Today, the guy I've had a crush on came over to my house. My Dad came in to see how we we're doing, looks at me and says "Man... You've REALLY been puttin' on the pounds!", pokes me in the stomach a few times, and leaves. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, the guy I've had the biggest crush on came to my house to pick me up for our first date. As we were leaving, my father screams out "Do you still have diarrhea?" I don't have diarrhea. My dad thinks he's so funny. FML
Today, the girl I have a crush on came over to work on a project. My dad rushed into the room we were in, farted, and then ran out giggling. FML
Today, my dad and I were at the grocery store buying toilet paper. As we walk out I see these two attractive guys that I know. My dad gets that I think they're cute, so he shouts "Hey babe, how's your stomach feeling now? Will this be enough for you?" They walk away laughing. FML
Today, I went over to my friend's house. After knocking on the door, I was greeted by her hairy, 300+ pound father in his underwear. He then hugged me. FML
Today, I was hanging out with my boyfriend. Everything seemed to be going well, when all of a sudden he turned to look at me with a pensive and thoughtful expression. I expected him to say something important, but instead he just said, "I was wondering, how does it feel to be fat?" FML
Today, I was on Skype with a guy I really like, in the living room. My dad saw that I was on video chat, got undressed, right down to his bright green y-fronts, and then started dancing behind me. My crush saw it all. FML
Today, my crush came to my house to watch movies with me. We were sitting on the couch when he turned to me and said that he had had a dream about me the night before. I moved in to kiss him, thinking he liked me. He then added that I had fallen of a cliff and he had pissed himself laughing. FML
Today, I was tying my hair up when my dad rubbed my stomach and asked how his grandchild was doing. He knows I'm not pregnant and that I've been trying really hard to lose weight. FML
Today, I was having breakfast when my mom's boyfriend came and sat right across from me. He didn't try and hide the fact that he was staring at my chest and told me, "Wow, you're getting bigger." I glared at him. He winked at me. FML
Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to meet his parents. Right when I arrived, his little sister said, "She's a lot fatter than you said!" FML
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Top comments
24788 7
It's your dads job to make sure your never having sex in your life.
corndog45 0
lol i am sorry
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Comments (76)
SheKillzs 0
smh, I would of been so mad...lol
nwalsh2009 0
And your still not pregrant. Give your dad a hug.
strawberryswirl 0
Where's the "who cares?" button?
music_METAL 0
wo ur dad killed it. I would of said anyways and continued after ur dad left.
jazzyjc15 0
ohhhhhhhhhh that's a bitch move
Stevenopolis 0
First I thought "**** block" and creepy dad. But then I though, "If I had a 14 year old I didn't want to see become a 15 year old mom, that's EXACTLY what I would say." Genius dad you have there. You'll thank him when the guy knocks up his next girlfriend and you see them coming out of Walmart in 10 years with 3 kids and getting into a POS car that's even older.
runwaydoll 0
My mom made comments like this to me when I was young, and now I have an eating disorder.
captainbj2 0
don't blame that on your mom...you have choices too
kaytee05 0
haha not to be rude but I think that's nice(: he's just teasin u, u took it the wrong way:/ parents always have to do that to their kids don't worry my moms embarressed me many times before infronta my boyfrenn
terranada 3
slip hot sauce into his food for revenge!! >D
_kayla_bear 0
I'd be so mad if my dad did that lol he's just trying to protect you(: