Love: Today, the boy I've liked for the past 8 years asked me out and... - FML

By Anonymous - 23/01/2010 15:06 - United States

Today, the boy I've liked for the past 8 years asked me out and then dumped me when he realized that I was taller than he was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 490

You deserved it 3 367

Best teeth in the game

Mother of the year

Great family you've got there

By Anonymous - 25/12/2010 23:21 - United States

Today, I rented a copy How To Train Your Dragon for my young son to watch. I put the DVD in, hit play without paying attention, and went off to make lunch. A few minutes later, my son ran into the kitchen screaming. Apparently, there was a mix up at the rental store and I got a copy of Saw IV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 442

You deserved it 11 826

Keep it down

By Anonymous - 06/02/2011 05:10 - United States

Spicy

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, I reached climax. While I was screaming, my 4 year-old son came in with his water gun because he thought I was in trouble. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 131

You deserved it 59 674

Chill out, Mom

By poor girl - 27/06/2020 05:03

Today, my mom came over for dinner. She lost her mind, screaming and yelling, because my oven melted the dollar store cooking dish that she insisted on using. Never mind the fact I’m going to have to pay a couple hundred, if not a thousand dollars for a new stove. Oh no, she’s out a whole buck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 603

You deserved it 108

By fucktelstra - 17/03/2016 11:42 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, I missed a phone interview for a job at Telstra because Telstra's phone network was down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 498

You deserved it 1 391

By lean_mean_meme_machine - 10/12/2016 19:07 - United States - Tampa

Today, I was visiting my grandma who has a beagle named Max. He was so excited to see me, he jumped on my face and peed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 359

You deserved it 679

By Anonymous - 13/09/2012 17:46 - United Kingdom

Today, on our first holiday together, my boyfriend decided to spend his time reminiscing about having come here once with his ex. He then decided to go type up an email to her about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 120

You deserved it 2 192

By whyme27 - 09/09/2009 02:41 - Canada

Today, I washed one of my roommates t-shirts. I forgot to remove it before putting it in the dryer, and all the print on the front melted off. It was a gift from his girlfriend. Who has just passed away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 509

You deserved it 20 330

By Anonymous - 04/11/2017 05:00

Spicy

Today, while making deliveries, a lady answered the door stark naked and invited me in. I'm a young single guy so I went for it, but her husband was also there, ready to go with an enormous boner, so I ran to my van and went back to the depot. They reported me for bad customer service. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 753

You deserved it 2 697

By Zippyzoo - 03/02/2009 22:16 - United States

Spicy

Today, when my boyfriend was about to orgasm, I suddenly sneezed all over his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 246

You deserved it 9 089

By polkadotpinup - 16/09/2016 17:22 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I got a call from my employers wanting to ask why I had a no call, no show for today. My supervisor reported me for not showing up to work. It's my day off, and also my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 722

You deserved it 857

By johnnydoe6969 - 20/11/2011 23:51 - United States

Spicy

Today, I went camping and shared a tent with this girl I have been sleeping with here and there for a year. To impress her, I popped a certain male enhancement supplement. Thirty minutes later I found out she was on her period. What a long night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 720

You deserved it 45 965

By RIPLife - 24/03/2016 14:03 - Switzerland - Carouge

Today, I managed to have 17 different nosebleeds throughout the most important job interview of my life. I managed to bleed all over my own suit, my résumé, the carpet, and the corridor leading to the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 601

You deserved it 1 531

By RetailJocky - 15/08/2017 13:00

Today, at work, a bag of driveway repair tar split and spilled in my arms and hands. Not only does it stain and pull out any arm hair it touches, the stains also look like I was playing in dog poo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 333

You deserved it 277

The struggle is real

By WiredUp - 21/08/2020 13:05 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my step-kids proudly announced that their mum lets them drink coffee at her house. They both have ADD and I've been struggling for months to get them to eat right. Hello futility. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 304

You deserved it 154

By Colton - 20/12/2011 02:29 - United States

Spicy

Today, I grabbed some lotion to have a good old wank. However, I'd got it a bit wrong in my rush to spurt my man-mush into an old gym sock, and had picked up some concentrated bronzer. I now have neon-orange hands and genitals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 943

