Miscellaneous: Today, some ballbag broke into my house just to take my broom.... - FML

By kelsjenks - 27/07/2011 13:50 - Canada

Today, some ballbag broke into my house just to take my broom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 629

You deserved it 3 066

Sorry…

Broken heart

Narcissism in a nutshell

Entitled

By Bad friend - 19/12/2020 02:04 - United States

Today, after I'd mailed my friend her Christmas gifts since we can’t see each other, she called me ranting because the gift I sent her dog only cost $5. According to her, that means I must not really care as her dog is her “baby”. I bought gifts for all 5 of her kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 152

You deserved it 65

Persona non grata

By soupcrackers - 07/10/2020 04:57

Today, I spoke to Friend A and Friend B, with whom I'd had arguments with in the past. Those arguments caused me to leave a group chat. When I want to settle things with Friend B, they told me, "Don't come back to the group chat. It'll make everyone happier if you stay out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 826

You deserved it 413

Stay safe, despite capitalism

By Anonymous - 23/09/2021 19:59

Today, despite both of us being vaccinated, my wife recently tested positive for Covid and now I'm showing symptoms. Neither my state or job offers any kind of financial support for Covid leave, so my options are infecting others or starving under a bridge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 034

You deserved it 181

By GeeTwo - 21/02/2012 18:45 - United States

Today, I signed the divorce papers my wife gave me. When I went to bed, she was on the phone talking to her new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 535

You deserved it 3 052

By FrustratedTutor - 04/02/2015 03:39 - United States - Andover

Today, the kid I was tutoring told me that "pirates were a myth. Like the Greeks and Romans." He's 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 713

You deserved it 2 810

By Anonymous - 29/05/2013 04:32 - United States - Sparta

Today, I went to the Doctor's for a mole my husband had said was, "growing and changing color". It turned out to be a wood tick. My husband knew, but said it was too "icky" to take off himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 529

You deserved it 7 756

By nutsucker - 08/03/2009 19:08 - United States

Today, I was babysitting a 7 year old girl and we were eating chocolate covered nuts. She kept on chewing the nuts and wondered where the chocolate was. I told her to taste the chocolate you suck on the nuts. Then her parents came home and the first thing she said was "I learned how to suck nuts!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 433

You deserved it 10 843

By Kyokushin - 03/06/2009 14:15 - United States

Today, I came home from work when I heard people in my apartment. My apartment was supposed to be empty, so I entered ready to fight some thieves. I rushed in and hit the closest person to me before the lights switched on. It was a surprise party. I broke my girlfriend's cheek-bone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 858

You deserved it 20 152

Go away, creep

By Anonymous - 22/12/2020 05:02 - United States - Gainesville

Today, I learned that my stalker is still trying to weasel their way into my life even after they doxxed me, cyberstalked me, harassed me, threatened me, and attempted blackmail on me. All this just because I told them that their boyfriend groomed me when I was a minor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 922

You deserved it 68

By chelserusera - 14/05/2009 01:45 - United States

Today, my 3-year-old said, "Mommy, I can share my teddy grahams with you." I said, "Thanks, honey, you're so sweet." And I ate a few. When I popped the last one in my mouth, I said, "Oh no, all gone!" She said, "That's okay, I have more." Then pulled the next handful out of her underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 281

You deserved it 7 584

By Anonymous - 13/12/2010 06:29 - United States

Today, at Arby's, there were two cute guys behind me in line. Right before ordering, my dad said loudly "Go get the calorie sheet. You need to lose more weight before you think about going after those guys." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 906

You deserved it 5 322

By chumpslolo - 25/07/2013 10:55 - United States - Vandalia

Today, my sister backed out of my wedding because it was becoming too much about me. After I begged her to reconsider, I had no choice but to pick a new bridesmaid. When my new bridesmaid posted on Facebook how excited she was, my sister commented, "See, you made HER feel special." FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 494

You deserved it 3 968

Festival spirit

By Festivalgal - 01/08/2021 20:01

Today, I went to a music festival with my boyfriend and ran into his female bestie. She refused to say “Hello”, looked at me up and down, and made passive-aggressive remarks under her breath. After a while of us three hanging out, she stormed off and told him, "We’ll talk about this later, call me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 305

