Today, someone put dog turds underneath all the decorative reindeers' butts in my front yard. The chief suspect is my curmudgeonly, holidays-hating fuckball of a neighbor. Last week he repositioned them in very suggestive poses. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I wanted revenge on my neighbor, whose dog craps in my yard, so I spent a day at the dog park gathering up dog shit. I piled it up by the property line and ran over it with the mower, intending to spray his driveway and car with turds. Instead, it gummed up the mower. Now it stinks too bad to fix. FML
Today, I saw my neighbor's Christmas tree they had put up on their porch, with decorative presents under it. Being that my neighbors hate me, I figured I would take a present to piss them off. While walking back home with the present, I opened it. Inside it read "I knew you would, douche bag." FML
Today, I reported my neighbor to the leasing office for never picking up her dog’s turds. They told me they couldn't do anything without proof, so I snapped a picture and sent it in. Ever since then, I’ve been getting dog turds thrown on my porch. Coincidence? I think not. FML
Today, my husband announced that he was fed up with us being known as the neighborhood slobs, and prepared to take down all the Christmas decorations still up from last year. He then decided it was too much effort, and that he'd leave them up to give us a three month head-start. FML
Today, the snow in my backyard melted, revealing just how much dog shit accumulated underneath it this winter. FML
Today, I took my dog for a walk. He started crapping on someone's lawn, then I noticed that the owner was outside and giving me a death stare. Not knowing what to do, I picked up the crap with my bare hands. The man started laughing at me. FML
Today, I finally discovered the reason my front room smelt funny. My dog, thinking the Christmas tree was real, has been peeing on it for the past two weeks. FML
Today, I punished my new dog for taking a shit inside by putting him in the kennel. He punished me by breaking out of the kennel and destroying everything in my house. Including Christmas presents. FML
Today, my drunk neighbor couldn’t get into his apartment and thought it would be a good idea to poop in our yard. He left a pile of diarrhea under our window, and poop-stained napkins all over the lawn. FML
Today, I heard noises outside my front door. I looked out through the window, only to see my boyfriend encouraging his dog to take a dump on my welcome mat. FML
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Top comments
iomnomnomux3 0
you go glen coco.
misfitmonroe 4
That is hilarious
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Comments (161)
dcboyzs 1
We have reign deer in the median downtown where I live and people are always putting them in that position.
ledzepp666 1
So well worded, touché :) goes to my favourites :)
mike3775 39
I know I shouldn't laugh at this, but I did. Reminds me of stuff I used to do as a kid for fun. But seriously, relax and simply call the cops.
hateevryone 15
what a scumbag! call the cops on his dumbass
samanthatorres 13
Who calls someone a fuckball ? I think you'd have to be extremely angry to have that word combination blurt out of your mouth . Cuz it doesn't really make a whole lot of sense...
darkmis1 18
You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch.
slinger2519 0
Remington 870. Get one.
o0malicecat0o 4
Both of those things happen to my neighbor every year and I'm very sorry about one of the billions of asses out there did that to your yard.
DalekScythe 0
OP is does your neighbor have termites in his smile, and heart that's a rotten tomato with moldy purple spots, and a soul full of unwashed socks?
grannygruber 6
Someone has a sense of humor! But FYL for having to clean up the crap.