

By Apparently not a writer - 20/2/2013 16:36 - United States - Hockessin

Today, I uploaded the first chapter of my best writing yet to a popular writing website. After ten minutes, I was thrilled to already see one review and five comments. Each comment was telling me to immediately delete the story because of how horrible it was. The rating was half a star. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30045

You deserved it

8372

Favorite

By none - 28/2/2012 18:55 - United States

Today, I realized you should always knock on your parents' door before entering. Even at 6:30 am. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17871

You deserved it

35118

Favorite

By zain - 4/6/2011 06:15 - United States

Today, at my job as a lifeguard, the kids in the pool decided to start a new game. The game involved spreading out to different parts of the pool and pretending to be drowning at the same time. Whoever was "saved" first, won. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49785

You deserved it

3672

Favorite

By Anonymous - 29/11/2018 22:00

Today, I got into an accident and my bike broke. My insurance expired 5 days ago and the accident wasn't even my fault. The lady was on the phone and on the wrong side of the road. She's threatening to sue me even though her car is in better condition. There are no witnesses and no cameras either. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2880

You deserved it

603

Favorite

By TooYoungForThis - 3/9/2019 20:00

Benjamin Button

Today, my father was helping me move into college. When we arrived, the students helping people move in mistook me for one of the parents. I’m 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1443

You deserved it

117

Favorite

By toomuchwork - 13/9/2018 01:30

Today, as I was leaving for a 2-week vacation after working my ass off for 2 years, my area manager handed me a project. It's a 3-week job, and he told me he needs it when I get back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2984

You deserved it

157

Favorite

By Anonymous - 7/8/2013 22:24 - Egypt

Today, my mum picked up a bunch of tissues that were scattered around my room. She examined them, then asked me to stop wasting her potential grandchildren. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54460

You deserved it

43985

Favorite

By Anonymous - 5/1/2014 01:08 - United States - Chicago

Today, I took my girlfriend out to a restaurant for her birthday. She had to go to the toilet while there, and when she came back, she was crying. When I asked why, she said "I'm on my period!" and sobbed loudly in front of everyone that we couldn't have birthday sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

66026

You deserved it

6970

Favorite

By gabby - 13/12/2009 17:30 - Canada

Today, I was on the bus and a woman got on with her 3 young children. I offered her my seat so they could all sit together. When I went to get off the bus I realized I left my bag underneath my old seat. When I tried to get it back the woman hit me and yelled at me for trying to steal her purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32549

You deserved it

2868

Favorite

By photonut13 - 15/7/2010 10:52 - Canada

Today, I found out my mother had remarried, and that I was getting a stepfather and stepbrother. However I found out about it 30 minutes before we left to pick them up from the airport, and also found out that I'm losing my bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44415

You deserved it

2988

Favorite

By 00sasori - 27/3/2013 05:41 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, I was on a bumpy bus ride and had to write a note, so I held my notebook against the bus window to steady my hand. An elderly woman then yelled at me, accusing me of drawing graffiti on the window. The bus driver kicked me off and I had to wait an hour in the rain for the next bus. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38044

You deserved it

2977

Favorite

By awwshit - 13/10/2009 14:13 - Canada

Today, I told the man I've been in love with for 3 years, who also happens to be my boss, how I felt. He responds by filing sexual harassment charges against me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18685

You deserved it

34860

Favorite

By porkieworkie - 21/4/2009 12:44 - United States

Today, just after getting off the phone with a girl I am interested in, I parked on campus and decided to eat my lunch in the car. As I was sitting there, she appeared out of nowhere and walked to her car. I was parked directly behind her car, sitting there like a creepy ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58581

You deserved it

9227

Favorite

By anon - 23/11/2011 22:53

Today, I started my new job at a security company. In the first 15 minutes there was a bomb threat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31891

You deserved it

3003

Favorite

By Annabelle - 5/7/2009 20:12 - United States

Today, I got a call from my parents that they have decided to get a divorce. My brothers and I just shelled out $5,000 each and spent months planning their 50th Anniversary party that was supposed to be next month. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57081

You deserved it

3176

Favorite

By Crawlinginmymemes - 2/10/2016 18:46 - United States - Danvers

Today, I accidentally shut the door on someone who was walking behind me. After he opened the door, I turned, looked him sincerely in the eye and said, "Suffering". I meant to say sorry. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9865

You deserved it

1951

Favorite

By Deanna - 2/10/2019 06:00

Rumble in the night

Today, I spent the night with in a hotel with my boyfriend's parents, because I went with them to visit him in Atlanta. This morning when I woke up, the first thing they said to me was, "Wow, you're a small girl but you snore like a man." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1432

You deserved it

249

Favorite

By Anonymous - 14/9/2014 16:38 - Ghana - Accra

Today, I got high for the first time. Apparently I called my vet and told him my goldfish was barking. I found out when he called me back later to make sure we were both okay. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36555

You deserved it

20731

Favorite

By Noname - 30/1/2009 18:18 - Canada

Today, I was woken up by my roommates cat meowing so loudly at her door, wanting in. Suddenly it stopped. I was just falling back into sleep when I rolled over and the cat was right there beside my head. Meowing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23670

You deserved it

3019

Favorite

By calgarygal - 23/11/2016 02:53

Today, I found out the little blue thing that my roommate has been sterilizing by boiling in our shared coffee maker, is a menstrual cup. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11542

