Sex, Gross and Intimacy: Salad days

Salad days

By ugh - 04/07/2013 18:28 - South Africa - Durban

Today, as I was enjoying a nice fish salad, my father looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Ahh, salmon. The 'other' pink meat", then winked suggestively at my mother. I don't think I can ever eat fish again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 678

You deserved it 5 186

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 31/12/2011 08:44 - United States

Today, my favorite fish died. To make things better my parents thought to take me out to dinner. We ate sushi. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 583

You deserved it 6 645

By FishFlingingMonkey - 22/08/2015 03:55 - Canada - Saint John

Today, I was eating and my dog kept bothering me. She kept scratching my legs for food, so I took a large piece of fish from my plate and tossed it out into the hallway. It flew right into my mother's face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 306

You deserved it 8 135

I'll bite

By Loser - 29/06/2018 13:30 - United States - Winona

Today, I was skinny dipping with some cute girls from school, one of which I really like. Everything was great until I caught a fish on my own personal nightcrawler and they had to take me to the ER. I'll forever be known as "Salmon Dick". FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 470

You deserved it 719

By Anonymous - 21/06/2012 14:52 - United States - Medway

Today, when I told my family I was a vegetarian, I expected them to make fun of me because that's just my family. But what I wasn't expecting was my dad to use raw meat as a puppet and make it say, "Eat me! Eat me!" then throw it at my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 264

You deserved it 7 806

By Anonymous - 18/11/2011 11:17 - Canada

Today, my mother, her fiancé, and I were having dinner together. My mother was joking that she wasn't sure she could hold him down, as he used to "get around." She turned to talk to the waiter and my future step-father looked me up and down and winked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 042

You deserved it 2 600

By Anonymous - 25/06/2011 20:39 - Switzerland

Today, my family went out to dinner at a seafood restaurant. While we were eating our food, my grandma demanded to see the manager, and loudly complained that her fish was "too fishy". FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 076

You deserved it 4 238

Experimental cuisine

By Nicky - 16/07/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I was washing a sink full of lettuce that I'd grown, which had been in the hot sun. My husband was preparing fish for dinner and took all the juices that had drained off the raw fish, reached over my shoulder, and dumped the juice on my lettuce. I asked if that was the fish juice. He said no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 456

You deserved it 101

By ~JESSICA~ - 11/09/2010 06:19 - United States

Today, I woke up late to an urgent voicemail from my dad telling me he left me a present in my car. Excited, I went to investigate. I then saw that his "surprise" was fresh fish he had caught. I hate fish, and now my car stinks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 898

You deserved it 3 607

Confused?

By Anonymous - 06/04/2009 17:15 - United States

Today, I was going on a dinner date with a girl I had just met. After I picked her up I asked her if she would like to get lobster. She looked at me and asked if those were the red ones. Confused I nodded. She replied, "Sorry, I don't eat red meat." I laughed. She was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 624

You deserved it 6 039

At least it wasn't rotting coconut?

By Getmeoutofhere - 10/08/2017 17:15 - Australia

Today, I was masturbating when my dad came into my room to say goodnight. He leaned down over my bed, paused, and said, "What's that smell? It's like... oh." His face dropped and he left the room. I don't think he'll ever see me the same way again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 556

You deserved it 1 155

dweeds508 24

Friday 5 July 2013 2:33

How would anyone deserve this??

hallix 21

Friday 5 July 2013 2:33

Well, looks like you'll be skipping the sushi date for their anniversary.

Comments

dweeds508 24

Friday 5 July 2013 2:33

How would anyone deserve this??

\ 28

Friday 5 July 2013 3:24

OP could have softened the mood by saying: "You mean, after Spam?"

hemz_fml 13

Friday 5 July 2013 3:34

At least they're in a loving relationship. All you have to worry about is the pink meat you already swallowed.

LeFrogDog 27

Friday 5 July 2013 4:18

@29 what position would that be?

zen1979 16

Friday 5 July 2013 4:40

@29 "thats what She said!!!!" ba dum, tss. Lol sorry * hangs head in shame*

clemsi 20

Friday 5 July 2013 6:20

for some reason I read 43's comment in an Adam Sandler voice

worldclassrager 39

Tuesday 24 June 2014 5:52

Probably miss tapped

hallix 21

Friday 5 July 2013 2:33

Well, looks like you'll be skipping the sushi date for their anniversary.

friedpwnadge 25

Friday 5 July 2013 2:33

Don't worry, I'm sure the scale of your thoughts is much less than you imagine it to be. Keep on swimming, keep on swimming...

