Today, as I got down on one knee, and was in the middle of saying...

By suckstobeme - United States

Today, as I got down on one knee, and was in the middle of saying "Will you marry me?", she answered a text message. Apparently it was more important. FML

I agree, your life sucks

163516

You deserved it

10649

Favorite

Love

And today, on Dr Phil…

Misheard

All over the place

By Anonymous - 3/10/2020 22:02 - United States - Klawock

Ross?

Today, my wife had a dream that I was in the bath with our newborn baby. In the dream, I threw the baby out like a football. She can't get the image out of her head and won't forgive me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1132

You deserved it

Favorite

By UptoHERE - Canada

Today, I was on a road-trip with some of my buddies, when we stopped at a gas station. When I opened the door to their bathroom, brown water flowed out, soaking my legs up to my knees. I then spent another 2 hours in an enclosed vehicle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27326

You deserved it

2265

Favorite

By Hapaboy808 - 8/7/2020 23:01

The final countdown

Today, I'm sharing an apartment in a foreign country with my soon-to-be ex. There are 6 months left on the contract, so we both decided to live here until then to save money. She earns enough to afford her own place. Me on the other hand… FML

I agree, your life sucks

1162

You deserved it

304

Favorite

By Stupid Pregnancy Brain

Today, I'm 8 weeks pregnant and suffering from severe pregnancy brain. I was making my husband's lunch to take to work. I realised shortly after he left that I'd used dish soap instead of BBQ sauce for his sandwich. He has to turn his phone off for work, so I have no way to warn him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10942

You deserved it

1730

Favorite

By whoops - 10/6/2020 02:00

Exclusivity

Today, I ran into the guy I’ve been seeing. He was holding hands with another girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1561

You deserved it

147

Favorite

By scammed - Canada

Today, I caught my mother attempting to write a $1400 cheque. To whom? The proprietor of a "Christian charity fund" with whom she had been having Internet conversations. The proprietor's name, and that on the cheque, was "Herp McDerpington". FML

I agree, your life sucks

36799

You deserved it

2857

Favorite

By psychworker - United States

Today, while at work, I was asked if I wanted to leave early. I said no and let my co-worker go instead. Two hours later, I was punched in the face by one of my patients with absolutely no warning or provocation. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27990

You deserved it

3921

Favorite

By Ahook1 - Australia

Today, I discovered that my infertile girlfriend, who I have been having unprotected sex with for the past two months, is apparently very fertile. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20250

You deserved it

53851

Favorite

By CanStandup

Today, a very large lady was sitting down and panting as she watched me stock the bottom shelves at my store. Apparently, being able to squat down and stand back up repeatedly means I'm mocking her, and she threatened to report me to corporate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5026

You deserved it

260

Favorite

By Stacy - United States

Today, the guy I like asked me what he should do for the girl he has a crush on. I told him to give her flowers and tell her how he feels. Later that day my doorbell rang, and he stood there holding flowers. He said the magical words, "My car broke down, can you give me a lift?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

69993

You deserved it

5222

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I thought it would be a great idea to tell my co-worker to calm down when he appeared to be very uptight. He thought it would be a great idea to punch me right in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25008

You deserved it

13737

Favorite

By roze198765 - United States

Today, my cat died in the process of eating, and choking on, my hamster. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45728

You deserved it

4363

Favorite

By tikizombie - Canada

Today, I went with my family to go see a notoriously creepy abandoned house. We noticed the people had left a lot of stuff behind so we loaded up the car with books, records, etc. As we were leaving, we saw the family who lived there drive up. I robbed a house with my grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12649

You deserved it

50165

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Sackville

Today, my biology professor was giving a lecture to everyone and used me as an example. For what? Traits men are repulsed by in potential mates. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42688

You deserved it

3599

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, after we got home from the doctor's office, my mom checked the voicemail. Loud and clear, we both heard my boyfriend's break-up message. My parents had already forbidden me from dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19606

You deserved it

27623

Favorite

By justwantedtounpack - United States

Today, my parents threw a hissy fit calling me ungrateful and disrespectful for wanting to do laundry and clean at home, instead of going out to their friends' house for dinner. They also disconnected the Internet to punish me when they left. I'm 20 and visiting home on a college break. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34264

