By candie - 27/08/2011 02:10 - United States

Today, thanks to my wife's confession, I found out that the 14 year old child I've raised since I was 16 isn't related to me at all. But at least this narrows the real father down to one of three other guys. FML
I agree, your life sucks 46 516
You deserved it 4 292

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tell yer wife "life's not a garden, so don't be a hoe" !

Well, if you raised a child for 14 years i would say the blood-relation shouldnt matter.

Comments

tell yer wife "life's not a garden, so don't be a hoe" !

You're a responsible and good person for raising a kid since the age of 16. It probably hurts but keep loving the kid like you've already been doing.you're a far better father than his biological dad.

I'm sure the kid loved you more than his biological father anyways. you may not be the real dad, but you probably are a better one

I agree with both of you. :)

OP, don let it change anything. You've made it 14 years raising him as your own, it would hurt the both of you if it stopped now. As for your wife... Try to sort things out with her.

It probably sucks to find this out, though. Imagine 16 years into life, your mom tells you that our dad isn't even your dad? That would really screw me up because I love my dad but I would want to see my reall dad and whatnot. It sounds wrong to screw over a man who took care of me but I don't know. The curiosity would be too great. Sorry OP, I agree with everyone. You're a great father.

It's not the biological father's fault. It's the wife's fault for picking which dad would be the father.

Probably because the whore of a wife didn't bother to tell the real father the possibility that he had a kid and pinned it on this poor guy instead.

While I do agree with what everyone said here I must say OP's pain comes from thinking that all the problems he went through when he was 16 could have been avoided. For instance he might not have followed the carrier he wanted cause he had to find a job to raise the kid, or his parents were very dissapointed with him when reality was he never screwed up... at the time he must have made huge sacrifices for something he wasnt responsible for, and worst of all is that now he cant trust his wife. I am deeply sorry for you op :( I hope you can make it through this and work things out

You should go your car, put the kid in the back, then drive off a cliff lol

CraneTG that is exactly what I was thinking. Thank you for wording it so well.

Get rid of the hoe

What this guy said lol

Yeah, throw her in the garage with the other garden tools!

Are u sure your not the kids dad...? Like, u didn't calculate dates or anything? Cuz thats something you should've done 16-17 years ago. Don't wanna say ydi but it's hard to believe you were easily fooled like that

Except that it may be hard for him to walk away after raising a child with her for 14 years. Also, walking away from her could mean walking away from a kid who only has him as a father figure.

listen to the black guy

It's funny cos this guy has probably dealt with tonnes of his hoes

Awh that's so unfair to you, you've spent your whole life raising him :( sorry OP

Maybe they've created a true, sentimental father- son (lol not really though) bond. You never know.

Yeah it would be really mean to ditch the child now

He had to throw away any college or post-high school plans. So I think it would be fair to say that that kid ruined his life.

Just because you have a baby at a young age does not mean you have to throw away your education. That's just an excuse. Especially if you are the father since it is easier to stay in school.

78- circumstances man not everything is the same every time.

agree with 63.. children really have a way of fucking your life up at that age..

No...u fuck up ur own life at that age

Getting pregnant is NEVER the child's fault. If you're having sex, you know pregnancy is a possibility. I was born out of wedlock, & when times got difficult, I was always blamed. Just because OP doesn't have the same DNA as the boy doesn't mean he can't be his daddy :)

134, true. On top of that, if OP was led to believe his wife then he obviously had unprotected sex (or is a retard) with her when he was 15, so the baby was just as likely to be his as it was to not. It's a roll of the dice. So it's not like he unfairly had to take care of this child; he took the risk.

161- yea, I hear ya. Like I said, I was born out of wedlock so I wasn't really welcomed with open arms when I was born. I never noticed it though. My grandfather (who I was extremely close with) had a heart attack when my mom told him she was pregnant, so I was blamed for that. My dad went off to join the Marines but was told his hearing was too bad. Instead, he told everyone they wouldn't let him in because I was born out if wedlock. So I got a lot of shit about it & I still do. I'm not treated the same as everyone else & thats why I related to this. Hopefully OP can look past this & still be a dad to the kid :) I'm sure the kid is having a really hard time.

I really hate when people try to blame having kids at a young age for ruining their lives. There's something called adoption or making sacrifices, or simply taking precautions to avoid pregnancy. Personally speaking from experience I have a baby and a single mom, and yes although it is tough I am still going to university, so really it is just ppl trying to make excuses for their downfall.

