Today, I was eating at Steak N' Shake. I noticed that the cute... - FML

By Raw95 - 15/3/2009 04:20 - United States

Today, I was eating at Steak N' Shake. I noticed that the cute waitress was checking me out. When I was done with my meal she wrote her number on the ticket. So, as I was walking out the door, I turned around to wave at her, and walked into a metal bar next to the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52756

You deserved it

24486

Tweet

Share

Fear factor

Whatthefuckaburger

Vultures

By tp2014 - 19/12/2013 13:12 - United States - Jesup

Today, I was looking for a job. I was so desperate for gas money to drive around town that I had to steal $20 from my sister. She's only 10 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40471

You deserved it

23024

Tweet

Share

By Raw - 25/1/2017 14:00

Today, I shoveled snow at work. I had to because my co-workers refused to "get sick." I told my co-workers if anyone needs me, just tell them I'm shoveling snow. Our boss asked for me and they said that I left without punching. This also happened when I went out to water the flowers in the summer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3073

You deserved it

333

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 22/5/2009 18:39 - United States

Today, my company filed for bankruptcy, but the reorganize kind where it still functions. There are no funds to give out paychecks any time soon. They won't fire me. If I voluntarily quit, I cannot file for unemployment. I'm now an unpaid intern. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57811

You deserved it

2951

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 27/11/2012 05:06 - United States - Appleton

Today, my step-mom restarted the computer because she thought she'd downloaded a virus that stopped her from being able to click on anything, erasing my 7-page paper in the process. It turns out it was just the batteries dying in our wireless mouse. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27468

You deserved it

13341

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 25/12/2010 06:20 - United States

Today, while socializing after a church service, I discovered I'm still referred to as "Fireshit's brother", after an incident a year ago which involved my sister screaming "the devil is coming out of my anus!" from the lavatory. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34812

You deserved it

3606

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 27/6/2020 20:04

More proof the system is broken

Today, my younger sister, who lives at home and worked 1 day a week at the gym, got her unemployment card. I work at a hospital, on the frontlines, with COVID-19 patients. I don't get hazard pay. She now makes more than me in a week by sitting at home watching Netflix, while I risk my life every day to help people. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2000

You deserved it

153

Tweet

Share

By mrosewrosem - 12/12/2018 05:00

Today, I woke up with a swollen face and have been diagnosed with mumps. Despite having been vaccinated against it. Twice. I have three assignments due next week and I can barely stay awake long enough to type this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2558

You deserved it

160

Tweet

Share

By Metallurge - 13/3/2015 03:02 - United Kingdom - Belfast

Today, I was so hungry when I finished work that I grabbed some chips to eat on the bus home. The guy who sat next to me spat in them as he left to get off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33000

You deserved it

3013

Tweet

Share

By love and tolerape, apparently - 1/3/2015 19:24 - India - Jamshedpur

Today, after a 7 year dry spell, I finally got laid. The downside? It was in my dreams and involved a character from My Little Pony forcing itself on me. Now I hate that fucking stupid show more than ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36825

You deserved it

8290

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 18/5/2020 05:00

Water, water, everywhere

Today, I learned that taking a shower right before your house starts flooding is the human equivalent to washing your car right before it starts raining. Only much worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1339

You deserved it

127

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 31/10/2019 02:00

It's a doggy dog world

Today, I was bathing my dog at a self-serve dog wash at a pet store. The person next to me decided to express his dog's anal glands, and the vile, greasy, fish-smelling liquid hit me on the side of my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2146

You deserved it

134

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 9/2/2011 05:19 - Australia

Today, I finally found out whether or not my boyfriend is cheating on me. Turns out he isn't. He is cheating on his wife, with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51969

You deserved it

6408

Tweet

Share

By sarahwittman - 13/6/2011 22:29 - United States

Today, my aunt and I went shopping. When we got to the store, she said she forgot her wallet, and I told her I would buy some things for her. When we were at the checkout, I was a dollar short. She said, "Oh, I'll get it!" and pulled out her wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50188

You deserved it

4877

Tweet

Share

By conbon123 - 29/4/2013 07:20 - United States - Beaverton

Today, my dog became scared of his own food bowl. He now barks for ages every time he sees it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40986

You deserved it

3426

Tweet

Share

By klutz44 - 16/4/2015 18:36 - United States - Winnetka

Today, I took my 2 year old to the potty in a public restroom. I was just about to set her on the toilet when the automatic flush went off, scaring her and causing her to pee all over both of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33580

You deserved it

2900

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 24/9/2018 05:00

Today, getting home from a long day at work, I checked the mail and saw 3 envelopes from the IRS. Apparently I now owe over $4,000. I only have $2 in my bank account. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2498

