By Anonymous

A like is a like, dude

Today, the girl I have a huge crush on only likes my Instagram posts if it's a post about food. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3245

You deserved it

536

Favorite

Love

Instadrama

Sorry…

OK sweaty, time for a bath

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I tried to get over my childhood phobia of syringes by donating blood. The phlebotomist hadn't even touched the needle before I started sobbing hysterically. They made me leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24541

You deserved it

13724

Favorite

By lovewedge - United States

Today, I was so drunk that my friends put me to bed during a party. Later I find out that while I was passed out two of my friends came in and had sex while I was in the same bed. They tried to use me as a prop. Now my friends call me the love wedge. FML

I agree, your life sucks

72867

You deserved it

23477

Favorite

By MBG - Australia

Today, I had the closing shift at work in a cafe and there was a man and lady left. I made them coffee and started to close up. When the lady finished her coffee she grabbed my arm and said 'I think that man is masturbating' and leaves in a hurry. I had to wait for him to finish before closing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

65390

You deserved it

4295

Favorite

By loling - United Kingdom

Today, I found out a guy I had a thing with a while back thinks I am obsessed with him. This is because when he said that we should be friends, I stupidly thought he was being sincere and bothered to call him all of three times in the last five months. Clearly a sign of obsession. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30200

You deserved it

3832

Favorite

By Michelle Jade

#worthit

Today, I'm lying in a hospital bed with two broken leg bones, a reattached tendon, and four screws holding my leg together. Why? Because I wanted chocolate milk and some asshat didn't see me walking across the road. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2888

You deserved it

495

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Papillion

Today, I accidentally sent a nude to my 10-year-old brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2474

You deserved it

7163

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Amelia

Today, my brother thought New Year's would be more epic and memorable if the fireworks were set off in the family room and not outside. It is memorable. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41218

You deserved it

3585

Favorite

By pleasedontyellatme

Today, my parents finally took me driving after months of me having my permit. I got yelled at for asking questions. I only needed to know which way they wanted me to turn on the next street after they told me to turn, but not which way. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10971

You deserved it

711

Favorite

By halliemarie1818 - United States

Today, at work at a farm, we got a new calf. It looked like it had to poop, but was having difficulty. About four hours later it still hadn't pooped. Turns out it was born without an actual butthole. It was there, just sealed up by skin. I literally had to cut this poor calf a new butthole. FML

I agree, your life sucks

88355

You deserved it

4653

Favorite

By Windstar - Canada

Today, my daughter ran up to a librarian working in the kids section and screamed "MOMMY!" and hugged her. She looked at her and said "I'm not your mommy." My daughters reply: "I know. But you're better than mommy" FML

I agree, your life sucks

79698

You deserved it

7930

Favorite

By Bones

Today, on my way to work, I realized that I took my Viagra instead of my blood pressure medication. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3285

You deserved it

1274

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Rockwall

User notice

Today, I had to slowly explain to my brother that spooning has nothing to do with using a spoon to clean out a woman's vagina after sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38380

You deserved it

3095

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Hemel Hempstead

Today, I was talking to my future mother-in-law about my upcoming wedding. She told me that I wasn't allowed to have the wedding at a church, nor wear a white dress, nor have roses for flowers, because that would mean I'd be "copying" her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32595

You deserved it

1847

Favorite

By Anonymous - 26/12/2020 22:58 - Germany

Woodland mystery

Today, walking in the woods, I heard someone screaming like crazy. First I thought it might be a hurt animal, but then I heard syllables in the screams. When I yelled, “What’s going on there?!” there was only silence. It was so creepy, I’m too scared to walk my dogs there now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

775

You deserved it

109

Favorite

By again? - United States - Olympia

Today, while making love to my boyfriend, I noticed that instead of looking at me, he was admiring himself in the mirror. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21271

You deserved it

2472

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Richmond

Today, while going down on my girlfriend, she stopped moaning and told me to stop because she couldn't fake it anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58354

You deserved it

16689

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia - Brisbane

Double standards

Today, my bus got held up in traffic, so I arrived home about 15 minutes late. My mum bitched me out, accused me of sleeping around, and grounded me. All this while my brother raged at his video game in the other room, screaming stuff such as "EAT SHIT, YOU CUNTS!" with total impunity. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37478

You deserved it

2654

Favorite

By Speedy - United Kingdom

Today, I took my driving test for the first time. The instructor stopped it after less than ten minutes, and insisted she drive back to the test centre "in the interest of public safety." FML

I agree, your life sucks

13604

You deserved it

40933

Favorite

By Username - United States

Today, my best friend came over for dinner and a movie. Moments after arriving, she spent an hour on the phone, and ended up accepting another invitation before leaving. I guess it's dinner for one tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29166

You deserved it

2596

Favorite

By Karaline45

Today, I bought a new car. Twenty-five minutes into driving it home, I hit a deer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2554

You deserved it

345

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Buffalo

Today, my son asked me if slavery was ever abolished. He's 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46781

You deserved it

7375

Favorite

By alex - United States

Today, I tried to make a rocket, using Diet Coke and Mentos. It worked pretty well, as both the kitchen window and my chipped tooth can testify. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8736

You deserved it

34093

Favorite

By I'maboutobarf - Australia

Today, my mum got a new blender. Dinner was roast beef, broccoli, cauliflower, pumpkin, potatoes and water. In a cup. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40136

You deserved it

2768

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Westerose

Today, our family cat died. I had to explain this to my 2 small children, who had no experience with death. I ended up bawling like a baby while they consoled me, telling me she had, "gone to a better place". FML

