By lindsay - 28/10/2019 00:01

Unflattered

Today, I was at the airport walking around, killing time. There was a man about twenty years older than me who kept on eyeballing me, and it really wasn't flattering. I get on the plane and guess who I get to sit next to. FML

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Race against the clock

Not gonna happen

Spooky

By Pepe - 16/11/2008 05:54 - France

Today, my girlfriend said to me, "You know, you only have to wash 3 times a week to be clean." FML

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By sorenips - 3/10/2011 23:19 - Canada

Today, after a great treadmill run at my gym, I noticed a stain on my clothing. Apparently my nipple chafed so badly that it bled through my white t-shirt, and I'd walked around the gym completely oblivious. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/10/2019 12:00

Alexa, play "Asleep" by The Smiths

Today, I woke up to my best friend laying next to me vigorously touching herself. She thought I was asleep. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/10/2012 17:40 - United States

Today, while walking down the hall of my old school, I noticed something out of the corner of my eye. Behind the faculty parking lot where I parked my truck, two students were having sex on my tailgate. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/9/2010 02:00 - United States

Today, it was my last day with my boyfriend before he went to college. At the store, he got a huge box of condoms. When I asked why he was getting so many, he said they were for the girls he meets at college. He then asked me to steal them for him. FML

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By AFH2O - 14/7/2014 23:04 - United States - Visalia

Today, I got chewed out by a parent for putting her kid underwater. I teach swim lessons. FML

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By brokenface - 15/9/2015 21:48 - United States - Notre Dame

Today, I finally kicked my awful nail-biting habit. All it took was a fractured jaw. I haven't been able to chew anything for two weeks. FML

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By fviz - 7/2/2013 09:51 - United States

Today, while using a public restroom to change my tampon, I made eye contact with someone looking at me through the little space in the door. FML

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By greeple - 10/9/2012 16:19 - Singapore

Today, I decided to clean my face of unwanted visitors, and spent my shower popping the pimples on my cheeks. Twenty minutes later, I remembered that I was showering ahead of a date with my girlfriend. My cheeks now look like the crater-filled surface of Mars. FML

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By Matt - 29/8/2010 04:53 - Canada

Today, I took my date out for dinner to a seafood restaurant and she ordered expensive prawns. Later, when we had sex, she started to complain about her stomach hurting and then had diarrhea for hours. Great job prawns. FML

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By JaneSimple - 16/8/2020 14:02

Brain worms

Today, my fiancé forgot my birthday. I did however remember to tell him we were sending his mother flowers, for her birthday, which falls a week after mine. We've been together 10 years. I sent her flowers on my birthday. FML

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By Wtf - 10/2/2017 15:00 - United States - Peoria

Today, I was asked to babysit for a family that attends the daycare I work at. All of my coworkers warned me that they were rough kids but I shrugged it off. As soon as the parents left, the 7-year-old girl said, "Oh good now I can focus on death and my plans". FML

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By 99520 - 28/7/2011 15:25 - United States

Today, I gave my dad a brochure for anger management. His response? Throwing a chair out the window. FML

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By carpetoops - 21/6/2009 16:20 - United Kingdom

Today, I spilt purple washing detergent all over my white carpet. Desperate to get it up I grabbed a blue towel and started mopping it up. The detergent hasn't stained the carpet at all, the blue dye from the towel has. FML

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By foops - 2/2/2014 21:50 - United Kingdom

Today, my dogs freaked out and started getting violent because they thought the sound of my vibrator was the other's growling. FML

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By TooYoungForThis - 30/6/2013 04:36 - Canada

Today, I sneezed so hard that I threw my back out. Now my back is in agonizing pain, and I can barely walk. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/8/2016 18:50 - Canada - London

Today, even though I'm overweight, I was feeling alright about the way I looked in the historical costume I'm required to wear by my job. A little kid came in and asked me if I was having a baby. Guess I don't look as good as I thought. FML

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By flowerman - 26/12/2011 17:56 - United States

Today, I had to drive my girlfriend to the hospital because she had a severe allergic reaction to the flowers I brought her. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/3/2009 20:40 - United States

Today, my mother asked me if my boyfriend and I were getting serious. I quickly lied and said no. She then informed me that if things ever heated up that she would take me to get birthcontrol. Wanting birthcontrol, I confessed. In turn she grounded me. I am not allowed to see my boyfriend anymore. FML

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By whatheffers - 7/7/2010 16:40 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me using Lady GaGa lyrics. FML

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By Indiana - 16/1/2010 05:14 - Canada

Today, I was getting off the bus, when these two guys behind me started commenting on my bag, oblivious to the fact that I could hear them say, "Look at his ugly man-purse," and "It that looks like the satchel that Indiana Jones has". I'm a girl. Who is planning majoring in fashion studies. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/1/2013 07:02 - Israel

