By Amber Rutledge Today, my 2-year-old learned how to open the fridge lock. I came out of the bathroom to what she called a "scrambled egg breakfast". FML I agree, your life sucks 2791 You deserved it 420 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Craig Thompson - United Kingdom - Bristol Today, I found out that when I drink alcohol, I snore so bad my boyfriend contemplated suffocating me with a pillow to get some sleep. FML I agree, your life sucks 4015 You deserved it 768 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By lalanon - Australia Today, my friends were being rude to me, so I decided to be nice to a boy that didn't have many friends. While I was talking to him he popped a pimple on his face and tasted it. FML I agree, your life sucks 186558 You deserved it 33375 326 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By sexlube - United States - Kirkland Hand sanitizer Today, my kid told my wife he's been using the hand sanitizer under our bathroom sink. It's not hand sanitizer, it's a giant bottle of lube. I agree, your life sucks 1492 You deserved it 877 13 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By winneuse - France - Allennes-les-marais Today, for the first time since kindergarten, I won! I came first! Yes, I'm first on the waiting list for the M.A. degree I applied to. FML I agree, your life sucks 25998 You deserved it 3736 1 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By last time I drive stoned - United Kingdom Today, I was stuck at a red light on an empty road for ten minutes before I finally realised that not only was I looking at the wrong traffic light, it was also broken. FML I agree, your life sucks 8389 You deserved it 25836 63 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Johnnogood - United States - Brooklyn Today, my boss fired me because of the way I laugh. Apparently it reminds him too much of his ex-wife's laugh. I'm a guy. FML I agree, your life sucks 28714 You deserved it 2232 130 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Notcheating Not a cheating! Today, my father-in-law caught me, a lesbian, buying condoms. He thought I was cheating. I didn’t know how to tell him that his daughter is allergic to our dildo. I agree, your life sucks 4001 You deserved it 447 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By YouAREthefather - United States Today, I ran into my ex-boyfriend at the store, holding hands with his very pregnant girlfriend. They were buying baby supplies. We had a very nasty and painful breakup not even three months ago. FML I agree, your life sucks 45256 You deserved it 3826 177 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 20/6/2020 08:08 Fake mystery guy Today, I dressed cute to surprise my boyfriend of 2 years. Instead of being happy or impressed about it, he accused me of cheating and dressing up to impress a new guy he'd made up in his head. FML I agree, your life sucks 1537 You deserved it 118 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I went and bought my wife a new cell phone for a Christmas present. She called me five minutes later saying she got a notification e-mail thanking her for her purchase. FML I agree, your life sucks 27793 You deserved it 11551 108 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By lovehurts - United States - Wayne Today, I was hanging out with a guy I like. We climbed a tree to watch the sunset, and as the sun went down, I kissed him. He fell out of the tree. FML I agree, your life sucks 53676 You deserved it 6110 142 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Luke - United States - San Antonio Today, after all of the business cards for the car dealership that I work for were printed, the phone number was wrong, and the lady got so pissed about getting so many calls that she told them that they had won a free car. I had to tell dozens of ecstatic customers that they hadn't. FML I agree, your life sucks 24543 You deserved it 5938 48 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I went to my gyn to see what a painful lump is under my armpit. Turns out it's breast tissue, and yes, it will fill up with milk when I'm pregnant. I essentially have three boobs. FML I agree, your life sucks 40312 You deserved it 2821 247 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By That idiot - United States - Las Vegas Today, I won a goldfish at the amusement park. My little brother took him out of the bowl because he thought he was drowning. FML I agree, your life sucks 42297 You deserved it 3612 60 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By rita Today, my 10-year-old daughter hid in her closet all day and did not come out. The reason? She didn't want to eat my pot roast. I didn't realize my cooking was that bad. FML I agree, your life sucks 3720 You deserved it 737 21 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Kybo5 - United States - Elk Grove Today, I had a ride along in an ambulance. Being observant, I thought it was funny that a patient