Today, while vacationing with my boyfriend of 9 years, he started...

By ForeverAGirlfriend - 13/6/2016 04:40 - United States - Aliquippa

Today, while vacationing with my boyfriend of 9 years, he started writing "Wi" in the sand. I instantly hoped he was going to propose by writing, "Will you marry me" on the beach. He spelled out "wiener" instead. FML

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Love

Fear factor

DINOSAURS!!

Vultures

By fuckbucket14 - 14/4/2012 22:56 - Egypt - Hurghada

Today, I got into an argument with my dad in his hotel room. I lost my temper and stormed out onto the balcony for some fresh air, at which point he decided to lock the door behind me, trapping me there for half an hour while he watched TV. FML

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By buckley456 - 28/5/2012 03:33 - United States - Glenolden

Today, my remote control airplane arrived in the mail. I was super excited, so naturally I took it outside for its first flight. It now resides at the top of the tallest tree in sight. FML

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By Screwed - 7/6/2014 13:31 - Australia

Today, I took some heavy pain medication before calling my boyfriend. I don't remember the call, but apparently confessed to really liking corn, and faking orgasms. FML

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By Tagged - 13/9/2009 02:35 - United States

Today, I accidentally left the tag on the new pants that I wore to work. Nobody had brought it to my attention for the whole day until finally, before I was about to go home, every single employee and my boss let me know by yelling in unison and laughing as I left the building. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/2/2012 15:38 - United States

Today, I had to get my picture taken for a badge at the hospital. My sister came home and told my parents that she'd had a horrible day at work. They showed her my "hysterical" badge picture to cheer her up. FML

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By Magilla - 16/2/2011 18:53 - United States

Today, I underwent several cardiac tests involving heart monitoring nodes placed all over my chest. The lab techs didn't pre-shave the areas and yanked out big clumps of chest hair as they removed the 10 nodes. They laughed, and said it could take up to a year for the hair to grow back. FML

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By 5p4571k - 25/5/2014 17:35 - Canada - Chilliwack

Today, I was cooking dinner for my children, managing for once not to screw up and hurt myself. Then, while chopping vegetables, I accidentally sliced my finger open. The same finger that was still covered in juice from a lemon I'd just squeezed. FML

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By why me - 29/6/2016 04:41 - United States - Milford

Today, I bought a brand new Wii U. My cat must have thought the wires looked tasty because he chewed through each of them, which will now cost me another $100. FML

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By WasntMe - 17/7/2013 23:15 - United States

Today, I was at the park playing Frisbee with my friends, when I saw a boy sitting on a bench looking rather sad. "Hey!" I yelled, and he looked up at me. I lightly threw the Frisbee in his direction, and it hit him in the face. He was blind. FML

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By fyln00b - 3/7/2010 04:49 - France

Today, I was horseback riding. Somebody yelled something behind me, so I turned around. Next thing I know, I am on the ground and my head is killing me. It turns out I ran into a tree branch. The person behind me simply said, "Watch out." FML

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By Anonymous - 6/6/2009 16:01 - United States

Today, I discovered my boyfriend of 5 months runs a website where men can submit nude or semi nude pictures of their ex's for revenge. FML

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By failure - 10/10/2013 14:11 - Korea, Republic of - Seoul

Today, my boss brought her cat to work. At one point, I looked up and everyone was staring at me staring at the cat's asshole. FML

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By HotelClerk - 22/1/2010 06:37 - United States

Today, somebody stopped by the front desk at the hotel I work at to report a vehicle had its headlights on. I wrote down the info, including the plate. Hours later, after my shift was over, I finally realized that it was MY vehicle. The battery was dead. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/2/2013 21:57 - Australia

Today, my girlfriend asked me if she looked fat in her new pair of jeans. Knowing I was probably about two seconds away from all hell breaking loose, I instinctively tried to save my game, before remembering I wasn't playing a video game. I really need to get a life. FML

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By Bunsofpain - 16/6/2016 18:56 - United States

Today I got sunburned on my cheeks. This wouldn't be too bad if they were the ones on my face. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/11/2012 17:35 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my boss asked me if I had any special plans for Christmas. After I told him I was planning a trip to Canada, he snapped, "Well, you can forget it. I need you at the office." FML

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By Anonymous - 24/7/2009 09:32 - India

Today, I finally got the courage to ask out the guy I've liked for a long time. He's a cashier at a grocery store. It was about 1am and I was his last customer, everything seemed just right. Just when I was about to ask him to the movies, a drunk girl stumbles in and asks him out. He said yes. FML

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By Ramb0 - 21/12/2019 01:00 - United Kingdom - Christchurch

By singing

Today, I was headbanging so hard to a song in the shower that I hit my head on the wall and got a concussion. I'm now in hospital. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/4/2020 02:00

How d'you think?

