Today, someone put dog turds underneath all the decorative reindeers' butts in my front yard. The chief suspect is my curmudgeonly, holidays-hating fuckball of a neighbor. Last week he repositioned them in very suggestive poses. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I wanted revenge on my neighbor, whose dog craps in my yard, so I spent a day at the dog park gathering up dog shit. I piled it up by the property line and ran over it with the mower, intending to spray his driveway and car with turds. Instead, it gummed up the mower. Now it stinks too bad to fix. FML
Today, I saw my neighbor's Christmas tree they had put up on their porch, with decorative presents under it. Being that my neighbors hate me, I figured I would take a present to piss them off. While walking back home with the present, I opened it. Inside it read "I knew you would, douche bag." FML
Today, I reported my neighbor to the leasing office for never picking up her dog’s turds. They told me they couldn't do anything without proof, so I snapped a picture and sent it in. Ever since then, I’ve been getting dog turds thrown on my porch. Coincidence? I think not. FML
Today, my husband announced that he was fed up with us being known as the neighborhood slobs, and prepared to take down all the Christmas decorations still up from last year. He then decided it was too much effort, and that he'd leave them up to give us a three month head-start. FML
Today, the snow in my backyard melted, revealing just how much dog shit accumulated underneath it this winter. FML
Today, I took my dog for a walk. He started crapping on someone's lawn, then I noticed that the owner was outside and giving me a death stare. Not knowing what to do, I picked up the crap with my bare hands. The man started laughing at me. FML
Today, I finally discovered the reason my front room smelt funny. My dog, thinking the Christmas tree was real, has been peeing on it for the past two weeks. FML
Today, I punished my new dog for taking a shit inside by putting him in the kennel. He punished me by breaking out of the kennel and destroying everything in my house. Including Christmas presents. FML
Today, my drunk neighbor couldn’t get into his apartment and thought it would be a good idea to poop in our yard. He left a pile of diarrhea under our window, and poop-stained napkins all over the lawn. FML
Today, I heard noises outside my front door. I looked out through the window, only to see my boyfriend encouraging his dog to take a dump on my welcome mat. FML
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Top comments
iomnomnomux3 0
you go glen coco.
misfitmonroe 4
That is hilarious
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Comments (161)
n_epic_fail 14
Curmudgeonly? You have some colorful vocabulary.
MandyMeow_fml 18
And that's when you wait for him to return.. with a paintball gun
minimig 0
Get a air charged automatic fun :)
RinaVampire31 18
Why don't you just tell your neighbor to **** off?
graham11 14
Why don't you?
meanmachine888 0
Just shit on his front porch and maybe he will move. -Southpark
TheHardwick3 7
I swear there's already an FML where someone did that
JocelynKaulitz 28
13 - A very colorful vocabulary, a whole rainbow as a matter of fact.
Gayrome 4
That's when you get your Bf to knock on his window at night...and show him the full moon! ;D And I'm not talkin' about that little one in the sky xD That...or get your BF to show him a teabag. And I'm not talking about the ones Tedley makes! XD
n_epic_fail 14
So colorful I can almost taste the rainbow
JocelynKaulitz 28
The taste of skittles…:)
bbedlock_fml 7
What a Grinch!
Angel1000168 16
HIDE YOU PRESENTS!!! HIDE YOUR CHRISTMAS TREEEE!!! And, um, maybe hide those reindeer. He seems to have taken a... liking... to them
n_epic_fail 14
At least Santa's dignity is still intact.