#124 yea but in this case OP didnt fck up his life, she fcked it up for him cause in reality he didnt do anything wrong...

the kd didnt ruin his life the whore did

221, he had to have either had unprotected sex with her or been a total idiot to believe that the child was his. So he did ruin his own life by having unprotected sex and risking teenage pregnancy.

Could have thought the birth control failed. It's not 100%.

Thumbs up for staying i guess but u shouda made sure it was ur kid if she was a slut

He obviously didn't know she had been being a slut till recently when she just admitted that it's not his kid.

Yea but 3 other guys... I mean cmon

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

Or a great grandfather soon lol

I do think you're right. 4 guys at 16 is a bit slutty.

No, he's not related to the kid at all if it's not his kid, then it is NOT his Relative! Mkay?

#101, Not mkay. The kid is still the OP's stepchild.

Perdix, I was shocked to see your comment with so many negative votes. I enjoy reading your comments. 0-0 So..I gave you a thumbs up. o.O

perdix, nope. not related. not same bloodline. dflit1, that soldier in pic looks like a modern ninja. everyone else, hello.

Perdix- you are right if him and the whore are in fact married, that is his step child! Just sayin' :)

that sucks for you OP but you are a better father to him than his biological father.

What if the biological father doesn't know he has a child?

Sounds to me as if the mother didn't know who the father was so she pinned it on the most convenient guy. I'm sorry OP because the kid isn't yours. I'd get rid of the ho but try to keep a relationship of some sort with the kid... I mean she has lied to you for 15 years...the moment she opened up her mouth and told you that she was pregnant and the kid was yours. Good luck hopefully you can still love the kid enough to not break it's heart by dumping the mom and not having anything to do with the kid. It's not the kids fault and neither is it yours.

7 that's not fair the kid never knew his father, he thinks this guy was sooo ydi

110 how the fuck does he deserve it?! You deserve to be smacked for posting that comment!

Well, if you raised a child for 14 years i would say the blood-relation shouldnt matter.

My stepfather is more of a dad to me than my father ever had been. I call my 'stepdad' Dad, and my biological father by his name. Blood isn't everything OP, good luck.

Exactly. I love my step-dad way more than my blood related one. To be honest OP, you're an arse for caring about whether or not you're his biological father. Fair enough about her cheating, but you ARE that child's father, no matter what anyone says.

180 - Beautifully said.

I agree #180, but how is he an arse? What if he had plans for after high school, or a dream he wanted to follow? Well those dreams got crushed when he had to take care of a baby.

Bering a father has little to do with biology so don't tell the kid and keep being his father figure and he will owe it all to u and if u tell him ur not even his real dad when he's older he will most likely only appreciate ur love more

Great advice!

I agree, any fool can father a child but it takes someone special to be a 'Father'.

179- thank you!!!!!

I'm loving this comment. It's rare to see a mature, intelligent comment on FML.

your wife's a bitch but ydi for not using a condom

11 What does not using a condom have to do with anything in this situation?

God you stupid

I hate when people assume that, just because someone has a baby, they didn't use protection. Nothing works 100%.

Then he would know its not his

This comment is so mean how do you know that he didn't wear one he said it wasn't his kid. He could have thought that it broke.

64- technically if a woman has sex with another woman, that protection works 100% And as long as you aren't pious enough to attract God's attention, so does abstinence. LOL

214- obviously I mentioned heterosexual sex. And my personal opinion is abstinence isn't a form of birth control, its a lifestyle.

Why should it matter? If you raised the child as your own, did anything really change?

Well, it would suck if the kid was a boy! (I read it a few times to realize there's no indication of the child's gender.) Any male with a dick and balls can be a father, but it takes a real man to be a dad. As far as your kid is concerned, it doesn't matter that your wife is a whore; you are that kid's Dad regardless of who the biological father is.

14. maybe I misunderstood, but why would it suck if the kid was a boy? Some parents would love to have a baby boy.

'If you raised the child as your own, did anything really change?' The thought. It's very simple to say that nothing has changed at all, but be honest, how fucked-up must the OP feel right now? He did not only discover that his wife cheated on him with a couple of guys since the relationship started, but also that his own son isn't his at all. That is so fucking harsh that I can't imagine how the OP must feel right now. My guess is that he's deeply confused and disappointed. Chances are also big that he will end the relationship, and then what? What will happen with OP if the mother marries another guy? What will happen if she discovers the real father? Then the child will have a mother, a stepfather, a real father who didn't know about his son for 14 years (also pretty harsh) and OP. Your wife was/is a big fail, OP. There will be a hard time waiting for you, your 'son', his biological father and his family. But whatever they say, OP, you are that boys father. So, fight for him, don't let him down because of his mother. You raised him, you loved him, you have the right to be his father.

