Love: A like is a like, dude

A like is a like, dude

By Anonymous - 04/06/2017 12:00

Today, the girl I have a huge crush on only likes my Instagram posts if it's a post about food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 258

You deserved it 542

Love

Good kid

This Charming Man

The smell detective is on the case

Creepy

By Dummy - 10/11/2009 05:47 - United States

Today, I saw an adorable girl at the bar and I went to talk to her. I decided to use my cheesiest pick up line to make her laugh. After I said it, she knew who I was. It was my cousin I hadn't seen in 8 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 569

You deserved it 16 004

10/09/2012 12:48 - United States

Today, while trying to change my visiting cousin's opinion about our state being "redneck and white trash", we stumbled upon a proposal/celebration in a Walmart. So much for changing her opinion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 845

You deserved it 3 964

Ever Given

By Anonymous - 31/03/2021 20:00 - United States - Elverson

Today, I had to poop, but as I sat down, it wouldn't come out. After about 10 minutes I realized I needed help. The only help I could get was my mother, who couldn't stop laughing at the sweat and faces I made. I still hurt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 783

You deserved it 255

13/09/2009 15:57 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with my best friend. I have been getting explicit texts and phone calls so I just joking said to my friend, "I think someone wrote my number on a bathroom stall." At which point he said, "Sorry, I didn't think people really called those numbers." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 133

You deserved it 3 526

14/02/2012 14:14 - United States

Today, after 22 years of perfect skin, I woke up with a bunch of angry zits on my nose. I used a clay face mask that was supposed to dry them out. Instead, they were bigger and green. Today is Valentine's day, I finally have a guy to go out with, and my nose looks like it's rotting off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 760

You deserved it 5 545

09/03/2011 18:19 - United States

Today, I was walking with my crush, and I told him how I felt. As soon as I turned to him, a bird shit on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 875

You deserved it 4 813

12/03/2009 18:57 - France

Today, the really hot guy that works in the same building as me came to work after being away for the past two days. I said "Look who finally decided to come to work." His response: "I had a death in the family, thanks." FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 599

You deserved it 27 265

01/05/2013 02:50 - United States - Ellington

Today, after being nearly homeless and couch-hopping for the last few months, I finally signed a 1-year lease. When I got home, I was surprised to see a picture of my new complex on the front page of the newspaper. It turns out that they are fighting a serious bedbug infestation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 192

You deserved it 3 793

30/01/2009 14:07 - United States

Today, I was riding in a carpool when we passed a church that has a shady reputation. I said "man, all those people are being brainwashed, it's a cult". The lady sitting in the back seat behind me says "I'm a member of that church". OOPS. Silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 258

You deserved it 28 536

15/10/2013 21:43 - United States - Vashon

Today, my grandmother called me in a fit of panic because her new neighbors are black. So is my fiancé, whom she is supposed to meet tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 682

You deserved it 5 155

Shackled

By Merserve - 09/07/2020 02:00

Today, I went over to confront my parents about how my siblings always get to visit and all I do when I’m over is work on their house or take care of grandma. My mom was very upset. Then she snuck out with my sister, leaving me to take care of grandma until she got back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 690

You deserved it 125

02/06/2014 14:00 - United States

Today, I got married. My father saw this as a good time to give some solemn, heartfelt advice to my new husband: "That ring gets real heavy fast." I was standing right there. So was my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 786

You deserved it 4 683

25/09/2015 21:04 - United States - Stony Brook

Today, I was peeing at a urinal, when the man next to me finished up and shook his penis. I got splashed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 468

You deserved it 1 739

28/09/2009 21:21 - United States

Today, I told my son and daughter that their father and I were getting a divorce. They each responded with "YAY! I want to live with daddy! He buys better presents." Their father has literally never bought anything for them, the exact reason I'm divorcing him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 812

You deserved it 8 690

24/01/2017 08:00

Today, while brushing my teeth I noticed a hair in the sink. Running the scenario over in my mind, I was going to simultaneously spit into the sink and throw the hair on the floor. Creating a big ball of phlegm, I threw the hair back into the sink and launched a huge mouthful onto the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 028

