Transportation: Today, I was in a car accident. After screaming at the woman...

By prettyinpurple - United States

Today, I was in a car accident. After screaming at the woman for running into me, I got in my car and drove off. As I was driving away, I was staring her down when I ended up rear ending the person in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7909

You deserved it

56088

Favorite

Transportation

Optimism

Cute trick, asshole

Munchausen by proxy

By ladylol - United Kingdom - Towcester

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he'd rather play the new Assassin's Creed game or have a night of sex with me. He started crying from indecision. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40043

You deserved it

12449

Favorite

By RBergman - United States - Basin

Today, I had to arrest my own boyfriend for public sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43547

You deserved it

3329

Favorite

By Stoopid - United States

Today, I came home to find a BMW partially blocking my driveway. I was already having a bad day, and was upset that some stuck up fool blocked my driveway, so I keyed the driver's side. 5 minutes later my parents show up. The BMW was a graduation gift for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27106

You deserved it

244749

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my wife of 5 years has decided to change everything: job, clothes, hair style, car, and me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35148

You deserved it

3044

Favorite

By melimelo24 - Australia - Clayton

Today, I watched my daughter squealing with delight in front of a video game. Beating a boss? Slaying an adversary? Completing a quest? Not at all. She was chasing birds, making them fly away, then starting all over again as soon as they landed. She's 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44481

You deserved it

7480

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my cousin and his fiancée took me to my first strip club experience. One of the strippers came over and danced for me. She pulled her thong string out and I tried to place the dollar in it with my mouth. I missed, to which she said "Put it in there, retard." FML

I agree, your life sucks

11527

You deserved it

34442

Favorite

By - France

Today, I went onto my computer and found a cyber sex conversation between my sister and my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40009

You deserved it

3138

Favorite

By ugly - United States

Today, my sister told me not to come over anymore because her baby is scared of my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41891

You deserved it

4432

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I had to quit my job. Why? Because I don't have a babysitter anymore. All I did was tell them I didn't want them mocking my baby when he cries. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2009

You deserved it

301

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, my husband was finally moving out. I picked up his enormous duffle bag full of clothes to help get him out faster, and I threw out my back. I now can't move. I can't even wipe my own ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1589

You deserved it

715

Favorite

By cooldude - United States

Today, I got called a "loser" by an old man wearing pink flip-flops and riding a purple moped. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40087

You deserved it

8105

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I was making one of those microwavable pizza kits. Realizing I had no crushed red pepper to put on it, my mom suggested using a chili pepper she had dried. Thinking it was a great idea, I cracked it open on my pizza and out popped some fuzzy white mold and two maggots. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1574

You deserved it

224

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was lying in bed, staring at the ceiling with the lights off. It was 1AM, and I'd just finished watching a scary movie, so I was a little paranoid. I was about to fall asleep, when an eerie light lit the room. I jumped, got tangled in the sheets, and hit my head against the bed frame. Where'd the light come from? Not a space ship. Not someone breaking in. It was my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10536

You deserved it

29096

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, my boyfriend informed me I need to stop staying up all night, because it's "really sketchy" and he feels "uncomfortable" not knowing what I'm doing, and why I'm awake. I'm an insomniac, I have been my whole life, and he knows this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1787

You deserved it

141

Favorite

By phones - United States

Priorities

Today, I accidentally spilled a big glass of water on the table, where I had some papers, my cellphone, and a box of donuts. With lightning reflexes, my sister heroically jumped forward and saved the donuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29799

You deserved it

9209

Favorite

By ...thanks - United States

Today, my best friend confessed to me that she's a lesbian. She quickly added, "Oh, don't worry, I don't like you. You're not attractive." FML

I agree, your life sucks

56561

You deserved it

4860

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Bellflower

Today, my sister had me kicked out of her wedding reception for, in the words of her new husband, "harshing the buzz." FML

