Today, someone put dog turds underneath all the decorative reindeers'...

By Anonymous - 21/12/2011 02:01 - United States

Today, someone put dog turds underneath all the decorative reindeers' butts in my front yard. The chief suspect is my curmudgeonly, holidays-hating fuckball of a neighbor. Last week he repositioned them in very suggestive poses. FML

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Miscellaneous

Instadrama

Doomed

Recycling helps

By testom - 17/4/2015 18:15 - Netherlands - Rotterdam

Today, my husband accidentally erased some pictures from our hard drive. No worries, nothing major: just everything from our wedding and the birth of our first child. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/7/2017 00:30 - Italy - Verona

Today, as I woke up, the first thing I saw was a bee on my hand. I tried not to make the slightest move, waiting for it to fly away without stinging me. The second thing I saw was my cat jumping at it. FML

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By Oh-Shit! - 10/8/2013 15:23 - United States

Today, while at a private lake, my colon declared a state of evacuation. I ventured as far from my family as my sphincter would allow, only to make eye contact with two very horrified kayakers mid-explosion. FML

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By mildver - 20/4/2009 04:51 - Costa Rica

Today, I went to a date with a girl I thought liked me. We sat down at a restaurant, ordered some food and started talking. After 30 minutes she said with a sigh of relief "THANK GOD! There's my dad. Now I can leave. Bye, thanks for the dinner." The food hadn't even arrived yet. FML

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By Mattrd - 5/2/2013 00:42 - United States

Today, my co-worker told me that I need to quit smoking because it was making me look and smell horrible. I've never smoked in my life. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/12/2018 14:00

Today I was really hitting it off with my blind date and was eager to arrange a second date. I gave him my number and he decided to call my phone so I could save his number. My phone didn’t ring. He got upset because he thought I gave him a fake number and stormed off. The battery was dead. FML

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By whateven333 - 18/2/2015 04:02 - United States - Gibsonia

Today, I told my cousin that I would gladly help him through the loss of my aunt. That is until he started flirting with me. FML

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By stickers - 13/5/2009 20:15 - United States

Today, I was going through my moms closet. On one of the shelves, I found two baby books. One was mine, the other was one for a dog she owned before I was born. I looked through them both. The dog's baby book was filled out more than mine was. FML

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By _RobotInDisguise - 9/12/2009 23:47 - United Kingdom

Today, I received a 4 page letter in the post from a woman telling me she was Alan's wife. She spoke about their wedding in 2004, their two beautiful kids who love their daddy very much (she included pictures), and how much she loves him. Alan is my husband of 7 years. FML

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By Marriedtoajew - 3/1/2018 19:00

True Love

Today, while in the hospital recovering from surgery, I got into a fight with my wife. Apparently, she feels that I shouldn’t have gone to the hospital because “Funerals cost less than surgery.” She brought an extremely detailed spreadsheet to prove it. FML

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By UNmarried - 31/8/2009 18:10 - United States

Today, I found some .pdf files on my wife's computer. They were forms that had been filled out except for the date and the "reason" section. They were divorce papers. When confronted about it she said, "Well, if you piss me off really bad, I want to write down why before I calm down." FML

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By parkertownparadise - 16/2/2012 07:43 - United States

Today, after applying for a job at the local pet store, I picked up a ferret. It began licking my cheek, causing me to turn my head. It then latched onto my ear and hung like a giant furry hoop earring. I screamed, then quietly left the building. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/8/2019 00:01

Today, my boyfriend tried to use his “grief” at the death of a coworker to get butt sex, even though I know for a fact he didn’t like the guy that much, and just last week wished for the guy to get hit by a bus. Pretty despicable way to try get back door access if you ask me. FML

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By wrecked - 11/1/2010 13:43 - United States

Today, I slid on ice and hit another car while driving to work. My car was totalled, and my leg hurt, while the other car had very little damage. Not two minutes later, the salt truck drove by, spraying the road. FML

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By Richard - 25/6/2012 03:03 - United States - Uxbridge

Today, I was talking with my wife of five years, and I gave her a few hints about wanting kids. After our talk, she looked at me completely serious and said "Yeah, yeah, kids are great and all, but can't we just get you a dog?" FML

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By Anonymous - 3/11/2018 22:00

Today, after a long shift, I came home and cleaned my house so I could relax tomorrow. I finished up the night with a soothing bubble bath, which was lovely until the ceiling collapsed into the tub. I can't even wash the filth off because my bath is full of drain-clogging plaster. FML

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By scarred for life - 28/5/2016 05:23 - United States - Carmel

Today, I realized my recent weight loss probably wasn't caused by working out and eating more healthily. It was from the tapeworm I discovered hanging out my ass after I took a crap. I had to pull it out with my bare hands. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/3/2009 13:05 - Austria

Today, I was outside searching for "treasures" with my son using small plastic shovels. All of a sudden he starts screaming. He dug up the bones of our old dog. I told him that we had sent him away to live on a farm, I even helped my son write letters to the farm owners. FML

