Intimacy: Today, my boyfriend thought it would be sexy if he bit me on...

By RainCl0ud - United States

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be sexy if he bit me on the lips. Normally, I would have enjoyed it, if the lips in question were the ones on my face. FML

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RainCl0ud tells us more :

OP here. This man is my husband now, and all these years later, he still tries to bite me every now and then. It doesn't happen often enough for me to discuss it with him and I don't want to embarrass him when it does happen. It doesn't hurt but I just don't enjoy it.

Intimacy

Messed up

Uninvolved

I'm a mess

By veggiedude - United States - San Francisco

Today, my girlfriend suggested we try something new and spontaneous. Excited to find out first-hand what she had in mind, and ready to fool around, I hurried over to her place. Turns out she's just taken up vegan cooking. FML

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By no - United States - San Francisco

Today, I got in a huge fight with my pregnant wife because I cannot consent to naming our future daughter Paprika. FML

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By Nick - United States

Today, I finally beat the song "Through the Fire and Flames" on Guitar Hero 3. I then realized that it was the biggest accomplishment I've ever made in my entire life. FML

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By I hate my brother - United States - Lafayette

Today, I just came back from Afghanistan after a 9-month tour, and my brother asked, "How many towelheads did you kill?" He then acted offended when I smacked him upside the head. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, at work, a customer ordered a caramel latte with no caramel. I made a regular latte after explaining that’s what it was. He got angry and threw it at me. I got fired for insulting his intelligence. FML

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By blahhhh - United States

Today, I was out shopping for bras. While in one store, I couldn't seem to find any in my size. When I asked an employee for help, they took one look at my chest and said "Mabye you should try our girls section, we have a lot of training bras." I'm 25. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend called me over for dinner. When I walked in the door, he asked why I was here; apparently he dialed the wrong girlfriend. FML

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By HeadTrauma - United States

Today, I had a dream that I was 25, unemployed, living with my parents, and still completely in love with someone who no longer feels the same way about me. Oh wait... it wasn't a dream. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I had to console my drunk dad over his girlfriend breaking up with him. When he said, "You know why we broke up don't you?" I replied, "Yeah, you were fighting a lot, right?" Wrong. I then had to explain to him that his erectile dysfunction wasn't something to be embarrassed about. FML

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By parentalfail - United States

Today, my parents told me they're getting a divorce. However, they asked me not to tell any of the family so that the news doesn't spoil Christmas. Thanks, Mom and Dad. FML

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By turnoff - United States

Today, I tried to wake my husband up in the middle of the night by kissing him deeply and massaging his neck and shoulders. He opens his eyes, looks at me, says "No", and goes back to sleep. FML

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By someone72 - United States

Today, I got excited when my phone vibrated cause I thought someone actually wanted to talk to me. When I grabbed my phone I realized my mind played a trick on me and I only thought it vibrated. I'm so lonely I subconsciously trick myself into thinking I have friends. FML

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By Jaime - United States - New York

Today, I went on a first date with a guy I met online. Not only was he boring, he twice excused himself to go to the bathroom and both times he came back smelling of weed. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while laying in bed trying to go to sleep, I listened to the chirping crickets and appreciated how soothing the sounds were. Then I realized I lived on the 8th floor of an apartment building. Turns out my brother's science project got into my room and multiplied... a lot. FML

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By Whoopsie - United States

Today, I was sitting on the bus and as I'm quite short my legs were dangling. Some guy, who wasn't looking where he was going, tripped over my foot and went flying. He and everyone else on the bus glared at me like it was deliberate. The man next to me even changed seats in disgust. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I fractured two ribs from coughing. My doctor told me to stop coughing, or I would fracture them more. I have bronchitis. FML

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By Anonymous

It's a doggy dog world

Today, I was bathing my dog at a self-serve dog wash at a pet store. The person next to me decided to express his dog's anal glands, and the vile, greasy, fish-smelling liquid hit me on the side of my face. FML

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By Badday

Today, I received a call from a company attempting to steal me away. Flattered, I told them I liked my job and the answer was no. When I told my boss, he said they're thinking about laying me off and I should've taken the job. FML

