Miscellaneous: Today, the woman giving me a manicure found a booger under one... - FML

By inosehowthatgotthere - 10/02/2011 01:12 - United States

Today, the woman giving me a manicure found a booger under one of my fingernails. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 335

You deserved it 52 482

Sorry…

BO Central

Taking stock

By thisisstupid_17 - 16/11/2016 14:47

Today, I met up with my boyfriend early before work to have some "fun time". We hadn't had sex in a while and decided to try it doggy style, up against the wall. We had been doing it for about 15 minutes until he abruptly stopped and said, "I don't know if it's in." It was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 660

You deserved it 1 324

By ouch - 20/02/2019 18:00

Today, me and my hubby wanted to spice things up in the bedroom. He’s always wanted to eat food off my body but never wanted to deal with the mess. He got a little too excited and ended up biting my nipple instead of the spaghetti. I didn’t know someone was capable of biting that hard on soft food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 979

You deserved it 616

By JayFri - 06/06/2011 17:20 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex in his car. He got out of the car and moved to the passenger seat with me. As he shut the door, it slammed against my fingers, breaking one of them. He then asked if we could still have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 334

You deserved it 7 210

By me - 04/04/2013 20:07 - United States - Parrish

Today, I told my bald, goatee-sporting chemistry teacher that he looks like Walt from Breaking Bad. I quickly got sent to the principal's office and received a 3-day suspension for "slandering" my teacher by implying that he makes meth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 389

You deserved it 6 682

By deadman - 16/08/2013 01:06 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, my mom came into my room to give me a goodbye kiss. Due to the routine of my girlfriend doing the exact same thing in the exact same spot, I held the kiss way longer than what a mother/son kiss should last. My mom actually had to tell me to "let go". FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 576

You deserved it 30 069

By deuceaddict - 03/11/2017 21:00

Today, I was confronted by my superiors for spending a "suspicious" amount of time in the bathroom every day. Not only did I have to take the test, but I also had to send in a doctor's note proving that I have a bowel condition I'd hoped to keep secret. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 680

You deserved it 278

By NotTalented - 16/12/2013 03:44 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I played in a high school concert. Some alumni of the band were sitting in the audience and were brought to tears. Not because it was beautiful, but because they were sad to see how much the music program had declined since they left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 600

You deserved it 4 714

By faulty plumbimg! - 31/08/2013 12:14 - India

Today, I got my period 2 days early, while being interviewed for my dream job. Let's just say that I don't have very high hopes after walking backwards to the exit door and falling down upon colliding with the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 065

You deserved it 4 105

By jojobobo - 02/12/2017 19:00

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. I started to tear up and told her I had something stuck in my eye. I was secretly thrilled as I had been trying to end it for weeks. Seeing me cry, she immediately took it back. I really just had something stuck in my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 844

You deserved it 2 197

By Anonymous - 23/02/2012 18:01 - United States

Today, I picked up a warm blanket that just came out of the dryer. Despite wearing pants, the static electricity from the blanket delivered a shock straight to my crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 154

You deserved it 4 218

By deadbeatdad - 15/11/2015 22:35 - United States - Edmond

Today, I popped two tires hitting a curb. I called my dad hysterical, and he told me to call my mom and hung up. My mom's been dead for seven years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 604

You deserved it 2 186

Statistics

By Anonymous - 09/09/2020 05:01 - Italy

Spicy

Today, I found out that my 7 friends, with a total of 23 past boyfriends in 11 years, have had 0 orgasms during sex. As someone whose sex ed was basically porn, it felt like finding out Santa wasn't real, but worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 424

You deserved it 461

By Customer Stonage Representative - 21/10/2011 12:10 - Canada

Today, still suffering from an eye infection, I received a customer complaint. Having red eyes, asking how a patron's day went, and thanking them as they left my register obviously means that I must be stoned out of my mind. Apparently I've moved to a city where you must be on drugs if you're nice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 794

You deserved it 2 516

By HSampsON - 13/10/2013 21:20 - Niger - Niamey

Today, in revenge for me pulling the old salt-in-the-soda prank on him, my dad showed up at my college dressed in a tight blouse and miniskirt, demanding that I come home early with him. I think I'm going to be lynched next time I go to class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 016

