Love: Today, while vacationing with my boyfriend of 9 years, he started...

By ForeverAGirlfriend - United States - Aliquippa

Today, while vacationing with my boyfriend of 9 years, he started writing "Wi" in the sand. I instantly hoped he was going to propose by writing, "Will you marry me" on the beach. He spelled out "wiener" instead. FML

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Love

Season finale

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Man's best friend

By annoying - United States

Today, I bought a key finder that responds to loud, high-pitched, annoying tones. It beeps every time I talk. FML

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By maddy - France

Today, I'm looking for a job, and the employer I spoke to by phone was busy, but before hanging up he said "we will call you soon". I still wonder how he plans to do so without even having asked for my number. FML

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By wasted_gas - United States - Cumming

Today, I woke up, got dressed, and left for the 1 hour drive to the nearest vet. When I arrived, I realized that I left my cat in its carrier on my kitchen counter. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out my best friend was having a birthday party and I wasn't invited, so I asked her why. She replied, "what birthday party?" It was a surprise birthday party. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Rock Island

Recognize this?

Today, I sent my boyfriend a picture of my vagina. He replied, "What's that?" FML

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By ChildhoodTerror

Today, my cousin left her undisciplined demon-child at my house for Christmas. This child destroyed the other children's gifts and made so much noise that the neighbors called the police. The adults can't really discipline her while her mother is away, so all we can do is apologize in this child's wake. FML

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By Deaththreat101 - United States - Evanston

Today, I posted a Facebook status on how I hated the new Batman movie. I'm now single, and have received multiple threats. FML

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By Ethan92 - 29/4/2021 01:59

What a catch!

Today, I had the best time of my life with the girl of my dreams. I took her out to lunch, we went to the beach to jetski and had a romantic walk. It was the perfect day. Then, in the evening, I had to go home to my boring wife. FML

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By pinkblankets - United States

Today, I woke up with really dry, chapped lips. Still in bed, without my glasses on, I sleepily reached down into my purse for some chapstick and applied it. Upon awakening later I realized I had mistaken a mini Sharpie permanent marker for chapstick. I have a job interview today. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/2/2021 00:30 - United States - Decatur

Bullshit merchants in the temple

Today, I found out my mom has literally spent all her savings sending money to some bullshit-peddling megachurch televangelist, who apparently told her that giving them money would ensure her future fortune. Tithings, my ass. FML

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By Interrupted - United States

Today, while I was making love to my fiancé, his mom walked out of the hotel bathroom and sat in a chair less than two feet away from the bed. She made idle conversation with us for the next 15 minutes. My fiancé was still inside me the entire time. FML

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By aunty_social

Today, I took my 5-year-old nephew camping. I was about to take him to the outhouse for a bathroom break when he flung the door of the camper open and shouted at the top of his lungs to the entire campground, "We are going to poop now!" FML

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By ThisChick - United States - New Orleans

Today, I cringed at a memory of 5-year-old me going to restaurants I was brought to and stealing tip money because I thought it was free. I got to watch a kid do the same thing to me. Oh, sweet karma. FML

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By anonymous - Sri Lanka

Today, I decided to make home made french fries. I figured all I needed was potatoes and salt, right? Wrong! I also needed the fire department and an ambulance. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I made an appointment with a therapist because lately I've been feeling alone and like no one cares about me. I waited at her office for about forty minutes before the receptionist informed me that she must have forgotten about the appointment. I was stood up by even my therapist. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Roseville

Today, I was helping my mom look for some money she'd misplaced. At my wit's end, I flipped through her diary, in case she'd hidden it between the pages as she has before. Didn't find the money, but I did find out she might well be cheating on my dad. FML

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By dumbteacher

Today, my English teacher told me that I failed my grammar test. Her exact words were "You ain't gonna pass this class if you ain't gonna study." FML

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By Justus Buhler

Today, my girlfriend told me that she had to go to New Hampshire for a few days for her grandma's funeral. Later I found out she spent over $1,000 dollars (on our joint account) to take a vacation with the man she was cheating on me with. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Evanston