You deserved it 50 376

By Anonymous - 31/12/2010 06:21

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to take our first shower together. When he came into the room, he had swimming trunks on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 200

You deserved it 5 613

By badboyfriend101 - 12/05/2009 15:22 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was continuously telling me how great my best friend smelled the other night and how I should wear some perfume that smelled like that. I have the same exact perfume and have been wearing it for months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 847

You deserved it 4 316

This guy is a GENIUS

By Anonymous - 16/11/2020 20:02

Today, in a bid to avoid going to the dentist, my husband decided to have one of his drunk buddies pull his tooth out with pliers. Now he has to have surgery to remove the shards of tooth left rotting in his mouth. It’s going to cost thousands. Thanks babe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 095

You deserved it 179

8 out of 10 dentists

By Anonymous - 03/01/2021 08:02

Today, my 45 year-old sister blamed my parents yet again for losing one tooth after the other because they did not tell her to brush her teeth before going to bed. It's general knowledge, honey. And somehow, I still have all my teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 770

You deserved it 1 603

By OrlandoZ6 - 25/05/2009 16:48 - United States

Today, I was laying down on my couch. My friend IM's me on my laptop to watch a video. It turned out that the video was one of those scary pop up's. I got so scared I dropped my laptop. The screen had a big crack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 465

You deserved it 10 636

By LennyLemon - 25/08/2016 13:00 - Australia - Perth

Today, I was taking a shower in a hostel when the girl in the cubicle next to mine decided to blow her nose onto the shower floor. The water from her cubicle was flowing into mine and I ended up standing in a puddle of fresh watery snot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 940

You deserved it 1 062

By penny-dropping - 16/04/2012 04:24 - United States

Today, while packing my luggage from vacation I thought I saw a penny drop into my bag. After looking everywhere I couldn't find it. Now that I am home I found out that I had mistaken a cockroach for a penny. I now have a family of cockroaches living in my luggage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 343

You deserved it 3 111

By concernedsis - 04/02/2016 14:53 - United States - Atlanta

Spicy

Today, I heard some gossip at school about a weird kid who supposedly jerks off at every house he visits. They were talking about my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 602

You deserved it 1 826

By makeuuuuup - 21/02/2010 01:52 - Canada

Today, I learned the hard way that my foundation shows up under a black light. At a black light party. No one told me until afterwards. Everyone took pictures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 281

You deserved it 5 039

By Anonymous - 09/12/2010 14:50 - Egypt

Today, I was working on a 12-page report. After 5 hours on it, I go over to YouTube to change background music. My boss decides to pick this time to walk by, look at my screen, and grunt "hard at work, huh?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 834

You deserved it 6 740

Send virtual hugs

By Anonymous - 02/09/2020 02:01

Today, I'm jealous of people who get to hug. My mom has banned hugs in the house because of COVID-19, and the only person I've hugged in the last 6 months is my boyfriend. He's been away for work for the past month and a half. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 309

You deserved it 380

By bubblzzz - 21/06/2019 16:01

Today, my father called the cops saying I stole his car. It's my car, but his name is on the title. Why did he report it stolen? Because rather than taking him to a bar and being his designated driver, I went to a job interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 168

You deserved it 124

By kb - 10/01/2015 14:35 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I accidentally sent my teacher a picture of me in my boyfriend's boxers instead of my essay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 661

You deserved it 22 241

By Max - 04/03/2017 22:00

Today, I sent a thank you note after a job interview, emphasizing my accuracy at editing written reports; I misspelled the company's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 251

You deserved it 5 361

By ihatemakingnames - 05/03/2013 00:41 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I trimmed my ear hair, my nose hair, shaved my hobbit feet, and trimmed the little sprouts that give me a unibrow if left alone. I still can't grow a beard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 148

You deserved it 2 747

By Sisi - 29/08/2016 16:49 - United States - Mesa

Today, my roommate left a bomb looking package of cookies on the kitchen counter. My sweet tooth got the best of me and I made that split second decision of, "Oh, I'll just have one." Halfway through it, I noticed the fine print, "For dogs" on the package. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 478

