Love: Today, while driving home with my parents. I pretended to be...

By Joel_mama - 27/07/2009 01:12 - New Zealand

Today, while driving home with my parents. I pretended to be asleep so mum wouldn't talk to me. They then took this time to describe what they were going to do to each other when they got home. In full detail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 900

You deserved it 20 717

Love

Another great day to be alive

Good kid

I'm not lovin' it

Iron Chef America

By Anonymous - 05/01/2021 19:59

Today, I thought about trying something "new", so I put raspberry preserves and maple syrup on my waffles. It tasted like cough medicine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 505

You deserved it 385

By ajdown - 17/06/2011 20:23 - United Kingdom

Today, I have an eight hour transatlantic flight and the person sitting next to me has already filled his third sick bag. This wouldn't be quite so bad were we not still at the terminal with passengers still boarding the plane. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 813

You deserved it 2 507

By Anonymous - 07/11/2010 22:07 - Israel

Today, I was told by my neighbors that my guitar playing sounded a dying cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 453

You deserved it 23 429

By Anonymous - 23/04/2012 04:44 - United States

Today, I found out that my lovely amazing boyfriend likes to pee in everything other than the toilet. This includes: Hawaiian punch jugs, the sink, empty cans/bottles and out of my window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 812

You deserved it 3 731

Insurance is a racket

By Anonymous - 16/08/2021 08:01 - Germany - Dresden

Today, health insurance is mandatory in my country, and you pay 15% of your gross income for it. Sounds acceptable, right? Except when you find out that, according to the insurance companies, 15% of ZERO is 170 €. FML

I agree, your life sucks 791

You deserved it 126

By Anonymous - 16/02/2016 00:01 - United States

Today, I fractured two ribs from coughing. My doctor told me to stop coughing, or I would fracture them more. I have bronchitis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 174

You deserved it 1 256

By nerp - 29/03/2016 19:44 - Canada - Toronto

Today, a stranger had a go at me for smoking while pregnant. I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 957

You deserved it 2 653

By TSampson - 11/06/2009 11:51 - United States

Today, my mom's will was read to the rest of the family. I helped my mom write it a couple years ago, and I was to get funds to pay off school loans. She revised it and put in a note saying I was to get nothing because I was "lazy." The executor read it out loud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 109 987

You deserved it 11 273

By ChubbyPanda - 08/08/2016 22:49

Today, after not moving at work all day, I decided to be healthy and walk home. Now my thighs are numb from rubbing together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 788

You deserved it 3 599

By Anonymous - 08/12/2010 04:18 - United States

Today, while working as a hotel guard I found a homeless man lying in the grass. I asked him to move and he ignored me, continuing to lie there with his head resting on his arms and a big smile on his face. I got annoyed and started to yell at him. After a few minutes I realized he was dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 064

You deserved it 10 836

By Hopslammer - 17/06/2011 01:39 - United States

Today, as I was smoking a cigarette I realized that it's time to quit. This realization came to me after a particularly violent coughing bout forced not tar out of my lungs, but rather poo out of my bum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 209

You deserved it 48 965

#1 Dad!

By Anonymous - 03/10/2019 04:00 - United States - Boston

Today, I told my fiancé he needed to spend at least one night a week at home with his daughter or we will pack up and leave. He responded by getting a suitcase. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 810

You deserved it 317

By Anonymous - 08/08/2012 17:15 - United States - Chagrin Falls

Today, it's my girlfriend's birthday. To celebrate, I spent the day with her and then took her out to a really nice dinner. She is currently giving me the silent treatment because I didn't write "happy birthday" on her Facebook wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 260

You deserved it 4 240

By okaythen - 02/03/2016 23:50 - United States - Arcata

Today, I got written up by HR after my new coworker told them I had an ignorant, offensive caricature of Native American people decorating my desk. It was a framed photograph of an actual Native American tribe that belonged to my history buff grandfather. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 257

You deserved it 1 527

By Barking Mad - 04/08/2013 11:21 - Australia - Revesby

Today, I got several noise complaints from various neighbours about my "dog that won't stop barking". I don't own a dog, my neighbour owns the noisy dog. She sent me a complaint as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 823

You deserved it 7 697

By missalexa - 03/08/2010 18:13 - United States

Today, upon getting out of the shower, I discovered the towel I grabbed off the rack had dried poop on it. Apparently, during my sister's birthday party yesterday, we'd run out of toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 464

You deserved it 4 041

By GK - 08/05/2009 11:20 - Australia

Today, in my class I was nominated for the guy with the worst hairdo. I don't know what is worse, the fact that I was nominated or the fact that I felt let down when I did not win. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 810

You deserved it 7 730

By Anonymous - 31/07/2016 16:45 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I let my new cat sleep in bed with me. It was cute until she wiped a tapeworm onto my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 070

You deserved it 2 267

By tawnaciousd - 10/09/2009 06:35 - United States

Today, my sister surprised me by cleaning my room and doing my laundry. She found my journal, condoms and vibrator and decided to share her findings with my family. Oh yes... she also shrunk half my wardrobe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 986

