Transportation: Today, I walked to work. I later discovered that my husband had... - FML

11/07/2013 03:04

Today, I walked to work. I later discovered that my husband had parked my car in a no-parking area. My job is towing cars. I had to tow my own car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 947

You deserved it 5 639

Another great day to be alive

Dementia or hate? You decide

Good kid

30/06/2019 00:30 - Netherlands

Today, I was cycling home. On the way, my laces got stuck in the bicycle pedals and I couldn't move the foot that got stuck. The bicycle fell over, with me attached to it. Everyone was looking at me like, "What are you doing?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 471

You deserved it 323

23/06/2009 05:16 - United States

Today, I couldn't sleep and in the process of tossing and turning I did something very painful to my back. I spent 4 years in the marine corps infantry, but laying in a bed kicks my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 859

You deserved it 5 035

13/10/2012 17:32 - Ireland

Today, my aunt brought me a birthday present. I quickly figured out that she'd simply returned the jacket I let her borrow two years ago for my brother's graduation party. It reeks of cigarette smoke and alcohol. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 474

You deserved it 1 757

28/01/2010 19:35 - Canada

Today, I had to cancel all of the plans to go away on a romantic weekend with my boyfriend. My parents are going out of town for a night and I have to stay home a babysit my little sister. She's 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 664

You deserved it 5 085

Father of the year

By Anonymous - 31/05/2020 05:00

Today, I realised that anyone who claims they enjoyed spending quality time together with their spouse and children during quarantine is a liar, a big fat liar. I know my kids aren’t even 10 yet, but god, I can’t wait for them to get houses of their own and move the fuck out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 761

You deserved it 1 877

16/01/2019 12:00

Today, for the first time ever, I was able to have a good hair day without blow drying it or using product. Or so I thought. The first words my mom spoke to me when I came downstairs were “Go fix your hair.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 132

You deserved it 234

07/11/2012 23:48 - United States

Today, as my girlfriend and I were finishing up a romantic dinner, she gazed into my eyes for a moment and said, "You know, sometimes you look like a character from Sesame Street." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 150

You deserved it 2 157

Through the wall

By Jeynna - 08/05/2021 00:01

Today, I bumped into my next door neighbor. She said, "Not for nothing, but I heard you fighting with your boyfriend last night, you're pretty harsh on him." I don't have a boyfriend, I was just drunk and castigating myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 473

You deserved it 722

Vulture

By Some people - 27/03/2021 15:59 - United Kingdom

Today, my flatmate was criticising his nephew for being too lazy to get a job. His nephew actually has a physical disability, so I pointed out he never had a job since he got 50 rental properties at 19 years-old when his dad died and makes a fortune on the rent. He then told me that waiting for his dad to die was his job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 438

You deserved it 127

17/12/2016 03:15 - United States - Southfield

Today, I kindly explained to a client that she had calculated her CD interest wrong. She kindly responded that, as a nurse, she would never give me medical treatment if I was involved in a car accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 488

You deserved it 611

11/01/2013 07:09 - United States - San Diego

Today, my hamster died. It climbed out of its cage and jumped off my dresser. Looking for condolences, I told my mom who replied, "If I lived in your room, I would have done it earlier." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 037

You deserved it 8 168

10/02/2011 22:48 - United Kingdom

Today, I got an e-mail from my seminar tutor asking why I wasn't in class. I was sitting next to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 932

You deserved it 2 903

22/12/2013 21:56 - United States - South Windsor

Today, my brother got a new saxophone. He thought a good way to break it in was to play it in my ear. Loudly. While I was sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 759

You deserved it 3 737

31/07/2014 17:28 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my cat tried to jump up to the window, and missed. This would have been hilarious if I had not been sleeping under that same window, and then caught him with my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 589

You deserved it 4 775

06/07/2013 15:14 - United States - Austin

Today, I found out that my 16-year-old son bought a huge amount of grape juice, because he thought he could store it under his bed and wait for it to turn to wine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 698

You deserved it 5 316

Skidmarks

By smelly asses - 17/09/2020 07:50

Today, my husband and my daughter engaged in a fart war. Guess who go to do a pile of shitty laundry, while the other texted his friends about the “hilarious” incident? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 098

You deserved it 173

25/04/2016 23:29 - United States - Charlestown

Today, my brothers thought it would be funny to put me inside a huge luggage bag we got for a trip to Canada. It was all fun and games until they dragged me outside, kicked me down a few steps, and left me stuck in the bag, locked outside with the cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 785

You deserved it 1 617

26/11/2009 16:23 - United States

Today, I walked into a liquor store and thought about inquiring for a job application. After seeing the cashier, I thought about inquiring if she was single. After accidentally breaking three bottles of liquor, I didn't do either. I left the store, still single and unemployed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 920