You deserved it 90

By Anonymous - 26/02/2010 11:11 - Norway

Spicy

Today, I bought Plan B for the first time. Not because I had unprotected sex, but to make the cashier think someone would actually sleep with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 770

You deserved it 43 035

By lanbon182 - 10/04/2009 05:11 - United States

Today, my fiancé's parents visited. I keep chickens for their eggs, and his parents own a farm, so we had a connection. They told us to leave the house while they cooked us dinner. When we returned, we faced two steaming plates of chicken. My chickens. They had names. FML

I agree, your life sucks 250 639

You deserved it 31 174

By Anonymous - 01/05/2019 04:00

Today, I noticed that my 80-year-old mother has gone through 50+ bottles of my home-made wine. She only moved in with me a month ago. And now I have no wine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 133

You deserved it 213

By Anonymous - 02/02/2018 01:30

Today, I found out that my husband’s crazy ex girlfriend has not only moved to our area, but has also landed herself on his patient list. He’s a gynecologist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 405

You deserved it 362

By gameguy3424 - 18/05/2009 03:37 - United States

Today, I went on my afternoon stroll to my local park. As I reached the park a little boy was peeing in the bushes nearby. His mother called. As I walked by, he turned, still peeing, right to me. He ended up peeing on the front of my pants and on my shoes. My house is 2 miles away from the park. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 537

You deserved it 3 188

By pizzafreak18 - 21/06/2010 14:21 - United States

Today, I went into the store where my boyfriend works. I saw him talking to a customer, his back was facing me, so I went up and smacked his butt. Turns out it wasn't him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 052

You deserved it 54 845

By Noname - 09/01/2009 05:18 - France

Today, like every month, the beautician spent 10 minutes removing the hairs from my stomach. I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 834

You deserved it 2 781

By Anon - 26/06/2014 04:03 - United States - Middletown

Today, my boyfriend told me he wants to marry me and be the father of my children. Five minutes later, he told me he wants to experience death. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 501

You deserved it 5 203

By FOXYgrandpa441 - 19/07/2012 00:41 - United States - Casper

Today, I was getting lunch at a fast food restaurant. My boss was in front of me, and in order to get on his good side I offered to pay. Instead, I got fired because I guess my boss assumed I was making fun of his salary, which I knew nothing about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 226

You deserved it 3 122

By caiti - 06/08/2009 01:25 - United States

Today, I had a job interview and things were going really well until I noticed the woman interviewing me staring at the inside of my elbow. I am recovering from a poison sumac rash, and each spot looks like a puncture wound from a syringe. I was dismissed before the interview was over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 228

You deserved it 4 437

By assassinmaster - 30/06/2018 15:00

Today, I caught a lady attempting to steal a watermelon by putting it in her shirt. When I confronted her, she claimed to be pregnant and threatened to sue me and the store for discriminating against mothers. Nice try, but the watermelon fell out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 668

You deserved it 242

By sa la vash - 14/03/2015 08:22 - Netherlands

Spicy

Today, what my friends call my "resting bitch face" freaked my boyfriend out enough during sex that he went soft inside me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 177

You deserved it 8 241

By Anonymous - 23/03/2012 21:46 - United States - Kingman

Today, I still can't find a job to support myself. The only experience I have is a month in retail and a summer spent in a kitchen de-pooping shrimp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 679

You deserved it 4 085

By kicking me while I'm LITERALLY down - 07/11/2017 05:00

Today, I was hit by a car while riding my bike, so I called my dad for help. He blamed me for the accident, said he wasn't sure what I wanted him to do, and suggested I call my mom instead. She isn't picking up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 547

You deserved it 272

By Anonymous - 10/11/2012 07:23 - United States

Today, while at work, a customer gave me a $20 tip. I explained to him we aren't allowed to accept tips, but he insisted. When I called the manager to report it, he pocketed my tip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 423

You deserved it 30 240

Too soon

By Anonymous - 22/09/2010 19:22 - Chile

Today, I finally quit my job after talking with a friend about making our own design/multimedia company. While I was on my way to his house, he called me and told me not to quit because he got an awesome job offer and couldn't refuse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 159