You deserved it

3200

Favorite

By SOMAgirl - United States

Today, I thought it would be funny to put some streamers on my bike handles, even though I knew they would probably be stolen fairly quickly. I went into a restaurant to eat, and when I came out both my wheels were gone, but at least the streamers were still there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32168

You deserved it

9065

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Westfield

Today, I went to my father's house to get my dog, since I had left it with him while I was on a business trip. When I got there, my dad said the dog pooped on the floor a few days ago, and so he took him to the pound. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15956

You deserved it

975

Favorite

By Heggs

Today, it's Halloween. I get bullied every day and this was no exception, but this time I got beat up so hard I bled. Everyone thought it was part of my costume. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3874

You deserved it

183

Favorite

By offuckingcourse - Canada - Toronto

Today, I went to my boss's dinner party. My sister, who also works with me, sat across from me at the table. I felt her kick me so I kicked her back. Then I heard something start crying. It was the boss's baby crawling under the table. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59527

You deserved it

20206

Favorite

By Anonymous - 15/11/2020 08:08 - United States - Bakerville

Thanksgiving 2020 is going to be a doozy

Today, I'm stuck at my minimum wage job, listening to people who make twice as much as me complain that, "they only get the week off for Thanksgiving." FML

I agree, your life sucks

839

You deserved it

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had a completely improvised audition for the school play. The director called me and one of the cutest guys auditioning to improvise an intimate scene. Knowing that I'm a complete klutz, I wasn't all that surprised when I tripped over my feet and landed with my face in his crotch. He was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28968

You deserved it

3955

Favorite

By Stressed Mother - United States - Piscataway

Today, after months of job hunting, I finally got a phone call. They were impressed with me. That's when my son decided to throw a tantrum asking for food. After some silence, the caller told me they were looking for someone who wasn't juggling little kids at home and hung up. My son is 20. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37884

You deserved it

5945

Favorite

Today, I have to pay my college an extra $1000 because there is a $20 charge every time you get locked out of your room, and I have an extremely poor short-term memory. I'm also only allowed to have exactly one keycard at any given time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1087

You deserved it

2939

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, on my way home from work, I decided to bring my pregnant wife a bouquet of roses to surprise her. Her response? "Why didn't you get me something useful, like chicken wings, instead?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

46314

You deserved it

10766

Favorite

By alek - United States

Today, I was the waiter for my family at the village inn. This wasn't so bad until I found out they left me no tip, only a napkin that said, "Get a haircut." FML

I agree, your life sucks

27682

You deserved it

3615

Favorite

By KalaKa - United States

Today, I sent my girlfriend a long-overdue message telling her I feel like she doesn't really care about me any more, that it seems like she only ever calls me when she needs money, and that I'm even starting to suspect she may be cheating on me. 14 hours later, she replied: "TL;DR". FML

I agree, your life sucks

31846

You deserved it

3763

Favorite

By Annie - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was lying on a couch, reading, when I noticed a spindly leg poking round the corner of my book. Upon realising it was a spider, I calmly and rationally threw my book across the room, breaking the TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21721

You deserved it

9186

Favorite

By LaurenLehmmman - United States

Today, I was singing while lying upside down chewing gum. My dad was trying to focus on the current football game and hushed me. I yelled, "No!" resulting in my gum becoming lodged in my windpipe. I shut up after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7260

You deserved it

52013

Favorite

By screwthewilderness - United States

Today, I visited my vacation cabin. I've been planning to sell it, and it was in perfect condition when I last visited about 6 months ago. I walked in the door to find the floor covered in muddy pawprints and bloody remainders of meals. It appears some bears moved in during my absence. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30856

You deserved it

3617

Favorite

By kentrm - United States - Atlanta

Today, I was sitting down in the hallway at school. As I tried to get up, I lost my balance and fell against a hand sanitizer dispenser. It then continued to squirt sanitizer all over the back of my shirt, drenching the whole left side. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10927

You deserved it

1365

Favorite

By balloonface - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I finally treated myself and bought my first moisturizer. The woman at Sephora promised it would "retexturize my face." If by "retexturize" she meant, "make it feel like a rubber balloon," then she was right on the money. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19714