I agree, your life sucks

39905

You deserved it

5371

Favorite

By Anonymous - 8/9/2020 14:01 - United States - Waterville

Mr Sensitivity

Today, I spent four hours at the ER because I had a miscarriage. The father of the baby was being sweet and supportive while I was there and checked in on me after I got home. Six hours after we found out we lost our baby, he asked for a threesome. He still doesn’t understand what’s wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2373

You deserved it

208

Favorite

By the customer is always a cunt - United States - Sarasota

Today, a guy came into the small coffee shop I work at, and got angry because I wouldn't accept his Starbucks gift card as valid payment. When I told him we clearly aren't a Starbucks, he said "It's all the same shit" and ended up throwing a punch at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47115

You deserved it

3132

Favorite

By itsalwaysme

Today, after recently rekindling an old relationship, I discovered a whole new world when I found his secret Twitter account. Apparently he's now a cross-dressing, submissive, financially dominated "slave" for doms online. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4855

You deserved it

773

Favorite

By State

Today, my best friend asked me to be the best man at his wedding. I had to decline because the bride's family has deep prison gang ties and I'm a correctional officer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7238

You deserved it

537

Favorite

By YouAssholes - United States - Anaheim

Today, my band members and I were brainstorming ideas to help increase our fan base. My drummer suggested they replace me for someone attractive. Everyone agreed and now they are trying to kick me out of the band I started. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50542

You deserved it

3764

Favorite

By SmokedSalmon - United States

Today, I woke up next to a slumbering girl I had just met the night before. She had all the covers on top of her and I was cold. Not only was I cold, but the sheets were really cold. So I got up and realized she'd peed a drunken night's worth of beer all over my sheets. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21157

You deserved it

43441

Favorite

By Jessie - United States

Today, I got stuck listening to my coworker bang on about how sexy her fiancé is for almost an hour. She told me about their sex life, described his dick in great detail, and showed me pictures of him shirtless. My coworker is 49; her fiancé is 56 and overweight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46579

You deserved it

4619

Favorite

By lexiiiiiiweee - United States

Today, I went bowling with my friends. As I was about to take my turn, my friend came up behind me and yelled in my ear, "Don't mess up!" Startled, I dropped the ball on my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25563

You deserved it

3809

Favorite

By Anonymous - 19/9/2020 17:02 - Germany - Aachen

This woman's work

Today, I looked at pictures of myself from 20 years ago when I was a teenager and realized I have only about a quarter of my hair left. I'm a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1105

You deserved it

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Kent

Today, while at my cosmetics job, an elderly lady came up to me asking for a product. I told her we had a smaller size and a larger size for a better deal. She told me she wanted the smaller size because she'd "probably be dead" before she finished that one. I laughed. She was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28877

You deserved it

5220

Favorite

By True Story - Canada

Today, it's been a year since I've been with my girlfriend, and I think that I hate more things about her than I like. For instance, how she likes to throw furniture at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31021

You deserved it

10240

Favorite

By girl_what

Today, my parents informed me that my dad is leaving my mom and moving to Florida from New York tomorrow. I just spent $300 on a new crossbow for his birthday, which is tomorrow, in hopes that he would spend more time with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3118

You deserved it

194

Favorite

By Anonymous - 4/11/2020 17:01 - Canada

Slow down

Today, after months of ultrasounds and blood tests, I found out that the pain I've been feeling in my ovaries is actually just sore muscles from flicking my bean every night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

528

You deserved it

892

Favorite

By animalover - United States

Today, I swerved to avoid hitting a dog that ran in front of my car. The dog was fine but I hit a road sign, ripped off my rearview mirror, and cracked my passenger side window. When I got out to examine the damage to my car, the dog growled at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46732

You deserved it

6587

Favorite

By sisisathief - United States - Concord

Today, I caught my sister taking money from my wallet. When I confronted her, she claimed that she was actually putting back money that she had stolen earlier. She doesn't understand the irony. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4144

You deserved it

276

Favorite

By pwib - United States - Napa

Today, a bunch of my friends have been accepted to various colleges while I've been denied to the past 5. To cheer me up, my mom drove me to McDonald's. While we were in the drive-thru, she asked them if they had any job openings. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32113

