Love: Today, while vacationing with my boyfriend of 9 years, he started...

By ForeverAGirlfriend - United States - Aliquippa

Today, while vacationing with my boyfriend of 9 years, he started writing "Wi" in the sand. I instantly hoped he was going to propose by writing, "Will you marry me" on the beach. He spelled out "wiener" instead. FML

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Love

And today, on Dr Phil…

Thanks Felicia

Pleased to meet you

By Nanny - United States

Today, I was babysitting a 4 year-old with a speech impediment. I asked her, "Do you got your bag?" And she said, "No. I have my bag. Babies say got. I'm a big girl." I am 20 years old and in the honors program in my college. I was corrected by a 4 year-old with a speech impediment. FML

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By DangerZone - United States

Today, I was playing football for my school. I had the ball and was running down the sideline. The guy behind pulled my flag off along with my shorts and boxers. I dove to try to escape and I happened to land on the hottest girl in the class who was on the sideline. I had no pants on. FML

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By Naked and Afraid - United States - New Braunfels

Today, my girlfriend's grandparents walked in on us getting intimate. She immediately ran to the bathroom, leaving me alone with them. They only speak Spanish, which is not my first language. We discussed the movie she and I were "watching", all while I was naked under the sheets. FML

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By ravestradamus - Australia

Today, I was enjoying some "alone time" with the detachable shower head when someone flushed the toilet, causing the cold water to run out and badly scald my genitals. It hurts to walk. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Doncaster East

Today, an old lady wearing a low-cut shirt with no bra underneath came into my line with some groceries. At some point while bagging her groceries, her wrinkled breast slipped out of her shirt. She didn't even notice. I wish to fuck I could unsee this. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I spent six hours driving between two airports to try and catch my flight. Two trailer accidents, two construction zones, three detours, and one police escort later, the airline wouldn't let me on the plane. FML

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By no one - United States

Today, my back hurt really badly, so I decided to stay in bed. After a while, I sat up to shut the door. When I leaned over to reach it, I fell off my bed and face-planted the floor. After picking myself up and getting comfortable in my bed again, I realized the door was still open. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, my mother walked in on me watching porn. As punishment, she sat down and made me watch the rest of it with her as she gave play-by-play commentary. FML

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By hail science!

Today, I got into a heated argument with my mom. Apparently, my seeking medicinal treatments for my cancer is blasphemous. According to her, I should just pray my cancer away. FML

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By Katie - Reserved

Today, I woke up to an angry snake trying to climb the leg of my bed. My bedroom was closed all day yesterday. It must have gotten in my room days ago. FML

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By awkwardparents - United States - Burlingame

Today, my girlfriend's parents took pictures of my tattoos to make sure I'm "not affiliated with any gangs." I have never even been arrested. FML

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By failhusband - United States

Today, my wife and I decided to try a relationship book. The first activity was to write down some things your partner does that bothers you. I made a very long list, then my wife and I swapped papers. She'd written, "nothing, I love everything about you." She read my list and began tearing up. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, during the birth of my first child, my epidural didn't work. FML

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By icefly - United States - Orlando

Today, I've owned my dream car for 11 days. Someone backed into it while it parked at work, and drove away without leaving a note. A man at a nearby business knows who did it but won't tell me because it was one of his customers. FML

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By MikeNick - United States

Today, I somehow managed to slam my trumpet case closed on my nipple. FML

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By taman - United States

Today, I took this girl out that I've been crushing on for 2 years to a fancy restaurant. At one point during the date, I had to get up to take a massive dump. As I was walking back to the table, a little boy stood up and shouted, "THAT'S THE POOPOO MAN" in front of the whole restaurant. FML

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By Scottie Too Hottie - United States - Pontiac

Today, I waved money at a passing ice cream truck and it kept going. So apparently I can't even get a date with a Sno Cone. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I changed my relationship status on Facebook from "in a relationship" to "single." I forgot to take my phone to work, and when I got back, I saw someone had replied, "What happened?" Someone else commented, "He broke his hand." My ex and a bunch of other "friends" liked it. FML

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By wickedbeauty333 - United States - Katy

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he came. This was a good thing, except when he did he started bellowing the Imperial March theme from Star Wars. When I asked him about it, all he said was, "I thought you'd like it." FML

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By Anonymous - 8/9/2020 09:01

Walked into that one

Today, I stopped by McDonald's with my brother. I asked him what he wanted and I repeated his order. The lady said, "We don't have that here." I stupidly answered, "That's weird. We have it where I come from," and she replied, "Where did you come from honey, 1995?" FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Perth

Today, I woke up to what sounded like twigs snapping. Turns out it was the skull of a live mouse being crushed in my cat's jaws. FML

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By bloodyLIP - United States

Today, I learned the hard way that an ice cube is capable of ripping the skin off your bottom lip. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Sweet talker

Today, my boyfriend said to me, "You know how I know I love you? I don't want you to leave after we have sex." He thinks that's a compliment. FML

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By xMiSS_CuTiEx - United States

Today, I remembered my mom got her carpet cleaned and to be careful while she was at work. To be nice, I vacuumed the whole house. Feeling proud of myself, I got a drink and went upstairs. I tripped and spilled red Kool-Aid all over the floor. FML

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By devilboy - Australia

Today, my girlfriend who was planning on waiting until marriage for sex decided to have sex with me. It's been 4 hours and she hasn't stopped crying, praying and calling me the devil's temptation. FML

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By Bandgeek

Today, at work, 5 minutes after I'd sent my help home, we got an 83 dollar order. I'm the only cook. FML

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By robincakes94 - United States

Today, I went to a nursing home to sing Christmas carols to the elderly. They threw their bananas at me. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, me and my boyfriend had some crazy rough sex. In the process I ended up with huge bruises and bite marks all over my neck and chest. I'm giving a speech on domestic violence today. FML

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By methane overload - United States

Today, while on the bus, the guy sitting beside me let out the vilest and most nauseating fart I've ever encountered, the kind that could retroactively sterilize five generations of one's ancestors with the smell alone. As I gagged, he smirked and said, "That's Taco Bell for ya." FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, my dad thought it would be funny to spray my open window with the hose. RIP my laptop, phone, school books, wooden desk, my entire bookshelf, and my carpet. FML

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By me - United States - Findlay

Today, while volunteering at a local museum, I politely told an elderly gentleman to have a nice day. He responded by yelling "NO" and storming off. Everyone looked at me like I was some sort of monster. FML

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By carrottop - Australia

Today, I finally found out why my fish were dying in their tank. My younger sister had been spraying detergent in there because she wanted "to make the fish smell like lemons". FML

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By Alyssa - United States

Today, my manager mentioned that she'd hired a "cute boy" to help me out at work with paperwork. The "cute boy" was my ex-fiancé and now I have to be with him in an office for 30 some hours a week while his current fiancée brings him lunch everyday. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend got into a huge fight with her mom over the phone. After the fight, she looked ready to cry so I went over to comfort her. She went straight past me, and started confiding in her creepy, extremely expensive dolls instead. FML

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By not drunk - Brazil - Santa Maria

Today, I've been one year sober. My health has improved a lot, unlike my social life, which has died a horrible, lonely death. FML

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By natty - United States

Today, I went to a party and the cops came to bust the party. I jumped out the window of a second story house in order to avoid getting arrested. I broke my leg in three places and got a concussion. The cops let everyone go with a warning. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my best friend, the man who I've been in love with for nine years, finally told me he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. Unfortunately, it was while he was using me to practice proposing to his girlfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was playing ball with my student during recess. My first attempt at throwing the ball hit him in the head. My second attempt hit him in the crotch. FML

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By RhuLynette - United Kingdom

Today, I managed to get locked inside a caravan toilet. My relatives heard me having a panic attack and instead of unlocking the door, they called the neighbours over to enjoy my anguish and embarrassment. FML

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By sadguyme - United States - Turlock

Today, on the first cold night of autumn, I realized I need a girlfriend because the only way I can stay warm is if I spoon with my dog. FML

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Top comments

By fordneagles | 34

#6627325 - Monday 13 June 2016 16:23

Maybe you should propose so he can sulk about his manhood and you won't have to wait another 9 years.