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By canadiankc - 4/6/2009 02:14 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at the waterpark. I decided to go down a slide shaped like a funnel. On the way down, my bikini bottom untied. Then I got lodged in a V shape, arse first, in the hole at the funnel exit, exposing myself to the entire pool until I could slither out. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/8/2012 23:02 - United States

Today, I found myself trying to explain to my puppy why I'm still single. I think I just found out why. FML

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By fml9124 - 8/10/2020 10:01 - United States - Omaha

Tricky situation

Today, my wife gave me the green light to have sex with other women. She beat the cancer, but sex for her is now painful and she wasn't really interested in sex the last 10 years anyway. So why does my life suck? Because I don't want sex with anyone else. Now she's mad at me for making her feel guilty. FML

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By scratchy - 8/12/2010 14:56 - Israel

Today, my boyfriend refused to have his hair treated against lice, because "men don't have lice". FML

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By shayes9 - 22/7/2009 22:15 - United States

Today, the boss returned from vacation. While he was gone we thought it would be a great idea to fill the water cooler with margaritas. Even after rinsing it we still have lime flavored water. Needless to say we got a company memo about appropriate office behavior. FML

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By stephiexbabexx - 15/1/2010 21:27 - United States

Today, I was with my friends at Burger King. While we were eating, I placed my cellphone on the tray, not realising that I'd left it there until after I emptied my tray into the bin. When I got it out of the trash, it was covered in soggy, sticky garbage. FML

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By CheapFamily - 9/4/2014 23:47 - United States

Today, I graduated from Basic Training. I was really looking forward to seeing my family after being away for almost three months. They decided not to come to graduation because they didn't want to spend the money to travel here. They live 30 minutes away. FML

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By treehouse - 23/8/2017 13:00

Today, my family and I were going to start moving into our old house, and the large two hundred year old tree decided to move in too... through the roof. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/8/2015 06:32 - Canada - Regina

Today, I found out the girl I met online, who I spent hours talking to every day for the past 2 months, and who I fell in love with is actually my gay roomate. He says if I could fall in love with "her", I can fall in love with him. It doesn't work that way, dickhead. FML

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By zlotytarasy - 14/10/2009 22:03 - Poland

Today, I accepted a great job offer I've been working months to earn so I can continue to live with my fiancé here in Poland. I just found out that my work visa was denied. Now I have to fly home to Canada and reapply before coming back. This takes a month. My new job starts tomorrow. FML

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By Samsonites - 28/3/2009 03:15 - United States

Today, I finally decided to tell him I love him. He told me that he loved me too... like a sister! The love of my life has been sleeping with his "sister" for three months. FML

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By wheezy - 3/12/2013 17:28 - United States - Bay Springs

Today, while giving speech in class, I choked on my own spit and had a coughing fit while everyone stared at me intently. When I finally regained my composure, my teacher told me my time was up and to sit down. I hadn't even got finished the first paragraph. FML

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By Wtffmlfs - 26/9/2019 04:01

Modern Family

Today, I dawned on me that my step-dad, who cheated on and is now divorcing my mom, is my favorite family member. FML

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By U_U - 20/10/2013 19:20 - United States

Today, my husband confessed his pregnancy fetish to me, and now wants me to wear a fake belly when we have sex. FML

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By UhhhUhhhRRRick - 5/3/2009 05:14 - United States

Today, an elderly gentleman walked into the UPS Store where I work asking to use the laminating machine. I explained to him that we keep it behind the counter and I would do it for him, when he produced several graphic photos of him having it off with nasty looking women to be laminated. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/7/2012 16:04 - United States - Millers Tavern

Today, I was running late for an important job interview because I couldn't find my keys. I place the keys on my kitchen counter every day to prevent exactly this type of situation. After few minutes and missing my interview, I finally found my keys, in my hand. FML

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By poorgirl - 17/5/2016 13:03 - United States

Today, I was reminded what poverty is like when I had to choose between buying food and buying pads. Now, I have to take constant bathroom breaks and wipe off my pad. I don't get paid until after my period ends. FML

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By thelunarwolf - 2/3/2011 03:41

Today, while trying to have a serious conversation with my husband about his drug use over text, he came home. Drunk. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/10/2010 12:01 - United States

Today, after me and my boyfriend had pretty much amazing sex, he took off the condom and started swinging it back and forth, all while making the sounds of a clock and saying, "You are getting sleepy." FML

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By screwed - 29/5/2009 23:21 - United States

Today, I was hit by a truck while walking to school. It was the driver's fault as I was in a crosswalk. My parents met me at the hospital where I had minor injuries. They began discussing what the insurance money would be spent on. They decided on a second honeymoon to Las Vegas. FML

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By Jade - 15/10/2016 11:22 - United Kingdom - Wembley

Today, after a week of rejoicing that my petty, passive-aggressive, bullying neighbours were moving away, I came home to find the "to let" board had been outside the wrong house the whole time. It's actually the people I really like who are moving away. FML

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By popcorn - 27/4/2011 18:33 - United States

Today, I was watching a movie online. There was a 15 minute ad. 13 minutes into watching an ad about birth control, I noticed that there was a "skip this ad" button in the corner. FML

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Top comments

By iomnomnomux3 | 0

#3764836 - Wednesday 21 December 2011 8:41

you go glen coco.