You deserved it 2 885

20/06/2019 22:05

Today, I told my boyfriend that eventually I want to get my ears pinned back because I think that they stick out too much. I pulled my hair back to show him, and he said, "Yeah, they're different sizes too, and the left one sticks out more than the right one." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 543

You deserved it 507

05/08/2009 05:25 - United States

Today, a friend and I drove all the way from Texas to a small town in Colorado to spend an entire uninterrupted night together. Not only did he forget to bring condoms but everything was closed by the time we got into town. We ended up playing cards on the bed instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 383

You deserved it 45 798

09/05/2012 11:03 - United States - Portland

Today, I switched cell phone service providers, hoping to upgrade. After working out the details and picking a phone in the store, I got home to find my brand new cell can't get a signal in my house. I already signed the two year contract. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 432

You deserved it 6 066

Force of habit, or just mean?

By leogs23 - 02/03/2021 20:01

Today, my fiancée’s siblings kept calling me by her ex-boyfriend’s name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 859

You deserved it 56

Ultimately

By "penne_pasta580802" - 23/01/2020 14:00

Today, I decided to take my car to work as I had some errands to do after. I only live a few blocks away. After driving round to find a car park for ages, the closest car park available was outside my house. I ended up walking to work instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 802

You deserved it 560

07/05/2009 04:29 - Korea Republic of

Today, I picked up my passport, as my previous one was damaged in a car crash. As the teller warns me that a pattern of damaged passports will result in longer processing periods, she spills her coffee - all over my new passport. I'm supposed to go overseas in a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 088

You deserved it 2 359

14/03/2009 18:25 - United States

Today, My girlfriend who I've been dating for over a year was going to Florida for a short trip with a few friends without me since I couldn't get work off. She asked me to put her iPod in her bag for her as she was almost ready to walk out the door. Thats when I saw she packed 10 condoms with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 115 812

You deserved it 6 290

25/11/2014 02:17 - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, I finally noticed how lonely I am when I realized I was petting my couch while reading a book. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 672

You deserved it 3 818

08/08/2017 13:00

Today, my boyfriend forgot to pick me up from work. We work at the same place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 022

You deserved it 381

24/05/2019 04:00

Today, I was giving my boyfriend oral, and he got so into it that he grabbed my hair. Just as he was about to climax, he pulled my hair so hard that my extensions came out. I jerked back and hit my head on the wall behind me. He then came in my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 217

You deserved it 520

10/03/2011 13:17

Today, I was painting my mom's house, which so far had taken 12 hours over two days. All of a sudden there was a wind storm. All of the leaves stuck to the wet paint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 854

You deserved it 4 150

Phished

By Anonymous - 28/04/2020 02:00

Today, I found out that I'm completely and utterly head over heels in love with a man who, as it turns out, doesn't actually exist. Thank you, the internet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 363

You deserved it 624

11/02/2015 04:58 - United States - Bellevue

Today, my caring way too much about proper grammar got out of hand when I corrected my girlfriend during a talk about her dying grandmother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 314

You deserved it 37 979

25/03/2013 21:53 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, during a sex ed lesson, we were given a lecture on pregnancy and abortion from the school nurse. Throughout the session she kept repeating, "Of course, Sophie knows ALL about this." The nurse happens to know that my dad's a gynaecologist. That's not what everyone else in the year thinks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 607

You deserved it 2 856

19/06/2012 16:08 - United States

Today, a police officer came to talk to the kids at my workplace. He asked what they wanted to hear about first. A group of them shouted, "The donuts, tells us about the donuts." Apparently these idiots are the future of my country. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 898

You deserved it 5 091

Kids

By really? - 28/09/2020 14:02 - United States

Today, I noticed my daughter’s sullen mood and asked if there was anything I could do to help. With tears in her eyes, she snapped, “Yeah, you can go back in time and keep that appointment you’d made at planned parenthood!” I never had such an appointment and her older brother is a mean asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 422