By writerchic85 | 25

#6627359 - Monday 13 June 2016 17:12

Above it you should write "will you marry me you" so it says

Will you marry me you wiener?

COMMENTS

By Mechazilla2 | 15

#6627321 - Monday 13 June 2016 16:21

He's a keeper, that's for sure.

By organizse | 28

#6627322 - Monday 13 June 2016 16:21

That was a dick move

Westifer | 12

#6627506 - Monday 13 June 2016 20:49

How? He wasn't intentionally baiting her into thinking he was going to propose...

xDrakeNinja | 12

#6627535 - Monday 13 June 2016 21:36

Dont know why e reply got downvoted... Its true, he obviously didnt try to make OP ink hes writing what she thought, she just misunderstood at first...

liane918 | 16

#6627538 - Monday 13 June 2016 21:39

the reason why you both got downvoted was because the dick comment was a playbon words. because weiner=dick. it was a pun.

PePziNL | 20

#6627665 - Tuesday 14 June 2016 2:31

The joke
--------------------
Your head

Mimoshikufu | 8

#6627780 - Tuesday 14 June 2016 6:46

Maybe we should take a trip to Home Depot for those guys. Cause im sure they're goung to need a pretty tall ladder to catch that one ;).

By fhksuaifk | 16

#6627323 - Monday 13 June 2016 16:21

Charlie sheen "Winning"

By fordneagles | 34

#6627325 - Monday 13 June 2016 16:23

Maybe you should propose so he can sulk about his manhood and you won't have to wait another 9 years.

Idiotskillme | 20

#6627495 - Monday 13 June 2016 20:30

*7 Years, love the reference tho XD

blueyoshi_fml | 16

#6627577 - Monday 13 June 2016 22:55

Why the down votes? They are just referring to a past fml....

honeymoonroyale | 20

#6627868 - Tuesday 14 June 2016 13:32

Probably because they're not well-constructed sentences or something. You know how this site is.

By Oh_No_Not_Him | 25

#6627326 - Monday 13 June 2016 16:26

Maybe he was until he saw you getting all excited and bottled it!

By zaidthunder1 | 27

#6627327 - Monday 13 June 2016 16:27

Gender roles are being reversed in this age. Maybe you should take the initiative.

By mdavis0529 | 14

#6627352 - Monday 13 June 2016 16:56

If he hasn't proposed after 9yrs, he's not going to.

JusTheo | 17

#6627355 - Monday 13 June 2016 17:09

He could be a nervous guy, or doesn't want to deal with issues that marriage can do in the legal system. If she wants to propose to him, I see no harm.

thejonac | 21

#6627451 - Monday 13 June 2016 19:39

some people prefer long courtships before deciding to settle down. after all, marriage is an important life decision and some people prefer to make sure they're comfortable with their life partner before getting married.

k_cummins | 21

#6627474 - Monday 13 June 2016 20:12

Who knows how old they were when they started dating, they could still be pretty young.

soulreaper12296 | 28

#6627905 - Tuesday 14 June 2016 15:43

Why #8? We don't even know how old OP and her boyfriend are. And for all we know, they could be together since middle school, meaning they would barely be out of highschool.

By writerchic85 | 25

#6627359 - Monday 13 June 2016 17:12

Above it you should write "will you marry me you" so it says

Will you marry me you wiener?

By takeittoem | 8

#6627383 - Monday 13 June 2016 18:13

FYL for wanting to be married and not having been asked for 9 years... that blows.

By delfino1604 | 24

#6627386 - Monday 13 June 2016 18:17

did he write it WITH his weiner?

izzajaneful | 24

#6627492 - Monday 13 June 2016 20:28

No.

Miss_Whipped | 43

#6627532 - Monday 13 June 2016 21:26

#13 I'm not sure what's funnier, your comment, or the idea of OP seeing her boyfriend whip out his wang and thinking he's about to propose by writing "Will you marry me" in the sand with his penis.