You deserved it 7 900

By vidzgrl - 28/01/2009 19:51 - Canada

Today, I was feeling sick, so I called my boyfriend who lives down the street to come and keep me company. He replied with, "no, I can't come over, I'm busy, I'm playing xbox." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 692

You deserved it 5 312

By offended - 07/04/2009 06:15 - United States

Today, I was putting the finishing touches on my portrait of a young boy in art class. I asked my teacher if she could help correct the bad parts of my portrait. She said, "Well that would take all day and I just don't have the time." She was serious. I thought this was my best work yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 160

You deserved it 5 114

The internet hates you

By Anonymous - 28/07/2021 11:01

Today, I had to cancel my vacation in Norway, which I had been planning for 2 months and had cried and stressed over all that time because this was the first vacation I'd ever planned myself. Now YouTube won't stop showing me ads about visiting Norway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 782

You deserved it 131

By AlreadyInDebt - 26/01/2011 08:52 - United States

Today, I found out that I've been paying student fees for the wrong account. Apparently I have been paying for some other student's tuition. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 997

You deserved it 7 988

By Nose Numb - 30/11/2014 20:24 - United States

Today, for the first time ever, my family bought a real Christmas tree instead of using our old fake one. Today, I also found out I'm allergic to Christmas trees. My family won't get rid of it because they paid so much for it and intend to "get their money's worth". FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 261

You deserved it 3 462

Groove is in the Heart

By samba_spaz - 19/09/2019 06:01 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was at my usual drum circle. This guy I'd never seen before showed up and started playing an unfamiliar beat. Thinking he was new, I tried to teach him what to play. Turns out he was a professional drummer and was playing an advanced version of the groove I was trying to teach him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 645

You deserved it 2 023

By ClumsyKatey - 02/07/2017 22:00

Today, due to an incident with the dishwasher, a coatrack and my bathrobe, I ended up locked out of my house naked as a jaybird. I had to hide in the backyard for several hours until my family got home from their various activities to get back in. They still haven't stopped laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 056

You deserved it 1 065

By Anonymous - 13/10/2011 16:56 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend informed me that to save money, he's been using the same condom for the last month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 806

You deserved it 6 294

By anonymous - 15/02/2015 22:39 - United States - Valdosta

Today, while working at Subway I joked with a customer asking him if he was going to order in Spanish. The women in front of him began yelling about how I was being racist and told my manager that I needed to be fired. The customer I was joking with was my Spanish teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 879

You deserved it 2 893

By Anonymous - 28/05/2013 16:42 - United States

Today, after being told by her therapist to try to make her kids a bigger part of her life because we're so distant from her, my mom's new favorite thing to do is to constantly use the words "YOLO" and "swag" around us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 732

You deserved it 5 629

By fmlisthebomb - 01/03/2009 06:58 - United States

Spicy

Today, my mother got a call from our old high school saying that they had fifteen freshmen boys in his office with a nude photo of me on their phones. I had sent that photo only to my boyfriend. Apparently he loves to share me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 170

You deserved it 88 934

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Top comments

saIty 17

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Wednesday 27 July 2011 19:13

Little did you know it was a magical flying broom.

metallicshadow 16

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Wednesday 27 July 2011 19:11

haha ballbag

Comments

metallicshadow 16

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Wednesday 27 July 2011 19:11

haha ballbag

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Wednesday 27 July 2011 19:32

someone broke into my house and stole my motorcycle helmet and microwave. I have a brand new tv and xbox sitting in my living room... WTF? lol

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Wednesday 27 July 2011 21:51

At least they took something. Imagine the stress of wondering what they took if you couldn't figure it out.

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Wednesday 27 July 2011 23:37

i wouldnt have taken anything but i wouldve left a lava lamp

Trololololololo_fml 7

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Thursday 28 July 2011 1:34

Better had been a goddamn great broom.

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Thursday 28 July 2011 3:00

i wouldve taken the vacuum..

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Thursday 28 July 2011 5:29

"Ballbag"... What are you? Canadian?!

WellThatSucksMaj 0

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Thursday 28 July 2011 6:16

be considerate, ballbags need clean floors too.... jeez

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Thursday 28 July 2011 9:58

was it a swiffer sweaper?

