Love: Today, the girl I'd been seeing for a few weeks lost her mind...

By Anonymous - Australia - Port Melbourne

Today, the girl I'd been seeing for a few weeks lost her mind and yanked my car's e-brake while we were on the highway. Why? Because I said I wasn't really interested in having kids. Guess I'll cross that relationship off as a "hell no". FML

I agree, your life sucks

14188

Phew, glad it wasn't me

2141

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Love

Rock, hard place

And today, on Dr Phil…

Race against the clock

By TrulyYours - United States

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend on the phone. After a short pause I hear him say "I love you." Smiling I say, "I love you too." Then he says, "I was talking to my dog." FML

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60450

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By fmlgirl - Netherlands - Hulst

Today, my brain-dead brother-in-law decided to play five finger fillet while at my place. Predictably, he ended up slicing a finger wide open. My mother-in-law now wants my blood, because she thinks I dared him to do it, and that clearly her perfect little angel couldn't be such a moron. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43901

You deserved it

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By tickyette - United States

Today, a grasshopper jumped into my car. As my boyfriend swiped at it, the grasshopper jumped onto my chest and into my shirt. Instead of helping me get it out, my boyfriend leaned back and said, "It got to second base faster than I did." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32158

You deserved it

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By peneloperigby - United Kingdom

Today, my mother called to say that my 11-year-old nephew found my secret stash of nipple tassels, furry hand cuffs, and a bottle of lube. He doesn't want to visit me anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12966

You deserved it

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By Oh no

Today, I went searching for my old school laptop only to find that my stepdad had swiped it and given it to his mother. My sex tapes and nudes are on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2665

You deserved it

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By ragsy - United States

Today, I finally went to Home Depot to buy a chainsaw to cut down the tree leaning dangerously over my garage. When I got home, I found the tree had fallen and taken out the roof while I was shopping. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47197

You deserved it

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By FatalxDesire599 - United States

Today, my mother stormed into my room shouting about how I never go anywhere and then tells me to go out "NOW" and do something. As she is pushing me out the door, her boyfriend walks in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32579

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 16/2/2021 14:01

Ghosts!

Today, I was written up for bringing my son to work. For safety reasons, bringing kids to work is strictly prohibited. I don’t have any kids. FML

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1089

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By Anonymous - United States - Crowley

Today, I found out that my boyfriend paid a guy to tell me he was dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53968

You deserved it

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By scars - United States - Edwardsville

Today, my parents decided to "discipline" my kitten by spraying her with water. This somehow managed to completely un-train her, and now she's back to being the compulsive biter she was when I first brought her home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33774

You deserved it

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By geekyteendisaster - United States - Littleton

Today, my crush finally asked me to homecoming. I told my best friend, thinking she would be happy for me. Now we are in a big argument and she won't talk to me because I have a date and she doesn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3154

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I slipped and sprained my ankle while shopping for a present for my husband, who later came home and tripped over my elevated leg, hurting my ankle again. Now I have an excruciating sprain, and a spouse who's furious at me because "I shouldn't have tried to surprise him." FML

I agree, your life sucks

25261

You deserved it

2831

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By Chia - Australia - Mona Vale

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I cancelled our date tonight. I cancelled because I had a seizure and was taken to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62876

You deserved it

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By JPF - Australia

Today, I found out that I was adopted, now my gay brother thinks it's acceptable to tell me that he's always wanted to have sex with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

109204

You deserved it

5577

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my partner and I were spending quality time with a newly single friend. She quoted some song lyrics, saying "If you want to be happy for the rest of your life, make an ugly woman your wife...". We all laughed, and then my partner said "Boy, you got THAT right." FML

I agree, your life sucks

30102

You deserved it

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By broussimousse - United Kingdom

Today, I went on a run with this cute guy I know. I was sweating untractively and profusely so I decided to discretly grab a leaf from a tree and wipe my face with it. A bird had done the same with his ass few minutes ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44897

You deserved it

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By dieders - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I thought she wasn't being serious when she said her mum wanted me to pay to stay the night at her house for the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8954

