Today, I was making love with my girlfriend and my landline rang....

By Gwayhir - 19/11/2008 04:58 - France

Today, I was making love with my girlfriend and my landline rang. Obviously, I let it go to voicemail. At the very moment I was about to cum, I heard my mum's voice on my voicemail: "Hi sweetheart!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

49878

You deserved it

4884

Favorite

Intimacy

Dangling modifier

Mixed signals

Toxic parents

By Anonymous - 20/7/2010 04:53 - United States

Today, I moved into my new apartment and met my new roommate. Immediately after shaking hands he suggested that we make a "masturbation schedule" to avoid any awkward situations. Way to avoid an awkward situation. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43718

You deserved it

4169

Favorite

By secretmisery05 - 25/5/2020 17:00

Oh, hello there!

Today, my husband and I waited until the TV shut off at 11 p.m. in the next room to signal his grandmother had retired to her bed upstairs. After doing it on a very squeaky bed, we went out naked half an hour later to go to the restroom across the hall, only to discover his Nana laying on the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1005

You deserved it

626

Favorite

By kmf - 10/8/2009 19:06 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were starting to get hot and heavy in my truck at our favorite park. We start going at it and we were both butt naked when I see a car pull into the lot. Not only is it a cop car, but the first thing the cop asks my girlfriend is "Are you being held against your will?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

46637

You deserved it

14108

Favorite

By Anonymous - 12/11/2018 05:00

Today, I realized how bad my grey hair problem has gotten as I noticed I had grey pubes. I'm only 23. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2827

You deserved it

185

Favorite

By Ennui - 20/2/2010 19:12 - United States

Today, after being dumped just 48 hours prior, I awoke from a night of passionate lovemaking with my ex. Last night, he came to my house, romanced me, and presented a possible future. This morning, when I got up to use the restroom, my laptop, money, and ex-boyfriend were gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27033

You deserved it

10098

Favorite

By Mouse - 17/10/2012 23:15

Today, my college class was talking about Felix Baumgartner, who jumped from the edge of space down to earth. A boy suddenly put his head up and said in a serious tone, "I thought he jumped from the moon?" Several girls concurred. This is my generation. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29422

You deserved it

2356

Favorite

By Stressed - 24/9/2018 22:00

Today, I got promoted. By promoted, I mean, given a much harder job with no training and no extra pay because someone went on maternity leave. They've already hired someone for my old position. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2014

You deserved it

125

Favorite

By Anonymous - 28/12/2012 15:14 - Canada - Montreal

Today, I woke up with an engagement ring on my left hand. The same one I refused last month. My boyfriend apparently waited for me to be drunk to propose again last night, and has already posted the pics on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43398

You deserved it

15933

Favorite

By LaRae17 - 4/8/2010 14:40 - United States

Today, I went to an elementary school for volunteer work. I was asked to read to a group of kids during one of the classes. Before I started reading, a girl raised her hand and asked me if I had a boyfriend and if I was single. I asked her why and she said "My daddy wanted to know." I'm 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38184

You deserved it

3961

Favorite

By sadgirl - 23/1/2009 16:52 - United States

Today, I was doing a striptease for this guy over my webcam. I was shaking my ass while taking off my panties, but when they fell to my feet, I tripped over them and fell on my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10852

You deserved it

56061

Favorite

By Shooter71 - 16/10/2010 04:09 - France

Today, I discovered my wife has had more sex in the last two months than I've had in the last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45979

You deserved it

3789

Favorite

By Bob - 12/11/2010 03:55 - United States

Today, I received a restraining order from a girl I have never met. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40040

You deserved it

3640

Favorite

By notnicefools - 29/5/2012 02:51 - United States - San Diego

Today, I went to visit my husband's grave. I was unable to mourn in peace because some teenagers were smoking pot and talking about a government conspiracy "to change the way gravity works" on the next grave over. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39461

You deserved it

2282

Favorite

By Anonymous - 2/11/2010 02:58 - United States

Today, I was at Wal-Mart and I asked a guy who worked there where the scrapbooking stuff was. He led me to the aisle where it was and then said, "By the way, I don't work here." FML