had to vomit. That was until I realized they couldn't control where they had to vomit. I spent the rest of the ambulance ride holding a vomit bag in front of the woman's face. Not so funny anymore. FML I agree, your life sucks 7871 You deserved it 56023 137 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By MonCoiffeurAdoré Today, I caught my stylist in the mirror attempting to get his colleague to laugh by spitting on my head while washing my hair. FML I agree, your life sucks 34908 You deserved it 2116 0 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By I_Am_The_Edge - United States Today, I was at the park when I saw a homeless man sleeping on a bench. I thought it would be funny to throw a small rock at him. He thought it would be funny to pull out his knife and chase me for six blocks. FML I agree, your life sucks 68569 You deserved it 863426 18 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By nerd Today, I understand the finer points of the government in Star Wars better than I understand the U.S. government. FML I agree, your life sucks 8936 You deserved it 2558 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By arghgffhdfg - Australia - Sydney Today, my mother screamed at my brother for ages for playing a Nicki Minaj music video. She said it's "terrible, demonic garbage" that'll get us "spitroasted in Hell". I don't even disagree with the first part, but she does this kind of thing every single day when I get home from my night job. FML I agree, your life sucks 22152 You deserved it 2422 137 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - York Today, I picked up my daughter from preschool. Her teacher handed me her nap blankets and mentioned there was an extra article of clothing I might want to take home. I looked in-between the blankets and saw a pair of my giant granny panties that had gotten mixed in with her stuff. FML I agree, your life sucks 23732 You deserved it 4670 72 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 23/12/2020 02:01 Because I'm worth it Today, I discovered a cat turd in a bath towel from most recent batch of laundry. I was wondering why my facemasks for the whole work week smelled so strange. FML I agree, your life sucks 763 You deserved it 154 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By monogamyisalie - United States Today, an attractive man hit on me for the first time since I ended my 3-year relationship with my cheating ex. Then the man told me he'd just gotten out of prison last week. FML I agree, your life sucks 27936 You deserved it 2760 116 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By keerow - United States Today, I realized that the homeless people I give change to all dress better than I do, including the one that doesn't believe in pants. FML I agree, your life sucks 16023 You deserved it 25276 76 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By WellPlayedMother Today, I discovered, after years of being grounded for losing my belongings, that I didn't actually lose anything. Instead, my mom drunkenly admitted to tossing my stuff away and then punishing me for it whenever she was mad at me. FML I agree, your life sucks 18374 You deserved it 1009 82 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Hellasboy - Australia - Brisbane Today, driving to work, I stop to let an old man cross the street. The driver behind me honks their horn, so I decide to drive slow to piss them off. A few turns later, I pull into the car park and notice the other driver following me. She works in the office next to mine. We met the other day. FML I agree, your life sucks 23340 You deserved it 6672 61 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Noname - United States Today, I opened my birthday present from my grandfather. It was a map of the USA color coded by regional percentage of available men. FML I agree, your life sucks 60596 You deserved it 4464 84 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By EyesOffMe - Canada Today, I was getting changed in front of my room mate of two years. Feeling comfortable, I took off all my clothes and started putting new clothes on. I asked why she wasn't taking her eyes off my naked body. She said "I'm loving the view. Didn't you know I'm a lesbian?" FML I agree, your life sucks 23935 You deserved it 58812 204 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By sy123 - United States - Frankfort Today, I had an ovarian cyst rupture at work, causing sudden severe stomach cramps; this caused my bowels to release everything right then and there, while on the phone with a customer, in the middle of the call center surrounded by 200 other sales reps. FML I agree, your life sucks 35333 You deserved it 1849 146 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Ihatemyjob - United States Today, my boss told me that he didn’t want to promote me because my, “scores were too good.” He then told me that I would be getting twice as much work to do than my coworkers, without a raise. I work