Miscellaneous: Today, I had to drive my drunk parents home from a party. They...

By monquiqui - United States

Today, I had to drive my drunk parents home from a party. They leaned out the window and barked at everyone we passed all the way home. FML

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Miscellaneous

Understandable

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Family extension

By edhalen - United States

Today, I pulled over to help a girl with her car. I thought my limited mechanic skills would help look like a hero. She only needed her coolant cap unscrewed. With top down, shirt off, I was confident as I got out of my car. 10 minutes later I left because I couldn't unscrew the f***ing thing. FML

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13939

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By Lionman - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, during my first man-to-man conversation with my girlfriend's father, he decided to mention the details of lion mating patterns he'd once witnessed. After a lengthy description of the lion's barbed penis, he said, "It also made me feel better about myself that I could last longer than a lion." FML

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28190

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By stuck - United States

Today, I was working as a service writer in an auto service shop. A really cute girl came in to buy a headlight, I offered to install the bulb for her. My hand got stuck behind the headlight, she had to ask one of our mechanics to come remove the air box from her car to get my hand out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28787

You deserved it

10456

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By Kanata

Today, my phone cut out during a call for a job interview. I tried calling them back, but there was no answer. Later, I got an email from the interviewer, saying I was no longer being considered for the position due to my being "rude and unprofessional." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1757

You deserved it

137

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By jaivolétonnez - France - La Courneuve

Today, in a train, I did the old "I've got your nose" trick for a kid. He got off at the next stop, then waved something at me from the platform, then yelled, "I've got your keys!" FML

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30392

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By flying13 - United States

Today, I was on a bench enjoying the sun, when a guy comes and sits next to me. Next thing I know, he lets out a loud fart, then looks my way with pride. I stare back in shock. He then says to me, "Yeah, that just happened," and walks off. FML

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63390

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By gemtas5 - Sweden - Malm?

Today, while sorting through my clothes, I found one of my ex's old sweaters. After a lot of thought and difficulty, I threw it out. I felt empowered, until my father later rifled through my trash and claimed the sweater for himself. FML

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43539

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By Anonymous - United States - Middleboro

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me by handing me a ring and saying "Let's get this dumb shit over and done with." FML

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15953

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By nichaneely - United States

Today, I got yelled at by one of my bosses. The reason? I was yawning. I work at Starbucks. Apparently I wasn't 'promoting' correctly. FML

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28975

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By Barista - United States

Today, at work, a woman came up to the counter and asked if we made sweet and sour chicken. Before I could answer, she told me a really long recipe and said "I expect to see this on the menu next time I come in, or I will complain to the manager about your lousy work ethic". I work at Starbucks. FML

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By Sid - United States

Today, my dog was barking at a squirrel in the yard. I opened the door to let him chase the squirrel. I went to look at the dead squirrel and found out it was the neighbor's chihuahua. FML

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24649

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By scalmon - United States

Today, while making love to my wife, I let slip her sister's name. I don't think it would calm her down much if I told the truth: I was actually thinking of an ex girlfriend who shares the same name. FML

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13327

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By Devin - United States

Today, I was roasting marshmallows around a campfire when mine burst into flames. I instinctively shook the stick to get it to go out. The flaming marshmallow then catapulted straight into my eye, burning my whole eyelid. FML

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48170

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By sonofaneuroticwench - United States - Rice Lake

Today, my dad and I got into an argument, and he ended up calling me a son of a bitch. My mom heard and started arguing with him over him calling her a bitch. Three hours later, I'm now staying at my gran's house with my mom and hoping her threats of a divorce weren't for real. FML

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44550

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By girlshavepenises - New Zealand

Today, in science, we were studying reproduction. Our teacher was reading out the notes and claimed that 'the female's penis stiffens to enter the male's vagina.' I'm supposed to be learning stuff from this woman. FML

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47225

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my parents hassled me for wanting to get my tongue pierced, saying it was filthy, unprofessional, and degrading. About an hour later, my sister let slip that my nipple is pierced. FML

