Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate with each other for the first time. He shoved his hand down my pants, touched about an inch away from my clitoris, and whispered, "Cummm" in my ear. I doubt I'll have an orgasm ever again. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate. It was his first time, which I guess explains him sticking his hand down my panties and practically bitch-slapping my vagina for the next 20 or 30 seconds. I stupidly faked an orgasm just to get him to stop. Now he thinks he's some kind of sex god. FML
Today, just as I was about to orgasm, my boyfriend whispered, "Cum, my preciousssss" into my ear, in his scarily accurate Gollum voice. I think my clitoris just about withered away in despair. FML
Today, my boyfriend was pleasuring me with his hands. After two years of being together, he was finally about to make me orgasm for the first time by himself. Just as I was reaching my peak, he orgasmed at the thought of finishing me off and stopped. FML
Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, I had my first orgasm. He thought something was wrong, so he stopped. FML
Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. All the magic vanished when I kept queefing every time he thrust into me. We made it about 10 seconds before he broke down into hysterical laughter and lost his boner. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Instead of moaning like any normal person, he just kept saying stuff like "Uh-huh," "Not too bad," and "Yup" in a complete monotone. It was probably the most uncomfortable experience of my life. FML
Today, I let my boyfriend finger me for the first time. Today, I also learned, after fifteen very, very long minutes of it, how to fake an orgasm. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend for the first time. I went down on him, only for him to burst into tears halfway through. Apparently, I do it just like his long-lost teen sweetheart did. I swear I could feel him go completely limp in my mouth. FML
Today, after having sex with my boyfriend for the first time, he told me he wanted to break up. He told me my orgasm face wasn't something he could put up with. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, and I told him I was close to having an orgasm. He smirked and started talking like Yoda, saying, "Strong with the cum, this one is." Orgasm gone. FML
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Top comments
osm1989_fml 6
He's the ****** Whisperer.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Grab his dick and say: "Longeeeer"
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Comments (134)
CrazyManNo9 29
Most woman need to teach their guy. Most guys are idiots but don't mean to be. First time I gave a girl an ******, she looked at me and asked me "How did you do that?" LMAO. Give him the benefit of the doubt and show him. You will be rewarded for it.
G3K0 7
I get that all the time from my girl.. She calls me her "godly pornstar" (:
zfchatroulette 24
lol i knew a guy like that. but what i didnt know was that he had a gf. oops
davymac718 4
I would return the favor in the same exact way and see how he responds. Some people need to learn the hard way.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Grab his dick and say: "Longeeeer"
zingline89 18
Trust me, if she grabs his dick, it'll get longer.
1969CamaroBabe 6
Haha. Too funny :)
charlestondale 7
Ahahaha I can't stop laughing.
KaiserSD 8
Or we could all take a cue from Stephen King, rub our fingers on our partners cheeks, and say "Thinner". American obesity solved with magic!!!
claudzzzz 5
hahaha
madipoo_LOVE23 0
Ahaha. Killed me.. xP
wickedninja918 1
why was 29 thumbs downed so much jw
buckdharma 38
cummm to butthead.
Enslaved 38
Turn the the lights off and get a laser pointer!
spaboolly 26
The mental image of that comment was both incredibly disturbing and painfully hilarious.
slickwilly2013 1
The oarsmens at the top of the boat
perdix 31
At least you won't get uncontrollable hiccups :D
Chosen_peas 2
Folks who are insistent on thumbing Perdix down- please read past fmls.
Myo_fml 20
Past FML popularity does not automatically make users immune. If a comment is bad, it's bad.
spazz666 18
Well, first you need to be a famous(or infamous) FML commenter, then just pull down your pants! Your ass will be like a magnet! Seriously though, I think it's hilarious when people thumb down witty comments just because they didn't understand them. Perdix's comment isn't thumbed down though, so it's irrelevant.
yoursucklives 36
23 it's schadenfreude, not schaudenfreude.
AKGirlinSD 20
Perdix has dark, sarcastic humor. And I love it. I'm usually one of them upping his comments while he's getting negative votes. His comments are just as entertaining to me as the FMLs are.
CinnamonBunny 16
23 isn't kissing ass, he's just unnecessarily pointing out the origins of Perdix's comment.
kickass1stbase 7
Don't expect him to know, maybe you are the first girl he has been with. Just teach him what you like and you'll be rewarded
KiddNYC1O 22
Not according to #15's comment. =P
ndnpride88 25
Find a real man that can do it the right way the first time and you'll cum multiple times
Angelrose2004 17
Or she can stay with him and teach him what pleases her. There is more to relationships than just sex, imo.
xteena_beeeee 6
THIS MADE ME LOL UNCONTROLLABLY