CheckMyProfile 17

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Thursday 28 July 2011 9:48

lmao

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Thursday 28 July 2011 10:59

yes he's canadian. are you not able to see the location clearly written? it says canada(british columbia). im going to guess youre some stupid american?

iSitt 0

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Thursday 28 July 2011 16:05

or a Harry potter fan

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Thursday 28 July 2011 16:21

37, Dane Cook reference?

bigbisawesome 0

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Friday 29 July 2011 0:45

dang ur cute

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Friday 29 July 2011 6:17

and I'm going to guess you're an uneducated Canadian moron

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Sunday 31 July 2011 11:02

probably crack head on a cleaning frenzy.

saIty 17

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Wednesday 27 July 2011 19:13

Little did you know it was a magical flying broom.

BIEBERSLAYER 10

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Wednesday 27 July 2011 20:05

At least that's what the meth monster that stole your broom was thinking.

rattusrattus 18

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Wednesday 27 July 2011 21:25

Witches used to use brooms to apply drugs to their... yeah. Apparently its hyper-sensitive or something. So you never know. At least brooms are cheap.

aliceisbored 11

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Thursday 28 July 2011 1:19

It was probably a Firebolt!

AloysiusWeasley 15

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Monday 1 August 2011 5:43

Obviously his Nimbus broke down, the poor guy just needed a ride!

Vzify 0

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Tuesday 9 August 2011 12:44

sad -_-

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Thursday 4 October 2012 0:16

Most likely the nimbus 2000 :)

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Wednesday 27 July 2011 19:14

Wow that's a first

JustOhSoLovely 6

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Friday 29 July 2011 2:19

no it's not, I do it all the time

sly161 0

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Wednesday 3 August 2011 4:14

Not really, I would rob a broom... I don't want dirt on mah floor :D

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Wednesday 27 July 2011 19:16

must have been a good broom

Legendslayer222 26

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Wednesday 27 July 2011 19:22

Hey, all the Harry Potter nerds have to end up somewhere now the series is over.

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Wednesday 27 July 2011 19:36

hey don't rage all over HP Fans... maybe Voldemort stole OP's broom

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Wednesday 27 July 2011 19:40

Beat me to it. I was thinking must have been a Harry Potter fan.

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Wednesday 27 July 2011 19:42

Beat me to it. I was thinking must have been a Harry Potter fan.

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Wednesday 27 July 2011 21:30

true story!

Lovelyfailure 16

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Thursday 28 July 2011 1:20

WIN. :D

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Wednesday 27 July 2011 19:35

The thief just wants to impress Cornelius Fudge with his or her Quidditch skills.

spazx 5

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Wednesday 27 July 2011 19:39

lmfaooooooooooo he said ballbag

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Wednesday 27 July 2011 19:41

You fool! That broom was the last hope for humanity! You've doomed us all!

Pi653 0

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Friday 29 July 2011 5:02

Why do you care so much... Was it a firebolt

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Wednesday 27 July 2011 19:43

You fool! That broom was the last hope for humanity! You've doomed us all!

stormchaser24 24

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Wednesday 27 July 2011 19:45

Well at least he did not take your TV or money or something valuable just a 2.50 broom and the damages to the window or door. So I think you got off lucky. but still FYL

metallicshadow 16

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Wednesday 27 July 2011 22:54

oh wait...

ilovepotatoes419 14

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Saturday 30 July 2011 19:56

how u you know it was 2.50? you dont

Nearly

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16

You deserved it 4

Today, I realized the cute girl with a nice ass, long hair and a great personality I've been talking to is actually a very gay dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17

You deserved it 37

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I had a horrible date with this guy I’ve been seeing. He wanted me to give it up, but I wasn’t ready, so he dumped me on the spot. I went home crying to my mother and her response was, “Stop being such a prude! What are you? Ten? Grow the fuck up!” Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 500

You deserved it 98

Today, my wife and I had arranged a threesome with a guy, but I was late home so they “had the threesome without me.” It’s not cheating, because I obviously knew she was going to have sex with him during the threesome, but me not being there makes me mad and I can’t coherently explain why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 669

You deserved it 768