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18404

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By anon - United States - Lawrence

Today, I finally reached the point where it became necessary to give my boyfriend an ultimatum: either clip your toenails, or we aren't having sex. FML

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32393

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By nopenopenopenope - United States - Winston Salem

Today, I tried to have a relaxing soak in the tub. The giant wolf spider that was already in the tub didn't like me trying to set it free outside. It ran right across my feet and back into my house when I dumped it out of a cup outside. I screamed like a little girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10607

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2435

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By Sarah - United States

Today, my manager bailed on me during the afternoon rush; swamped and distracted, I cut off the pad of my thumb in a cheese slicer. Some clinic hours later I returned, hungry and sick with blood loss, to sign WC papers. Manager's only words: "You're staying late to cover your long break, right?" FML

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58765

You deserved it

3021

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By Anonymous

Today, I went on a hike. It had snowed the night before so I wore warm clothes. They didn’t help when I slipped and broke my leg. FML

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3014

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461

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By Lonely - United States

Today, I was so lonely that I left the TV on for company. The power went out. FML

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36570

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5756

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got mugged at Disney World, the happiest place on Earth. FML

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39077

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3576

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By loveurlifejk - United States

Today, I was woken up to my mother screaming obscenities at me, all because I threw up last night after days of not feeling well, and the flushing of the toilet afterwards woke her up. FML

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31521

You deserved it

2108

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By kbartlett86 - Canada

Today, after sitting for hours at my desk, my legs fell asleep. When I got up to go to the bathroom on my break, I couldn't walk properly and leaned against things so I wouldn't fall over. My supervisor then came over and started lecturing me about being drunk at work. FML

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35361

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to file for bankruptcy because my ex-wife didn't want to pay for the house she didn't want me to have in the divorce, and didn't bother to have my name removed from the loan before she filed bankruptcy herself. FML

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28758

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By quickfingers100 - United Kingdom

Today, I fell asleep in class. I'm the teacher. FML

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17611

You deserved it

47977

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By loon - France

Today, the girl I'm secretly in love with, whom I was talking to on MSN, told me she'd "brb in 10, no wait 20, oh make that 30 min" depending on her boyfriend's stamina. FML

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70692

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By maybe time to adopt

Oops.

Today, after my wife and I have been trying for a baby for 2 years, I found out she's still on the pill. Apparently when she was a teen she had bad period cramps, so her doctor gave her the pill for the pain. She never realized it stops pregnancy. FML

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6613

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1027

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By FMeRight? - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend finally proposed to me in front of his whole family with the ring his mother had helped him pick out. Two hours later, I found emails of nudes from another women that had been sent to him a week prior, on his phone. Our flight for home leaves in a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21801

You deserved it

1616

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By Anonymous

Today, I found out my roommate has been using my bed for months because he didn't want his sheets to "smell like gay sex" when his mom washed them. FML

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3684

You deserved it

305

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By littl3storm - 23/12/2020 15:59 - United Kingdom

Tis the season to be jolly

Today, at the ripe age of 20, I spent the early hours of my morning violently vomiting blood every time I got too warm. I then had the pleasure of shitting in a plastic container for a stool sample, due to said problem, after one and half hours of sleep. FML

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864

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By Tanya

Today, I found shit smeared into the carpet and I wasn’t sure who to blame, the dog, the newborn baby or the 60-year-old alcoholic mother-in-law whose husband had finally thrown her out. I did eventually find her passed out drunk in my flower bed with shit all down her legs though. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2252

You deserved it

126

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I talked to a girl I like. I tried to make her jealous by telling her I had a "thing" going with another girl. She looked deeply into my eyes and said, "Wait, aren't you gay?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

45112

You deserved it

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By Kaylz - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I was given a $100 cookbook as a gift by a co-worker. The man who shares a desk with me didn't realise it was mine, as he was at lunch when I got it, so he decided to give it to my boss when he walked in. My boss is refusing to return it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23097