I have a biological father and mother, and 2 stepdads, and my father is gay. The one who raised me (the first stepdad) I consider to be my dad...sounds pretty fucked up but I think I turned out ok, right? Guys?

What makes you think the child's biological father would want anything to do with them? We don't know the full story in regards to how this confession came about. The wife could have decided to come clean and confess a secret she never had the heart to tell her husband, for fear that he would abandon her and the child. Remember, they were 16 (I'll assume they were the same age.) Now they are 30 year olds with a child about the same age as they were at that time. OP could be overreacting, though understandably so. We don't know. I don't see why he would end the relationship if the confession was heartfelt and truthful, about a mistake from ages ago. He has every right to be sick, confused, and angry, but he should be understanding as well Of course, I could be intensely mistaken and the confession came as a slap in the face during a weekly china-throwing event.

'What makes you think the child's biological father would want anything to do with them?' I can't be certain about this (duuuh), but you have to admit that it's possible. That man (and his family) will be shocked and angry, but maybe he can't live with the thought of having a son without knowing him. 'I don't see why he would end the relationship if the confession was heartfelt and truthful, about a mistake from ages ago. ' Some mistakes are just hard to forgive. His wife cheated on him with many guys, maybe she kept cheating during the entire relationship, she lied to him, she lied to her son, she didn't check who was the real father...I think OP's fate in humanity is pretty low right now. He has the right to divorce her, but also to stay with her. If he still trusts and loves her (which I doubt), they can work on their relationship and grow old together. There is just a very big chance that he lost all his faith in her. Oh, another thing, even 16-year-olds could be honest with eachother 14 years ago. If OP's wife told him the truth, he could still choose to stay with her or abandom them, but that was his right. She took that away from him and she also took the right away from the real father to raise his own kid. That's a terrible act. Ofcourse she was afraid, but that was her own damn fault. She didn't deal with the consequences of her own acts properly, and she is entirely to blame.

Figures a woman would say something like that. It is not his child nor his responsibility. He was lied to and probably married her because she was pregnant. To make it clear to you, to a man, what she did is the equivalent of a man getting a woman pregnant and then disappearing.

it totally matters because they were 16 when he found out his girlfriend was having "his" baby. who knows all the stuff he could have given up, we don't know if OP went to college or got some random job to support his child. we don't know if OP had a scholarship he gave up, to support his child. we don't know if OP missed so much school from taking care of "his" child that he didn't graduate on time. my point is that maybe OP missed out on stuff that he could have done, maybe his childhood, cause his now wife was a lying whore at 16. I would be furious. but OP did what he had to do when he found out and I commend him on that, but he could have lost out on a lot. who knows maybe he went to college and did all that, but maybe he couldn't cause of "his" child.

#24, originally the comment said, "raised as your own daughter" in which case that would have sucked if the kid was a boy. The OC (original commenter) must have edited their comment to make it gender- neutral.

But think of this too.. what if she wasn't his girlfriend when she got pregnant. She was single but still working around. I feel that would be a valid reason to not leave since it'd mean she wasn't cheating. but my guess is good are ya'lls. I could be wrong.

oops. my comment was supposed to be whoring not working. XD

Hey 47 - go fuck yourself. I never give special support to one gender or the other, regardless of my own, and you're a shithead for saying something like that to me. Men and women here both agree that OP raised this child, therefore the child is their own. A MAN understands the importance of being a Dad, something no woman can ever know. All of us people here who aren't total douchetards would have to agree that abandoning a child you raised from birth to adolescence because of a petty thing like blood (or at all, really) is disgusting and deserves no sympathy. I never said he should have to stay with his wife, only that people act stupid and whorish sometimes when they are teenagers. Get your head from out your ass.

95 - bingo. 71 - as a grown 30-year old man who is still very young, he only has 4 more years of responsibility for this child. Imagine being free and off the hook at 34. He can go to college or whatever he so desires. If he can afford it of course. It is in no way the fault of the child, and it would be obscenely selfish and heartless of OP to just leave because it is not 'his' child. How would you feel, if the one you've always known as your one and only 'Dad' just left because 'hey, you're not my real kid. These past 14 years suddenly mean nothing to me.' As for the mother, it seems like it would have been wiser to keep her mouth shut this far in. Sometimes the truth can destroy lives, which definitely seems to be the case here.

It would matter if op had any plans for college after high school. Because those plans got crushed when he was burdened with the responsibility of a baby.