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By Jesse - United States

Today, McDonalds charged me 21 cents for a honey mustard packet. The jerk manager made me break a $50 bill. So I grabbed all their napkins, carried them into the parking lot and tossed them all into the air in protest and drove off. Down the road, I realized I left my wallet at the counter. FML

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15757

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By Steve - United States

Today, I woke up with my girl laying next to me in bed. When she woke up we started to get hot and heavy but all of a sudden our cat hops on the bed. I guess the cat was more important cause my girl got up started playing it instead of me. Cockblocked by another pussy. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, after a trip to the emergency room for severe stomach pain and almost passing out in the shower, I slipped on the wet bathroom floor and broke my two front teeth. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Fairfield

Today, two months into my new marketing job, I presented my first webinar live to over 300 people. Half the audience complained about the horrible sound quality, saying all they could hear was a Mickey Mouse squeaky sound. Turns out it wasn't the sound quality, it was my voice. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I overheard my dad telling his work buddy that he's disappointed in his kid. I assumed he meant my brother, for flunking out of school. He meant me, for quitting sports to focus on my studies. FML

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By itsgotime - United States

Today, I was running to my car, slipped, and slammed my head on the car door. I started driving to the hospital because it was bleeding profusely and I was dizzy, I called my mom to tell her what had happened. She said I was grounded for "goofing off" and that she was "sick of my shit". FML

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By Anonymous - South Africa

Today, my husband and I told my parents that I finally managed to conceive. My mom burst into tears of joy and said how great it was that she's finally going to be a "real" grandma, all within earshot of our adopted and now-devastated daughter. FML

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By sadmama

Today, I found out that while my mother-in-law claimed to be babysitting my son, she was actually dropping him off at an unlicensed “day care” in a shady part of town so she could go out. How did I find out? The house was raided by police. FML

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By fyln00b - France

Today, I was horseback riding. Somebody yelled something behind me, so I turned around. Next thing I know, I am on the ground and my head is killing me. It turns out I ran into a tree branch. The person behind me simply said, "Watch out." FML

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By Lifetime Presents: - United States - Southfield

Today, I found out my fiancé is already married. His "crazy ex-wife" is not all that crazy, and is still his wife. FML

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By catguy - United States

Today, and for quite some time, my girlfriend has been telling me that she needs to go home each night to take care of her cat. Taking care of her cat is, it seems, an euphemism for having it off with her neighbor Tom since her cat died three months ago. FML

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By gbabyy - United States

Today, my daughter was playing outside. I was watching her from the window, and I saw her pick up a dead bird. I ran outside to grab her. As I picked her up and started scolding her, she tried to scratch my face. In the attempt, her hand went straight into my mouth. FML

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By anonymous - 1/2/2020 20:00 - United States - Shawnee

Especially for dad

Today, my daughter ran up to me and gave me a cup. She said it was lemonade that she made with her friend. When I took a sip, she giggled and ran back to her room. It was not lemonade. FML

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By supras - United Kingdom - Luton

Today, playing soccer, I jumped up to make a header and clear the ball away from our goal. I got the ball but some guy kicked me in the face. I was taken off. All the parents were horrified, saying how badly my nose must have broken. Turns out my nose was fine. That's just how my nose looks. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Bristol

Today, my girlfriend told me that she's a lesbian. And that she could only stay with me because I had a "girly face and voice". She also admitted to having a crush on my sister. FML

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61108

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By Adil Ilahi - United Kingdom - Keighley

Today, my friends yet again told me to hop on Tinder and other dating sites, saying how easy it is to match up, and I keep telling them I will soon. In reality, I've been on them for weeks, without a match. FML

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By oliviakelly25 - United States

Today, three months after finally ending a long relationship with the love of my life because he was cheating on me, we are now seeing each other again. And cheating on our new significant others with each other. FML

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8026

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I was dragged to the food store with my mom. While we were shopping, the fire alarm went off. My mom pushed the cart at me, nearly knocking me over, and sprinted for the door. FML

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By damn you Ambien - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I woke up to an angry and threatening email from a porn company. Apparently, I took a sleeping pill last night and wrote a nasty email to the company about how they mistreat women. The best part: I used a web contact form instead of an email, so I have absolutely no idea what I wrote. FML

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By Peach

Today, my husband finally decided to help with the laundry. He washed a pen and it exploded in the dryer. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, the toilet at my apartment still hasn't been fixed. I have to straddle the bathtub for number 1's and go to Walmart for 2's. FML

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By Pongy

Today, I found out that shirt sizes don't get longer, they get wider. Being 6ft4, every shirt I try on makes me look like a cheap stripper. FML

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Top comments

By ciarafox9 | 9

#3188464 - Saturday 27 August 2011 13:01

Why would he think that's a good idea?