Today, my dad made a voodoo doll out of a melon. This seems to happen a lot. FML

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By Cora - 16/9/2011 14:10 - United States

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. His response was, "Thank god, finally." FML

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By Anonymous - 22/5/2013 09:44 - United Kingdom - London

Today I returned home after a semester at university. I guess I did too good a job of getting into shape as my parents phoned the police, thinking I was a burglar. FML

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By bakedplum - 1/11/2011 17:52 - United States

Today, I went grocery shopping. Being a bartender, I had a huge wad of dollar bills from cash tips. As I was counting them at the register, I looked at the cashier and joked, "You probably think I'm a stripper or something." He looked me up and down and said, "Uh... hell no." FML

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By Ah hell - 31/1/2009 14:43 - United States

Today, I woke up with the worst hangover of my life. My best friend comes over and informs me that I had sex with my girlfriend's two best friends last night. Awesome! Then I realized her best friends are guys. FML

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By James - 12/8/2011 07:54 - United States

Today, my roommate and I got into an argument. He told me he understood if I didn't forgive him "for a couple of days." He'd confessed to undressing my girlfriend in her sleep. FML

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By - 20/11/2019 18:00

Handjob

Today, I heard my boyfriend masturbate next to me and then relieves himself on my bed sheets. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/6/2019 16:00

Today, my boyfriend saw me without make-up for the first time we've been dating for two years. He freaked because he didn't know who I was. FML

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By Brie - 5/9/2011 13:00 - United States

Today, my grandmother pulled down her pants and screamed, "Kiss my ass" in the middle of a packed restaurant. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/7/2019 22:00

Today, I was having trouble sleeping, and I was almost asleep when I got a call from one of those spam places. They left a voicemail, which I made the mistake of listening to. The voice was so slowed down, it was very creepy, especially late at night. I don't think I'll be sleeping at all tonight. FML

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By Jman212 - 9/10/2017 13:00 - United States - New Braunfels

Today, my work-mandated anger management therapist gave me some sage advice: "Get a new job." FML

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By iGotSkill - 31/10/2009 01:32 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Her mom who had passed away years ago told her that I was cheating on her, telepathically. FML

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By EveOnRoad - 5/5/2019 18:00

Today, my boyfriend of 9 years rode with his mother after boot camp graduation. She acts more like a jealous lover than a mom, so I'm currently chasing them all over Chicago in a blizzard, with her refusing to stop the car so he can see me. FML

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By Losamus - 15/8/2018 23:30

Nice first impression.

Today, I didn't know I had a pill stuck in my throat until I coughed and it flew across the table, narrowly missing the weird guy sitting across from me in the break room. Turns out that weird guy is my new supervisor. FML

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By woopdeedo_1 - 7/3/2010 19:56 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a party and crashed on the bedroom floor. I woke up to sex noises coming from the bed. I pretended to still be asleep. I sent a text to my boyfriend to tell him about it. I heard his phone beep from over in the bed. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/8/2013 04:48 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my little brother grabbed my boobs and wouldn't let go until I pried his hands off. When I told my mom, her response was, "Get over it. He's a little kid who doesn't know any better." He's 14 years old. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/8/2012 22:50 - Mexico - Villahermosa

Today, I had the crap beaten out of me by a woman in the street, who accused me of sleeping with her husband. I still don't know who she or her husband are, and I'm still a virgin. FML

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By sucksatlove - 25/7/2013 23:20 - United States - Sewell

Today, I finally worked up the courage to start a Facebook chat with a guy I really like. It went so well, and he even agreed to hang out sometime. Seconds after we finished our conversation, he changed his status to: "Desperate bitches really piss me off." FML

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By Anonymous - 6/10/2010 23:19 - Brazil

Today, I was home alone and it started to rain. It hadn't rained in days so I went out on my balcony and ran around. I felt great until I realized that my door had been swung shut because of the wind, and it had no handle. I had to wait outside in the rain for two hours. FML

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Top comments

By skippydoda | 32

#7854589 - Monday 28 October 2019 0:30

Once in the air, you can always ask the flight attendants if you can move.

By sherri_baby88 | 35

#7854608 - Monday 28 October 2019 4:32

FYL, but I bet that guy was having a great day. Lol

COMMENTS

By skippydoda | 32

#7854589 - Monday 28 October 2019 0:30

Once in the air, you can always ask the flight attendants if you can move.

By RichardPencil | 28

#7854597 - Monday 28 October 2019 1:30

Why wasn't it flattering?

So, what happened on the plane?

By sherri_baby88 | 35

#7854608 - Monday 28 October 2019 4:32

FYL, but I bet that guy was having a great day. Lol