Today, the guy I've had a crush on came over to my house. My Dad came in to see how we we're doing, looks at me and says "Man... You've REALLY been puttin' on the pounds!", pokes me in the stomach a few times, and leaves. FML
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Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, the guy I've had the biggest crush on came to my house to pick me up for our first date. As we were leaving, my father screams out "Do you still have diarrhea?" I don't have diarrhea. My dad thinks he's so funny. FML
Today, the girl I have a crush on came over to work on a project. My dad rushed into the room we were in, farted, and then ran out giggling. FML
Today, my dad and I were at the grocery store buying toilet paper. As we walk out I see these two attractive guys that I know. My dad gets that I think they're cute, so he shouts "Hey babe, how's your stomach feeling now? Will this be enough for you?" They walk away laughing. FML
Today, I went over to my friend's house. After knocking on the door, I was greeted by her hairy, 300+ pound father in his underwear. He then hugged me. FML
Today, I was hanging out with my boyfriend. Everything seemed to be going well, when all of a sudden he turned to look at me with a pensive and thoughtful expression. I expected him to say something important, but instead he just said, "I was wondering, how does it feel to be fat?" FML
Today, I was on Skype with a guy I really like, in the living room. My dad saw that I was on video chat, got undressed, right down to his bright green y-fronts, and then started dancing behind me. My crush saw it all. FML
Today, my crush came to my house to watch movies with me. We were sitting on the couch when he turned to me and said that he had had a dream about me the night before. I moved in to kiss him, thinking he liked me. He then added that I had fallen of a cliff and he had pissed himself laughing. FML
Today, I was tying my hair up when my dad rubbed my stomach and asked how his grandchild was doing. He knows I'm not pregnant and that I've been trying really hard to lose weight. FML
Today, I was having breakfast when my mom's boyfriend came and sat right across from me. He didn't try and hide the fact that he was staring at my chest and told me, "Wow, you're getting bigger." I glared at him. He winked at me. FML
Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to meet his parents. Right when I arrived, his little sister said, "She's a lot fatter than you said!" FML
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Top comments
24788 7
It's your dads job to make sure your never having sex in your life.
corndog45 0
lol i am sorry
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Comments (76)
makino_fml 2
Does he know that you have a crush on the dude? If so, I think that is a sign of disapproval (unless your dad always does something outrageous like that in front of others).
LolWaitWut 0
Hahaha I respect your dad. :)
Bright_Lights 14
Why is everyone saying "father win", "epic dad", "your dad's amazing" etc?! A lot of you are saying that he doesn't want her to be with the guy and this is how he indicated it; could've he not said after he left that he didn't like the guy instead of making her feel embarrased in front of her 'date'?! I find what the father did to be very rude, depreciating and mean, and I wouldn't talk to him for days after if he did this to me. Plus, women are a lot more sensitive about their weight, and if she is actually having weight issues, this would only make her feel more insecure and bullied. I find what he said to be disgusting and all the people saying the dad's "epic" should maybe try being in this situation then seeing what your opinion of the dad is.
thecirclingskies 0
is your father Peter Griffin?
PsychoGorgeous 0
that sucks
blastvortex 4
So if I poke your stomach, will it jiggle?
bcbrowngirl 0
i recently was called fat by my dad but he said it to hurt me though im 5'5 an weigh under 132 lbs!.. so im not fat! he's been taking pot shots @ me since i was a kid...most dads are pretty hurtful...but in this case. yes it was mean but pokin in the ribs sounds like he wasnt kidding but teasing...but all in all it hurts coming from ur father
Ninjaface 0
Parenting WIN. I'm guessing you didn't get any action that day?
NoKittyMyPotPie 3
Some dads are such assholes.
one2gun 0
haha your dad is pro doing his job well "high five" from me to him