Ki11erC 18

Friday 5 July 2013 15:59

Its "just keep swimming".

mcinnesandrew 6

Saturday 6 July 2013 17:41

It's "It's"... If you're gonna Grammar Nazi someone do it right!

adyb 12

Saturday 6 July 2013 18:34

Nice pun, 'scale' xD

cuppycakeslove 20

Friday 5 July 2013 2:35

Why did he have to look you in the eye?! To permanently scar you for life?!

\ 28

Friday 5 July 2013 3:34

No one will forget anything done to them with prolonged, piercing eye contact :)

chocolatefrog28 29

Friday 5 July 2013 2:36

At least he was reminded by salmon, instead of raw chicken.

\ 28

Friday 5 July 2013 3:25

Um... raw chicken is off-white, correct?

KiddoKS 19

Friday 5 July 2013 3:30

At least it didn't remind him of "blue waffles"

xxmollyxx 25

Saturday 6 July 2013 0:10

Pink when it's skinless, whitish with skin still on.

\ 28

Saturday 6 July 2013 10:09

I stand corrected, #79

ironichalibut 24

Friday 5 July 2013 2:39

What's pink an smells like fish? I'll give you a hint, it's not your salad

cuppycakeslove 20

Friday 5 July 2013 2:42

Is it shrimp?! I hate riddles.

Shrike 23

Friday 5 July 2013 2:42

A filthy or infected ******. You should probably be worried if the ones you've come across smell like fish, #6.

ironichalibut 24

Friday 5 July 2013 5:06

Only your mother's shrike..

cottoncandymango 17

Friday 5 July 2013 2:40

So much for a "nice fish salad"...

jamnglamgirlie 17

Friday 5 July 2013 2:45

I feel for you:.. (

Dracoboxer357 35

Friday 5 July 2013 2:45

Kinda makes me wonder how different his comment would have been had you been enjoying a nice, foot long hotdog. ;P

challan 19

Friday 5 July 2013 2:46

Well, it seems as if your mom is fishy, but luckily your dad doesn't seem to mind!

Keywords

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The Top

Today, after finally getting up the confidence, I started talking really dirty to my boyfriend on the phone. I was getting really onto it, and he seemed to enjoy it too. Then I stopped for a second to gauge his reaction. He was snoring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 872

You deserved it 4 683

Today, I was wearing my yoga pants for my boyfriend. He's infatuated with them. He claims they make my ass look nice. I found out it's because I constantly get a camel toe, and it gives him a semi every time he sees it. I found this out by listening to him and his father at dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 980

You deserved it 10 418

The Top

Today, the same day I decided to stubbornly go commando because my lazy boyfriend hasn’t taken his turn to do our laundry in 4 days was also the day I split my shorts squatting down to pick up my bag at the bus stop. Ten strangers saw my bare asscrack, and two teenagers started cat calling me for my butt tattoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 625

You deserved it 1 499

Today, we were running late because my hair got tangled in the curtains. My mother-in-law got so angry, she hacked at it, leaving me with a bald patch, then went and sat in the car as though we were still going anywhere with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 091

You deserved it 200

Today, I was depressed because my boobs are really small for a 20 year old woman. To make me feel better my boyfriend said, "As long as they're bigger than mine." They weren't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 752

You deserved it 4 807

Today, I realized why my depression is so bad. No matter how hard I try, I have always been a replaceable presence in everyone's lives, and I have never felt like anyone couldn't live without me. Not even family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 395

You deserved it 122

Today, I discovered something more dangerous than drivers who text: drivers who break your car windows with a bat while stopped at a red light. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 583

You deserved it 2 205

Today, my sexist, misogynistic boss showed me a new program we all have to use. After several minutes of him explaining it badly and belittling me for doing it wrong, I opened a sub-folder that showed that I CREATED THE PROGRAM. He walked away, then later wrote me up for "having a bad attitude." FML

I agree, your life sucks 716

You deserved it 125

Salad days

Same thing different taste

I'll bite

Experimental cuisine

Confused?

At least it wasn't rotting coconut?

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