I agree, your life sucks

6987

You deserved it

1152

Favorite

By Xav_Cad - France

Today, I found a deodorant spray underneath the counter of the snack place I work in, so give it a try to see what it smells like. It's currently the high season, and so I have quite a few clients standing in line in front of me, but it seems they'll now have to wait a couple of days for the restaurant to have all the remnants of the CS gas spray cleaned up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7054

You deserved it

23040

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I'm going cold turkey with my drinking and smoking habits. I'm so irritable, I seriously considered running down an old lady who was taking her damn sweet time crossing the road, then shooting the guy in the car behind me for honking at me like I was holding everyone up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17531

You deserved it

3599

Favorite

By knickedleg - France

Today, I was using Veet instead of shaving, so that the razor wouldn't cut up my legs. I cut myself with the plastic utensil that you're supposed to use to remove the Veet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17356

You deserved it

25130

Favorite

By dj163 - Australia

Today, my (now former) best friend kicked me out of the band I started because I wasn't 'dedicated enough' after a 3 day 'holiday' to visit my dying uncle. He also during this 3 day 'holiday' convinced my girl friend to leave me and date him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59843

You deserved it

3429

Favorite

By chichi - United States

Today, I went to Subway to grab some lunch. As I was paying, the cashier gave me a tip. He told me of a great acne medication that would do wonders. Thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29919

You deserved it

3453

Favorite

By Indianagirl94 - United States

Today, I was woken up by my husband attempting to breastfeed off my lactating nipples. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27503

You deserved it

3335

Favorite

By Nutty

Today, my girlfriend refused to have sex with me, because my underwear are Fruit of the Loom instead of Hanes. According to her, since all real men wear Hanes, I'm unfit to have sex with her because I wear Fruit of the Loom and am therefore not a man. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2552

You deserved it

392

Favorite

By amber - United States - Saint Paul

Today, my boyfriend gave me acne cream for my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30639

You deserved it

4750

Favorite

By mrjude

Whiner!

Today, my boss yelled at me, telling me that I can't answer the phone anymore. Not because I do a bad job, but because a co-worker whined about it being her job. People call her and complain about how rude she is and then ask to talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1656

You deserved it

Favorite

By "catty_13"

Today, thanks to my estranged husband, I had three seizures at work. I came home yesterday to find that my seizure medications were completely gone. He'd flushed them down the toilet because he thinks I'm psychotic and "read on the internet" that it's because of the meds. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4002

You deserved it

254

Favorite

By theboywithlonghair - United States

Today, I decided to go get my hair cut because it was getting a bit long. I told the lady that I wanted it way short and she replied "Why? You will look like a guy sweetie." I am a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45888

You deserved it

6881

Favorite

By DUFF - United States - Harrisburg

Today, I found out I wasn't invited to my neighbor's funeral, with whom I had been good friends with for a long time. When I asked her husband why, he said, "We have a small amount of money and can't afford for you to eat all of the refreshments." FML

I agree, your life sucks

26273

You deserved it

3426

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was diagnosed with depression. My girlfriend's idea of consoling me was to break up with me because she can't date a "psycho". FML

I agree, your life sucks

27672

You deserved it

2172

Favorite

By Anonymous - 28/4/2020 17:00

The student becomes the master

Today, I threatened my kids I’d turn off their WiFi unless they did their chores, so my eldest chimed in, "Please, we changed the WiFi password months ago in case you tried to threaten us like this," then turned off my WiFi, which I need to work from home. I had to beg a 12-year-old to let me work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1734

You deserved it

2162

Favorite

By britt93

Ol' Blue Eyes

Today, I learned that if you sing along with an old Frank Sinatra song, the elderly who hear you will want to talk to you about things you have no idea about, for a very long time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1175

You deserved it

368

Favorite

By BaldingQuick - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. This was after I saved several paychecks to afford to give her a weekend away for her birthday. Why did she end things so quick? Because apparently I'm balding faster than her Dad. I'm 20. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32477

You deserved it

2634

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By rattyrayvn | 21

#7465181 - Sunday 4 June 2017 12:47

Offer to cook her something nice!

By Lobby_Bee | 17

#7465163 - Sunday 4 June 2017 12:05

Now all you got to do is to marinate yourself with food and you'll be irresistible to her. Win!

COMMENTS

By Lobby_Bee | 17

#7465163 - Sunday 4 June 2017 12:05

Now all you got to do is to marinate yourself with food and you'll be irresistible to her. Win!

By rattyrayvn | 21

#7465181 - Sunday 4 June 2017 12:47

Offer to cook her something nice!

By Justine Malang | 16

#7465197 - Sunday 4 June 2017 14:04

Well that's a given! Take her out and cook for her!

By RichardPencil | 29

#7465230 - Sunday 4 June 2017 15:10

Start posting lots of pictures of sausages to subliminally seduce her.

By Dave_Davington | 33

#7465232 - Sunday 4 June 2017 15:28

Show up at her house wearing nothing but whipped cream on your nipples and a corn tortilla wrapped around your raging boner.

By Oludewa Arenyeka | 4

#7465356 - Sunday 4 June 2017 21:20

Lol dude, tell her there's more to you than food! Lmao

By Annesauce | 5

#7465445 - Monday 5 June 2017 1:00

Then learn to cook and offer to make her dinner

By Annesauce | 5

#7465446 - Monday 5 June 2017 1:00

Then learn to cook and offer to make her dinner

By Charlotte Ballard | 3

#7465797 - Monday 5 June 2017 21:14

How fat is she?

By tolkien897 | 15

#7472369 - Sunday 18 June 2017 6:44

I like food, too, so I understand. but it's just instagram, man.