Intimacy: Today, two months after moving up to Scotland to be with my fiancé,... - FML

By shunned - United Kingdom

Today, two months after moving up to Scotland to be with my fiancé, he broke up with me because he 'didn't love me anymore and hadn't for a long time.' Shame he didn't tell me that when he was saying 'I love you, I want to marry you', having sex with me, and using my savings for a deposit on a flat. FML

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And today, on Dr Phil…

Commando

Out of it

By Anonymous - United States

Today, the painting I worked on for three weeks was rejected from an art contest because the rules prohibit fan art. It wasn't fan art. They mistook it for Twilight fan art. FML

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By Redhead

Today, I decided to get in the cowgirl position since it's my fiancé's favorite. I got a little carried away during the "ride" and suddenly heard his dick crack. I fractured his penis. He's never going to have sex with me again. FML

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By Mrs. Awkward

Today, I helped an older guy with his safe deposit box. He said it's perfect for holding his ex-wife's remains and laughed. I laughed because I thought he was kidding. He wasn't. FML

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By furball - Inchture

Today, I was at Sea World and was about to take a picture of the big walrus. I noticed my phone was still set to use the front camera, and I muttered "Oops, selfie mode." A guy next to me turned, looked at me, and said "Not like there's a difference for you." FML

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By erineilis - United States

Today, while driving into work, a guy cut me off and I yelled some nasty things out of my window at him. He heard me, followed me to work, took a baseball bat out and then chased me into the office. He also smashed my windshield on his way out. FML

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By heterolifepartner - Australia

Today, I found out my boyfriend of two years role-plays on the internet, pretending to have sex with men. His response when I confronted him about it? "Which specific incidents are you referring to?" FML

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By HGTV - United States - Boston

Today, I got home to the smell of permanent marker and the discovery that my roommate's little sister had drawn flower petals around every polka dot she could reach on my walls. I just put up the wallpaper last weekend. FML

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By explodingpupppet - United States

Today, after a month of searching, I found a perfect apartment which I rented out for the next few months. The rent was inexpensive and the place was close to my job. Turns out, my 'perfect' new apartment overlooks a nudist community. FML

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By caryl101698 - United States - Medford

Today, after spending $850 on having our siding, roof and windows powerwashed, a 5-minute storm blew the siding clear off the house. FML

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By Username - France

Today, I was driving to my company picnic with 85 lbs of meat in the back seat, and 1 gallon of homemade BBQ sauce and mustard in large pans riding shotgun. As I drove down a steep hill, the BBQ sauce pan slid forward, hit the glove box and exploded in my front seat. FML

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By not even interested

Today, at a wedding reception, I accidentally caught the bouquet. I got cussed out by the women who were fighting over it for being uninvited and party crashing. I'm a busgirl and the bouquet only landed on the tray I was holding. FML

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By stupid - United States - Middleton

Today, I realized that customers at my work ask me "Are you new or just stupid?" just as often as they did when I first started. FML

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By Idiocracy - United States

Today, my boss confessed to me that she doesn't know how to change the staples in the staplers at work, so she just switches them when they run out. We work at an office supply store. She makes six figures. I make $10 an hour. And she just got awarded a trip to Aruba for doing a "great job". FML

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By HelpMe1 - Indonesia - Jakarta

Today, my boss told me to fire the unstable, former military, gun nut employee. He's been making death threats to his supervisors. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I'm at work as a security guard. At a morgue. Why am I here? FML

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By Yupppp. - United States - Flushing

Today, my new boyfriend with whom I'm completely smitten called me and told me he had an early Valentine's Day gift for me. Gonorrhea. FML

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By IHateMySister - Denmark - Kirke-hyllinge

Today, my sister confessed that when she runs out of clean underwear, she uses mine. That wouldn't be so bad if she didn't also put it back in my dresser afterwards so I wouldn't notice. FML