Today, I laughed at my grandma's chihuahua poodle mix, as it barked at me entering the house. "What are you going to do, nibble me to death?" is apparently enough to make it jump and bite me. I needed five stitches. FML

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By Anonymous

Cleanliness is next to someone else

Today, we got new seats in my English class; I was seated next to a boy that I don't know very well. When I sat down, he informed me that he is "opposed" to brushing his teeth. I thought he was kidding. Then he started breathing with his mouth open. These are our seats for the rest of the year. FML

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By ANNIEDBD - Ireland - Dublin

Today, a client shouted at me over something that had nothing to do with me. She put such effort into shouting that she farted in my office. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was in school and spotted my girlfriend in the hallway. I wanted to be all romantic and grab her like guys do in movies. I grabbed her wrist forcefully and pulled her out of the crowd. As I quickly leaned in to kiss her I broke her nose. FML

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By yourstruly - United States

Today, I woke up to the sound of someone having sex in the room next to me. I don't have a roommate. Turns out my mom thought I was out of town and used her extra key to bring a guy over for sex. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/1/2021 20:02 - Canada - Kitchener

In the dark

Today, since I've been falling for the girl I've been sleeping with for the past couple of months, I decided it was time for us to talk about making things official and exclusive. I was confident she'd feel the same way. Then I found out she's an escort. FML

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By Trinity - Czech Republic - Prague

Today, I was sitting on a train, doing homework for my programming class, when a man sat in the seat next to me. He must have been a programmer too, because he spent the next few hours staring at my screen and laughing whenever I made a mistake. FML

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By confused - 9/2/2021 02:00 - United States

Oh, the patriarchy

Today, a coworker grabbed my ass for the third time. I went to my boss to complain about the sexual harassment. He told me to suck it up and enjoy the attention, and that it was my fault for having a huge, round ass. I think it's time for a new job. FML

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By twinkygaymer - 27/6/2020 02:02

Obey!

Today, I got screamed at by a girl because I said I didn’t want to go on a date with her. I’m a gay man. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/1/2021 11:02

Too Much Information

Today, I found out that my cross-dressing father and my recently deceased mother were having a much more "open" relationship then they'd let on, when the sheriff's department finally gave me mom's phone back. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while arguing with my boyfriend about how I wasn't a bad driver and could parallel park, I decided it was easier to just let him do it. Unfortunately, while getting out of the car to switch seats, I forgot to take the car out of drive and it ran into the car in front of us. He was right. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I went to my parents house to secretly collect all of their home videos and convert them to DVDs as a Christmas gift. Among them I found a sex tape my parents had made. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I overheard my best friend's wife telling their kids to pay attention in school and stay focused on their goals so they don't end up a failure in life like their father's friend, Matt. Hi, my name is Matt and I'm the friend. FML

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By oops - Australia - Cheltenham

Today, I got confused and said grace before brushing my teeth. FML

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By foo - United States

Today, I'm a shy guy normally, and when I talk to my friends I don't keep eye contact so I always look down even when I'm listening. My friend asked me why I always look at her boobs. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I realised that I could see my own mustache out of my peripheral vision while I was eating. I'm a 23 year old woman. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, excited that I finally got a place of my own, I invited my boyfriend over for a sexy sleep over. He told me his mom doesn't want him sleeping over. He's 21 years old. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Wokingham

Today, after having bought my daughter a complete set of new school clothes, she threw a tantrum and refused to wear them. I told her she could either wear them, or go to school naked. She made if half-way down the street in the nude before I caught up and dragged her back inside. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - South Salem

Today, my boyfriend proposed: he told me the feeling he gets from being in love with me is the best feeling in the world, even better than the feeling he gets when he poops. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I heard an electric saw cutting through something outside my condo. I presumed it was a complex maintenance guy working on something. It was a thief using an angle grinder to cut off my bicycle's U-lock. FML

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By billy - 27/4/2021 08:01

Useful information of the day

Today, I learned that "unskilled labor" does not mean people who are bad at their jobs. I’m 22. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got diarrhea while on a trip with my daughters. At our third stop, I had to sit in the stall listening to my 5 year-old informing everyone who came in that "mommy is stopping at EVERY bathroom to poop." FML

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Top comments

By fordneagles | 34

#6627325 - Monday 13 June 2016 16:23

Maybe you should propose so he can sulk about his manhood and you won't have to wait another 9 years.