By Midrash | 5

#3188472 - Saturday 27 August 2011 13:03

Maybe he wanted to try something he saw on twilight

COMMENTS

By bubblepaarty | 5

#3188447 - Saturday 27 August 2011 12:57

tht's disgusting . D:

maddy14 | 0

#3188522 - Saturday 27 August 2011 13:13

Exactly

Valentina_Baby | 7

#3188639 - Saturday 27 August 2011 13:36

That's hott xD

genesisnirvana | 11

#3188672 - Saturday 27 August 2011 13:41

Flaming Lips

YoTengoTomatoes | 7

#3188697 - Saturday 27 August 2011 13:46

it's not disgusting, it just sounds a bit painful.... like I dont think most guys would want their penis bit.

Steven696 | 6

#3188749 - Saturday 27 August 2011 13:55

31- eh lightly or playfully is alright, just sucks when that person gets to into it and forgets how sensitive people are down there, then the pain begins

Sebastian_NG | 17

#3189339 - Saturday 27 August 2011 15:54

27
I luvs u

CleverBastard | 8

#3189921 - Saturday 27 August 2011 17:16

If he bites your lower lips, bite his lower head

ladiesman219 | 4

#3190759 - Saturday 27 August 2011 20:15

What are you gay?

kyarush | 10

#3191234 - Saturday 27 August 2011 22:38

Yummmm

luvvs_theatre132 | 0

#3192445 - Sunday 28 August 2011 3:38

Ok, well I LOVE being bit there...

somewizdom | 15

#3218768 - Friday 2 September 2011 1:35

Mouths have lips too?!!

By ciarafox9 | 9

#3188464 - Saturday 27 August 2011 13:01

Why would he think that's a good idea?

EGORAPTOR | 7

#3188531 - Saturday 27 August 2011 13:16

Because it's funny lol

ciarafox9 | 9

#3188622 - Saturday 27 August 2011 13:34

I fail to see how this would be funny for either..

beerhead | 0

#3188694 - Saturday 27 August 2011 13:45

Would it be funny if your gf bite your dick tip :/?

soiheardyoufaile | 4

#3189033 - Saturday 27 August 2011 15:13

Is it bad that I have a mental imagery of OP's boyfriend saying "omnomnomnom" while doing this?

ScaughtieHolden | 11

#3189076 - Saturday 27 August 2011 15:23

VAGINA

oops_im_fucked | 8

#3189877 - Saturday 27 August 2011 17:12

At least he didn't bite the lower lips and tear away...

h00l1gan | 5

#3189915 - Saturday 27 August 2011 17:15

Maybe he just nibbled on it? My ex used to really dig that and made me bite her through her pantys

tona01 | 16

#3190253 - Saturday 27 August 2011 18:22

That fml just made me do the stupid face all men do whenever we hear some guy got kicked in the nuts real hard
Seriously girls on fml, do some of you like that?

yajooo | 3

#3191817 - Sunday 28 August 2011 1:43

some times if ur gental :)

bizarre_ftw | 21

#3192673 - Sunday 28 August 2011 4:15

59 - yes but lol

tandem123 | 6

#3192823 - Sunday 28 August 2011 4:42

How has 11 not been buried with over -50?

EGORAPTOR | 7

#3193223 - Sunday 28 August 2011 5:56

It's my opinion and yea it would hurt but it's funny to the readers

megaaann_fml | 9

#3204498 - Tuesday 30 August 2011 10:28

30: Budget circumcision?

CcShh | 4

#4495355 - Tuesday 29 May 2012 14:51

Omnomnomnomnommm! Lmao!!!

By cudi504 | 4

#3188466 - Saturday 27 August 2011 13:02

Maybe he was hoping you would get turned on by pain? Some people are into that yakno

tylersign | 11

#3188524 - Saturday 27 August 2011 13:14

K, I know the picture isn't you. But what the fuck

tmmundy | 17

#3188590 - Saturday 27 August 2011 13:28

just ignore the picture. thats what's he's trying to do. to see how many comments he gets about the stupid picture. actually he's making fun a the white boy.

