Today, there was a spider in my car. FML - FML

By Steffi3 - United States

Today, there was a spider in my car. FML

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Out of it

Sorry…

Time for the ER

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was kicked in the crotch. The girl who did it thought I was her ex-boyfriend. I'm a girl. FML

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By Annon - Australia

Today, the recycling bin caught fire. My little brother was "experimenting" with his magnifying glass, set an egg carton on fire and didn't realise you had to put it out before throwing it in the bin. FML

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By kiwi - United Kingdom

Today, as I was getting dressed after having sex with a guy I like, he told me I looked better with my clothes on. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Plainview

Today, while driving home from work, I saw my boyfriend mugging a woman on the sidewalk. FML

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By LightsOut - United States

Today, I finished working a 70 hour work week. I'm a lineman for the electric company, and worked extended hours all week getting people's lights back on after a wind storm. When I got home, my power was out. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Tucson

Today, my husband still hadn't gotten me anything for Christmas, so I bought and wrapped my own presents. Then I had my husband write 'to me, from him' on them so that I won't be embarrassed in front of my family on Christmas when it comes time to open presents. FML

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By unloved - United States

Today, my parents told me they were going out for dinner tonight. I jokingly responded "Sweet! I am totally having a keg party then!" My dad responded "Keg parties are only for kids who have friends." He was serious. FML

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By ijustwantpizza - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I was having a cheat meal after 2 weeks of strict dieting. When I opened the pizza box, I saw a cockroach. It'd been baked into the cheese. FML

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By hunterchik

Today, I found out about my parent's divorce over Facebook from my sister who lives 8 hours away in another province. They made the decision 3 weeks ago. I live with my parents. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out the friend I signed a lease with is actually a wanted drug dealer. I only found this out after the police kicked in the door at 5am and raided our house. FML

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By Deaf and Dumb

Today, while on the bus, the girl in front of me asked me if I could find the orange she'd dropped. I couldn't see it, but when I told her that there was no orange there, she gave me the strangest look. She'd said ring, not orange. FML

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By Why Me - United States - Indianapolis

Today, my neighbor finally decided that when she walks her dog, she should pick up his poop. She also decided to leave the poop-filled bags in my driveway. I confronted her about this and she claimed it's never happened. I've watched her multiple times from my front window. FML

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By ass slap - United States - Broomall

Today, while I was hanging out with a cute girl, I slapped her ass playfully. She told me that she was going to get me back. She slapped my ass later that night unexpectedly while I was holding in a huge fart... It came out. FML

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By bb - United States - Hillsborough

Today, after having tried for months to get a promotion at work, I finally had an interview for a higher position. Everything went great, and I was told I would get a call next week for my second interview. I went back to my desk, only to get an email stating they're canceling the position. FML

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By Lisa - United States

Today, I received an overdue bill for my now nonexistent car that caught fire in July. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went on a long flight. I was fortunate enough to sit next to a great girl. However, she must have thought I was not so great, because she moved to the empty seat across the aisle. Next to my dad. Who then told stories about how I always get motion sickness on airplanes. I then threw up. FML

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By andthatshowitgoes - United States

Today, my adorable 8 year old son told me he no longer wanted me to pick him up from school. When I asked why, he said, "I told everyone at school my mommy is pretty... and I don't want people to know I lied." FML

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By leah_kascar - United States - Hialeah

Today, in the class I'm teaching, I assigned my students an essay to complete for homework. One student asked me if I was deducting points for bad spelling. I teach English. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Ellensburg

Today, I flew back home from out of state. When I got back to my house, my bed, furniture, and TV were gone. My girlfriend changed her number and I have no idea where she lives now. FML

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By ToysforHire

Today, I found out that my girlfriend secretly purchased a vibrator and has been using it for the past two weeks. When I confronted her, her only argument was "It's made me cum more times than you could." FML

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By greeenbean - Samoa

Today, I was woken up by the massive earthquake in Samoa. I went downstairs to discover that all the hotel staff had fled and abandoned the hotel guests. I was left to run up to higher ground on foot. It was a three hour hike. By the time I got to a safe spot, the tsunami warning was lifted. FML

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By Great. - United States - Billings

Today, I told my boyfriend I loved him. He responded by fist pumping. FML

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By fucked5waystofriday - United States - Angola

Today, my boss told me to resign within the month, or he'll fire me and give me a bad reference. I talked to him about it again later on, this time with my phone recording everything, so I could take the proof to HR. I guess he knew, because he acted like he had no idea what I was talking about. FML

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By hot_friend - United States

Today, my boyfriend said he was in love with my best friend instead of me. I wouldn't be so upset if it wasn't the third boyfriend in a row this happened with. FML

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By i-should-probably-stick-to-swimming - United States

Today, while on the treadmill, my iPod fell and shot out underneath my feet. I got off to get it, and when I tried to get back on, I slipped and fell on my face on the moving track. The whole gym watched me get beat up by a treadmill and clapped when I finally got back on. FML

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By seriously?