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By NinjaTurtle93 - 17/2/2021 21:30

Sketchy-looking dude

Today, I overheard a lady tell her child in a store that, “If you don’t stop crying, I’ll tell that guy over there to take you away.” She was referring to me. FML

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By j_Lauren - United States

Today, my mom had the option of choosing anywhere in the world where we could go on vacation. We live in the USA and she chose to fly to Texas, rent an RV, and drive to Florida. Anywhere in the world. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Atwater

Today, I had to grab a large kitchen knife from my son, after I heard him convince his friend to join him in cutting off his finger, so they could "be assassins like Ezio." FML

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By Anonymous - 3/4/2021 12:00 - United States - Boise

Porn addiction

Today, I was recording a video on Snapchat to send to one of my friends, while unaware that my father had walked in behind me. I was talking about how I can’t watch porn anymore because my phone is broken. He now knows too much. FML

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By doesnttastegood - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that whilst I was asleep last night, my boyfriend was playing on his XBox. I also found out that whenever he unlocked a new level, achievement or just generally beat someone's ass, he would celebrate by pulling out one of his pubes and putting it in my mouth. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Seattle

Today, my wife told me she'd rather bust up concrete than get it on with me. FML

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By Queen LaQueefah - United Kingdom - Chesterfield

I'll take what I can get

Today, my rarely-romantic boyfriend finally said "I love you". Too bad he was drunk, and was talking to my vagina. FML

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By newestallen

MILs gonna MIL...

Today, I married the love of my life, which was meant to stay secret until we can afford a ceremony. I opened Facebook to see that my hubby’s mom made a post about it, called me her new daughter-in-law, and tagged me. All 3 things we specifically asked her not to do. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/11/2020 16:58

Two rooms, two atmospheres

Today, I tried to cook a nice meal for my sister's friends. It turned out perfect and they enjoyed it, while I was in the bathroom throwing up for two hours due to food poisoning. FML

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By the lannisters send their retards - United Kingdom - London

Today, my coworker was telling me about his mom, when he asked about mine. I told him that I've never met my mom, because she died during my childbirth. It's a very painful subject for me, but all the same, my coworkers have decided they'll now only address me as "Tyrion". FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Denver

You tried

Today, after a solid month of hard work, I finally finished modeling and animating a 3D insect character for a scene. After presenting it to the rest of my team, one of my teammates pointed out that it looks exactly like a flying penis. FML

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By justme - United States - Alliance

Today, while driving in the car with my father, he handed me his iPhone and asked me to Google "Is ObamaCare good for our country?" As soon as I typed in "Is", the first result was "Is olive oil good for anal." FML

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By lilshoobydoo14 - United States

Today, I met a guy that I liked. We really hit it off, that is until his parents walked by and he started begging them, down on his hands and knees, to buy him a new video game. FML

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By jusfonzin - United States

Today, I sent a cover letter to a potential employer. In the letter, I talked about my great attention to detail, my strong ability to focus, and my stellar writing skills. After hitting send, I reread the letter and noticed that I typed my name "B-R-A-I-N." My name is Brian. FML

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By ugh - United States

Today, my boyfriend of over a year told me that we need a code word for when I'm being annoying. FML

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By carmelita - Singapore

Today, I was on webcam with my boyfriend. A while later I forgot about it and started digging my nose vigorously. He then beeped me and said "Digging for gold, dear? " FML

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By geniusdrunk

Today, after a month of sobriety, I woke up in my ex-girlfriend's house with absolutely no recollection as to how I got there. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I saw my girlfriend going into my best friend's dorm room and suspected her to cheat on me so I placed a camera in his room to spy on them. In the end, I discovered that my girlfriend has problems in math and both my best friend and brother are gay. FML

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By Ravhi Karia - United Kingdom - Milton Keynes