You deserved it

5189

Favorite

By sad - United States

Today, I found out that the girl who my high school boyfriend cheated on me with is now the woman my husband is having an affair with. FML

I agree, your life sucks

69240

You deserved it

4148

Favorite

By newscomes - United States

Today, after watching the news, I realized the only person who has ever wished that I had a good day, or wished that I had anything pleasant for that matter, is Charlie Gibson on World News Tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24525

You deserved it

3550

Favorite

By CathyMary - United States - New York

Today, my date asked me if I enjoyed golden showers. We were in the middle of making out, and it was our first date, which I thought was going well. I guess when things seem too good to be true, they really are. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1957

You deserved it

223

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my annoying colleague gasped, wrapped her arms around herself, started sweating and curled up in a ball crying, "No, no, no" in front of several customers. They accused me of 'setting her off', when I blurted out, "Sorry, she gets panic attacks". All I did was say the word 'abortion'. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34767

You deserved it

6429

Favorite

By Plush - France

Today, a work colleague announced that she is organising a bit of a party. She says, in front of everyone, that I'm not invited to "avoid ruining the vibe". FML

I agree, your life sucks

25011

You deserved it

2705

Favorite

By Stiffed - Australia - Warrnambool

Today, my old boss stiffed me on a large sum of money he owes me. I tried to contact him and point out that he legally owes me the money, but he won't answer his texts or his phone, and the managers say he changes the subject whenever they bring it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21096

You deserved it

1475

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, while searching for the pungent odor that has been lingering in my son's bedroom, I discovered various types of juice my son has been "storing" to make wine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32827

You deserved it

4574

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By arms_akimbo | 0

#1068 - Tuesday 10 February 2009 16:39

Eyes on the road, numb nuts.

By sforward09 | 0

#75593 - Wednesday 1 April 2009 23:33

dude you dont just get in an accident and then get into another one...

pay the fuck atttention

COMMENTS

By Amkii | 0

#1025 - Tuesday 10 February 2009 8:40

Maybe he meant after he exchanged info, called the cops, called the insurance companies, etc. lol. Either way, this is one of my favs!

By greenman_fml | 0

#1061 - Tuesday 10 February 2009 15:47

Double duty! I think I saw you on Cops

By arms_akimbo | 0

#1068 - Tuesday 10 February 2009 16:39

Eyes on the road, numb nuts.

By Lou_Briccant | 0

#1147 - Wednesday 11 February 2009 0:41

Real smooth, guy.

By Delinas | 0

#1212 - Wednesday 11 February 2009 3:51

aahh karma.

By Matisse_fml | 0

#1238 - Wednesday 11 February 2009 5:12

Now your face is just as banged up as your ass.

By greenearth | 0

#63993 - Saturday 28 March 2009 3:21

um, yeah, you can't just leave an accident ... lol

By sforward09 | 0

#75593 - Wednesday 1 April 2009 23:33

dude you dont just get in an accident and then get into another one...

pay the fuck atttention

By christopherlove | 0

#139038 - Friday 24 April 2009 10:22

Stop calling her "dude." This was obviously a woman.

greenmonxster | 0

#350604 - Monday 29 June 2009 0:57

hahahaha hey im a girl and i can drive

Fop | 6

#415744 - Tuesday 21 July 2009 10:43

Idiot. There's no actual difference in a male person's initial driving skills as compared to a female's. It comes down to interest, and men are generally more interested in cars than women.

cenbej6 | 4

#4880434 - Friday 31 August 2012 9:51

Op's username is prettyinpurple....

Incitus | 9

#5734324 - Tuesday 29 October 2013 20:29

Technically speaking, men and women have different natural motor skill, although typically better fine motor skills are found in women. This is typically displayed in handwriting and drawing.

spinn360 | 1

#6163562 - Monday 5 January 2015 13:39

Dude, I totally agree!

By Dorchester | 0

#238235 - Thursday 28 May 2009 3:31

thats what you get for tryna be a tough guy