Intimacy: Training - FML

Training

By Anonymous - 10/04/2011 05:07 - United States

Spicy

Today, I promised my boyfriend a blow job every time he does the dishes. Every dish in the house has been washed three times already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 472

You deserved it 72 672

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Rather than debating politics with Uncle Roger for the umpteenth time, share the best Christmas FMLs to finally have a good family meal! More…

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Same thing different taste

By Michelle - 17/10/2013 11:51 - Australia - Richmond

Today, my boyfriend told me that I have the bad habit of not doing the dishes before he has his daily piss in the sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 772

You deserved it 5 625

By Myboyfriendisaromanticslob - 10/03/2011 05:09 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend set up a very romantic dinner. Afterwards, he offered to wash the dishes while I went upstairs and relaxed. His way of washing the dishes was to scrape all the food off, then wipe the juices off the dishes with a paper towel before putting them back in the cupboards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 442

You deserved it 6 475

By Anonymous - 26/12/2011 15:32 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend did the washing as an attempt to help me. Not only are all my clothes now pink, he refuses to do the dishes, vacuuming, bathroom, ironing etc., as he has done "plenty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 752

You deserved it 4 621

This Charming Man

By Anonymous - 21/04/2021 14:00

Today, I explained to my man child of a boyfriend that we don't reuse dirty dishes. We have to wash them. He doesn't think it's gross and yelled at me, throwing the pan in the sink. Oh, he also refuses to wash dishes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 372

You deserved it 538

By Anonymous - 19/03/2010 10:05 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I realized that my new boyfriend only showers about once every ten days, and to get him to shower more often I have to bribe him with oral sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 912

You deserved it 22 210

By kj1 - 17/02/2014 18:28 - United States - Draper

Today, my boyfriend yelled at me from the other room for washing the dishes "too loudly". FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 313

You deserved it 6 719

By Anonymous - 14/03/2011 19:16 - United States

Spicy

Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He responded by asking for a blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 021

You deserved it 14 604

By AprilFlowers - 01/12/2009 17:15 - United States

Today, I woke up early and made my boyfriend french toast. When he woke up, he yelled at me because it was his dish day and I was creating more dishes for him to do. He made me do the dishes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 212

You deserved it 7 397

By msjustine - 06/05/2011 19:27 - United States

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend, the one who does all the cooking in the house, doesn't wash his hands after using the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 974

You deserved it 13 385

Deal or no Deal

By Anonymous - 16/04/2020 02:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend's farts got so bad that we made a deal: every day that he doesn't fart, he gets a blowjob. Suddenly, he's not letting gas out anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 015

You deserved it 2 132

Next

Top comments

nebula748 14

Sunday 10 April 2011 12:11

What did you expect?

docscientist 9

Sunday 10 April 2011 12:18

I guess you should have him eat out more.

Comments

josiemorehouse 12

Sunday 10 April 2011 23:23

hahaha typical guy!! :) next time, make it a hand job, it's easier on your jaw, lol!!!

robberry 11

Sunday 10 April 2011 23:44

He's a lucky man!

monkeyluvz 7

Monday 11 April 2011 0:00

I would take that as a compliment! He likes the way your mouth works honey! :P

HomeAl0ne 20

Monday 11 April 2011 0:04

Well, it sounds like it's working for both of you, but maybe you need to amend the contract.

Skatejock21 0

Monday 11 April 2011 0:28

WIN! hahaha I am so jealous... I'd be MORE then happy to do dishes for a ********. Heck, I'll do laundry for a hand job as a second. If he did the dishes 3 times a day... you should be happy! He's happy he got a ******** and you're happy to have clean dishes. It's a win-win situation.

TheNewGuy03 28

Monday 11 April 2011 0:28

what are you waiting for, op? you have several loads to take care of! |the kid|

abby1029 8

Monday 11 April 2011 0:33

lol well he loves ur blow jobs :P

kspear2 12

Monday 11 April 2011 0:41

get to suckin

jess6blondie9 2

Monday 11 April 2011 0:44

Well that's your fault. You make a man work for a *******, he's gonna work for it.

abstract101 0

Monday 11 April 2011 0:45

enjoy.

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Today, my dad is infuriating by increasingly asking me to do things around the house, but because he doesn’t like how I do them he yells at me and then does it himself. It’s almost like he cares more about inventing excuses to yell at me than he does to actually get things done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 774

You deserved it 162

Today, my puppy went missing. I found him, unconscious but thankfully alive, in a taped-up box with no holes. My little brother eventually confessed to doing it because he wanted to sell my puppy on eBay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 510

You deserved it 1 430

Today, we brought our Christmas tree inside to decorate. We decorated it, then went out to dinner as a family. Returning 2 hours later, we came back to find our living room to be occupied. Not with people. The tree had been filled with baby spiders, and they were all over the living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 424

You deserved it 3 556

Today, after 20 years together and 9 years of marriage, I found out that my husband has been having an affair with my cousin for 6 years. The same cousin who came over every Friday. Who he wanted to be godmother to our 3 kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 690

You deserved it 254

Today, my family and I were celebrating my dad's birthday. The two of us were standing by the pool chatting, and I jokingly said "You're old now." I suppose I should have expected him to shove me into the pool, my phone still in hand, and retort, "You're soaked now." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 840

You deserved it 18 678

Today, my ex dumped a couple cans of smoked oysters, tuna, and canned salmon down the vent to my floor heater. She won’t admit to it, just smirked when I confronted her. I have no way to prove she did it and my house smells so bad I can’t stand to be in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 809

You deserved it 126