You deserved it 123

TMI

By Anonymous - 21/05/2020 05:00

Today, I was trying to teach my Aunt and Gran to use Google drive to share and upload pictures, when I scrolled past an image of my… yep. I didn't have a mirror when the pic was taken and I was concerned about a sore. Now they just think I'm a whore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 278

You deserved it 491

27/02/2009 23:15 - United States

Today, I was recorded a video for my friend on her wall, I forgot to click "stop recording" and got undressed for a shower. When I got out of the shower I noticed I hadn't posted it. A few minutes later I started getting a lot of notifications. Everyone was commenting on my nude video. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 177

You deserved it 51 757

Starfish

By WhyBother - 21/02/2021 05:02

Today, while having sex with my husband, I was tired so a lot more of a starfish than I usually am. My husband came sooner and harder than he ever had, and declared it the best sex we've had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 971

You deserved it 280

16/07/2019 18:30

Today, I found out my boss hired literally the only person in this town who is an ex-boyfriend. I also work with my current boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 557

You deserved it 197

13/06/2013 16:19 - Australia - Caulfield North

Today, my boyfriend dumped me, accusing me of lying to him about "being a hermaphrodite". His almost total lack of knowledge about female anatomy led him to believe that my clitoris is actually an extremely tiny penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 135

You deserved it 6 038

18/06/2019 01:08

Today, after sending and receiving hundreds of hints, I mustered up the courage to ask my best friend out. He completely ignored my words, and went on to tell me all about his mother's intestinal bug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 741

You deserved it 189

26/02/2011 21:36 - United States

Today, while waiting in line for the ski lift, the lady behind me kept stepping on my skis. Annoyed, I turned around and shouted at her "Get the f*ck off my skis!" Just as the last word escaped my mouth, I noticed that my skis were crossed and it was actually me stepping on them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 924

You deserved it 63 615

06/02/2017 05:00 - United States - Houston

Today, after many attempts at getting my girlfriend to ride the bus to see me rather than taking Uber, she finally did. She ended up meeting a man who convinced her that she should break up with me. She listened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 242

You deserved it 1 576

29/12/2011 05:53 - United States

Today, I discovered that I have to share a room with my new stepbrother. I also discovered that he takes the same number of showers over the course of two weeks as I do in a single day: one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 071

You deserved it 2 243

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Top comments

rattyrayvn 21

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Sunday 4 June 2017 12:47

Offer to cook her something nice!

Lobby_Bee 17

Send a private message

Sunday 4 June 2017 12:05

Now all you got to do is to marinate yourself with food and you'll be irresistible to her. Win!

Lobby_Bee 17

Send a private message

Sunday 4 June 2017 12:05

Now all you got to do is to marinate yourself with food and you'll be irresistible to her. Win!

rattyrayvn 21

Send a private message

Sunday 4 June 2017 12:47

Offer to cook her something nice!

Justine Malang 16

Sunday 4 June 2017 14:04

Well that's a given! Take her out and cook for her!

RichardPencil 30

Send a private message

Sunday 4 June 2017 15:10

Start posting lots of pictures of sausages to subliminally seduce her.

Dave_Davington 33

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Sunday 4 June 2017 15:28

Show up at her house wearing nothing but whipped cream on your nipples and a corn tortilla wrapped around your raging boner.

Oludewa Arenyeka 4

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Sunday 4 June 2017 21:20

Lol dude, tell her there's more to you than food! Lmao

Annesauce 5

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Monday 5 June 2017 1:00

Then learn to cook and offer to make her dinner

Annesauce 5

Send a private message

Monday 5 June 2017 1:00

Then learn to cook and offer to make her dinner

Charlotte Ballard 3

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Monday 5 June 2017 21:14

How fat is she?

tolkien897 15

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Sunday 18 June 2017 6:44

I like food, too, so I understand. but it's just instagram, man.

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 115

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend came out as a polyamorous, and then immediately asked me if he could date another guy I thought was my friend. I’m such a pushover, I said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 100

You deserved it 329

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 600

You deserved it 69

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