You deserved it

2288

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Grand Junction

Today, I had to take my little brother to the pool. He acted like a brat the whole time, and when I told him we were leaving, he ran away, slipped, and hit his face on the tile floor. He told my dad and step-mom I punched him. They believed him, and I'm grounded for two months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32428

You deserved it

2005

Favorite

By hairy - United States

Today, I told my boss I was bored of being a cashier and would rather go to food prep. He told me I couldn't because my arms were too hairy. I'm a sixteen year old girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50789

You deserved it

6293

Favorite

By sicky - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I learned that I have a sinus infection, ear infection and bronchitis so bad it was on the verge of pneumonia. My work won't let me call in sick. I work with kids. Lovely. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22274

You deserved it

1373

Favorite

By Anonymous - 29/7/2020 05:01

Helping hand

Today, my granny has been constipated for the past two days. She is too weak to get out of bed, so I ended up trying to dig the poop out of her butthole with a spoon. Yay me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1625

You deserved it

254

Favorite

By anon - United States - Arverne

Today, I got pulled over by the cops for swerving a lot while driving. I tried to explain that my dog bit the back of my neck, but as soon as I opened my door to show him the bite marks and the dog, it ran out of the car. I still can't find him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15307

You deserved it

2063

Favorite

By Pho_Rheal - United States

Today, I got a phone call for a interview at Target at 4:30 pm. I got super excited, so I got dressed up and headed over there. I tell the manager that I am there for my interview. He doesn't know what I'm talking about. My friends had prank called me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40740

You deserved it

3482

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be amusing to sneak into my room and jump me in my bed. Too bad that when she jumped, one of her knees landed on my crotch. I haven't been able to walk properly since this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27553

You deserved it

3075

Favorite

By cstokes - United States

Today, at work, I was supposed to have an easy two-hour shift, after which I was planning on attending a party that had been arranged to celebrate my graduation. Nearly six hours later, I am just getting home after being super busy and shorthanded at work for hours. I missed my own party. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34180

You deserved it

3413

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Aethren | 0

#106263 - Monday 13 April 2009 1:59

maybe you should have texted her instead

By ptrek85 | 0

#106289 - Monday 13 April 2009 2:02

I really hope you didn't try to propose again.

COMMENTS

By Aethren | 0

#106263 - Monday 13 April 2009 1:59

maybe you should have texted her instead

griddy24 | 17

#7812169 - Friday 14 June 2019 17:30

😂

By LackOfControl | 0

#106268 - Monday 13 April 2009 1:59

Sucks to be you.

LoadFasterPage | 0

#1342331 - Friday 3 September 2010 8:32

Psst Nice Bucket :)

michelleJ11 | 25

#5620590 - Saturday 10 August 2013 1:13

There is a button for that #2 ...

By shannanigans | 0

#106278 - Monday 13 April 2009 2:01

ouch, well what was her answer?

rebellionwars | 11

#5645382 - Tuesday 27 August 2013 1:51

Are you dumb? Why continue with a marriage when she was rude and answered a text instead.

By ptrek85 | 0

#106289 - Monday 13 April 2009 2:02

I really hope you didn't try to propose again.

By SSC_fml | 0

#106296 - Monday 13 April 2009 2:03

Ouch, =[ That sucks..

By aerials_fml | 0

#106302 - Monday 13 April 2009 2:04

I'm wondering the same thing as #4. I hope you didn't propose again. She doesn't seem to be worth it.

By leggomyeggo | 0

#106308 - Monday 13 April 2009 2:05

what did she say after she sent the text message?

By chanceuse_fml | 0

#106313 - Monday 13 April 2009 2:05

Hopefully you didn't bother finishing that question...

By Cormophyte | 0

#106325 - Monday 13 April 2009 2:07

I came in here to say what #8 said. Do yourself a favor, don't try a second time. She was either giving you a hint or she doesn't respect you.

By UnCensoredBitch | 0

#106327 - Monday 13 April 2009 2:07

If that's how she treats you while you are asking her to marry you then how do you think you will be treated when you are married? Maybe you just got a glimpse of your future.