Today, while feeding my neighbour's cats, I mistakenly switched up their foods. One has medicated food that causes drowsiness. The healthy cat got knocked out like a log. I panicked, laid him out by the bed, and spilled milk around his head to make it look "natural." I think I'm going to hell. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I accidentally ate a cat treat instead of a cinnamon-glazed pecan. I thought it must have been burnt by the way it tasted, so ate a few more before I figured out my mistake and spat them out. FML
Today, I woke up at 2 a.m. needing a drink. Not only did my cat wake everyone up when I tripped over him, but I also spilled a whole gallon of milk on myself. FML
Today, my girlfriend accidentally put rubbish in the neighbour's bin. Then the old lady took all the rubbish out and threw it on the floor. I came out and tried to calm the situation, but then my girlfriend ran downstairs and tipped her cat food and cat milk bowls over. FML
Today, I turned over in my sleep and fell out of bed, face-first into a puddle of cold cat vomit that my cat had left for me. FML
Today, I was snuggling with my neighbors four week old kitten while babysitting their kids. I fell asleep, rolled over, and woke up next to a dead kitten. FML
Today, I was getting my cat some canned food. Out of habit I licked the spoon after I had emptied the can only to realize too late what I had done. FML
Today, I was enjoying a rare lazy Sunday afternoon nap when I woke up to a loud thud. My cat, who had been silently plotting his next move, jumped on my chest and knocked over my glass of water. Now my entire bed is soaked, my phone is possibly ruined, and my cat is looking at me like I was the one who did something wrong. FML
Today, I was so out of it from a lack of sleep and an accidental antihistamine overdose, I tried to offer my cat a cup of tea, and actually got pissed off when he didn't reply. It took me a good five minutes to understand what just happened. FML
Today, while I was trying to get to sleep, I heard a strange noise coming from the bunk bed above mine. I looked up to see what it was and my cat vomited over the edge, onto my face. FML
Today, in the early hours of the morning, my cat started scratching at my legs. I got out of bed and he raced me to the stairs, tripping me. I fell all the way down and landed in cat poop. FML
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Top comments
Cartera 10
Or you could do the right thing and explain what happened. Nice name though. Very original.
Pleonasm 36
What a catastrophe (had to be done)
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Comments (93)
MissVeracity 12
I got really confused and thought you killed the cat whilst reading this. The way you say "look natural" I definitely hope that's not the case, but yeah I agree with everyone else, best to tell your neighbour about it
Sinsation 7
You know most cats are lactose intolerant, right?
rg350dx 29
Which is why if the cat manages to die it would clearly be a suicide.
spaboolly 26
That is apparently true, but I don't see the relevance. And most cats I've seen love milk. I have a cat (19 years old, so certainly not a kitten) who will sit at the fridge and yell until you give her a cup of milk. My cats also love butter, ice cream, and one even likes chocolate. Just because something is common does not mean it is the rule. I'd also like to point out that lactose metabolism in adult humans (in all mammals actually) is a mutation. "Normally," animals stop producing the enzyme to digest dairy products as they mature out of adolescence. I say "normally" because the mutation is so common that it is considered "normal" for people to drink milk and lactose intolerance (ironically caused by non-mutated genes) is believed to be a special dietary restriction, like allergies. My point is: Normalcy is relative and often arbitrary.
CharresBarkrey 16
Thank you, 28. It's not normal for humans OR animals to be able to digest lactose. The term lactose intolerance is incorrect.
spaboolly 26
I wouldn't say the term is incorrect. It just has a misleading connotation because most people don't understand how the body works. Or what having a mutation really means for that matter. I'm a redhead, have two-colored eyes, and drink milk every day. And I proudly refer to myself as a mutant for all of these reasons. Doesn't mean I have two heads or glow in the dark or use telekinesis (not that I would mind that one).
rg350dx 29
No offense 35, but you're probably one of the lamest X-men ever.
doodlecloud 27
Before everyone debates exactly how much milk a cat can drink before it explodes or whatever it is they do, can I just point out that you can buy lactose-free cat milk at any supermarket? So it's not really an issue. (though, regarding regular milk, they don't digest it very well so they tend to get diarrhea if you give them too much but they are unlikely to be seriously ill)
jeepers_1 21
Goats milk also works, in terms of milk cows is probably the worst for cats and babies, goats milk has a much lower lactose percentage. IMHO I think it's too expensive to feed them milk of any sort, they can just have water which is best for them.
JoshArson 22
If you're having to feed the neighbors cats, I assume said neighbor won't be home soon. The healthy, now passed out, cat will wake up sooner or later. You've just made a mess by trying to cover it up.
Gunner69 8
just own up to it and give the other cat its medicated food.
devilkazama 9
Don't worry, hell doesn't exist.
rg350dx 29
I'm imagining a bunch of cats walking around a miniature crime scene dressed as police, investigating the mystery of the knocked out cat.
CharresBarkrey 16
Most adorable crime scene ever.
rg350dx 29
"What do we got here sergeant Mittens?" "Well, at first I thought it was an accidental death, but the spilled milk and lack of contusions indicates foul play. We might have a murder on our paws sheriff."
Not_Impressed13 9
A special kind of hell..
pedinhuh 23
**** your life? You mean **** the cat's life, you could've killed the poor animal! And you even tried to cover it up, what a asshole..
olpally 33
Cats are the guardians of the underworld!! The cat will be waiting for you ;) hehe
RedPillSucks 33
Better knocked out than knocked up. What?
BradTheBrony 19
Definitely not better knocked out, THEN knocked up.