BehindU | 5

#3190913 - Saturday 27 August 2011 21:09

Kinky?

bobsaggit | 3

#3191513 - Sunday 28 August 2011 0:14

Lol yakno

chelzy | 0

#3193935 - Sunday 28 August 2011 8:44

Dude, I'm into that, but if my girlfriend bit those lips, I would kick her. That shut hurts!!!

tylersign | 11

#3194521 - Sunday 28 August 2011 11:28

3, you deleted your picture. What wrong whichu!? It was hilarious.

BirdieCurls | 25

#5996937 - Friday 4 July 2014 0:46

I pronounced that yack-no over five times before I got that

By Midrash | 5

#3188472 - Saturday 27 August 2011 13:03

Maybe he wanted to try something he saw on twilight

ninjaniki | 0

#3188538 - Saturday 27 August 2011 13:16

a vampire loves his woman all month long.. ;)

megaaann_fml | 9

#3188877 - Saturday 27 August 2011 14:32

Yeah, a period doesn't last a whole month, dipshit.

thesunsetglow_fml | 8

#3188999 - Saturday 27 August 2011 15:05

12 is saying that the loving doesn't stop for the period. Therefore he loves her all month long, INCLUDING aunt Flow.

gchartier90 | 0

#3189001 - Saturday 27 August 2011 15:06

Idiot

ninjaniki | 0

#3189073 - Saturday 27 August 2011 15:23

fools look foolish trying to make others look like fools.

KiddNYC1O | 20

#3189360 - Saturday 27 August 2011 15:55

60- That should be the slogan for this site, except a little more explicit lol. I love it when fools fail in such way.

chelseabitez | 0

#3189839 - Saturday 27 August 2011 17:05

Lmao!!!!!!!!!!!!

h00l1gan | 5

#3189935 - Saturday 27 August 2011 17:18

60-I pity the fool who tries to make other fools seem foolish even though they are not fools

CryMoreFMLs | 14

#3190155 - Saturday 27 August 2011 18:04

Mistah T pityin' the foos!

By ninjaniki | 0

#3188477 - Saturday 27 August 2011 13:04

some like it rough, some don't. You clearly don't.

Majstr | 23

#3188715 - Saturday 27 August 2011 13:49

Exactly.

pixelebrate | 0

#3188803 - Saturday 27 August 2011 14:04

5- Your pic matches the comment.

craZgal321 | 6

#3189712 - Saturday 27 August 2011 16:45

i was judt gonna say tht

By kkmwong | 11

#3188493 - Saturday 27 August 2011 13:09

Yay.

By borkchop1992 | 15

#3188526 - Saturday 27 August 2011 13:14

he was eating out let him have his fun

borkchop1992 | 15

#3188547 - Saturday 27 August 2011 13:17

fun*

leadman1989 | 15

#3189510 - Saturday 27 August 2011 16:15

Didn't his mother ever tell him not to play with his food?

yomommma | 6

#3203281 - Tuesday 30 August 2011 5:03

Some people are into that sorta thang.

By perdix | 29

#3188548 - Saturday 27 August 2011 13:18

Someone's been watching too much porn. The sad part is that they don't give you instructions on how much pressure to apply to get the best results.

thesunsetglow_fml | 8

#3189004 - Saturday 27 August 2011 15:08

Does that make porn like Ikea instructions? It shows you pictures but doesn't tell you how to do it, resulting in a massive fuck up. Seen here.

joeiscool68 | 0

#3189815 - Saturday 27 August 2011 17:01

14 and 57 win! I literally lol'd

IndigoAcrylic | 9

#3193217 - Sunday 28 August 2011 5:55

I was the 69th person to thumbs you up (;

woosah | 16

#3194189 - Sunday 28 August 2011 9:44

Oh you were? @165.....

HomeAl0ne | 20

#3208282 - Wednesday 31 August 2011 1:31

Fucking Ikea.

When the guy who started that company dies, I so hope that his family and friends arrive at the funeral to find a flat pack coffin that they have to assemble before the ceremony can commence.