You deserved it

1443

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I brought a friend who I have loved for years out to a nice restaurant for dinner. I ordered an expensive bottle of wine, and poured each of us a glass. As I was about to tell her I loved her, she raised her glass for a toast and said "A toast to friendship!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

57723

You deserved it

7762

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By Chipper

Today, my girlfriend and I were laying in bed. She rolled over and began rubbing my chest. She then said, "Wow babe those are a solid B-cup." FML

I agree, your life sucks

2585

You deserved it

852

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By JJ - United States - Irwin

Today, I was savagely beating my wife on Call of Duty, since she demanded that I play normally and not hold back. 15 minutes later, she was raging at me, calling me a bastard and saying she wished we'd never married. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25443

You deserved it

4438

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By cutthroatkait - United States

Today, I picked up an extra shift at the store. It was also the day the store's ventilation system shut down, resulting in carbon monoxide poisoning for me and two co-workers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42673

You deserved it

2994

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By WetWetWet - India

Today, I returned to work after a restful week-long holiday. Before I left, I'd finished a huge assignment which is due this week. I walk in to find a water pipe has burst just above my desk, flooding our office with water and ruining my computer. Happy New Year to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27909

You deserved it

2594

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By Anonymous - 4/3/2021 14:01

Poor little guy

Today, I showed my family my new pet hamster. At the sight of him, my grandmother, who I had no idea hated rodents, let out a loud screech, causing my usually docile hamster to bite me and piss in my cupped hand. FML

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836

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Top comments

By genesisnirvana | 11

#2818284 - Monday 4 July 2011 12:01

your parents are a win.

By Andrewlostnow | 3

#2818300 - Monday 4 July 2011 12:04

your lucky all my mom and dad do is purr and meow

COMMENTS

By genesisnirvana | 11

#2818284 - Monday 4 July 2011 12:01

your parents are a win.

italiangurrl | 8

#2818305 - Monday 4 July 2011 12:05

more like an epic win! :)

Jacobt24 | 19

#2818388 - Monday 4 July 2011 12:26

My friends just yell at people for fun when go go driving around (water balloons are fun also)

flawedgenius | 6

#2818431 - Monday 4 July 2011 12:36

epic win? yes in an embarrassing fail/I'm ashamed of my parents kind of way...

Monii_Harlz | 11

#2818503 - Monday 4 July 2011 13:22

don't worry op ! my rents do the same thing LOL

blanquito | 1

#2818547 - Monday 4 July 2011 13:41

They don't understand the concept of doggystyle.

ryno101 | 3

#2818593 - Monday 4 July 2011 14:06

one day when I'm a parent, I plan to be like yours, embrace it op, you could have ended up with worse...

dolphincheddar | 10

#2818957 - Monday 4 July 2011 16:16

drop them off at the dog pound so they learn their lesson? or bring them home and put them in a dog cage

ibitehard | 9

#2819460 - Monday 4 July 2011 17:37

Lol I bark at people from my car completely sober, they get soooo scared XD

Das_Judenburg | 0

#2819472 - Monday 4 July 2011 17:38

Prolly 'cause you're fat.

aussie_gemini | 5

#2819509 - Monday 4 July 2011 17:43

lmao 71 usually I'd tell you how much of an ass comment that is... but that caught me off guard so I couldn't help but laugh lol

senseisuncommon | 7

#2819865 - Monday 4 July 2011 18:59

ha. there your bitches now...

senseisuncommon | 7

#2819873 - Monday 4 July 2011 19:01

they're * stupid iPod..

lolwutsameme | 0

#2820402 - Monday 4 July 2011 20:36

Absolutely barking mad!

Angel_Vice | 0

#2820770 - Monday 4 July 2011 22:25

At least they didn't go wee wee wee allthe way home.

zendaddy0 | 0

#2820960 - Monday 4 July 2011 23:12

I'm guessing driving really fast next to a stop sign is out of the question?

turkishjew | 0

#2969174 - Monday 25 July 2011 4:18

C-c-c-c-c Combo Breaker

By athena3100 | 9

#2818286 - Monday 4 July 2011 12:02

i love ur parents!