I agree, your life sucks

9992

You deserved it

31509

Favorite

By Anonymous - 7/2/2015 11:51 - United States - Desoto

Today, hours after being turned down for sex, I woke up to my boyfriend sitting at the computer, jacking off to a picture of my deceased mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55485

You deserved it

4615

Favorite

By stinkystinky - 12/8/2016 17:32

Today, after cleaning the whole house, I still couldn't get rid of the foul smell. Later, my roommate revealed his new place to "stash and dry" his socks: The ventilation ducts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13363

You deserved it

873

Favorite

By Coldandshoeless - 8/1/2013 10:40 - United States - Hackettstown

Today, I got home only to discover my dog was missing. After spending ages roaming the freezing streets calling his name, I returned to find him stuck behind the couch with my chewed-up new shoes in his muzzle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31195

You deserved it

6408

Favorite

By Acidic Donut - 30/6/2013 23:48 - United States - Brookfield

Today, I hid my parents' booze since I'd always thought their shitty behavior was due to drinking too much. Turns out they're just assholes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55586

You deserved it

8921

Favorite

By Moving On - 1/1/2011 06:59 - United States

Today, I found out my parents' New Year's resolution is to get me to move out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24490

You deserved it

9484

Favorite

By Brooke - 15/1/2013 05:45 - United States - Manteca

Today, my mother came back from her trip to Vegas. Her breasts were obviously 2 letter sizes larger. I asked if she got a boob job and she denied it, saying that it's against her religion. She's an atheist, and a liar. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39358

You deserved it

3534

Favorite

By gassygirlfriend - 10/5/2015 08:40 - United States - Nampa

Today, I was spooning with my girlfriend. She fell asleep and spent the next 15 minutes farting on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32940

You deserved it

5093

Favorite

By AngelAshley - 22/2/2010 15:35 - United Kingdom

Today, I was swimming in the fast lane at the pool. A guy in blue trunks was swimming slowly and really getting on everyone's nerves. I took a break, and looking around I couldn't see him. I turned to the guy next to me and said, "Finally, Mr. Blue Trunks has f**ked off." It was Mr. Blue Trunks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8528

You deserved it

39557

Favorite

By Travolta - 20/5/2019 02:13

Dancing With The Stares

Today, I was at a party and I danced. Judging by people's stares, I should never ever attempt it again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1525

You deserved it

240

Favorite

By Anon - 30/1/2009 11:39 - Canada

Today, I was on a date with this girl. I attempted to put my arm around her, but I elbowed her in the face instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25237

You deserved it

7373

Favorite

By ConstantChoas - 12/7/2019 06:07

Today, I found out the procedure manual I've been creating for months and finally finished is going to be used to train the person replacing me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2096

You deserved it

125

Favorite

By KitKat270 - 28/5/2009 01:40 - Canada

Today, my mom informed me that she wouldn't be joining the rest of the girls in the limo ride to the church for my wedding ceremony because she wants to have her car with her. Why? Because she is planning to leave my wedding reception half way through to go home and take her dog out to pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52580

You deserved it

4956

Favorite

By happy birthday to me - 5/12/2013 05:14 - United States

Today, I had to explain to half of my class that yes, my birthday is on the same day as Hitler's, but no, it does not make me a Nazi. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45624

You deserved it

3089

Favorite

By m33p - 5/2/2015 20:42 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I took a nice relaxing dump at school, in my pants, in the middle of class. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34752

You deserved it

8295

Favorite

By 3023-dang - 15/10/2012 20:27 - United States

Today, I found out that my girlfriend is four months pregnant. She can't wait for us to be parents. I guess she forgot that I haven't seen her in 7 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41868

You deserved it

2573

Favorite

By Peaches - 22/2/2017 12:00 - United States - Tucker

Today, I was informed that I was let go from my job for not showing up for a week. A week I'd scheduled off, that management had approved. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8415

You deserved it

391

Favorite

By beachbirdbait - 9/2/2017 12:00 - United States - Savannah

Today, I drove to the beach for an hour to relax before returning to the intense workload of midterms. A kid walking by threw a cracker near me and I was instantly attacked by a group of seagulls. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6486