Today, I went to see my ill granddad in hospital. I saw lots of doctors around his bed, and they pronounced him dead, so I ran out crying. A little later, I found out that my granddad had been moved, and it was a different man in his bed. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I got feedback on an essay I wrote, by my mum who is also a teacher. She said it was 'worse than most of her pupils'. She teaches 10-year-olds. I'm a 20-year-old student at university. FML

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By Ms. Piggy - United States - Clarksville

Today, I was shopping for dresses when my fiancé turned into what I can only call a groomzilla. He told me and my maid of honor that we need to lose weight because he's not "paying all this money for a pair of fatties to not look good." FML

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By Anonymous

Pissed

Today, I went to the hospital, which was super busy. I did a pee test when I first arrived. After 5 hours of waiting, they told me they'd lost my pee. How do you lose someone's piss? FML

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By urmommmm - United States

Today, it was my birthday. My parents came into my room at 12:01 to surprise me. Do you know what fifteen year olds do at midnight? FML

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Top comments

By Graawr | 7

#1645324 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 19:06

what a dick. =| ruin his freaking life. D:<

By itsbutagame | 0

#1645296 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 19:01

bad times for you..

COMMENTS

By itsbutagame | 0

#1645296 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 19:01

bad times for you..

Reply

KingDingALing | 9

#1645687 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 20:19

Bad? More like horrible...
He used her. I don't think someone can do anything worse then what he did.

Reply

GigglePony | 13

#1646021 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 21:47

YDI for being with a Scotsman.

Reply

0930charlotte | 2

#1646290 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 22:58

mature.

Reply

KiwiExchange | 16

#1646317 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 23:10

what a dick move.

Reply

spencerfrank | 0

#1646563 - Thursday 4 November 2010 0:19

lol

Reply

TheMegaFridge | 0

#1646596 - Thursday 4 November 2010 0:23

37 I'm Scottish :(

Reply

TheRealFamilyGuy | 5

#1647183 - Thursday 4 November 2010 3:00

thats when you tell our boyfriendthat he may take your life, but he'll never take... YOUR FREEDOM!!!!

Reply

melkell | 0

#1648618 - Thursday 4 November 2010 7:05

53= win!

By icuddy69 | 0

#1645310 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 19:03

haha Finally I get First!! haha Suck it OP! YDI!!

Reply

Phustercluck | 11

#1645333 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 19:07

better luck next time :/

Reply

itsbutagame | 0

#1645524 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 19:44

fail..
sux2bu

Reply

victimization | 0

#1645848 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 21:07

that's the thing about these here Fmls...you either get it right or look entirely stupid when you post something. :)

Reply

breenarae25 | 0

#1646736 - Thursday 4 November 2010 0:53

fail

Reply

Currentlyonfire | 4

#1648211 - Thursday 4 November 2010 5:49

better luck next time number too. at least your not gay though.

By FieldTripX1013 | 0

#1645313 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 19:04

hey, enoy the view while you're here. sorry bout all the rain lately.

By Graawr | 7

#1645324 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 19:06

what a dick. =| ruin his freaking life. D:<

By AssDan | 0

#1645342 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 19:08

At least you know what you are good for now.

By chantey | 0

#1645353 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 19:09

haha. what a jerk. fyl, you idieut.

Reply

ladybuuggy | 0

#1646018 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 21:47

You're the **idiot

By sc95060sc | 0

#1645367 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 19:11

Can we maybe get some new and original posts? I'm pretty sure I've read about a billion posts almost identical to this one. Too predictable.

By Cinn_fml | 22

#1645369 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 19:11

That guy sounds like a jerk, hopefully you can get your savings back and walk away counting it as a blessing.

By JUST_STFU_N_GTFO | 0

#1645378 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 19:11

You are too gullible OP. :]

By nikkired | 0

#1645397 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 19:15

YDI for letting yourself be used like that, how could you not see it coming?

Reply

theporkchop | 0

#1648357 - Thursday 4 November 2010 6:18

omg ur hot whew