Today, my best friend actually had the audacity to try and one-up my suicide attempt story. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my walk of shame may have been caught by the Google car. FML

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By Whoops - France

Today, my boyfriend and I were having a make-out session in the backseat of his car, when we heard a voice coming from his pants. Who did he pocket dial? My house. At midnight, when I was supposed to be home. FML

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By pretty_coin - Australia

Today, I'm hiding in my own house, because my crazy neighbor wants to "play." Yesterday when I agreed, she made me spend the whole day with her, then burst into tears when I had to leave. She's been waiting outside for over two hours. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I saw my four-year-old son running around outside, and copying everything our dog was doing. I thought it was cute, so I went to grab the camera. When I went back outside, I saw my dog eating a dead rabbit, and my son doing the same. FML

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By Burny

Today, my partner took a shower while in the middle of cooking something. My eyes are still burning from the smoke. FML

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By Fcuked - New Zealand

Today, I annoyed my friend by texting him 'meow' over and over at random times of the day because when he's drunk he meows in his sleep. Apparently a great way to get back at me was to tell my parents I wasn't a virgin and that I got high on Wednesday. He had pictures to prove it for both. FML

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By Peach - United States

Today, I found one of my roommate's giant yellow toenail clippings on the counter next to the kitchen sink. When I confronted him about it, he told me the cat must have carried it out of his bedroom and put it there. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I witnessed my boyfriend sneeze in his hands, and then lick it. FML

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By meggiemouse - United States

Today, marks the seventh day of having my nose pierced. I'd done everything I was supposed to do, even sleeping with a band-aid over it. This morning, I woke up to my piercing being ripped out by my pillow, and the band-aid nowhere in sight. FML

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By Zodiacfall

Precision strike

Today, I replaced my bedsheets with new, clean ones. I went to the bathroom to wash up, and when I came back, my cat had peed exactly where my head would be. FML

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By Cindell Hanson - 2/3/2020 05:00

Kids these days…

Today, a student told me to fuck off. I work with 3 year-olds. FML

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By Squashed - United States

Today, my 250 pound boyfriend was on top of me while we were making out. I actually passed out in the middle of it from not being able to breathe. FML

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By booyouwhoree - United States

Today, I told my friend I hadn't had a period in 5 months. She asked me if I was pregnant. When I asked her if I looked 5 months pregant, she replied by saying "is that supposed to be a trick question?" FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Hove

Today, my mum had no legitimate reason to have her daily yell at me, so she resorted to bitching me out for putting her phone on charge after it started beeping with a low battery warning. FML

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Top comments

By Googolman | 29

#6605668 - Saturday 14 May 2016 19:07

Your horrible is absolutely joke.

By Steffi3 | 40

#6605667 - Saturday 14 May 2016 19:03

Awesome!

COMMENTS

By WARKID2000 | 13

#6605647 - Saturday 14 May 2016 18:30

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

Googolman | 29

#6605668 - Saturday 14 May 2016 19:07

Your horrible is absolutely joke.

By warner69 | 8

#6605652 - Saturday 14 May 2016 18:39

these are so dumb. if i wanted unfunny pictures i would download ifunny

Reply

Ashd09 | 30

#6605654 - Saturday 14 May 2016 18:43

Totally agree with #3. You're trying too hard to be "funny" and it's just ruining the experience for me. Since yall won't listen when I comment in the play store I'm just throwing this out there.

By kolby12309 | 26

#6605657 - Saturday 14 May 2016 18:48

should be a car on fire

By Railroader | 16

#6605666 - Saturday 14 May 2016 19:01

Yeah these pictures are not good. Now if posters of legit FMLs could add related photos to their posts.... Well that would be a different story.

By Steffi3 | 40

#6605667 - Saturday 14 May 2016 19:03

Awesome!

By coatl45 | 11

#6605674 - Saturday 14 May 2016 19:25

Nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope

By Railroader | 16

#6605677 - Saturday 14 May 2016 19:27

Yeah these pictures are not good. Now if posters of legit FMLs could add related photos to their posts.... Well that would be a different story.

By AlexTehGrate | 2

#6605686 - Saturday 14 May 2016 19:51

why can't I see the photo?

Reply

Pleonasm | 34

#6605738 - Saturday 14 May 2016 20:38

Spider on your screen?

By Startled_Toenail | 21

#6605688 - Saturday 14 May 2016 19:52

These jokes are almost as terrible as minion quotes

Reply

EmiEvelyn | 12

#6605801 - Saturday 14 May 2016 22:34

This is actually amusing. At the very least it made me smile to myself while reading.

By ballinball | 14

#6605693 - Saturday 14 May 2016 19:55

been there crashed over there