Intimacy: Today, two months after moving up to Scotland to be with my fiancé,... - FML

By shunned - United Kingdom

Today, two months after moving up to Scotland to be with my fiancé, he broke up with me because he 'didn't love me anymore and hadn't for a long time.' Shame he didn't tell me that when he was saying 'I love you, I want to marry you', having sex with me, and using my savings for a deposit on a flat. FML

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Reverse psychology

In-laws, in-fighting

I CAN HEAR YOU

By Mary - Czech Republic

Today, I decided to go to a UV-light party dressed all in white. Before leaving, my little brother dumped a glass of tomato juice over my head saying, "Now you look just like a used tampon!" FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Cabin John

Today, I got home from work to find my boyfriend sobbing hysterically over the death of his cat. The only cat he could be talking about is the one on his Sims account. FML

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By CH - United States

Today, I pretended to smoke a bread stick that looked like a cigar. It made me feel cool. FML

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By TheBeautifulOne - United Kingdom - Ayr

Today, I met a girl I used to make fun of in high school. She was taking my fingerprints after I was arrested. FML

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By engagedmaybe - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend asked me to marry him because he could get a tax cut from buying the ring. All of this happened in front of his mother. FML

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By spiderlady - United States

Today, I walked face first into a near-invisible spiderweb. There's nothing worse than the feeling of a spider web wrapped around your face. Except maybe the feeling of the spider that saw my screaming mouth as a good hiding spot. FML

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By niceboss - Singapore

Today, on my first day of work, my new boss treated me to lunch. Thinking she was really nice, I thanked her for the treat. She fixed me with a cold, unsmiling stare and said, "Oh, don't thank me. I'm being paid to do this." FML

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By TappedAnts - United States - Seabrook

Today, I went to a family reunion with my brother and my mother. She spent quite a while giving a glowing introduction for my brother to one of her cousins. Then, just before walking off, she jerked a thumb in my direction and said, "Oh, yeah, and that's his sister." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Naples

Today, I got a haircut. The guy quickly cut off most of the hair above my forehead. When I angrily asked him what he was doing, he said, "Quitting." FML

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By inder - United Kingdom

Today, while having sex, I found out that I'm so flexible that when I bend over backwards, the backs of my knees can touch my shoulders. My boyfriend is now extremely jealous and is debating about breaking up with me. Even I don't get it. FML

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By BigDT

Today, I had a testicular ultrasound. The ultrasound tech was a very attractive woman. This is the first time in the past four and a half years a woman has touched my package, and I had to get health issues to make it happen. FML

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By Millar - Australia - Carlton North

Today, I witnessed a postal worker with an important parcel stopping before knocking on my door, shrugging, getting back in his van, and driving away. I couldn't get the door open quickly enough before he left. FML

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By lonelyharts86 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I had an interview for my dream job. I was offered coffee and a donut. It was going well until I took a bite of the donut and started choking on it. I coughed so hard I ended up vomiting into his garbage can. FML

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By md - Canada

Today, I got an alarm installed in my car, and was having problems with it not going off when the car was hit. To demonstrate this to the installers, I bumped my car with my hip, which left a dent, and set the alarm off. FML

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By myheart75 - Australia

Today, my niece told me to go and find my own friends. She's 2, and I'm 18. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was feeling super nervous about driving because I had my first accident the day before. As I stopped at a red light, I got rear-ended. FML

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By baby, baby no - United States - Ladys Island

Today, I stepped outside the house with my wife. She looked up at the sky and asked me in all seriousness if stars are man-made. FML

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By Meow - Singapore

Today, I was finishing up my art project that was due the next day. I was really tired and fell asleep on my table. Three hours later, I woke up to find my project torn to bits. I went out and saw my cat vomitting out feathers and other materials I used for my project. FML

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By whovian221b - United States

Today, after coming home from the hospital after I fractured my foot, I fell in the bathroom and dislocated my wrist. The ER doctor couldn't stop laughing. FML

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By Jen - United States - Woodland Hills

Communication breakdown

Today, my new boyfriend asked why it takes me so long to reach orgasm. I didn't have the heart to tell him that he's never even given me one. FML

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By Jinthebar - United States

Get away from me

Today, I was at a bar talking to a very attractive young woman. I began to see that she wanted me as she pulled closer and closer. Eventually she pulled me in and licked my ear lobe sensually. She then said, "I wanna break your collar bone" in a seductive tone. FML

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By pierced - United States - Marble Falls

Today, I have an infected piercing because I'm allergic to the metal. My ear is so swollen that I can't remove the jewelry. It won't get better until I'm able to remove the jewelry. FML

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By wow - United States

Today, I took a massive dump at work and clogged the industrial toilet. Since I used the unisex one at the end of the hall, I watched my super hot coworker walk in after me. And then she ran out immediately. Everyone had seen me walk out before her. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, being on my boyfriend's street bike for ten minutes gave me an orgasm. My boyfriend of three years, who constantly tries so hard to get me to, has never given me an orgasm. FML

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By lindaf

Today, I made roast beef with mashed potatoes and green beans for dinner. My 8-year-old daughter was crying and gagging the whole time, and eventually said between sobs, "Can't you just beat me and send me to bed hungry instead?" I have no clue where she got that idea from. FML

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By stillchubby - Australia

Today, I was thinking about my new diet and workout plan as I was getting dressed in the morning, feeling much thinner and more energetic. Just as the thought passed through my brain, the button on my skirt popped off. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I put a sock on my dorm room door to get everyone to think I was getting laid. In truth, I'm a virgin and just wanted to take a peaceful nap. FML

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By I hate that game - United Kingdom - Wigan

Today, I was playing monopoly with my boyfriend and a few friends. After I bankrupted my boyfriend, he turned to me and said, "I fucked your best friend last night, so who really won?" I turned to the best friend in question, she looked at the board and said, "I'd like to buy a house please." FML