You deserved it

380

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 30/11/2014 13:07 - United States - Watchung

Today, my wife was giving me a blowjob when I foolishly asked her how she got so good at giving them. She looked straight into my eyes and replied, "Practising on about six guys before you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

37488

You deserved it

22244

Tweet

Share

By booste - 18/10/2009 04:06 - Canada

Today, I was written up because my manager heard me insulting a customer. How did I insult her? I called her grandma. Who did I say this to? My grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45574

You deserved it

2246

Tweet

Share

By Raw95 - 15/3/2009 04:20 - United States

Today, I was eating at Steak N' Shake. I noticed that the cute waitress was checking me out. When I was done with my meal she wrote her number on the ticket. So, as I was walking out the door, I turned around to wave at her, and walked into a metal bar next to the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52756

You deserved it

24486

Tweet

Share

By thelistman - 13/11/2009 19:04 - United States

Today, my girlfriend made me shave my chest. Afterwards, she said I looked like I was 12. She won't have sex with me until it grows back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28198

You deserved it

5107

Tweet

Share

By Nile - 8/12/2015 17:21 - Netherlands - Amsterdam

Today, I asked my girlfriend to marry me. She said no because she doesn't want to be tied down for the rest of her life. We already have 3 children, a mortgage, and joint bank accounts. How much more tied down could we possibly get? FML

I agree, your life sucks

30724

You deserved it

2809

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 14/12/2014 11:55 - Australia

Today, it's been months since I dropped out of college to escape constantly being bullied and being miserable. Ever since then, I've been having recurring nightmares with the same people bullying me, after which I wake up crying and feeling miserable. My brain is a douchebag. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36473

You deserved it

4844

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 29/12/2016 00:00 - United States - Granger

Today, I got together a surprise party for my mom's birthday. I invited all her friends and her douchebag boyfriend who I don't get along with. When my mom got home, he took credit and got her friends to back him up with bribing. My mom said I'm selfish and horrible for not trying for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25084

You deserved it

1513

Tweet

Share

By 404 justice not found - 21/4/2016 19:15 - United States - Whitehall

Today, I've suffered 3 months of my neighbor blasting his music so loud, it shakes my apartment floor. None of my noise complaints are ever followed up, but the moment I give him a piece of my mind, he calls the cops and they threaten me with jail time over a few curse words. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20139

You deserved it

1489

Tweet

Share

By oohrahgal - 14/2/2019 16:32 - United States - Clementon

Today, my boyfriend graduated from boot camp. After the ceremony, I rushed over and tried to jump into his arms. This would have been romantic if he was expecting it. Instead, he fell over and we crashed onto the floor in front of everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10081

You deserved it

29794

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 23/1/2015 14:58 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was rushed to the hospital with anal tearing. We've never tried anal before, but it turns out she and my "best friend" sure have. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46955

You deserved it

3047

Tweet

Share

By Sydney - 15/1/2013 23:16 - United States - Houston

Today, I told my mom we get Monday off due to Martin Luther King Jr. day. She then insisted that I had to go to school because that is "only for black people." FML

I agree, your life sucks

41953

You deserved it

2965

Tweet

Share

By The Corner Of Death - 12/8/2013 08:17 - United States - Spring

Today, my dog died. In the same kitchen corner that two of my other dogs have died. I have a "Corner Of Death" in my kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

634

You deserved it

40

Tweet

Share

By Lisa - 19/8/2018 23:30

Forever Alone

Today, at my younger sister's wedding, my hospitalised grandmother called to ask if I have a boyfriend yet, both my parents wondered if I'll ever get married, and when the 13-year-old next to me caught the bouquet, his father yelled from the back to give it to me instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2781

You deserved it

198

Tweet

Share

By WartCream - 18/8/2013 00:27 - United States - Olathe

Today, I was watching TV with my boyfriend, when a weird wart-removal ad came on. He watched in disgust as the lady's wart said rude things to her. Then he looked at me and said seriously, "I'm glad yours don't talk..." FML

I agree, your life sucks

44529

You deserved it

4814

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 25/3/2011 19:25 - United States

Today, to celebrate my older sister's 21st birthday, my parents forced me to take the night off work so we could all go to the casino. Not only is this coming out of my vacation, I wasn't old enough to enter the casino, so I had to sit in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40494

You deserved it

4400

Tweet

Share

By Ribbed for Her Disaster - 4/4/2013 16:04 - United Kingdom - Orpington

Today, I was trying out my first vibrator. Soon enough, my 12-year-old sister opened my door, walked in, and saw me naked from the waist down. She laughed, called me a virgin, and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58258