You deserved it 11 065

By Peepants - 03/03/2016 23:03 - United States - Huntsville

Today, I really had to pee during one of my college lectures. I finally worked up the nerve to leave the room while he was lecturing, and ran frantically to the bathroom. Once in there, the urge intensified to the point I couldn't hold it. I peed my pants while standing in the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 939

You deserved it 4 675

By Anonymous - 04/11/2010 20:30 - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend if I could call him "love muffin". He asked if he could call me "muffin top". FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 100

You deserved it 36 162

By Carlos Cervantes_1981647997 - 08/08/2019 06:00

Today, like any other day, I look just like Kim Jung-un. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 467

You deserved it 194

By Anonymous - 07/08/2019 16:00

Today, I woke up to my drunk mom trying to pee in the dresser drawer of our hotel, with my clothes in it. I woke up right in time to yell at her. Pants down and all. She started denying there were even clothes in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 649

You deserved it 96

Respect Independence Day!

By unpatriotic - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Eugene

Today, my manager made me remove an Eiffel Tower ornament from one of my displays. Not because it didn't look good or match the theme, but because it was "disrespectful" to have it out on the 4th of July. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 935

You deserved it 8 117

By Anonymous - 11/06/2018 20:30

Today, while riding to the skate park, I noticed a gorgeous blonde walking towards me. She gave me a smile as I passed so I turned and looked behind me to get a second glance. I rode my BMX straight into a light pole in front of a pub patio full of people. She saw it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 955

You deserved it 3 443

By agnosticstudy - 28/01/2009 21:53 - United States

Today, all three of my meals consisted of 2 hot pockets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 893

You deserved it 27 682

By arghgffhdfg - 15/07/2012 00:22 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my mother screamed at my brother for ages for playing a Nicki Minaj music video. She said it's "terrible, demonic garbage" that'll get us "spitroasted in Hell". I don't even disagree with the first part, but she does this kind of thing every single day when I get home from my night job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 171

You deserved it 2 425

By Anonymous - 07/02/2012 02:08 - United States

Today, I made a Sim of myself and had her work out until she was completely fit, then got her a job and a husband. Meanwhile, I sat at my desk, fat, single and jobless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 064

You deserved it 42 105

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Top comments

containsnosoy 0

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Saturday 23 January 2010 20:21

I'm sorry, did you say you waited eight years for HIM to ask YOU out?

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Saturday 23 January 2010 20:13

we are all the same size in bed!

Comments

tacosrawesome77 0

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Saturday 23 January 2010 20:06

He was most likely intimidated..it's a nature thing.

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Saturday 23 January 2010 21:11

When you say boy it most likely means that he is no older than 18. And liking him since he was 10 is sort of creepy.

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Saturday 23 January 2010 21:22

or she just calls him boy uz she's taller than him

containsnosoy 0

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Saturday 23 January 2010 22:21

So you think everyone shorter than her, she considers to be a child? It makes since to call him a boy if this boy/guy/man is a year or so younger than the OP or if she considers people around her age as boys and girls instead of men and women. Even so, it's still kind of creepy.

Secret_Fire_King 0

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Sunday 24 January 2010 7:56

Please tell me you made fun of his inferiour height, calling him: small fry.. or strawberry shortcake.. or any midget joke would have done just fine..

sarahdubb2008 0

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Sunday 7 February 2010 6:40

forget him. simple and plain. >> Those who matter don't mind, Those who mind don't matter.

hellokittywhore 0

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Monday 9 August 2010 2:59

it is a natural thing but some guys can get over it. my ex was like 5'7 I am 5'9 or 10 and it didn't bother himm. he called me his amazon women :D

itsallgoodintheh 0

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Monday 13 June 2011 0:36

wow your a tall freak be shorter then he'll like you

kryxen 14

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Wednesday 1 May 2013 5:02

I never did understand this. Lots of guys would not date a girl if she is taller. Even if they had a great personality, and model worthy bodies. And a couple inches and they are out. ... I'm a guy and I just don't get it.