You deserved it

660

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By Lackadaisical - United States

Today, I thought I'd be safe by looking before crossing a one way street unlike I normally do. Too bad I looked the wrong way and didn't see the car that hit me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10213

You deserved it

35525

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By Bebefer - United States

Today, my mother and I went to a meeting at my school about a camping trip the students in my grade will be going on. When the time to ask questions came, my mother raised her hand and loudly asked, "What if my child is on their period during the trip?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

37643

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States - Olympia

Today, I got laid off. Why would they lay me off right before the holidays? Because they want to make sure every one else gets a nice holiday bonus. FML

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27877

You deserved it

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By inpuredeceit - United States

Today, I finished and turned in the last of the seventeen major projects for the company I work for. As I was walking out of my bosses office, I hear her ask her assistant "She finished everything we didn't want to do, can we fire her now?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

40765

You deserved it

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By diddlebuag - United States

Today, I came home from work, only to find the babysitter passed out on the couch with a bottle of Jack Daniel's. At some point, it seems my son had taken the liberty of peeing on her while she slept. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42918

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I watched my best friend get married to the guy I have been in love with since the 8th grade. I was the maid of honor, and had to give a toast to the couple. FML

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71331

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a haircut for the first time in almost a year. I thought it looked really nice and made me look good. On my way to CVS, I ran into one of my friends. He examined me and said, "You look... like a crack whore." FML

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47417

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By pits

Today, I finally noticed after months of having the same cover photo on several websites, that it looks like I have a bushel of armpit hair due to a shadow. FML

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28682

You deserved it

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By Adam

Today, while I was walking home, I noticed an elderly man in a wheel chair trying to paint his garage so I went over to help. His response was verbal abuse and a slap to the face with a wet paint brush. FML

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33715

You deserved it

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By thisisbad - Malaysia

Today, I was in the toilet when somebody started banging on the door loudly. I panicked and immediately cleaned my self and opened the door. As I opened the door, my brother vomited all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35894

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was applying for jobs online when my father called. When I told him what I was doing, he said in all seriousness that I should just be a sugar baby. I said he must be joking, but he replied, "Honey, if I had your tits, I'd never work a day in my life." 5ML

I agree, your life sucks

46868

You deserved it

5110

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By jake - United States - Bend

Today, I invited my girlfriend over to a family lunch, planning to propose to her at just the right moment. My family was in on it, including my apparently disapproving mom, who kept causing a scene to grab my girlfriend's attention every time I went to pull out the ring. FML

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32546

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 18/8/2020 14:01

Living a lie

Today, I get a scornful look when I try to talk to my husband, let alone try to cheer him up, because he is "severely depressed." Well, unless a friend or neighbor knocks on the door, then he’s the life of the party. Right until they leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1529

You deserved it

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By ohtheshame

Today, I sent a kinky text message to my boyfriend. Within minutes I got a reply of 'whoever this is, fuck off and give my girlfriend's phone back.' Apparently I'm so bad at writing sexy messages that my boyfriend thought it was a prank from someone who'd stolen my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42733

You deserved it

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By worstwaytodumpagirl - United Kingdom - Harrow

Today, my boyfriend bought me a pair of jeans. I couldn't fit into them, and he reacted to this by saying I've gotten too fat for him, and he can't be with me anymore. I took them off and saw they were a size 4. I've been a size 8 for the past 2 years, and he knows this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46883

You deserved it

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By Squishy - United Kingdom

Today, my loving boyfriend told me that he wanted to go to the cinema with the girl he loves. The other girl he loves, but don't worry it's "not" a date. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32459

You deserved it

3127

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By johnG - Canada

Today, I got a call from my local hospital's emergency room, stating my wife was in labour. My wife and I split years ago, but just haven't divorced. She is telling everyone I am the baby's father, my current girlfriend is 7 months pregnant with my child. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27993

You deserved it

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By phonegotlostinthepark - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I lost my phone. I called the number from my friend's phone, hoping I could find it. A guy answered, laughed "Thanks for the phone!" and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51098

You deserved it

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By nomorecookies - United States

Today, someone broke into my car just to steal the freshly baked cookies in the back seat. They also left a thank you note. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34525

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I decided to go swimming. I knew my technique would be off because I haven't swam since high school. It was when I made it only halfway across the pool that the lifeguard decided to jump in and save me. I wasn't drowning or struggling. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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By umm... - 30/3/2020 23:00 - Australia - Canberra

It's a witch!

