Kids: Today, my 2-year-old learned how to open the fridge lock. I came...

By Amber Rutledge

Today, my 2-year-old learned how to open the fridge lock. I came out of the bathroom to what she called a "scrambled egg breakfast". FML

I agree, your life sucks

2798

You deserved it

421

Favorite

Kids

BO Central

Season finale

Get out of there!

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my drunk sister threw up on me while I was sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1573

You deserved it

Favorite

By p!$$3D0FF - Australia

Today, I bought a pair of new speakers for my comp. I forgot I had installed various volume enhancing programs and also maxed out all sound settings. I connected the new speakers and played some music. The sound destroyed them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8905

You deserved it

31482

Favorite

By awesome - United States

Today, I ran over my neighbors' cat. I didn't want it to look like I killed it, so I put it under my other neighbor's car so it would look like they ran over it. The cat's owners were watching me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9308

You deserved it

81122

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia - Stretton

Today, I was in the shower washing my hair when my hand ran down the shower caddy and in particular, on my razor. If I wasn't woozy from all the blood splatter around the shower - seeing the bone that connects my finger definitely did it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6469

You deserved it

735

Favorite

By NotTalented - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I played in a high school concert. Some alumni of the band were sitting in the audience and were brought to tears. Not because it was beautiful, but because they were sad to see how much the music program had declined since they left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37588

You deserved it

4712

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I met my teacher after school to talk about a paper on which he gave me a low grade. I told him that I felt it was wrongly graded and he agreed. He lowered my score. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6241

You deserved it

1567

Favorite

By oops - Canada - Victoria

Today, I was on a date, and I went to put my arm around her, trying to be romantic, but my coordination went straight to hell. Instead of her shoulder, I ended up accidentally grabbing her tit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34022

You deserved it

8314

Favorite

By jcedarholm - United States - San Marcos

Today, at work, I was talking to a Scottish woman when my coworker and I both told her we were also Scottish. To this she replied, "We Scottish people get around." I then said, "Tell me about it, I'm one of four siblings from my dad, he definitely gets around." She was talking about travel. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8727

You deserved it

24090

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Puyallup

Today, my mother shared my phone number with my brother, despite my explicit wishes that she didn't. He immediately went and put it on Craigslist and several other websites. This is the fourth time I've had to change my number for that very same reason. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30691

You deserved it

2442

Favorite

By woof woof?? - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, I was making love to my boyfriend, when he discovered that if he hits a certain area just right, my leg starts shaking like a dog. Now he won't stop patting my head and saying, "Who's a good girl?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

64793

You deserved it

9974

Favorite

By danman - United States

Today, I was taking a walk, when an elderly lady in a motorized wheelchair slammed into me from behind. There was plenty of room to pass by, but noooo, trying to run me down like a dog, then giving me the finger and yelling "Watch where you're walking!" is so damn preferable. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46578

You deserved it

4230

Favorite

By sillvy - United States

Today, I was on a date. I noticed he kept looking at my lips. Thinking he wanted to kiss me, I leaned in closer. Disgusted, he pulled away and said, "I'm sorry, but that pimple on your chin is, like, staring at me or something." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34916

You deserved it

5504

Favorite

By unknown - Canada - Quebec

Today, my sister was faced with the choice of getting a burger, or picking me up in a snowstorm. The burger won, and I had to travel 4km home by foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37931

You deserved it

2874

Favorite

By ottawaaa - Canada

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend and as I pulled out to finish I slipped and ended up punching her in the stomach, I came while she was writhing in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38008

You deserved it

10792

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I got fired from my job. My boss is my brother. His reason being that, "it would create awkward tension between us." I've been working for him for 5 years, and it's like he's only just realised that I was there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1647

You deserved it

104

Favorite

By EmDa - India

Today, I ran into a guy who I was completely in love with for months. After a couple of minutes, I realised he totally bores me senseless. What a waste of 4 months obsessing over that shithead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16709

You deserved it

64763

Favorite

By Anonymous - Argentina - Buenos Aires

Today, my boyfriend's daughter asked me what would happen if she chose to stop urinating for two weeks. She wanted to know whether it would kill her or just start coming out of her mouth. She's 17-years old, and was deadly serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39181

You deserved it

3270

Favorite

By Bigfoot

Today, I participated in an obstacle course. As I was going over a set of monkey bars, my balls got crushed between the bar and my gut. I barely managed to get down before blacking out in the middle of the road. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2921

You deserved it

367

Favorite

By legitfile.bat.virus.exe - United States - Placerville

Today, my doctor got my blood test results from the lab. He looked at me gravely and told me I had just weeks left to live. After I started hyperventilating and crying, he burst out laughing and said he was kidding. He then prescribed me some iron tablets and sent me on my way. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56914

You deserved it

6521

Favorite

By JLO - Australia

Today, I noticed that a picture of me on my Mum and Dad's wall looked different. On closer inspection, I realised they'd recently painted over my teeth with white paint. I asked them why, and they said they looked 'discoloured'. It's my wedding photo. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29853

You deserved it

3639

Favorite

By DanJames24 - 10/6/2021 21:01 - United Kingdom

Nutshot

Today, a work colleague was trying to kill a fly that was buzzing around the place. I was about to go on my break, but was stopped because she missed the fly and accidentally whacked me in the balls in the process. By the time I didn’t feel sick anymore, my break was over. FML