You deserved it 13 749

By EllieJ - 23/03/2011 15:22

Today, I opened a cupboard and a brick fell on my head. The same brick my mum put up there to "keep it out of the way". FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 863

You deserved it 4 366

By j3r3zana16 - 31/10/2011 08:30 - Canada

Today, while parking, I accidentally hit my landlord's daughter's brand new car. I made a huge dent in the side door. I thought nobody was home, so I quickly went to my room. Turns out they were having a barbecue outside and saw the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 369

You deserved it 51 669

By Anonymous - 09/03/2017 12:00 - United States

Today, while e-mailing my dream college, I noticed you can see other people's profile pictures when I saw a lady I've met before. I've been using this e-mail account to communicate with all the colleges and universities. My profile picture is baby Elmo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 978

You deserved it 4 285

By rileym797 - 17/06/2009 06:00 - United States

Today, my wife took herself, the kids, and extended family members I've never even heard of to New York. She paid the 7,000$ bill with my credit card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 332

You deserved it 4 671

By ThisIsWhyIStayAtHome - 24/05/2014 00:09 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I was at a nightclub when some dick squeezed the ass of the girl beside me. She whirled around and started yelling and slapping me across the face. I was dragged out by the bouncers, to cheers from the people around us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 218

You deserved it 3 384

By Eyefreshener - 14/07/2010 06:14 - United States

Today, I was at a friend's house. She has one of those automatic air fresheners, and I was amazed when it went off. To get a better look at it, I got real close to it. I saw a button and pressed it. The air freshener went off again, spraying nothing but my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 084

You deserved it 66 876

By Whoops - 20/10/2011 04:36 - United States

Today, at my job in a nursing home, the State Department of Health inspected us, during which a dementia patient repeatedly screamed that I always hurt her. This was the first time that I'd ever seen her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 778

You deserved it 2 011

By nofriends - 09/02/2016 05:17 - United States - Boise

Today, my boyfriend admitted that he wanted to throw me a surprise birthday party. The only issue was the fact I didn't have any friends to make it happen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 016

You deserved it 1 945

By Anonymous - 28/06/2012 21:20 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, a homeless man asked me for money in a train station bathroom. When I told him I had no money he left. He then returned only to pour a bottle full of urine on my head while I was in the stall. I use a metro card. I honestly had no money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 684

You deserved it 2 155

By priceycommute - 19/08/2017 04:33

Today, after rushing to the bus stop and frantically boarding at the last possible second, I realized that I didn't pay my fare with a single, but a twenty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 555

You deserved it 1 005

By Anonymous - 26/01/2016 03:44 - United States - Arcadia

Today, my grandma saw me putting some mints in my mouth when she walked by my room. Instead of confronting me, she told my dad I was doing drugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 655

You deserved it 1 279

By brokeandsad - 03/01/2010 20:21 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I got into a fight about a clogged toilet. He was yelling about not having enough money to buy a better plunger and so I stormed out to buy one myself. While pulling his truck into traffic, a car hit me causing $1000 in damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 528

You deserved it 9 571

By Jobby - 30/06/2012 12:48

Today, I have four flights. I spent last night projectile vomiting with food poisoning. By the time I got to the airport it had progressed to liquid diarhea. Two flights in, I got my period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 684

You deserved it 2 694

By Anonymous - 30/12/2011 03:07 - China

Today, I left work early, and discovered I was locked out of my house. I subsequently had to use a spoon I found on the ground to smash the bathroom window. I cut my leg on the glass when I climbed through. While inspecting the wound, I felt a lump in my pocket. It was my house key. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 183

You deserved it 43 329

By Loveless - 23/08/2009 00:43 - United States

Today, after my partner of two years broke up with me, I decided to have a heart to heart with my mother about it. Her advice was to clean the house. I asked how that would make me feel better. She said that she wasn't sure, but at least the house would be clean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 321

You deserved it 4 574

By Anonymous - 19/12/2012 17:12 - United States

Today, I was waiting in line to use the bathroom. I complained to the guy next to me about how long the lady was taking. I kept making jokes about it, but he never seemed to laugh. Finally, the door opened and out came a lady in a wheelchair. The guy next to me was her husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 440