Today, I caught my boyfriend in the bathtub interrogating his penis and "drowning" it when it wouldn't answer him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1703

You deserved it

311

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By Betsydoll - United States

Today, after a tiff with my boyfriend, I said to him, "You could at least PRETEND to love me sometimes." He responded with, "I do pretend to love you!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

59515

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - Australia - Notting Hill

Today, my boyfriend told me he loved me. I asked why, and he said "Because sometimes you look good, and you buy me stuff." FML

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Top comments

By meatloaf11 | 23

#6626908 - Monday 13 June 2016 1:38

Time to pull the e-break on your relationship.

By bradleybaldwin | 9

#6626911 - Monday 13 June 2016 1:44

Bitch put both your lives in danger.

COMMENTS

By Shawn2095 | 18

#6626907 - Monday 13 June 2016 1:38

Dude. Run.

holyshmolly | 13

#6627168 - Monday 13 June 2016 10:04

Or ditch her and drive away!

By meatloaf11 | 23

#6626908 - Monday 13 June 2016 1:38

Time to pull the e-break on your relationship.

By bradleybaldwin | 9

#6626911 - Monday 13 June 2016 1:44

Bitch put both your lives in danger.

DoomedGemini | 37

#6626949 - Monday 13 June 2016 2:33

And others

crudeandrudeguy | 29

#6627045 - Monday 13 June 2016 5:29

Because he might not be interested in having kids... especially at this stage of the relationship. So what?!?! Nut job

By XSeraphinX | 18

#6626912 - Monday 13 June 2016 1:44

Clearly a huge red flag. Glad you're getting away from her.

By Teyros | 24

#6626914 - Monday 13 June 2016 1:46

Better get out before she gets a hold of your e brake.
(A for effort?)

SecundusSecunda | 27

#6626929 - Monday 13 June 2016 1:59

I rate it 5/7
Well done, #5

Teyros | 24

#6626936 - Monday 13 June 2016 2:14

Thanks bud. It's a life of approval from others.

withered | 30

#6627124 - Monday 13 June 2016 8:16

Stop trying to make 5/7 happen. It's not going to happen. Don't know why people were impressed by that bad excuse of a "trolling".

laden_swallow09 | 34

#6627250 - Monday 13 June 2016 13:23

I was tempted to post my confusion on what 5/7 is supposed to mean, but after some consulting with UrbanDictionary, it seems like 5/7 is indeed every bit as stupid as 32 says it is.

By iiTzNeeNerz | 26

#6626918 - Monday 13 June 2016 1:48

That's a quick way to put a stop to a relationship.

lilchica22001 | 22

#6627158 - Monday 13 June 2016 9:49

I see whatcha did there and I'm likin it!

AverageAvarice | 23

#6627783 - Tuesday 14 June 2016 6:58

Press the like button quietly please.

By tigerisabelle | 31

#6626920 - Monday 13 June 2016 1:51

Jeez, that escaladed quickly. That girl would have driven you crazy. It's obvious she's got no idea when to put on the brakes. Don't reverse your decision; push the pedal down and speed outta there. You auto know when to get out.

By emeraldarcher74 | 30

#6626927 - Monday 13 June 2016 1:57

Run fast, run hard.

By chosha_fml | 25

#6626930 - Monday 13 June 2016 2:00

Scary that psycho might being having kids with anyone.

By InfiniteSunshine | 32

#6626932 - Monday 13 June 2016 2:07

Oh you don't want to have kids, well let's just potentially kill us both then, cause that will solve everything. Seriously, what the hell goes through these types of peoples' minds?