You deserved it 5 023

Nice guys

By Anonymous - 13/06/2021 19:59

Today, having split up with my husband, I tried to plan visitation so he could visit my sons, his stepkids, only to be told he has no intention of visiting kids that aren’t actually his, and that now we’re divorced they're entirely my problem and good riddance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 628

You deserved it 987

By anonymous - 05/04/2011 18:13 - United States

Today, I spent six hours driving between two airports to try and catch my flight. Two trailer accidents, two construction zones, three detours, and one police escort later, the airline wouldn't let me on the plane. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 898

You deserved it 3 555

By Anonymous - 28/05/2009 19:44 - United States

Today, I was looking at the skeleton of a human male that we have in out biology classroom. I picked up the hand to examine the bones in the finger, and had the sudden realization that this is the only time that I have held hands with a boy. I'm a junior in college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 153

You deserved it 8 635

By Life of the party - 19/08/2009 05:13 - France

Today, I threw a party while my parents were gone. I forgot that our alarm automatically turns on at 11 pm, so when people opened the door, it went off. I couldn't find the number for the alarm company, so the cops showed up. Everyone started cheering because they thought they were strippers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 851

You deserved it 55 721

By hickey - 05/02/2010 10:35 - United States

Today, I made out with my friend for the first time. He gave me a hickey that can't be hidden. I'm the president of my church youth group and I have to help give a seminar on keeping your body like a holy temple... Tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 912

You deserved it 62 242

By howembarrasing - 19/04/2009 20:49 - United States

Today, I went to the sandcastle contest at my local beach. While waiting in line for my hotdog, a man cut in front of me and demanded a cup of water. I called him a jack ass and was saying how people like him give us a bad reputation on the beach. I then see him running to his choking daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 703

You deserved it 86 232

OK then…

By Anonymous - 29/12/2009 05:02 - United States

Today, I was making out with this guy I had been seeing, and things start to get pretty steamy. As he paused for a second, I thought he was going to get up and find a condom, but instead he turns to me and says, "I think I'm going to go to the library." I wasn't invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 149

You deserved it 3 512

By barista - 05/12/2010 17:36 - United States

Today, a customer tried to pay for a $1.55 cup of coffee with a gift card, but he came up a dollar short. He let another customer through while he fumbled in his pocket for money. I later noticed a dollar had disappeared from my tip jar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 895

You deserved it 3 887

By "Keira McArthur" - 25/12/2018 20:00

Today, my car fob died on me when I was going to get donations because my house burnt down two days ago, FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 692

You deserved it 266

Thanks, I hate it!

By AtikaSucks - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Tunisia

Today, thanks to my brilliant hairstylist, I ended up with a brand new haircut, which I like to call the "Bowler hat-and-Spaghetti" cut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 599

You deserved it 3 282

By ilikecake - 29/05/2009 11:12 - United Arab Emirates

Today, it was my boyfriend's 24th birthday. His friends were throwing him a surprise party and I was in charge of getting his birthday cake. As a joke, I got it in the shape of a penis, with a graphic marzipan design. Funny, I never knew his overly-conservative parents were invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 350

You deserved it 53 307

By sharni88 - 04/03/2011 07:13 - Australia

Today, while bored at work I was reading an article online about the local zoo and its animals. I received an email so quickly responded, but when signing off accidentally wrote "thanks hippo" instead of "thanks heaps". To a woman with a weight problem. Who also outranks me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 957

You deserved it 29 272

By anonmys - 18/07/2010 21:47 - United States

Today, I was riding the train and saw a cute guy licking his lips at me. Flattered, I gave him my number when the train stopped. He looked at me and said, "Don't flatter yourself. You have mustard on your face." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 393

You deserved it 19 384

Duchamp would be proud

By Anonymous - 23/09/2019 12:00

Today, my five year-old niece thought that it would be acceptable to carve her artwork all over our toilet seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 324

You deserved it 148

By Anonymous - 14/11/2012 07:18 - United States

Today, excited that I finally got a place of my own, I invited my boyfriend over for a sexy sleep over. He told me his mom doesn't want him sleeping over. He's 21 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 996

You deserved it 4 636

By iprobablyhaveherpes - 20/10/2010 04:47 - Australia

Today, I was casually looking through my girlfriend's phone while she got ready, though she made me promise not to. To my confusion, I discovered that she had me listed as 'Saturday' in her contacts. There was also a Thursday, Friday and Sunday listed. I only ever see her on Saturdays. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 897

You deserved it 11 465

Don't flush them

By failallday - 07/08/2014 09:09 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, one of my customer's pipes were blocked. As I went to unblock it, about a handful of used condoms collided with my face. I don't know if I should be disgusted by this or disgusted by my customer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 095

You deserved it 4 739

By oh well - 10/03/2015 13:27 - United States

Today, the only birthday present I got was a gift card to a steak house. Not a bad gift, but I'm a vegan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 722

You deserved it 8 376

By depr3ssed - 31/01/2010 17:42 - United States

Today, I realized what all the women I've been with have in common: Craigslist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 534

You deserved it 29 429

By Pooldead - 28/07/2019 04:00 - Germany - Munich

Today, while introducing my girlfriend to my family, everyone told me that she looked exactly like my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 722