minimum wage. FML I agree, your life sucks 2333 You deserved it 162 20 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By higgles15 - United States - Indianapolis Today, I got a bikini wax. They said it wouldn't hurt too badly, and that it would just sting. My friend heard me screaming from all the way down the hall in the waiting room. FML I agree, your life sucks 14188 You deserved it 19965 217 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I went out shopping. When I left the store, I saw my ex, who I'm still crazy about. He helped me carry my bags out to the car. When I leaned in to give him a hug goodbye, he stepped aside, and I fell face-first into a puddle. He walked away laughing. FML I agree, your life sucks 37147 You deserved it 10506 176 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By killme - Canada - Belleville Today, I had to pee in a cup. The cup almost overflowed. My first instinct was to drink some so it didn't spill. FML I agree, your life sucks 12505 You deserved it 23413 103 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By dab1230 - United States - Binghamton Today, I asked my mother if I could have my boyfriend sleep over for Valentine's day weekend. Her response? "If you're on your period he can. Unless he's into that. Then no." FML I agree, your life sucks 24689 You deserved it 42468 171 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By jflac - Australia - Brisbane Today, I found out the person who's been stalking and harassing me online was actually my now ex-boyfriend. He only confessed as I finally picked up the phone to report it to the police. He basically said he wanted me to turn to him for comfort and protection, so he could "feel like a man". FML I agree, your life sucks 34847 You deserved it 2824 82 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By car_FAILure - New Zealand Today, I went to Uni. I woke up at six and got to the station as the train was leaving. I was congratulating myself on my brilliant skill when, as we passed the carpark, I saw I had left my headlights on. It later cost more for the lead to jump start my car than it would have to drive to Uni myself. FML I agree, your life sucks 19554 You deserved it 6891 128 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By epicvixen - Canada - Richmond Today, while driving, I saw someone's hubcap blowing away behind me on the highway. I thought it was funny and sort of chuckled to myself. Later I realized it was my hubcap. FML I agree, your life sucks 17741 You deserved it 27167 55 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By schoolkiddo - Australia Today, my dad and his girlfriend left for a 10-day vacation. They booked an expensive beach-house. I'm an A grade student and just last month, he stopped paying my school fees because he 'couldn't afford it.' Oh, and he's making me feed the dog while he's away. FML I agree, your life sucks 35081 You deserved it 3841 128 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By engineerdude91 - United States Today, I realized the benefits at Burger King are better than at my company. I'm an engineer, have three degrees, speak three languages fluently, and work at a multi-billion dollar company. The guy flipping burgers has better health care and more corporate 401k contributions than I do. FML I agree, your life sucks 33989 You deserved it 4162 126 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Kristin - United States Today, my husband's old fraternity brother came to visit. He fell out of his car, puked, then passed out drunk in our driveway. We got him to the bathroom where he fell asleep. He woke up at 4am, wandered around the house naked, pooped in my trash can, then passed out again. FML I agree, your life sucks 34458 You deserved it 3883 90 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By my_way_1213 | 11 #7591485 - Saturday 27 January 2018 4:51 oh the fun has just begun Send a private message 1 0 Reply
By Joshoa123 | 16 #7626918 - Wednesday 25 April 2018 6:05 Exactly the same thing happened to me about 3 weeks ago. Send a private message 1 0 Reply
By J352SAURUS | 30 #7591483 - Saturday 27 January 2018 4:32 Clever girl. Send a private message 1 0 Reply
By my_way_1213 | 11 #7591485 - Saturday 27 January 2018 4:51 oh the fun has just begun Send a private message 1 0 Reply
By Joshoa123 | 16 #7626918 - Wednesday 25 April 2018 6:05 Exactly the same thing happened to me about 3 weeks ago. Send a private message 1 0 Reply
By lucasj23 | 11 #7627238 - Wednesday 25 April 2018 20:56 I'm just curious. how long did you leave a 2 year old supervised? Send a private message 0 0 Reply
Today, barely able to pay rent while working 3 jobs, I decided to give in to the idea of making online sex work photos and videos. Everyone else seems... I agree, your life sucks 803 You deserved it 275 5 Comments
Today, I started to cry while masturbating. This isn't the first time that this has happened. FML I agree, your life sucks 594 You deserved it 238 4 Comments