Today, there was a spider in my car. FML - FML

By Steffi3 - 14/5/2016 16:29 - United States

Today, there was a spider in my car. FML

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Delayed proposal

Yappy neighborhood

Weird kid

By sadness - 12/10/2012 02:48 - United States - Metairie

Today, the guy I'm dating came into the same restaurant where I was eating. He was with a girl. He sat at the table next to mine and didn't even bother to say, "Hi." I guess I'm single again. FML

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By Me - 11/4/2013 00:45 - United States - Ramona

Today, as I walked out of the local store, I noticed a young girl was sitting on the curb, crying. I nudged her with the Snickers bar I had bought earlier, thinking she needed it more than me. After looking at it, she yelled, "PEDOPHILE!", punched me in the balls, and then ran away screaming. FML

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By emily074 - 23/8/2015 03:13 - United States - Salem

Today, the nine year old girl I was babysitting got the hiccups, so I told her to drink some water upside down to cure them. She ended up vomiting on the floor. FML

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By 8to10days - 5/8/2010 11:14 - United Kingdom

Today, I received a new debit card, so I cut the old one into pieces. I then picked up my remaining card, and realized I'd cut up the wrong one. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/9/2010 06:04 - United States

Today, it was the first day of astronomy class and we all waited for the professor to enter the classroom. All of a sudden, someone turns the lights off, it's pitch black, and we hear the professor saying, "Greetings earthlings..." It's going to be a long semester. FML

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By Finding Kemo - 16/4/2016 19:12 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I went to school with a bad haircut. I got about 50 cancer jokes so far. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/7/2020 23:04

I need some me time

Today, my fiancée decided to go on a 3-hour trip because she needed a break from the baby and me. I forgot to mention who she went with: her ex. FML

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By Warriorwizzle - 15/12/2018 04:00 - Vietnam - Hanoi

Today I had to move down to the 3rd floor because after complaining about rats on my rooftop the landlord put down traps. Rats died. Flies came. The flies laid eggs. The eggs birthed maggots. The maggots rained down from my broken ceiling into my bed and all over my floor. I am not okay. FML

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By Username - 3/2/2011 18:27 - United States

Today, I went on a date with a guy, who decided to rudely text message his friend the whole time. When I got home, I realized he'd been texting the girl he was going to hookup with after our date; she happens to be my roommate. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/7/2014 23:57 - United States - Lafayette

Today, I was finally given a parking spot at work. It turns out to be between an expensive sports car that never parks straight and a giant truck too big for its space. FML

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By Alexis - 15/11/2017 23:00 - United States

Classy.

Today, I spent 12 hours in an airport rather than go back to the apartment of the man I traveled to see for the weekend. Instead of wine, dine, sixty-nine, he took me to a tailgating event and introduced me to two girls he had a threesome with. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/3/2014 00:26 - United Kingdom

Today, I was waiting at the bus stop and noticed a girl that I played netball with. I ran across the road to meet her and she ran across the car park to meet me. We hugged and looked at each other slowly backing away as we both realised that we didn't know each other. FML

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By TheRoad42 - 20/8/2013 12:54 - United States - Baton Rouge

Today, when I got back to my dorm, I found a trail of ants trying to shove a dead roach into a power outlet. The front desk insists that there is no pest problem. FML

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By Oh God - 24/5/2018 06:00

Today, I met my new boyfriend’s family for the first time. Unfortunately for me, his dad walked in to ask what we wanted for dinner while we were having sex. Even worse was that my boyfriend kept going while his dad was there, and his dad later said he was glad I was “the woman”. FML

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By Losamus - 15/8/2018 23:30

Nice first impression.

Today, I didn't know I had a pill stuck in my throat until I coughed and it flew across the table, narrowly missing the weird guy sitting across from me in the break room. Turns out that weird guy is my new supervisor. FML

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By Lilo4life - 6/8/2015 15:18 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I discovered that I am just tall enough and my hair is just long enough, to get caught in the ceiling fan if I flip it over to dry it. FML

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By marisa - 5/1/2013 00:31 - Ireland - Carlow

Today, I had to beg my husband not to shave his pubic hair into a handlebar moustache. FML

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By fuck but no fuck - 2/8/2013 19:44 - South Africa - Pretoria

Today, I finally felt ready to make love to my boyfriend for the first time. It all went great, until I tried putting the condom on him. In the process, I managed to nick his penis not once, but three times with my nails. His eyes brimmed with tears and he completely lost his erection. FML

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By hrtbrkn - 16/7/2009 13:44 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of a year broke up with me because "god told him to." What god didn't tell him was that I would check his e-mail and find all the e-mails to and from his new girlfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/8/2015 02:16 - United States - Dayton

Today, I found my daughter sobbing and trying to stick a wad of gauze to her vagina. She was having her first period. FML

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By Jong - 10/3/2009 02:35 - United States

Today, I arrived at work only to be arrested and accused of stealing over $8000 from my job. 5 hours later at the police station, the discovery was made that the actual thief had an employee ID one digit different than mine. He works at another location over 1200 miles away. FML

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By birthday_loser - 23/1/2013 19:33 - United States - Newport News

Today, I was upset because my brother, who I'm very close to, didn't call me for my birthday yesterday. I told my mom about it, and we both immediately went silent on the phone, as we both realized she forgot to call me yesterday as well. FML

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By noonotme - 5/9/2010 21:51 - United States

Today, my father told me to stop purposely singing out of tune because it was annoying. I wasn't doing it on purpose; it's my real voice. FML

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By Janie - 10/1/2012 05:52 - United States

Today, my boyfriend changed his relationship status on Facebook to "Single" and his status to "I'm not kidding, leave your key on the counter." FML

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By Anonymous - 4/1/2015 16:58 - Denmark - Aarhus