I agree, your life sucks

799

You deserved it

Favorite

By ppp - United States

Today, my boyfriend gave me a gift. A half-used bottle of body lotion that belonged to his dead wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37079

You deserved it

3387

Favorite

By Sonic - United Kingdom

Today, my boss left a lovely invitation to her wedding on my desk. I plan on resigning during our meeting later today. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1877

You deserved it

208

Favorite

By Anonymous - 27/7/2020 23:03

Chilly

Today, I'm a young, healthy non-smoker, getting plenty of exercise and walking about 8.000 steps a day. I still have ice-cold feet. Even wearing two pairs of socks. And Lambswool boots. In July. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1186

You deserved it

206

Favorite

By CA19oo - United States - Grovetown

Today, I got yelled at and called a pedo by a mother after I sat down in a swing next to her daughter. I was too embarrassed to tell her that I'm a 20 year old who really does enjoy swinging in my spare time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28764

You deserved it

4847

Favorite

By VMV - Spain - Abrera

Today, I desperately needed to pee, so I decided to confront my anxiety issues and use a public toilet. I opened the lid, only to see several huge, rancid floaters staring back at me. I had an attack, started sobbing, and pissed myself on the way home. Never again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33076

You deserved it

9357

Favorite

By LustyDragon

Today, my husband won't shave his beard, despite the fact it grows in wiry and looks like pubic hair. He is now accusing me of "not loving him for who he is." FML

I agree, your life sucks

2878

You deserved it

1201

Favorite

By Loopy - Belgium

Today, I had to buy more supplies for the cat my friend asked me to pet sit for 2 weeks. Her 2-week vacation ended over 3 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1912

You deserved it

444

Favorite

By dorrisdoes - New Zealand

Today, while working an early shift, I was dressing a wound on a gorgeous guy, when he laughed and pointed out some granny panties next to me on the floor. I guess I forgot to take yesterday's underwear out of my pants before putting them back on this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38246

You deserved it

10125

Favorite

By lifeonfire12 - Canada

Today, I was watching a boys volleyball team warming up, and I had my eye on one of them who was quite attractive. He sent the ball a little too far and it hit me in the face. He apologized, and I then for some reason replied with, "It's fine, I like balls in my face." FML

I agree, your life sucks

22595

You deserved it

41944

Favorite

By 4lphab3t4

Today, my neighbour almost ran over my little sister, and blamed it on his disability. What disability? He has no sense of smell. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10789

You deserved it

577

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Big Pine Key

Today, for the fifth day in a row, I have awoken at 6am to the sounds of my roommate's guest's child screaming. If it's anything like the last four days, the child will continue to randomly screech every fifteen minutes or so for the next five hours. I work 13-hour night shifts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40901

You deserved it

2731

Favorite

By ThatOneGuy

Today I went on a date with my long time crush only to find out that we are distant cousins. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2423

You deserved it

204

Favorite

By Luna - United States - Carmel

Today, I found a tick half-buried in my nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33593

You deserved it

3513

Favorite

By DumpedHisAss - United States

Today, I got a phone call from my boyfriend, who screamed at me for being a f-ing liar and never taking time for him. He'd called my work and knew I wasn't there as I said I'd be. He was right - I was lying. I'd been driving for the past 10 hours to his family's beach house to surprise him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37920

You deserved it

3733

Favorite

By Moondoggie_ggk69 - United States

Today, I was washing my hair in the shower when the water went ice cold. It's 20 degrees outside and we have soft water which takes a longer time to wash away soap. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25446

You deserved it

2885

Favorite

By Laura - Paraguay

What's my name?

Today, as they have for the past three years, my boyfriend's parents have never called me by my actual name. They always "accidentally" call me by my boyfriend's ex's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1721

You deserved it

108

Favorite

By tingles - United Kingdom - Solihull

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he reached out onto my dressing table to grab the lube. He missed, and found the hand sanitizer instead. I'm not sure who is in more pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51879

You deserved it

8026

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was able to check my voicemail and email for the first time in two weeks. The only message I got was from my landlord telling me that the house I'm renting is in foreclosure, and I needed to have all my stuff out in ten days. He left the message nine days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43118

You deserved it

5749

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to pour myself a cup of coffee and noticed our kittens were playing in the living room. Transfixed by the cuteness, I didn't notice I started pouring hot coffee on my hand and foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11768

You deserved it

31066

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By my_way_1213 | 11

#7591485 - Saturday 27 January 2018 4:51

oh the fun has just begun

By Joshoa123 | 16

#7626918 - Wednesday 25 April 2018 6:05

Exactly the same thing happened to me about 3 weeks ago.

COMMENTS

By J352SAURUS | 30

#7591483 - Saturday 27 January 2018 4:32

Clever girl.

By my_way_1213 | 11

#7591485 - Saturday 27 January 2018 4:51

oh the fun has just begun

By Joshoa123 | 16

#7626918 - Wednesday 25 April 2018 6:05

Exactly the same thing happened to me about 3 weeks ago.

By lucasj23 | 11

#7627238 - Wednesday 25 April 2018 20:56

I'm just curious. how long did you leave a 2 year old supervised?