You deserved it 65 432

By Whitley - 04/11/2010 15:17 - United States

Today, I made salmon patties and boiled cabbage. I smelled smoke from my stove burner, but thought I spilled something in the burner. No big deal. Later, this horrible smell started coming from the stove. My husband took the stove apart, only to find that I had fried a mouse as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 405

You deserved it 4 057

By whymanwhy - 13/04/2015 10:43 - Czech Republic

Today, I went on a date with a cute guy I met at a bookstore. He stood up and said he was leaving when I said that I didn't like 50 Shades of Grey, because he, "doesn't want to be near a bitch who doesn't know her place". He then told me to give him a ride home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 100

You deserved it 3 329

By aur - 12/11/2008 08:10 - France

Spicy

Today, I remember the first night I spent with my first English boyfriend. I'm French, and when we woke up, I said in my most sexy voice "Oh, I'm so dirty!" It's only when he left that I finally understood the look on his face; I wanted to have a glass of water. I was thirsty, not dirty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 709

You deserved it 7 961

By Kelso - 06/02/2010 18:22 - United States

Today, my mother told me that the carbon-monoxide alarm went off last night, but since she didn't smell any gas, she decided to just remove the batteries and go back to bed. I had to explain to her that you can't smell carbon monoxide, and that we could have died in our sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 400

You deserved it 2 513

That's sick

By Howww_06 - 04/09/2021 11:01 - Denmark

Today, my teacher said that since I was sick last week, I had to do all the work that the others had done, which i didn't know of because no one said anything about it. So now I've got to watch a total of 5 hours-worth of documentaries, and write analysis of them. Before tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 775

You deserved it 152

By xacked - 02/06/2009 06:39 - United States

Today, I was designing a newspaper page with a story about an aggressive female bird that was defending its nest and attacking students near some stairs. In the article were photos of victims who were attacked. We had a good laugh over it. Later, I was walking there and the bird attacked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 398

You deserved it 61 551

By Anonymous - 03/04/2011 15:14 - United States

Today, while bending over to get the brownies I was making out of the oven, my husband slapped my butt. I fell into the oven. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 640

You deserved it 6 409

By Anonymous - 01/02/2016 12:00 - United States - Montgomery

Spicy

Today, I accidentally walked in on my sister shaving, naked. I don't know what's worse, the fact I've now seen her nude, or that she looks ten times better than any girl I've ever slept with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 101

You deserved it 6 008

Deliverude

By omfgwhywhywhy - 22/03/2020 19:18 - United States

Today, I had to take a delivery to a known hoarder. I was braced for the sight of the house, but not the naked fat guy and the smell of dead cat when he answered the door. To top it off, they didn't even tip me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 665

You deserved it 116

By funnyguyNOT - 05/04/2009 21:39 - United States

Today, a car was waiting for me to cross the street so I thought it would be funny to slowly limp across the street. When I got to the end, I jumped as high as I could to show I was faking. Turns out I tripped and hit my head hard on the sidewalk. That car took me to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 269

You deserved it 284 702

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

allmidnighteyes 10

Send a private message

Thursday 10 February 2011 9:09

"inosehowthatgotthere" LOLLLL

Send a private message

Thursday 10 February 2011 9:06

thats disgusting

Comments

Send a private message

Thursday 10 February 2011 9:03

Haha sucks to be you!!

VinegarStrokes 0

Send a private message

Thursday 10 February 2011 9:07

Ew dude. WTF?

Send a private message

Thursday 10 February 2011 9:14

you must of forgotten that you left it there

Send a private message

Thursday 10 February 2011 9:15

Ew dude. WTF

gamercanadian 11

Send a private message

Thursday 10 February 2011 9:19

the first reaction for everyone wil be ew WTF dude

Send a private message

Thursday 10 February 2011 9:19

Damn, a lot of crazy shit is going down in Ohio. Man I wish that shit would come my way.

JustStopSucking 0

Send a private message

Thursday 10 February 2011 14:23

that's better than your dentist finding a booger!

The_Dude_Abides_ 0

Send a private message

Thursday 10 February 2011 15:05

that's so fucking sick learn to wash your hands and scrub your nails over and under you sick freak!!!!

Send a private message

Thursday 10 February 2011 18:39

Ew dude WTF? There's nothing wrong with picking your nose but learn to keep clean. Sheesh!

Send a private message

Thursday 10 February 2011 18:48

I just pray she wasn't picking someone else's nose.