Today, I saw a homeless guy in the street. It really upset me how everyone's spirit of giving vanished as soon as Christmas was over, so I said fuck it and gave him about $50 worth of money. I barely made it 10 feet away, when another guy mugged him for the money I just gave. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/5/2012 23:52 - United States - Yucaipa

Today, the Star Wars Cantina song had been stuck in my head since I woke up, as my brother was humming it. I finally managed to get it out of my head. Then my mom started to whistle it. It's stuck in my head again. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/10/2014 16:06 - United States

Today, my little sister decided the best way to cheat on a test is to take someone else's test, scratch through their name in pencil, and write her name underneath. She starts high school next semester. FML

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By Lizofsmeg - 11/5/2012 05:03 - United States

Today, I was at my new boyfriend's flat. As I came out of the toilet he walked over, took my hand, looked at me and whispered, "You washed your hands. Good." in an extremely creepy manner. FML

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By JCC - 18/5/2011 10:57 - United States

Today, I was babysitting a three-year-old. She asked me what was wrong with my belly. I had to explain to her that I'm just fat. Twice. FML

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By wordmalfunction - 25/5/2009 21:42 - United Kingdom

Today, I was preparing a dinner for some business associates, in hopes of closing the deal on a promotion. I emailed them with the menu, in case there were any allergies. Hours later, I checked the email again to find that instead of serving the Roast Duck I would be serving the Roast Fuck. FML

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By CollegeBound - 17/8/2012 19:55 - United States - Tully

Today, at age eighteen, I finished moving out of my parents' house and into my own. The only person to even remotely give a shit was my sister, and that was only because I was taking the cat with me. FML

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By iStoleTheBrownie - 25/8/2017 01:32

Paparazzi

Today, my friend asked me to send her a picture of my crush. I've never talked to him so I had to take the picture without him knowing. My flash was on. FML

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By Paperboy - 28/3/2013 09:57 - Bosnia and Herzegovina - Ilijas

Today, the highlight of my day was when I found that there was finally toilet paper in the cubicle at work. FML

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By LALALA3 - 16/2/2009 23:20 - United States

Today, I finally gave the guy I was with for over a year a blowjob. Right after he tells me "I don't want a girlfriend but I want you to be my best friend." FML

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By eatmyshipoopie - 18/12/2009 15:20 - United Kingdom

Today, I was getting it on with my boyfriend when my dad opened the door. I thought I hadn't been seen because the door was only open a tiny bit. I then looked into the mirror by the door to see my dad's reflection, staring at mine, horrified. I was on top. FML

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By QuickieGirl - 16/9/2011 11:28 - United States

Today, I realized my girlfriend thinks that the goal of sex is to get it over with as quickly as possible. FML

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By Amber - 10/1/2010 17:17 - United States

Today, I realized why my bathroom has been smelling so bad. My 10-year-old son has been peeing on the radiator, thinking it's fun to watch it steam and sizzle. FML

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By Noname - 11/2/2009 01:22 - United States

Today, I got on Facebook and realized the only two friend requests I've had in 2 months are both from my parents. FML

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By hilariousnow - 22/12/2009 08:46 - Vietnam

Today, with my girlfriend I planned a trip to Bali on this Thursday and we will celebrate Christmas together. Hotel booking done, flight tickets bought, swimsuits packed. I just forgot one thing: tell my boss I'll be on leave till next week. He gave me a new project. The deadline is next monday. FML

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By notnow - 27/9/2013 01:32 - United States

Today, minutes before I walked down the aisle at my wedding, my drunk mother stumbled up to me and told me she was depressed and wanted to leave. FML

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Top comments

By Googolman | 29

#6605668 - Saturday 14 May 2016 19:07

Your horrible is absolutely joke.

By Steffi3 | 40

#6605667 - Saturday 14 May 2016 19:03

Awesome!

COMMENTS

By WARKID2000 | 13

#6605647 - Saturday 14 May 2016 18:30

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

Googolman | 29

#6605668 - Saturday 14 May 2016 19:07

Your horrible is absolutely joke.

By warner69 | 8

#6605652 - Saturday 14 May 2016 18:39

these are so dumb. if i wanted unfunny pictures i would download ifunny

Reply

Ashd09 | 30

#6605654 - Saturday 14 May 2016 18:43

Totally agree with #3. You're trying too hard to be "funny" and it's just ruining the experience for me. Since yall won't listen when I comment in the play store I'm just throwing this out there.

By kolby12309 | 26

#6605657 - Saturday 14 May 2016 18:48

should be a car on fire

By Railroader | 16

#6605666 - Saturday 14 May 2016 19:01

Yeah these pictures are not good. Now if posters of legit FMLs could add related photos to their posts.... Well that would be a different story.

By Steffi3 | 40

#6605667 - Saturday 14 May 2016 19:03

Awesome!

By coatl45 | 11

#6605674 - Saturday 14 May 2016 19:25

Nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope

By Railroader | 16

#6605677 - Saturday 14 May 2016 19:27

Yeah these pictures are not good. Now if posters of legit FMLs could add related photos to their posts.... Well that would be a different story.

By AlexTehGrate | 2

#6605686 - Saturday 14 May 2016 19:51

why can't I see the photo?

Reply

Pleonasm | 34

#6605738 - Saturday 14 May 2016 20:38

Spider on your screen?

By Startled_Toenail | 21

#6605688 - Saturday 14 May 2016 19:52

These jokes are almost as terrible as minion quotes

Reply

EmiEvelyn | 12

#6605801 - Saturday 14 May 2016 22:34

This is actually amusing. At the very least it made me smile to myself while reading.

By ballinball | 14

#6605693 - Saturday 14 May 2016 19:55

been there crashed over there