Today, while at work, I got a call. They left a voicemail. It was a 7 minute voicemail of the mattress squeaking and my mom screaming my dad's name. I am going to their house for supper tonight. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Big awkward moment
Today, my mom came into my bedroom and told me to "Listen to this voicemail." I listened to me and my girlfriend talking dirty, followed by the bed springs bouncing for three minutes. I had my phone in the pocket while I was having sex with her and it left my mom a nice voicemail. FML
Today, after making love to my girlfriend, I realised that the phone was on the bed and because of the movements, it called my dad by itself. It went to voicemail. My dad will soon have all the details. FML
Today, I heard my mom moan in the other room. FML
Nice to know
Today, my father got married. He left me a voicemail to tell me all about it. FML
Today, I was making love with my girlfriend and my landline rang. Obviously, I let it go to voicemail. At the very moment I was about to cum, I heard my mum's voice on my voicemail: "Hi sweetheart!" FML
My ears! My ears!
Today, I woke up at 1:39 a.m. to my dad's phone going off, only to hear my parents having sex. It's now 2:12 a.m. and I can still hear them going at it. FML
Another non-emergency
Today, I went on a date, and halfway through I started getting nonstop calls from “Mom” on my phone. Annoyed, I silenced them. Later, I checked my voicemail. It was actually my mom calling from the ER because she had slipped and broken her ankle. FML
Today, my parents left for work before I had to leave for school and I decided to skip. I stayed by the phone, expecting the school to call so I could pose as my parent and excuse my absence. The phone rings and I pick up. It's my Mom, calling to leave my dad a message on the machine. FML
Wish you were here
Today, I listened to a voicemail from my mom about how she misses me and can't wait to see me when I get back from vacation. Thinking she hung up, my mother then had a conversation with my aunt about how quiet the house is without me and how she'd be blessed if I didn't come home. FML
Today, I received a message from front desk that my concerned father is trying to contact me. I call only to hear that my parents were freaking out that I wasn't answering my phone. They saw me 9 hours ago. They were going to call the police. I'm in college and also don't live with them anymore. FML
Top comments
bigphill1333 0
Well I guess your moms a screamer and your dad has skills.
angel55033 12
play it back for them lol but WTF why did you listen to all 7 minutes that's just wrong
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Comments (149)
JETbarr 0
why would you listen to it for 7 min? delete that shit after 2 seconds...
vincent_vega_fml 0
most phones these days have a time stamp that let's you know how long a voicemail is so it's quite probable that they did NOT listen to all seven minutes! idiot
GotFunk 0
wow, shes just just making a statement. CHILL MAN
xgetxbentx 13
62 and what phone does this? cause my last three phones were brand new when I got then but none of them have a timestamp before you listen to the message....
LeStab 4
iPhone let's you know how long it is.
bzanon 0
uh does anyone else realize its impossible to leave a 7 minute voicemail on ANY type of voice mail sysyem? im calling this a fake oh im bored lets make up an fml....
TheBestManEver 0
inb4 moderated
chelseathompson 0
haha go mommy & daddy!(:
Islapboxmidgets 0
hell yea! ^^
oldwiseguy 0
Would you rather they were getting a divorce?
ILEUX 3
who knows. you might have a baby in your family soon ;)
bigphill1333 0
Dude if that happened to me and they had a kid I would totally have them listen to it and be like this is how you were made.
TheBestManEver 0
Sex =/= a kid. If the OP is old enough to be not be living in his parents house then it would be utter stupidity for his parents to have a kid, the age gap would be too large. Parents these days just wait for their children to have children of their own so its like the parents had another kid.
zexy27 0
I have a 19 year old friend that has a 3 year old brother, a twenty year old brother, and a twenty three year old brother...... But thanks for playing anyway.
TheBestManEver 0
#51: That's what you call an unplanned birth, or mistake. Lets say a couple has their first child between 23 and 29, by the time they are done raising this child, they will be in their mid to late 40's, which by this time they will want to be ensuring their future financial security, and the best way is to not have to raise any more children (since the average child costs over 100,000 dollars to raise now a days). It would be a pretty stupid move to have a child when you are on the edge of turning 50, financially speaking. Also, think about this child, growing up at the same time as its neices and nephews, he would seem out of place don't you think? Run off now and try to think before you speak from now on.
shakethat 10
some still plan it. I have family who had their first child really young and got remarried n they wanted their own child. they weren't 50, but the age gap between the siblings were significant. not ALWAYS a mistake.
boopityboppity 11
So, 57, by your logic, it is unlikely that any people in any location will have children, due to their financial dependence?
ksummerville91_fml 0
I'm 19 my sister is 34 and my bro is 32. it rocked growing up I didn't have to share and having a brother tht much older to protect me was awesome, he played with me all the time AND could drive so he took me all the places my parents wouldn't. plus I'd rather been babysat by my grown siblings than a snot nosed kid. also, my parents are not old and decrepit now. they are 53 and active and healthy so I didn't "miss out" on parent interaction.
ksummerville91_fml 0
and my neice is 15, it was awesome growing up with her and I get to tell her to respect my authoritahhhh. living it, I would say it's not bad at all.