ImaWiseGuy | 5

#2818540 - Monday 4 July 2011 13:36

haha, in my experiences when parental's age some what mirrors their drunken I.q. tend to be pretty awesome...

FlipInBrosky | 4

#2818644 - Monday 4 July 2011 14:45

"Did somebody say Scooby snacks? Zoinks Scoob!"

whybother8 | 0

#2818765 - Monday 4 July 2011 15:41

your parents are the best! you should've joined them.

kitarakya | 0

#2830399 - Wednesday 6 July 2011 12:38

i barked at a dog the other day. i was sober though.....

By Andrewlostnow | 3

#2818300 - Monday 4 July 2011 12:04

your lucky all my mom and dad do is purr and meow

runtodarkness | 0

#2818441 - Monday 4 July 2011 12:39

you pussy...

xJudii | 5

#2818638 - Monday 4 July 2011 14:42

Cat;)

By middletin | 0

#2818312 - Monday 4 July 2011 12:07

you should've joined them... don't be a party pooper

laurbear12 | 3

#2818436 - Monday 4 July 2011 12:39

ya definitely before driving

ambowew | 7

#2818571 - Monday 4 July 2011 13:54

And just leave the car to drive itself home.

afdude87 | 6

#2818650 - Monday 4 July 2011 14:48

I'm sure she meant barking but ok..

CEG3 | 0

#2819404 - Monday 4 July 2011 17:28

37- In Soviet Russia, the car drives you, so technically if they were in Russia, the whole family can bark out the window :P

middletin | 0

#2820706 - Monday 4 July 2011 22:10

I meant she should bark too and join in... retards!I meant she should bark too and join in... retards!

itsbritneybixchh | 0

#2821305 - Tuesday 5 July 2011 0:17

haha #69 winning!

i3urton | 2

#2845199 - Friday 8 July 2011 6:11

hayyy ;)

By FusionCharger27 | 0

#2818315 - Monday 4 July 2011 12:08

woof?

jessiilovee | 0

#2849502 - Friday 8 July 2011 19:35

someone needs a shock collar... (;

By BountyBass | 13

#2818324 - Monday 4 July 2011 12:09

who let the dogs out??!!!!!!! woof woof who who WHO???

By raebeglan | 7

#2818334 - Monday 4 July 2011 12:09

i feel your pain.. and it sucks having to be the mature one all the time ... I don't think you were a party pooper

ImaWiseGuy | 5

#2818552 - Monday 4 July 2011 13:44

but if your parents can't be drunk and immature in front of you who can they then?^

hardcoreFML4223 | 0

#2818825 - Monday 4 July 2011 16:01

no one cares

CryMoreFMLs | 14

#2819643 - Monday 4 July 2011 18:06

Nobody cares that you don't care.

Other then me, stating this obvious fact.

Irony? Maybe. Stupidity? Possibly.

erocketship | 0

#2821823 - Tuesday 5 July 2011 2:08

You! sound like the party pooper his parents just don't gv a fck and enjoy their lives.

By carameldrizzle | 0

#2818335 - Monday 4 July 2011 12:09

i wish my parents were that fun

xleanne_aLly | 23

#2819713 - Monday 4 July 2011 18:18

did your tongue piercing hurt a lot? annnd how much was it?

mahomie97 | 7

#2820100 - Monday 4 July 2011 19:31

$15.96 plus s&h.(:

ollierobs | 0

#2820746 - Monday 4 July 2011 22:21

A Spanish chick from Canada eh?

CryMoreFMLs | 14

#2821303 - Tuesday 5 July 2011 0:16

Way to be a creeper #101... even I don't do that.

And boy, am I creepy...

By ambowew | 7

#2818347 - Monday 4 July 2011 12:12

Are these the other dogs that your great grandmother was talking about?

By coolkid_matt | 11

#2818374 - Monday 4 July 2011 12:19

WTF!?! LOL.

Xx_Dakota_xX | 1

#2818762 - Monday 4 July 2011 15:40

y so serious? o.0