Love: Today, I was eating at Steak N' Shake. I noticed that the cute... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14

You deserved it 2

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 327

You deserved it 84

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 134

You deserved it 1 176

15/03/2009 04:20

Today, I was eating at Steak N' Shake. I noticed that the cute waitress was checking me out. When I was done with my meal she wrote her number on the ticket. So, as I was walking out the door, I turned around to wave at her, and walked into a metal bar next to the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 804

You deserved it 24 536

Commando

Own it

Vulture

Sewer monster

By Anonymous - 07/08/2020 14:02

Today, I realized my morbidly obese sibling's favorite bathroom to use is whichever one is closest to me during the day. Three floors of living space and the monster wants to drop a nuke where the odors are certain to waft to my nose three times a day. Every. Single. Day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 593

You deserved it 281

18/02/2014 20:16

Today, feeling magnanimous, I decided to help a frail-looking old lady across a busy street. She managed to "accidentally" hit me in the balls with her cane no fewer than three times before we reached the other side. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 996

You deserved it 4 403

Unwanted guest

By MMM - 21/01/2014 23:26

Spicy

Today, my plans for having sex with my girlfriend were thwarted for the sixth time in a row by my own mother. I found out later that she's been reading my texts so she knew when to drop by and ruin everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 399

You deserved it 11 426

26/02/2013 18:09

Today, I was at my friend's house, when she commented that her dog's fur kept getting tangled because of its length. I reached over to tickle his tummy, felt a big tangled knot and agreed that he needed a good grooming. Then I realized what I'd grabbed wasn't fur. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 845

You deserved it 10 246

Gotcha!

By Anonymous - 08/05/2014 03:57

Today, while at work as a telemarketer, I called a customer on his home phone. Once I was connected, an automated voice said, "To speak with a customer, please press 1." Confused, I pressed one. I then heard loud laughter followed by, "Oh my god! What a dumbass!" before they hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 044

You deserved it 22 736

02/03/2018 15:00

Today, I went to the dentist for a tooth extraction. Not only were they not able to extract all of it, but after 7 injections, I was still screaming. The best part? Their referral to someone else fell through, so I head back tomorrow to finish the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 841

You deserved it 311

20/05/2011 07:46

Today, I tore up my airborne academy admission documents because my lab results weren't good enough. A few hours later, they called me to apologize for the misunderstanding, mine turned out to be perfect and they'd accepted me. They need me tomorrow with all the documents to finalize the admission. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 132

You deserved it 42 507

21/10/2011 21:27

Today, while at my job as a hostess, I was seating a couple and their adorable little girl. I tried to ask how old she was, but what came out was, "Aww, what breed is she?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 894

You deserved it 35 327

26/08/2011 12:03

Today, I got suspended for bringing a "hazardous weapon" to school. They were earrings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 640

You deserved it 3 700

08/11/2010 02:25

Today, I was holding on to a shirt that I planned on buying, when an elderly man bumped into me. The shirt fell out of my hand, and slid just out the door. I went to the counter to explain what happened. Everyone accused me of trying to steal it anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 048

You deserved it 3 026

30/07/2013 06:42

Today, I bought a device that plays a high-pitched sound to teach my dog to quit barking. She's smart enough to learn that as long as she barks loud enough and long enough, she can't hear it. Quite the opposite effect to what I was anticipating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 615

You deserved it 6 746

New isn't always good

By anonymous - 11/01/2015 19:10

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were trying something new. I ended up with a shard of glass in my back and a concussion. Don't have sex on a glass table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 202

You deserved it 32 252

02/12/2018 13:30

Today, I submitted some honest negative feedback to the customer service team of all my favourite games, Today is also the day all my accounts got permanently banned from my console and I have lost all my progress. Bye bye 22 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 725

You deserved it 935

30/09/2012 01:37

Spicy

Today, as my boyfriend and I were getting hot in the bedroom, he stopped right before he entered me and said, "Knock knock!" He refused to continue until I replied, "Come in." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 225

You deserved it 4 849

29/07/2019 06:00

Today, for the third time, I’ve had to clean a puddle of pee from the bathroom floor. I live alone, and I’m a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 397

You deserved it 529

Panic attack

By Anonymous - 06/05/2009 00:22

Today, I went to donate blood for the first time. When they stuck the needle in my arm, I had a panic attack and begged that they take it out. The woman helping me told me she'd take it out in a moment and left. It was then that the Red Cross stole a pint of my blood while I had a panic attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 666

You deserved it 18 035

13/09/2010 16:03

Today, I woke up to my husband slowly pulling my blanket off me. I thought he was being romantic until I realized it was because the cat had puked all over me while I was sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 180

You deserved it 2 917

03/10/2009 10:31

Today, I checked in a group of men from Mexico. I speak just enough Spanish to realize they're discussing my breasts. I have to stand there smiling while checking in three more people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 065

You deserved it 3 873

03/07/2009 20:13

Today, I woke up and decided to get the morning paper, I went outside with my bath robe on and when I leaned down to get my paper my bath robe came undone. Apparently everyone on my street saw it and decided to bring up public nudity at the next neighborhood meeting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 578

You deserved it 9 715

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

By Whoishe? - 02/06/2021 06:00

Today, I realized my husband is a completely different person than when we married. It’s only been three and a half years since we eloped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 744

You deserved it 147

15/10/2009 22:14

Today, my younger sister's dog broke its leg. The vets are closed today so instead of going on a date with a girl I have been trying to get for at least 2 years, I need to carry an 80 lb. dog that hates me, up and down the stairs. I already got bit twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 473

You deserved it 3 464

27/12/2009 07:13

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend told me he likes having sex during my period because it makes him feel like he stabbed a small animal to death. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 396

You deserved it 4 755

17/02/2011 16:33

Today, I found my mom eating cat biscuits. We don't have a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 763

You deserved it 3 312

09/08/2014 15:43

Spicy

Today, I found a piece of erotic fiction on my brother's computer. It involved two lesbian teenagers, who just so happened to have the same names and physical descriptions as my sister and me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 526

You deserved it 4 523

Roller coaster ride

By Anonymous - 28/09/2019 06:00

Spicy

Today, I had had sex while sober for the first time in years. It was really awkward, bumpy, and I kept on apologizing for being so terrible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 941

You deserved it 1 638

Communication Breakdown

By Anonymous - 18/04/2021 17:00

Today, I just called my now ex-girlfriend to break up with her, due to our insurmountable lack of communication, even though I was in therapy for four months to try and keep the relationship afloat. Before breaking up, she'd blocked me on Facebook, Whatsapp, Twitter and Instagram for no reason. FML

I agree, your life sucks 805

You deserved it 135

20/07/2016 06:40

Today, I dropped my knitting project while I was sitting down, but I managed to catch it between my legs. So my knitting needles also caught me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 582

You deserved it 1 356

01/05/2018 15:00

Today, at 32 weeks pregnant, I found my boyfriend passed out face down in his own vomit. Not only does our freshly-painted game room now smell like a dirty bar, but he also let our 2 strictly indoor cats outside. They have yet to return. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 736

You deserved it 500

14/05/2009 19:57

Today, I found out the tattoo signifying my marriage turned out to be more permanent than the marriage itself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 427

You deserved it 60 511

06/12/2009 14:58

Today, I was taking a placement test for the new college I am going to. After the test and picking up a few numbers, I left with great pride. I opened the door and started walking out. I then realized that I had walked into the closet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 459

You deserved it 27 877

13/02/2016 23:06

Today, I got a new phone. Only after berating the Sprint employee and Apple support desk because I could not call, text, or access the Internet did I find out that I didn't need to buy a new phone. It was just on airplane mode. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 995

You deserved it 29 301

09/07/2011 18:00

Today, marks the seventh day of having my nose pierced. I'd done everything I was supposed to do, even sleeping with a band-aid over it. This morning, I woke up to my piercing being ripped out by my pillow, and the band-aid nowhere in sight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 715

You deserved it 14 369

02/04/2016 00:30

Today, I got a text from a call girl. She asked me to delete her number because I am too demanding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 692

You deserved it 9 479

Whistleblower

By Anonymous - 06/08/2021 20:01

Today, I discovered two senior doctors made misdiagnoses by ignoring protocols. When I confronted them, they denied it. My director told me not to turn them in, and I'm not financially stable enough to quit. The state licensing board only takes complaints from patients. I'm so sorry, I don't know what to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 017

You deserved it 56

05/11/2011 01:21

Spicy

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house, meeting his family for the first time. I was leaning against him when he reached around, grabbed my boobs, and started making "pew-pew" laser noises, all in front of his family. I can't believe I'm dating this child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 490

You deserved it 15 675

07/03/2010 10:27

Today, I told my mom I was 3 months pregnant, expecting her to be happy. Instead, she screamed that I was no longer her daughter and she never wanted to see me again before throwing me out of her house, because I got pregnant out of wedlock. Nice math mom. I've been married for 5 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 480

You deserved it 2 776

30/06/2011 01:32

Today, as I was walking home from work, my dad drove past, pulled over, rolled down the window and asked, "Are you tired of walking?" To which I replied "Yes!" Just as I reached for the car door, he yelled "RUN A WHILE" and sped off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 946

You deserved it 5 725

27/07/2016 07:10

Spicy

Today, I sent a love message to my wife asking if she was horny. Minutes later, I realized that I sent it to my mother in law. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 757

You deserved it 6 679

13/03/2016 08:25

Today, for my birthday my friend bought me a book on how to lose weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 306

You deserved it 3 371

01/08/2009 16:49

Today, I was walking in the mountains when I tripped, I grabbed onto the fence in an attempt to soften my fall. The fence was electric. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 180

You deserved it 4 664

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Top comments

Send a private message

Sunday 15 March 2009 12:42

Now surely she'll remember YOU, and not the twelve other men she's given out her number to. No, seriously, this'll be a great story to tell your grandkids.

Send a private message

Sunday 15 March 2009 12:43

I see this as more of a positive event than a negative one. You got a hot chick's number. So what if you didn't watch where you went? To me this just sounds like calling for attention and shouldn't be on here. >_>

Comments

Send a private message

Sunday 15 March 2009 12:06

Haven't we had enough of these already? This site is filled with similar ones.

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Saturday 27 August 2011 0:37

AgreedD:

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Sunday 15 March 2009 12:30

Haha well done. YDI

Send a private message

Sunday 15 March 2009 12:42

Now surely she'll remember YOU, and not the twelve other men she's given out her number to. No, seriously, this'll be a great story to tell your grandkids.

Send a private message

Sunday 15 March 2009 12:43

I see this as more of a positive event than a negative one. You got a hot chick's number. So what if you didn't watch where you went? To me this just sounds like calling for attention and shouldn't be on here. >_>

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Sunday 15 March 2009 12:59

Your life must be pretty damn good when you consider bumping into a metal bar an FML.

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Sunday 15 March 2009 13:30

@#6; yes but by the looks of your pic you either have a kidney problem or you sleep way to little. Do agree that this isn't a FML nor is it funny, just stupid.

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Sunday 15 March 2009 13:31

Yeah, this isn't much of FML material... But probably because you probably made the girl laugh, which is always a good thing. I would definitely give a guy cute points for doing that and being able to laugh about it later.

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Sunday 15 March 2009 13:47

oh common youre life is not THAT bad. you were leaving the restaurant with a full stomach and a cute girls number I'd say you have it pretty darn good.

ninjaxprincess89 0

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Sunday 15 March 2009 14:29

smooth, criminal. haha

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Sunday 15 March 2009 14:42

Embarrassing? Yes. FML? No.