Today, I announced my pregnancy to my boss. I was expecting all sorts of reactions, except, "But... Erm... How did that happen?" FML

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By Anonymous - 29/8/2015 08:50 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my doctor died. Last week, after a check up I'd had because I was worried about a cough, he told me not to worry because I was as healthy as he was. FML

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By hot4donny - 12/11/2010 02:40 - United States

Today, my family and I were watching Mulan, and I mentioned that I've always had a crush on Shang. After going into detail about how I would "marry his sexy voice" I decided to look up this mystery dream man. To my surprise he was played by Donny Osmond. I will never live this down. FML

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By wtf? - 19/7/2014 05:53 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my mother compared having me as a daughter to having a deadly kind of cancer. FML

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By it's shitty, yeah, stfu - 7/3/2013 17:10 - Sweden - Trollh?ttan

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said yes, and I excitedly called my mother to tell her about our engagement. She half-heartedly said, "Aww, that's nice", before changing the topic to what she'd found in her turd earlier. FML

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By wat - 20/9/2013 05:52 - United States - Santa Ana

Today, I went to visit my overly-posh mother for the first time in many years. Upon arrival, she kicked me out because my outfit did not follow the same color-scheme as her decor. FML

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By Dilly - 10/10/2010 20:29 - United Kingdom

Today, I was tidying my room when my gran came in and offered to help. I said I didn't need any, but she started going through it anyway. She found a tube of "Very Cherry" lube and asked what it was. I subtly tore off the label and tried to convince her it was a face mask. She's taken it to try it out tonight. FML

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By skipperpop - 11/8/2016 22:24 - United States - Ames

Today, after work, I was saying goodbye to my last remaining friend I worked with because she was going to be leaving for college. My manager saw me talking and made me clock back in and work because "If you have time to talk, you have time to work." FML.

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By Thesuz - 6/9/2013 03:27 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, my neighbour was practicing his opera singing, drunk. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/5/2016 23:05 - Netherlands

Today, my brother "borrowed" my car and keys without asking me. He came back 4 hours later, alone and pale faced. It took half an hour of questions, interrogation, and finally threats before he admitted that my car is sitting in a ditch a few miles away, probably totaled. FML

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By lalalalainie - 13/10/2012 06:45 - United States - Fullerton

Today, just for old time's sake, I decided to jump on my bed. I ended up hitting my head on the spinning fan and knocking myself unconscious. FML

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By linren - 28/3/2009 18:40 - United States

Today, I was riding in the car with my new boyfriend. He had 'something serious' to tell me. He started to emotionally confess his addiction to masturbation. In detail. The drive was 2 hours long. FML

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By shorty - 11/4/2011 17:36 - United States

Today, I found out that if I were 2 inches shorter, I would have to sit in a booster seat in the car. I'm about to turn 22. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/12/2010 17:09 - United States

Today, I was playing hide and seek with a few friends. I hid in the bathroom, under the sink in a cabinet. I ended up having to sit there quiet as a mouse while my grandfather took an incredibly long and vile dump. I was too afraid to move. Let's just say he didn't rush it. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/9/2015 02:36 - Australia

Today, after my second date with an otherwise charming guy, he called me a whore for turning him down for sex. Yeah, I'm trying to work out the logic of that too. FML

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By myboyfriendisweird - 5/1/2015 02:50 - United States - Phoenix

Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, we were cuddling when he grabbed his penis and made it say, "That was amazing! Thank you for the sex." He's 21 years old. FML

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By Cheap - 27/12/2010 08:34 - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend wrote 50 dollars on my gift card just to look generous, it's really only worth five. I found this out after I tried to buy an arm full of clothes. FML

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By Max Flynn - 20/5/2011 10:07

Today, while driving, a minivan cut me off. Pissed, I started honking and cursing. I then went ballistic when the driver waved out the window, smiling. It wasn't until I was at a stoplight that I noticed their "Honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker. FML

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By tbw - 12/1/2012 00:31 - United States

Today, I decided to get my ass in shape and went to the gym. I got motion-sickness on the elliptical. FML

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By last night king - 28/5/2019 18:09

Today, I went to work completely hung over. I was at my desk for 5 minutes before security threw me out on my ass. Apparently, I’m hung over because I got fired yesterday and got blackout drunk, completely forgetting that I had been fired. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/11/2012 22:51 - United States

Today, after having finally kicked my insomnia's ass after three hours, I was woken up by something I only thought happened in movies. Someone had paid for a Mariachi band to play for their girlfriend, outside my apartment, in the middle of the night. FML

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By nojob - 7/5/2009 19:15 - Canada

Today, I was desperately handing out resumes. I came to my local grocery store and asked for a job application, the customer service rep told me all she needed was my resume. I smiled and gave it to her only to see her read it, laugh and put it straight in the garbage as I walked out. FML

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Top comments

By fordneagles | 34

#6627325 - Monday 13 June 2016 16:23

Maybe you should propose so he can sulk about his manhood and you won't have to wait another 9 years.