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By Ugh

Today, I was on the bus. I have a phobia of babies crying, and recently, whenever I've been on a long journey, there's been one and I've had an anxiety attack. There were no babies on this bus, just an old lady showing her friend videos of her screaming grandchild. FML

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By Single forever I guess

Today, after months of hurtful and derogatory remarks from matches, I had to add the line "Not trans, just ugly." to my Tinder bio. FML

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By tatfreak - United States

Today, I told a cashier I always bullshit with that I was getting a new tattoo. She shook her head and said, "Honey, don't get a tattoo. You'll look like a whore." I already have five. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mother came over again to help me work on my Student Aid application. She also brought over the savings bonds that she has been accumulating since I was born to help pay for college. Turns out they won't reach maturity until I'm thirty. She never bothered to check out this fact. I'm screwed for college. FML

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By androidjezus

Halloween, the long wait

Today, I asked my girlfriend to get a bunch of candy for our first Halloween at our new house, so she got $60 worth. We got into an argument about who was going to give it out. It’s now 9 p.m. No one came to our door all night. FML

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By Dee Dee - 22/5/2020 08:00

In these times

Today, my husband and I purchased a new-used truck, after being assured for weeks by the company owner we work for that the company will remain open. Later, we received an email saying that the office is closing permanently. Our jobs are "secure", but he needs help selling and moving the equipment. FML

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By jess - 16/12/2020 06:02 - United States - Denver

BO Central

Today, I was loudly asked if I'd rubbed poop all over myself this morning. I shower three times a day, brush my teeth for 10 minutes twice a day, and wear copious amounts of antiperspirant. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my husband and I were getting busy on the living room couch when my mother-in-law stopped by and let herself in with a key we didn’t know she had. She then demanded an apology like it was all our fault and stormed out. I still don’t know why she came by. FML

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By Marleck - United States

Today, the girl I love told me she was sick of guys. I replied that I happened to be a guy. She laughed and said "No, I mean the boyfriend type!" FML

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By karina17 - Canada

Today, my dad was supposed to come see me for our twice-a-year visit. He was 3 hours late. So I called, and asked him why he was late - he said 'Oh, something came up'. I asked him what was so important. Apparently, the garage needed cleaning. FML

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By Redhead

Today, I decided to get in the cowgirl position since it's my fiancé's favorite. I got a little carried away during the "ride" and suddenly heard his dick crack. I fractured his penis. He's never going to have sex with me again. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was putting my horse away into her pasture, when I slipped in the mud. In a haisty attempt to support myself, I grabbed the electric fence in on hand, and my horse with the other. The shock from the fence traveled through me to her, sending her running and leaving me with 2 broken teeth. FML

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Top comments

By Graawr | 7

#1645324 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 19:06

what a dick. =| ruin his freaking life. D:<

By itsbutagame | 0

#1645296 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 19:01

bad times for you..

COMMENTS

By itsbutagame | 0

#1645296 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 19:01

bad times for you..

Reply

KingDingALing | 9

#1645687 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 20:19

Bad? More like horrible...
He used her. I don't think someone can do anything worse then what he did.

Reply

GigglePony | 13

#1646021 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 21:47

YDI for being with a Scotsman.

Reply

0930charlotte | 2

#1646290 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 22:58

mature.

Reply

KiwiExchange | 16

#1646317 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 23:10

what a dick move.

Reply

spencerfrank | 0

#1646563 - Thursday 4 November 2010 0:19

lol

Reply

TheMegaFridge | 0

#1646596 - Thursday 4 November 2010 0:23

37 I'm Scottish :(

Reply

TheRealFamilyGuy | 5

#1647183 - Thursday 4 November 2010 3:00

thats when you tell our boyfriendthat he may take your life, but he'll never take... YOUR FREEDOM!!!!

Reply

melkell | 0

#1648618 - Thursday 4 November 2010 7:05

53= win!

By icuddy69 | 0

#1645310 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 19:03

haha Finally I get First!! haha Suck it OP! YDI!!

Reply

Phustercluck | 11

#1645333 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 19:07

better luck next time :/

Reply

itsbutagame | 0

#1645524 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 19:44

fail..
sux2bu

Reply

victimization | 0

#1645848 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 21:07

that's the thing about these here Fmls...you either get it right or look entirely stupid when you post something. :)

Reply

breenarae25 | 0

#1646736 - Thursday 4 November 2010 0:53

fail

Reply

Currentlyonfire | 4

#1648211 - Thursday 4 November 2010 5:49

better luck next time number too. at least your not gay though.

By FieldTripX1013 | 0

#1645313 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 19:04

hey, enoy the view while you're here. sorry bout all the rain lately.

By Graawr | 7

#1645324 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 19:06

what a dick. =| ruin his freaking life. D:<

By AssDan | 0

#1645342 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 19:08

At least you know what you are good for now.

By chantey | 0

#1645353 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 19:09

haha. what a jerk. fyl, you idieut.

Reply

ladybuuggy | 0

#1646018 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 21:47

You're the **idiot

By sc95060sc | 0

#1645367 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 19:11

Can we maybe get some new and original posts? I'm pretty sure I've read about a billion posts almost identical to this one. Too predictable.

By Cinn_fml | 22

#1645369 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 19:11

That guy sounds like a jerk, hopefully you can get your savings back and walk away counting it as a blessing.

By JUST_STFU_N_GTFO | 0

#1645378 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 19:11

You are too gullible OP. :]

By nikkired | 0

#1645397 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 19:15

YDI for letting yourself be used like that, how could you not see it coming?

Reply

theporkchop | 0

#1648357 - Thursday 4 November 2010 6:18

omg ur hot whew