By misfitmonroe | 4

#3764811 - Wednesday 21 December 2011 8:38

That is hilarious

COMMENTS

By misfitmonroe | 4

#3764811 - Wednesday 21 December 2011 8:38

That is hilarious

corporatescoundr | 25

#3765014 - Wednesday 21 December 2011 9:53

I second revenge but YDI for the use of curmudgeonly... Sorry, the fates have spoken

ProjeKtSC2 | 8

#3765079 - Wednesday 21 December 2011 10:54

I dislike the execution of that comment #36...

angry_anonymous | 5

#3765332 - Wednesday 21 December 2011 13:27

Agreed. And OP I think YDI if you actually put fake reindeers on your front lawn. that's just asking for those things to happen.

graham11 | 14

#3765571 - Wednesday 21 December 2011 15:19

36- shitting reindeers?! I'm sorry you were so deprived of the Christmas spirit as a child!

natskie | 7

#3766798 - Wednesday 21 December 2011 18:27

I think this is absolutely hilarious!! If I had reindeer on my lawn and this happened to me, I would just think my neighbor has a great sense of humor, then laugh it off!

By flirtyfaery | 7

#3764822 - Wednesday 21 December 2011 8:39

That's awesome! I reckon he'd be fun to live next to.

BrownEyes97 | 1

#3765558 - Wednesday 21 December 2011 15:17

Why wouldn't you just do that to begin with? OP's neighbor shouldn't have to decorate her yard the right way for her!

By iomnomnomux3 | 0

#3764836 - Wednesday 21 December 2011 8:41

you go glen coco.

By Son_of_a_biscuit | 4

#3764845 - Wednesday 21 December 2011 8:42

Bah humbug!

Aquawave7 | 7

#4052321 - Saturday 18 February 2012 17:20

BAH HUMBUG :D

By mack_the_knife | 3

#3764849 - Wednesday 21 December 2011 8:43

Well, keeping livestock on your front lawn has its downsides.

By MsSoulReaper | 27

#3764862 - Wednesday 21 December 2011 8:44

Some one is going on the naughty list.

Gayrome | 4

#3764941 - Wednesday 21 December 2011 9:07

He's checkin' his list marking it twice gonna find out who's naughtyy or nice! Santa Clause is cumin' to down...;D

By builditbetter09 | 3

#3764865 - Wednesday 21 December 2011 8:45

Punch him out... Call
Me dr.phill cause I'm handin out the best advice mofukaaa I'm not rich though.. :(

clcbjj31 | 0

#3765076 - Wednesday 21 December 2011 10:53

The Ph.d. Perhaps?

t765234 | 10

#3765334 - Wednesday 21 December 2011 13:28

Either that or the intelligence.

graham11 | 14

#3765590 - Wednesday 21 December 2011 15:27

9- personally, I feel as if there are better therapists than dr. Phil out there. But either way, I find your comment really dumb..

docscientist | 9

#3767965 - Wednesday 21 December 2011 22:47

Dr. Phil's best advice is when he recommends someone else. He's an entertainer first and a jackass in equal part.

builditbetter09 | 3

#3770511 - Thursday 22 December 2011 8:44

So intelligence is determined by how funny a comment is? Cause you fucks don't know shit about me.

walkern1891 | 0

#3774681 - Friday 23 December 2011 6:51

I don't think doctor Phil is a real doctor.

By MelTheGreat | 23

#3764867 - Wednesday 21 December 2011 8:45

Love the colorful vocabulary.

By nofearjenshere | 12

#3764873 - Wednesday 21 December 2011 8:47

Curmudgeonly, I hope that I'm not the only one on here who doesnt know what this means.

Sirin_fml | 46

#3764894 - Wednesday 21 December 2011 8:53

That's quite unconscionably supercilious of you, Alan.

blink182AAR | 6

#3764972 - Wednesday 21 December 2011 9:24

Fuckball. Ahahaha, best word on this site.

graham11 | 14

#3765577 - Wednesday 21 December 2011 15:22

I love it when sirin and alan comment because it makes me feel like I'm part of a really important thread!! *claps excitedly*

bizarre_ftw | 21

#3767538 - Wednesday 21 December 2011 21:15

I love it when anyone, even better that it's a tag team FML team comment, comments on a guy who can't look up a little known word before opening his mouth (typing in a stupid manner) with another less than commonly known word (not as good a curmudgeonly, but what is really?)

finished | 10

#3768462 - Thursday 22 December 2011 0:16

11 i bet YOU'RE his neighbour :D

By yarani | 26

#3764877 - Wednesday 21 December 2011 8:48

Very dedicated isn't he?