You deserved it 30 011

04/04/2015 19:32 - United States - Omaha

Today, my mom called 5 times and I didn't pick up due to being in class at college. I was later called to the front desk, where my mom was crying. She said she was worried about me because I didn't say "I love you" to her after she dropped me off at college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 304

You deserved it 4 279

10/03/2009 18:37 - United States

Today, I received my graduation gift, a bath robe, from my parents. My have two older sisters also graduated. The first one got a Tiffany's bracelet, the second one got a plane ticket to Europe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 135

You deserved it 3 614

12/07/2013 16:35 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I received a text from my dad, which was borderline-incomprehensible due to an insane amount of text language. I replied, jokingly asked if he had a stroke while writing it. A few seconds after hitting send, I remembered the stroke he suffered last month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 732

You deserved it 54 748

07/11/2010 20:34 - United States

Today, my manager informed me that I will not be completing my job training because I'll be transferring to a different store, and if they want me to work there, that's their problem. Today, I also found out that the new store will not accept me as a transfer unless I've already been trained. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 295

You deserved it 2 422

Hissy fit incoming!

By bad friend - 22/10/2019 05:00 - United States - Monterey Park

Today, my boyfriend’s female "best friend" hates me for absolutely no other reason other than she, "just doesn’t get along with girls." Boyfriend doesn’t see a problem with this, and insists I should just accept it since, "that’s just how she is." Time to throw the whole man away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 824

You deserved it 312

Threesome weirdness

By Anonymous - 08/10/2020 02:01

Today, my roommate informed me that I need to move out, due to me having sex with his boyfriend. Even though he gave us permission, and told us to use protection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 518

You deserved it 1 061

13/12/2009 08:39 - United States

Spicy

Today, I came home and saw my girlfriend on the computer. I decided to sex things up and sneak up on her naked from behind. Apparently, she was video-chatting with her friends at the time. They saw everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 907

You deserved it 25 054

27/11/2009 05:12 - United States

Today, I kissed my iced over window to know what kissing Edward Cullen would be like. My neighbor saw. My first reaction was to come up with a cover story. I licked the window and wiped my sleeve over it to look like I was cleaning it. My neighbor came over later and gave me an early Christmas gift. Windex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 227

You deserved it 89 148

23/02/2011 03:21 - United States

Today, I asked for permission to marry the girl I love. Her father not only said no, he said "HELL no!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 353

You deserved it 4 982

06/12/2008 12:14 - France

Today, my boyfriend was lying down on top of me and he was looking at me with passionate eyes. I thought he was finally going to tell me he loved me. But instead he said "You have a bogey". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 452

You deserved it 4 031

04/03/2010 05:30 - Australia

Today, I discovered my employer is advertising for a contractor position within my team performing basically the same role as myself. Except the pay is seven times more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 542

You deserved it 2 053

21/02/2010 01:21 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I celebrated our anniversary at the park. I was watching him play around with the wood chips on the ground and thought I saw him making a heart being romantic, so I got on top of the playground to look. Turns out it was the balls of a giant penis, complete with pubes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 746

You deserved it 4 096

You tried!

By Noname - 15/02/2009 23:15 - United States

Spicy

Today, I wanted to seduce my boyfriend so I put on my sexiest lingerie and started playing mood music. As he was eating dinner, I climbed up on the table and started seductively crawling across to him. The table collapsed under my weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 874

You deserved it 50 760

10/02/2017 13:00 - United States - Houston

Today, my wedding ring came off in a Walmart bathroom and fell into the toilet. It was an automatic toilet. It flushed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 786

You deserved it 817

12/02/2019 02:00

Today, I sat down to do my taxes. As I was going over my forms, I found my employer only took $1.72 out the entire year for my Federal Income Taxes. I now owe the IRS over $500 that I don't have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 281

You deserved it 572

Going swimmingly

By Anonymous - 28/01/2021 18:03 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I was excited to go to swim after a long time of not doing so because of Covid restrictions. After changing into my trunks and putting my goggles on, I jumped into the pool straight away, while still wearing my mask. FML

I agree, your life sucks 392

You deserved it 586

I keep mine hidden

By Anonymous - 17/08/2020 20:00

Today, while my girlfriend is in hospital, I'm left at home with her mom. What I didn't know is that her mom's medication makes her do strange things. I learned that right away when she took a seat next to me, completely naked, on the couch. My girlfriend's mom is my grandmother's age. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 555

You deserved it 100

Alexa, play "Unhappy Birthday" by The Smiths

By Anonymous - 03/02/2021 17:01

Today, my sisters took me to a gay bar to celebrate my birthday. All was going well, until the drag queens demanded anyone with a birthday on stage. My sisters forced me to go. Turns out, it was for a twerking contest. I can't dance and have social anxiety. When I got off the stage, I cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 060