Send a private message

Friday 11 February 2011 4:47

^ true!!

Send a private message

Thursday 10 February 2011 9:06

thats disgusting

Send a private message

Thursday 10 February 2011 9:54

having a foot fetish isnt weird. I have boogers under my toenails all the time

Send a private message

Thursday 10 February 2011 10:09

That is very nasty. I don't feel bad for her, I feel bad for the woman that had to do her nails.

Send a private message

Thursday 10 February 2011 10:11

#28.....all I can say to you is EW.

Send a private message

Thursday 10 February 2011 12:42

That's not disgusting; that's quite gifted, being able to pick her nose with her toes. I wish I could do that.

Send a private message

Friday 11 February 2011 5:59

^ so true

meowmeowwkitty 0

Send a private message

Friday 11 February 2011 7:36

ditto

Send a private message

Friday 11 February 2011 9:32

Meeeeee too. I'm about to start school for this, reallllllly hope it never happens to me!!

Send a private message

Tuesday 1 March 2011 5:29

that's what I said haha

Dianaand_u_4evr 0

Send a private message

Thursday 10 February 2011 9:06

Lol. i want to know your excuse for the booger ;]. how does she know its boogers? tell her its likee brocolil o_o

stephanie911_fml 0

Send a private message

Thursday 10 February 2011 9:07

Are we still in kindergarten?

Send a private message

Thursday 10 February 2011 9:13

Where?

stephanie911_fml 0

Send a private message

Thursday 10 February 2011 9:15

To pick their nose

Send a private message

Thursday 10 February 2011 9:18

At least she didn't eat it!!

allmidnighteyes 10

Send a private message

Thursday 10 February 2011 9:09

"inosehowthatgotthere" LOLLLL

Send a private message

Thursday 10 February 2011 11:14

your comments brighten my day <3

lyn29 0

Send a private message

Thursday 10 February 2011 14:30

#41 his comment is the OP's name -.- he just added "LOL" ...

basketballpro 0

Send a private message

Friday 11 February 2011 2:06

allmidnighteyes what you wrote on your page wa spoken like a true Asian

LADYGAGAGOOGA 0

Send a private message

Friday 11 February 2011 7:05

I'm obsessed with midnight but not in a weird stalker way.

Send a private message

Thursday 10 February 2011 9:09

well, for those with picky tastes, homemade is always the best. make and pack your own snacks - and if anyone boogers you about it, it's snot any of their business! why don't mucus out your manicurist.

Send a private message

Thursday 10 February 2011 9:36

no . just no . it makes me wanna slap you untill you stfu :3

Send a private message

Thursday 10 February 2011 9:50

that's just how i like it, sweetcheeks. ;)

Send a private message

Thursday 10 February 2011 10:25

I have to agree, 7. You tried and you failed. Miserably. Please, for the sake of all humanity, never attempt anything like this ever again.

blkandredenvy 0

Send a private message

Thursday 10 February 2011 15:30

hahaha FAIL on ur part #7. just start hiding in ur closet.

Send a private message

Thursday 10 February 2011 16:35

CORNY:D

Send a private message

Thursday 3 May 2012 4:29

I thought this was pretty brilliant.

Send a private message

Thursday 10 February 2011 9:14

You should have flicked it at her.

Send a private message

Thursday 10 February 2011 10:27

eeeeeeeewwwwwwww!

Send a private message

Thursday 10 February 2011 13:48

lmao

Send a private message

Tuesday 1 April 2014 1:09

This made my day

MzMegs 20

Send a private message

Thursday 10 February 2011 9:15

OP's name is awesome.

Send a private message

Thursday 10 February 2011 9:18

hahah! ooohhhhh. This made my night:)

Send a private message

Thursday 10 February 2011 9:28

haha sameeeee.

Send a private message

Thursday 10 February 2011 9:19

awkward.

Nearly

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24

You deserved it 4

Today, I realized the cute girl with a nice ass, long hair and a great personality I've been talking to is actually a very gay dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19

You deserved it 51

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I was diagnosed with a meat allergy. You can imagine the jokes my boyfriend has been thinking up since we found out I can’t "handle his meat" in my mouth anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 310

You deserved it 38

Today, a guy drove an hour and a half to get to where I live, only to literally last less than 30 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 457

You deserved it 98