You deserved it

454

Favorite

By purrykitty - 23/4/2011 20:18 - United States

Today, I tried to spice things up in the bedroom by making love to my husband in a tight leather corset. I ended up passing out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21783

You deserved it

40625

Favorite

By fmypaint - 14/10/2009 09:31 - United States

Today, I was vigorously putting primer on my canvas for a beginning painting class. I accidentally sprayed specks of primer on the very dark painting to the right of mine. The painter is in an advanced class. She's been working on this one all semester. There's no one to her right. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9561

You deserved it

35162

Favorite

By bloated - 4/11/2016 02:46 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I felt so self-conscious about my gut, I pushed it out and pretended I was pregnant rather than sucking it in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9726

You deserved it

2493

Favorite

By Juicy12Jham - 9/9/2011 03:30 - United States

Today, I was on the phone with Microsoft Customer Service for about a total of 2 hours. That's the longest I've ever talked to anybody. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26006

You deserved it

4437

Favorite

By Anonymous - 7/4/2015 21:00 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend repeatedly whispering in my ear, "You want to give me a blowjob". Yes, he actually thought it would work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34839

You deserved it

4628

Favorite

By LizLiao - 14/4/2009 07:50 - United States

Today, I was running down the hallway when a door opens and hits me right on the face. I'm sitting there with my nose bleeding and a huge bump forming on my head. The guy who comes out is hugely fat, tries to help me up, trips, and falls on me. I accidentally groped his moobs while trying to push him off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

70736

You deserved it

7740

Favorite

By Amb - 1/6/2010 23:56 - United States

Today, I realized my boyfriend makes the same noises in bed as he does when he's winning in Call of Duty. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39913

You deserved it

6159

Favorite

By sick - 21/9/2009 19:50 - United States

Today, I decided I would call in sick to work after working 60 hours the week before just so I could have a day off... My body responded this morning with vomiting and diarrhea so I had to call in sick and didn't get to have much fun... Karma 1 Me 0. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35670

You deserved it

11267

Favorite

By Franigirl - 26/2/2011 05:34 - United States

Today, I had to present a powerpoint in front of my class. When I was finished, no one clapped. On my way back to my seat, I slipped on a pencil and fell straight on my face. That's when everyone clapped. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39851

You deserved it

4550

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Mannerheim | 0

#7358 - Thursday 26 February 2009 0:05

Haha, dude, that sucks so bad.

By Sessee | 4

#139591 - Friday 24 April 2009 18:22

At least you didn't answer it and make your girlfriend talk to your mom like that one guy did since his mom didn't believe he was getting laid.
FYL.

COMMENTS

By bowener12 | 0

#367 - Friday 6 February 2009 3:13

so... you gotta a nut. didnt you?

snagglepaste | 0

#1076608 - Saturday 10 July 2010 7:20

... and i gizzed in my pants.

TheTweaker | 0

#2788606 - Thursday 30 June 2011 2:20

#34 You spelled jizz* wrong. OP atleast it wasn't your dad.

By Mannerheim | 0

#7358 - Thursday 26 February 2009 0:05

Haha, dude, that sucks so bad.

By Synthetic42 | 0

#36027 - Tuesday 17 March 2009 1:36

oooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuuuucccccccccccccchhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

By xBROKEN_SMILE | 0

#81330 - Saturday 4 April 2009 6:55

lmfaao.

By lifeisf_ed | 1

#87814 - Monday 6 April 2009 23:04

omg , this is so freaking funny!!
yes ur life is f'ed :)

By davidcassoa | 0

#123754 - Sunday 19 April 2009 5:04

i'm sorry

By nazooer | 11

#131700 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 3:25

Not an fml..

By InspiredByGaGa | 8

#132786 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 16:44

that sucks.

By Sessee | 4

#139591 - Friday 24 April 2009 18:22

At least you didn't answer it and make your girlfriend talk to your mom like that one guy did since his mom didn't believe he was getting laid.
FYL.

By alexxaxox | 0

#143789 - Sunday 26 April 2009 5:44

hahahahaahahaahahhahahah