K410 18

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Saturday 27 July 2013 22:45

Wtf are you talking about lol tall women are sexy ;)

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Saturday 23 January 2010 20:13

we are all the same size in bed!

roflmaolol123 0

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Saturday 23 January 2010 20:13

oh oh I moderated this!

MagneticGuitar 0

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Saturday 23 January 2010 20:42

#4 Your award has been posted.

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Sunday 24 January 2010 0:38

so.... we should all get divorced after 7.9 years?

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Sunday 24 January 2010 0:40

I did NOT reply to this comment. I replied to one that said something about how 8 years is too long to like someone.

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Saturday 23 January 2010 20:13

that suks

roaminginsomniac 0

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Saturday 23 January 2010 20:16

That means he's a REAL loser. He's intimidated by someone taller than him. He needs some self- respect. You need to find a REAL man, because he's NOT one!

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Saturday 23 January 2010 20:16

YDI for being tall

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Saturday 23 January 2010 20:55

Yeah, like she can really help that.

eamy 0

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Sunday 24 January 2010 3:14

what does YDI mean? :$

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Sunday 24 January 2010 3:25

YDI means "you deserved it" ;)

PottentialFML 0

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Sunday 24 January 2010 5:45

There are many prestigious surgecal procedures perfect for this situation, varrying from axes, to saws to sky diving without parachutes.

Secret_Fire_King 0

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Tuesday 2 February 2010 7:49

hahahaha.. Holy fuck.. ^This^ right above, made my day.. xD

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Thursday 22 November 2012 18:54

You deserved it. :b

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Thursday 22 November 2012 18:57

Crap! I was replying to the person who didnt know what YDI meant...

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Saturday 23 January 2010 20:18

Is he ten or something? I wouldn't want to go out with someone that petty anyway

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Saturday 23 January 2010 20:22

if he is indeed ten, then the moment she felt in love with him, he must be 2 years old. are you kidding me tikimuppet? anyways, FYL

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Sunday 24 January 2010 0:21

If so, he was two when she fell for him, so her being taller than him is akin to her cheating on him if they were twenty two, and this is no FML at all! :O

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Sunday 24 January 2010 19:43

I hope you understand that Tikimuppet was saying that the guy in the FML was acting childish not that Tiki actually believed him to be 10 years old.

prego_05112012 10

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Wednesday 7 March 2012 16:40

-9 Could you really not tell that she was using sarcasm in that comment? geez.

containsnosoy 0

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Saturday 23 January 2010 20:21

I'm sorry, did you say you waited eight years for HIM to ask YOU out?

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Saturday 23 January 2010 20:22

Haha, what a loser. My boyfriend of more than a year is shorter than I am and I'm so happy that he isn't insecure about it. You probably don't want him anyway. He probably has Napoleon syndrome all over if he is acting like that.

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Saturday 23 January 2010 20:33

You've liked him for 8 years? You do realize that the world has more than just one man, right? Plenty of fish in the sea. Don't get hung up on one.

alexandraa_fml 0

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Saturday 23 January 2010 20:38

How do you sit around and like somebody for 8 years?? Anyway, sucks OP. Feel your pain, I've had two breakups over my height, it didn't bother me but apparently it bothers almost every guy. :(

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Friday 27 January 2017 6:37

Sorry , but what is your height, and those two are rather petty if they breakup with you over height

Nearly

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15

You deserved it 4

Today, I realized the cute girl with a nice ass, long hair and a great personality I've been talking to is actually a very gay dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16

You deserved it 35

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I had a horrible date with this guy I’ve been seeing. He wanted me to give it up, but I wasn’t ready, so he dumped me on the spot. I went home crying to my mother and her response was, “Stop being such a prude! What are you? Ten? Grow the fuck up!” Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 369

You deserved it 68

Today, my wife and I had arranged a threesome with a guy, but I was late home so they “had the threesome without me.” It’s not cheating, because I obviously knew she was going to have sex with him during the threesome, but me not being there makes me mad and I can’t coherently explain why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 641

You deserved it 716