You deserved it 126

22/10/2014 02:11 - United States - Levittown

Today, I fell asleep on the couch. My parents didn't wake me up, went to bed and set our burglar alarm. If I trip a motion sensor, a siren will go off. The motion sensor in my living room is pointed directly at me and I have to pee. It's been 2 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 399

You deserved it 4 401

06/02/2009 22:51 - United States

Today, my company hired a new guy to help on our project. My boss said that he would shadow me for the whole day so he could learn our system. At the end of the day my boss fired me, handed my company car keys and laptop to my "shadow for the day" right in front of me. My Mom picked me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 603

You deserved it 2 458

30/06/2019 07:09

Today, I went to the doctor's office after getting a positive pregnancy test. She did another one to confirm the result, which came back negative. My husband is wandering around with a great big smile on his face, because he isn't going to have a "rugrat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 653

You deserved it 328

16/03/2015 14:36 - United Kingdom

Today, my ex called me up to suggest that we become friends, only so that she could introduce me to her new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 484

You deserved it 4 198

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Top comments

ThatGuyWhoTalks 10

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Thursday 11 July 2013 8:54

Tow the car to your guys' house and don't tell anyone

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Thursday 11 July 2013 8:54

There has to be some way around that. :(

Comments

ThatGuyWhoTalks 10

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Thursday 11 July 2013 8:54

Tow the car to your guys' house and don't tell anyone

firegirl1993 21

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Thursday 11 July 2013 9:03

And then kick him hard in the ass for making you have to tow it in the first place.

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Thursday 11 July 2013 9:15

Or call him and come back a little later. Maybe you just "missed" it. Unless you have routes, then that would suck. How embarrassing.

His_Holiness 18

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Thursday 11 July 2013 10:00

Or OP should have just called him and got him to move it. Screw paying 200 dollars to get it back

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Thursday 11 July 2013 19:38

Am I the only one thinking he probably did this on purpose for shits and giggles?

omgthisisgay 10

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Friday 12 July 2013 1:55

53, I was actually thinking that. What a stupid prank that would be. It probably isn't cheap getting a car out of the impound.

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Thursday 11 July 2013 8:54

There has to be some way around that. :(

friedpwnadge 25

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Thursday 11 July 2013 9:50

Tow-ception.

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Thursday 11 July 2013 17:50

perhaps call your husband and ask him to move it? or is that just too logical a solution.

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Thursday 11 July 2013 8:55

Well, a job's a job. Sucks it had to be that way.

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Thursday 11 July 2013 8:56

Tow it to your house and make your husband pay you to do it!

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Thursday 11 July 2013 9:46

Pay? Ermmm you're not familiar with the whole "what's mine is yours" marriage concept I suppose...

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Thursday 11 July 2013 11:42

cool

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Thursday 11 July 2013 13:53

23 - And I guess you're not familiar with the fact that any job done requires compensation. Regardless, OP would have to pay for a towing fee as well as a fee to have it removed from the impound lot. So yes, it seems extremely fair that OP's husband needs to pay said amounts for his own stupidity.

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Thursday 11 July 2013 14:16

what 23 means is they most likely have a joint account and the payment will affect ops money too.

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Tuesday 16 July 2013 5:26

A lot of people do not love that way. Called a pre-nup

CaptFuzzyNippl_2 16

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Thursday 11 July 2013 8:58

At least you know where your car is.uh...OP does that mean you have to pay a fine?Make him pay for it!

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Thursday 11 July 2013 8:58

You later shoved your toe into his ass. right?

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Thursday 11 July 2013 9:12

only if he didn't like it

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Thursday 11 July 2013 21:33

Tow and toe, I thought that was gold. I guess not.

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Thursday 11 July 2013 8:58

I heard that if you leap into your car before the tow guy can tow it, they can't tow your car because of safety and liability issues... Don't know how that would work with you being the one towing your car though... Maybe clone yourself and make you're clone leap into your car and be like, "Aw shucks! I can't tow the car now! Get out of there you wild hooligan!"

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Thursday 11 July 2013 9:00

*your clone. Sorry. I had a dyslexic moment.

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Thursday 11 July 2013 11:53

I heard if you leap in Dukes of Hazzard style they actually pay you.

RedPillSucks 31

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Thursday 11 July 2013 17:27

Once they have it hooked up, they're not going to unhook it until you pay some money

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Thursday 11 July 2013 9:02

What goes around comes around

BlissfulLiss 18

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Thursday 11 July 2013 9:04

What a twist!

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Thursday 11 July 2013 9:04

You my lady, are an honest woman. FYL

BlissfulLiss 18

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Thursday 11 July 2013 9:50

OP never specified WHERE the car was towed to, she just expresses her discontent towards having to be in that situation. For all we know she towed it straight to her driveway.

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 123

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 206

You deserved it 43

Today, for the first time I had to lie to the man I intend to marry, because I had a very intense and hot dream about Leslie Nielsen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 358

You deserved it 111