By writerchic85 | 25

#6627359 - Monday 13 June 2016 17:12

Above it you should write "will you marry me you" so it says

Will you marry me you wiener?

Comments

By Mechazilla2 | 15

#6627321 - Monday 13 June 2016 16:21

He's a keeper, that's for sure.

By organizse | 28

#6627322 - Monday 13 June 2016 16:21

That was a dick move

Westifer | 12

#6627506 - Monday 13 June 2016 20:49

How? He wasn't intentionally baiting her into thinking he was going to propose...

xDrakeNinja | 12

#6627535 - Monday 13 June 2016 21:36

Dont know why e reply got downvoted... Its true, he obviously didnt try to make OP ink hes writing what she thought, she just misunderstood at first...

liane918 | 16

#6627538 - Monday 13 June 2016 21:39

the reason why you both got downvoted was because the dick comment was a playbon words. because weiner=dick. it was a pun.

PePziNL | 20

#6627665 - Tuesday 14 June 2016 2:31

The joke
--------------------
Your head

Mimoshikufu | 8

#6627780 - Tuesday 14 June 2016 6:46

Maybe we should take a trip to Home Depot for those guys. Cause im sure they're goung to need a pretty tall ladder to catch that one ;).

By fhksuaifk | 16

#6627323 - Monday 13 June 2016 16:21

Charlie sheen "Winning"

By fordneagles | 34

#6627325 - Monday 13 June 2016 16:23

Maybe you should propose so he can sulk about his manhood and you won't have to wait another 9 years.

Idiotskillme | 20

#6627495 - Monday 13 June 2016 20:30

*7 Years, love the reference tho XD

blueyoshi_fml | 16

#6627577 - Monday 13 June 2016 22:55

Why the down votes? They are just referring to a past fml....

honeymoonroyale | 20

#6627868 - Tuesday 14 June 2016 13:32

Probably because they're not well-constructed sentences or something. You know how this site is.

By Oh_No_Not_Him | 25

#6627326 - Monday 13 June 2016 16:26

Maybe he was until he saw you getting all excited and bottled it!

By zaidthunder1 | 27

#6627327 - Monday 13 June 2016 16:27

Gender roles are being reversed in this age. Maybe you should take the initiative.

By mdavis0529 | 14

#6627352 - Monday 13 June 2016 16:56

If he hasn't proposed after 9yrs, he's not going to.

JusTheo | 17

#6627355 - Monday 13 June 2016 17:09

He could be a nervous guy, or doesn't want to deal with issues that marriage can do in the legal system. If she wants to propose to him, I see no harm.

thejonac | 21

#6627451 - Monday 13 June 2016 19:39

some people prefer long courtships before deciding to settle down. after all, marriage is an important life decision and some people prefer to make sure they're comfortable with their life partner before getting married.

k_cummins | 21

#6627474 - Monday 13 June 2016 20:12

Who knows how old they were when they started dating, they could still be pretty young.

soulreaper12296 | 28

#6627905 - Tuesday 14 June 2016 15:43

Why #8? We don't even know how old OP and her boyfriend are. And for all we know, they could be together since middle school, meaning they would barely be out of highschool.

By writerchic85 | 25

#6627359 - Monday 13 June 2016 17:12

Above it you should write "will you marry me you" so it says

Will you marry me you wiener?

By takeittoem | 8

#6627383 - Monday 13 June 2016 18:13

FYL for wanting to be married and not having been asked for 9 years... that blows.

By delfino1604 | 24

#6627386 - Monday 13 June 2016 18:17

did he write it WITH his weiner?

izzajaneful | 24

#6627492 - Monday 13 June 2016 20:28

No.

Miss_Whipped | 42

#6627532 - Monday 13 June 2016 21:26

#13 I'm not sure what's funnier, your comment, or the idea of OP seeing her boyfriend whip out his wang and thinking he's about to propose by writing "Will you marry me" in the sand with his penis.