By writerchic85 | 25

#6627359 - Monday 13 June 2016 17:12

Above it you should write "will you marry me you" so it says

Will you marry me you wiener?

COMMENTS

By Mechazilla2 | 15

#6627321 - Monday 13 June 2016 16:21

He's a keeper, that's for sure.

By organizse | 28

#6627322 - Monday 13 June 2016 16:21

That was a dick move

Westifer | 12

#6627506 - Monday 13 June 2016 20:49

How? He wasn't intentionally baiting her into thinking he was going to propose...

xDrakeNinja | 12

#6627535 - Monday 13 June 2016 21:36

Dont know why e reply got downvoted... Its true, he obviously didnt try to make OP ink hes writing what she thought, she just misunderstood at first...

liane918 | 16

#6627538 - Monday 13 June 2016 21:39

the reason why you both got downvoted was because the dick comment was a playbon words. because weiner=dick. it was a pun.

PePziNL | 20

#6627665 - Tuesday 14 June 2016 2:31

The joke
--------------------
Your head

Mimoshikufu | 8

#6627780 - Tuesday 14 June 2016 6:46

Maybe we should take a trip to Home Depot for those guys. Cause im sure they're goung to need a pretty tall ladder to catch that one ;).

By fhksuaifk | 16

#6627323 - Monday 13 June 2016 16:21

Charlie sheen "Winning"

By fordneagles | 34

#6627325 - Monday 13 June 2016 16:23

Maybe you should propose so he can sulk about his manhood and you won't have to wait another 9 years.

Idiotskillme | 20

#6627495 - Monday 13 June 2016 20:30

*7 Years, love the reference tho XD

blueyoshi_fml | 16

#6627577 - Monday 13 June 2016 22:55

Why the down votes? They are just referring to a past fml....

honeymoonroyale | 20

#6627868 - Tuesday 14 June 2016 13:32

Probably because they're not well-constructed sentences or something. You know how this site is.

By Oh_No_Not_Him | 25

#6627326 - Monday 13 June 2016 16:26

Maybe he was until he saw you getting all excited and bottled it!

By zaidthunder1 | 27

#6627327 - Monday 13 June 2016 16:27

Gender roles are being reversed in this age. Maybe you should take the initiative.

By mdavis0529 | 14

#6627352 - Monday 13 June 2016 16:56

If he hasn't proposed after 9yrs, he's not going to.

JusTheo | 17

#6627355 - Monday 13 June 2016 17:09

He could be a nervous guy, or doesn't want to deal with issues that marriage can do in the legal system. If she wants to propose to him, I see no harm.

thejonac | 21

#6627451 - Monday 13 June 2016 19:39

some people prefer long courtships before deciding to settle down. after all, marriage is an important life decision and some people prefer to make sure they're comfortable with their life partner before getting married.

k_cummins | 21

#6627474 - Monday 13 June 2016 20:12

Who knows how old they were when they started dating, they could still be pretty young.

soulreaper12296 | 28

#6627905 - Tuesday 14 June 2016 15:43

Why #8? We don't even know how old OP and her boyfriend are. And for all we know, they could be together since middle school, meaning they would barely be out of highschool.

By writerchic85 | 25

#6627359 - Monday 13 June 2016 17:12

Above it you should write "will you marry me you" so it says

Will you marry me you wiener?

By takeittoem | 8

#6627383 - Monday 13 June 2016 18:13

FYL for wanting to be married and not having been asked for 9 years... that blows.

By delfino1604 | 24

#6627386 - Monday 13 June 2016 18:17

did he write it WITH his weiner?

izzajaneful | 24

#6627492 - Monday 13 June 2016 20:28

No.

Miss_Whipped | 43

#6627532 - Monday 13 June 2016 21:26

#13 I'm not sure what's funnier, your comment, or the idea of OP seeing her boyfriend whip out his wang and thinking he's about to propose by writing "Will you marry me" in the sand with his penis.