You deserved it 236

By leaannec30 - 10/07/2016 18:52 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, I thought my car was overheating. I then thought it was wise to put my hand close to my muffler to feel the heat. Needless to say, I stuck my entire hand on my muffler then had to drive around with the only cold thing in my car. A cold beer from my cooler. Yes, I got pulled over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 733

You deserved it 11 781

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Top comments

silverx10 0

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Monday 27 July 2009 9:15

And this is why it pays to pretend with headphones on.

michelle4srs 0

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Monday 27 July 2009 9:18

Right when they started you should have pretended to wake up and made a loud noise to let them know.

silverx10 0

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Monday 27 July 2009 9:15

And this is why it pays to pretend with headphones on.

sublime93 0

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Monday 27 July 2009 16:03

Oh nooo, your parents have sex, what a horrible thing. Grow up. (Trolltrolltrolltroll)

Layneebby 0

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Monday 27 July 2009 17:14

@46. Yes his parents have sex, i'm sure he knows this. But _NO_ONE_ wants to know what their parents do when they have sex. No one wants to hear about it or hear it. Would you?

thabeast 0

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Monday 27 July 2009 18:03

which is why you yawn loudly and see if they stop

fed_life 0

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Tuesday 28 July 2009 7:13

ive seen this exact same FML... get a new story

yehr 0

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Monday 30 November 2009 9:48

ewww but no one wants to hear about how their dad's going to mouthwash with their mum's vagina.. YEKK!!!!! LMAO!!!

yehr 0

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Monday 30 November 2009 9:51

you should have pretended to wake up asap!!

iLIAMMM 0

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Monday 27 July 2009 9:15

Did you get a boner?

ReasonsToFly 0

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Monday 27 July 2009 9:59

Oh geez, I lol'd. Good show, sir.

Mosswine 2

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Monday 27 July 2009 22:44

#2 He totally did. I know it.

justcallmeWiLLiA 0

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Friday 24 June 2011 1:10

I wouldve embarrassed them about it later;(

Neonnight 0

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Friday 7 October 2011 2:49

Good thing to do

michelle4srs 0

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Monday 27 July 2009 9:18

Right when they started you should have pretended to wake up and made a loud noise to let them know.

simplyn2deep 2

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Monday 27 July 2009 9:27

that's exactly what I would have done...lest I spend hours rocking back & forth in my room willing myself to stay awake so I wouldn't PICTURE what they were describing!

Crunchy_fml 0

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Monday 27 July 2009 9:29

The OP was probably too shocked when this started, and by the time he thought of that it was already too late.

sophiepento 0

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Monday 27 July 2009 9:56

True. This is probably the funniest FML ive seen in a while.

Heaven666 0

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Monday 27 July 2009 12:53

lol love that reply... xD, but use alcohol to help when your eyes are open

curryndricegirll 0

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Monday 27 July 2009 20:32

Sounds to me like her mom already knew and was doing it on purpose so that she would "wake up". Once she wakes up, she has to talk to her mom.

I_ate_pikachu 0

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Tuesday 28 July 2009 18:07

No, at least she knows her parents love each other. xD

americayay 0

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Monday 27 July 2009 9:21

And you didn't "wake up"? Kind of creepy. You so wanted to hear it.

curlyfriez 0

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Monday 27 July 2009 9:36

haha he so did!!! i mean if he was "sleeping" he could of like moved so they could shut up.

_Noon_ 0

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Monday 27 July 2009 10:30

That's what I was thinking. He could've easily faked waking up, so there's only one reason that he didn't.. It totally turned him on!

abetterday 4

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Monday 27 July 2009 9:25

YDI for being allergic to fur

drinkupgorgeous 0

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Monday 27 July 2009 9:30

what the fuck?

Tobe_fml 0

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Monday 27 July 2009 10:13

Lmao, you win #5

matt5217 4

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Thursday 15 April 2010 2:05

you make nooooooo sense

LiliLatte 15

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Tuesday 8 July 2014 5:21

Boots with the fur?

corsmore 0

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Monday 27 July 2009 9:38

I'd get out my cell phone and pretend to call someone and start doing the same, and see how they liked it.

poopymonsters 0

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Monday 27 July 2009 9:39

whats a diarrhea?

SimpleSimon 0

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Monday 27 July 2009 10:07

It's a special time in a young man's life...

failwhatwhat 0

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Tuesday 28 July 2009 18:10

i believe its an old old wooden ship, made during the civil war era

Maxwellminpin 19

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Wednesday 17 February 2016 3:51

Search it on google images

uj_fml 4

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Monday 27 July 2009 9:41

Umm you could've pretended to wake up. YDI for putting up with it.

highonlife77 0

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Monday 27 July 2009 9:42

SEXY

pingpongdj 0

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Monday 27 July 2009 9:44

i think i read a similar fml some time ago, except instead the parents were discussing how fat the author was or something. not saying this is fake though. why didn't you wake up? once they started you should've been able to tell what they were talking about and immediately woke up instead of still lieing there "asleep". unless you actually wanted to hear it, which makes this not an fml.