You deserved it

19357

Tweet

Share

By Anon - 5/12/2009 14:19 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try cybersex, because we rarely see each other these days. We only used text. Halfway through, I noticed that she started being more demanding. As it turns out, my girlfriend had left the room and her older brother had walked in and taken over. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15087

You deserved it

17124

Tweet

Share

By Y_Y - 27/2/2015 20:20 - United States

Today, I saw my grandma had registered on Facebook, so I wrote a welcome post on her wall. She replied "Delete." several times, then called me, accusing me of "hacking" her and demanding that I remove my name from her page at once. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32544

You deserved it

2882

Tweet

Share

By Stinkycar - 5/6/2017 12:00

Today, it was an unusually hot day and I saw one of my friends walking down the street carrying a large bag. I stopped and asked if he needed a ride. When he got in, I noticed a horrible stench. He then told me he'd just been dumpster diving. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3535

You deserved it

501

Tweet

Share

By LifeSucks - 29/10/2008 11:57 - Canada

Today, as I was taking my three year old daughter home from daycare, she asked where her daddy was. I tried to tell her that I was her father, but she answered, "No, not you! My other daddy!" I've got some talking to do tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

66416

You deserved it

3933

Tweet

Share

By Not Worth a Lunch - 2/2/2015 14:25 - United States - Durham

Today, my boss told me they were letting me go because they "could no longer afford to pay me." Never mind the catered lunch they had the day before, which cost more than a week's worth of my salary. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34444

You deserved it

2485

Tweet

Share

By DFR - 9/6/2010 13:05 - United States

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me in a really really romantic way. After we called our parents to tell them the news, he turned to me and said, "Hey, I hope you know this doesn't mean you can start getting lazy with your blowjobs." FML

I agree, your life sucks

41480

You deserved it

23630

Tweet

Share

By ForeverAlone - 3/2/2018 15:00

Today, I asked my crush if she wanted to see a movie with me. She said no because she already saw it. The movie is coming out next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4727

You deserved it

342

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 19/1/2017 08:28

Salad days

Today, I saw a customer open a bottle of salad dressing, taste it, then put it back on the shelf. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8486

You deserved it

748

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Emika_fml | 0

#32646 - Sunday 15 March 2009 12:42

Now surely she'll remember YOU, and not the twelve other men she's given out her number to.

No, seriously, this'll be a great story to tell your grandkids.

By metalyoshi9 | 0

#32648 - Sunday 15 March 2009 12:43

I see this as more of a positive event than a negative one. You got a hot chick's number. So what if you didn't watch where you went? To me this just sounds like calling for attention and shouldn't be on here. >_>

Comments

By arienh4 | 0

#32630 - Sunday 15 March 2009 12:06

Haven't we had enough of these already? This site is filled with similar ones.

Reply

thimovw | 4

#3185052 - Saturday 27 August 2011 0:37

AgreedD:

By MFC_fml | 0

#32641 - Sunday 15 March 2009 12:30

Haha well done. YDI

By Emika_fml | 0

#32646 - Sunday 15 March 2009 12:42

Now surely she'll remember YOU, and not the twelve other men she's given out her number to.

No, seriously, this'll be a great story to tell your grandkids.

By metalyoshi9 | 0

#32648 - Sunday 15 March 2009 12:43

I see this as more of a positive event than a negative one. You got a hot chick's number. So what if you didn't watch where you went? To me this just sounds like calling for attention and shouldn't be on here. >_>

By Shihaby | 0

#32657 - Sunday 15 March 2009 12:59

Your life must be pretty damn good when you consider bumping into a metal bar an FML.

By Tehalon | 0

#32674 - Sunday 15 March 2009 13:30

@#6; yes but by the looks of your pic you either have a kidney problem or you sleep way to little.
Do agree that this isn't a FML nor is it funny, just stupid.

By zombiepeanut | 0

#32676 - Sunday 15 March 2009 13:31

Yeah, this isn't much of FML material... But probably because you probably made the girl laugh, which is always a good thing. I would definitely give a guy cute points for doing that and being able to laugh about it later.

By drackattack | 0

#32696 - Sunday 15 March 2009 13:47

oh common youre life is not THAT bad. you were leaving the restaurant with a full stomach and a cute girls number I'd say you have it pretty darn good.

By ninjaxprincess89 | 0

#32727 - Sunday 15 March 2009 14:29

smooth, criminal. haha

By loopy_fml | 0

#32740 - Sunday 15 March 2009 14:42

Embarrassing? Yes. FML? No.