TheBestManEver 0
#63: When couples are young, they are most likely working, so they will be able to raise children (because they'll have the funds). However, people who work all their life get sick of it, so they RETIRE, which is around the age of 65. In order to retire, you must be able to live the rest of your life without having any income, so you must have a lot of money saved up. The majority of this money is usually gathered between when the couple gets their last child off the payroll and when they retire. Unless the family is really well off financially speaking, the couple won't be able to save the majority of their money if they're raising another child, because it will be all going into taking care of that child. Take my advice and think before you speak, and also read a little while you're at it.
boopityboppity 11
Aren't you condescending. "...ensuring their future financial security, and the best way is to not have to raise any more children (since the average child costs over 100,000 dollars to raise now a days). It would be a pretty stupid move to have a child when you are on the edge of turning 50, financially speaking." Financially speaking, it is therefore the best option to not have any children at all. I'm not trying to argue that the vast majority of people don't want or plan for children at that age, I'm merely trying to point out that taking only financial interest into account is ridiculous, because then, nobody would want a child at any age.
Comedie 0
I simply agree with #63-72. 'any people in any location' means what it means. Everyone is free to manage their money the way they want. Besides, the system isn't the same everywhere. Living in France, I can tell you that we have a system called 'by repartition', as opposed to yours, 'by capitalization' (I apologize if the words are incorrect, that's probably a terrible translation !)... Meaning that, when you're working, no matter how old you are, they take some money from your salary to give money to people who retired. Until, of course, you're retired yourself and other people get to pay for you.. That doesn't exclude putting money aside to have a more comfortable situation, but in this case, you'd have enough money to raise a kid at 40, and live well after you're 65.. Besides, some people want kids more than they care about their financial situation. That's a choice, and just because you wouldn't make it, doesn't mean it doesn't exist.
benchpress550 4
* (insert any derogatory homosexual term)
foREVerA7X 0
Theirs nothing wrong with being 19 and having 50 year old parents. But it's weird if your a newborn and your parents are. So think when that kid is 19 his parents will be in their 70s. And I'm guessing your older sibling is a mistake. Saying according to you your mom was 17.
RedPillSucks 33
Or they may have just wanted a girl, after having 3 boys. There's 14yrs between me and my younger brother. Two years betweeen him and younger sister. Between the four of us is a 16 year span.
lalagirl912 0
57- my mom is 51 and I'm 13 >.> it was kinda planned, her doctor said she will never have kids but she kept tying and he got 2 13, and 18. and her support is still good. maybe even rised up a bit(MAY).. so not all of that was true.
ksummerville91_fml 0
no one was a mistake. my parents got married when they where 18 and my oldest sibling was conceived a month after ( I admit tht I might or might not have forgotten my sisters exact age)
ksummerville91_fml 0
oh and I have a 27 yr old cousin whose dad is 83 and is an only parent and is still very very alive (can walk on his own and everything) so nothing tht is being said about being old and having children is quite clicking with me. maybe I just have an abnormaly healthy family idk, but if you can afford it go for it Is what I would say to someone past their "prime" and wants kids.
Elphieba 4
Were not even considering if she even CAN have babies. If not she can rockstar in bed!
D3llo 0
that is hilarious
killaro 0
haha this made me laugh. show your parents :D
FmyLinNY 0
This is hilarious!
sexieeduck 0
haha win ^^
notabitch 0
why would you listen to it fr 7 min. ? why didnt you just delete it when u realized what it was...creeper
vincent_vega_fml 0
most phones these days have a time stamp that let's you know how long a voicemail so it's quite probable that she did NOT listen to all seven minutes!
MrSassypants 34
wow 7 minutes. Your dad longs master then me :( wwaaaaahhh. *runs away crying*
boopityboppity 11
Who is master? Why is the dad longing him? And why would he long you next?
RedPillSucks 33
I'ma long you. I'ma long you hard!