You deserved it

723

Favorite

By OweLotsaMoney - 5/9/2013 15:49 - United States

Today, I arrived at my college dorm. To help me sleep, I listened to my local radio from my phone. Little did I know, they turn off the wifi for part of the night, and hours of music were streamed onto my phone. Guess who now owes the phone company all my money. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47493

You deserved it

12184

Favorite

By Anonymous - 27/8/2011 08:12 - United States

Today, I broke my right leg. I've had one shot of morphine, and even that only relieved the pain a little. It's now totally worn off and I have yet to get pain medication of any kind. My leg has been broken for over nine hours now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31846

You deserved it

4124

Favorite

By Anonymous - 16/2/2012 03:59 - United States

Today, feeling out of shape, I went for a jog. I got mugged. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31166

You deserved it

2887

Favorite

By S12Sophia - 2/5/2012 22:06 - France

Today, my boyfriend and I were making love for the first time, when out of nowhere my cat meowed from the doorway. My boyfriend sighed, pulled out, and exasperatedly called me a selfish bitch for not having put my cat outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34832

You deserved it

5412

Favorite

By Anonymous - 13/9/2014 06:56 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I discovered that one of our cats is super creepy. He humps the blankets on my mother's bed while staring at her while she's sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41727

You deserved it

3642

Favorite

By Brown345 - 11/5/2012 05:03 - United States

Today, I started a new job. I noticed all the beautiful women. Then I tripped on a cord running across the floor. They noticed me too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21167

You deserved it

5976

Favorite

By Chanman1924 - 24/12/2012 21:06 - United States

Today, my friend put my phone number on Craigslist. I still can't find the ad, but obviously everyone else can because I still haven't stopped receiving naked pictures. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37430

You deserved it

3731

Favorite

By shifala - 22/1/2015 09:02 - Philippines - Caloocan

Today, I was riding my bike to work in a hurry and hit a pothole. I flew off and hit the ground hard. I was badly shaken, but an old lady came over, checked me out and helped me to my feet. After she left the scene, I realized she'd pickpocketed my wallet while "helping" me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35918

You deserved it

3082

Favorite

By Anonymous - 8/2/2011 18:32 - United States

Today, I saw an attractive, thin woman eating a salad. Trying to be smooth, I approached her and told her that she didn't need to eat so scarcely, because she was beautiful. She promptly gave me a dirty look and informed me that she was a vegetarian. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12642

You deserved it

50226

Favorite

By Anonymous - 5/10/2010 14:36 - United States

Today, I missed my own surprise party because, having heard it being planned, I though it was going to be an intervention. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8944

You deserved it

44353

Favorite

By pam - 3/12/2008 05:04 - France

Today, I said thanks to a man who got up for me in the bus. He angrily said "no, not you!". The old lady who sat down is now staring at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23095

You deserved it

7899

Favorite

By cuntocracy - 21/1/2014 22:27 - Australia

Today, my brother asked me if I wanted to see a magic trick. I stupidly said yes and now have a black eye from where he punched me. My dad thinks it's hilarious and my mum says he didn't know any better. He's 13. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48075

You deserved it

5995

Favorite

By Anonymous - 28/10/2011 15:52 - United States

Today, I was bitched out by my 17 year old son's teacher. It seems the idiot teacher made the kids advocate for his own political beliefs in a presentation, and my son ended his speech saying, "And it remains my opinion that our instructor is cramping my motherfucking style." Instant suspension. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32444

You deserved it

5644

Favorite

By Anonymous - 25/4/2019 16:00

Today, I got pulled over and ticketed while taking cookies to the local police station. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1764

You deserved it

721

Favorite

By Anonymous - 30/3/2016 03:37 - United States - Vienna

Today, I realized I didn't want to come home from a business trip because I like my job more than my husband. I hate my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21126

You deserved it

4521

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By blueandred | 0

#1459 - Thursday 12 February 2009 3:18

My grandmother did this to someone once!

By polico_wolf | 0

#522597 - Friday 28 August 2009 22:46

"Today, I was with the boy i'd liked for months at the cinema, I went to the toilet for 5 minuites and when I came back, he was gone"

COMMENTS

By blueandred | 0

#1459 - Thursday 12 February 2009 3:18

My grandmother did this to someone once!

Zyzz7 | 12

#5443867 - Thursday 11 April 2013 8:01

The bitch.

By mishel | 0

#17984 - Friday 6 March 2009 13:44

was that the first time you met this girl?

By Mutalisk | 0

#29453 - Friday 13 March 2009 6:00

next time u know not to let them go lmfao

By pinkfrenchrose | 5

#30729 - Saturday 14 March 2009 3:16

OUCH

By tateno | 0

#36965 - Tuesday 17 March 2009 7:29

that is brutal!!

By Shallow_Padentic | 0

#46706 - Saturday 21 March 2009 3:58

thats right! haha #5

By 17Master | 0

#80725 - Saturday 4 April 2009 2:03

That's just mean.

At least it ended quickly. Move on, and next time, don't let her go to the bathroom.

Boomi | 38

#6688461 - Tuesday 13 September 2016 5:16

Yeah, poor guy. Why would someone do that?

By 24788 | 6

#148539 - Monday 27 April 2009 21:43

That's a bummer man.

By derailed | 0

#154984 - Thursday 30 April 2009 0:04

Maybe she was kidnapped

By chilipeppersrok | 0

#159112 - Friday 1 May 2009 6:25

Don't feel bad. I'm sure she just got lost or something.

gogo44444 | 28

#6603798 - Thursday 12 May 2016 9:52

#12 your attempt at a pun was saaaaaaaaaaaaaad