Today, someone put dog turds underneath all the decorative reindeers' butts in my front yard. The chief suspect is my curmudgeonly, holidays-hating fuckball of a neighbor. Last week he repositioned them in very suggestive poses. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I wanted revenge on my neighbor, whose dog craps in my yard, so I spent a day at the dog park gathering up dog shit. I piled it up by the property line and ran over it with the mower, intending to spray his driveway and car with turds. Instead, it gummed up the mower. Now it stinks too bad to fix. FML
Today, I saw my neighbor's Christmas tree they had put up on their porch, with decorative presents under it. Being that my neighbors hate me, I figured I would take a present to piss them off. While walking back home with the present, I opened it. Inside it read "I knew you would, douche bag." FML
Today, I reported my neighbor to the leasing office for never picking up her dog’s turds. They told me they couldn't do anything without proof, so I snapped a picture and sent it in. Ever since then, I’ve been getting dog turds thrown on my porch. Coincidence? I think not. FML
Today, my husband announced that he was fed up with us being known as the neighborhood slobs, and prepared to take down all the Christmas decorations still up from last year. He then decided it was too much effort, and that he'd leave them up to give us a three month head-start. FML
Today, the snow in my backyard melted, revealing just how much dog shit accumulated underneath it this winter. FML
Today, I took my dog for a walk. He started crapping on someone's lawn, then I noticed that the owner was outside and giving me a death stare. Not knowing what to do, I picked up the crap with my bare hands. The man started laughing at me. FML
Today, I finally discovered the reason my front room smelt funny. My dog, thinking the Christmas tree was real, has been peeing on it for the past two weeks. FML
Today, I punished my new dog for taking a shit inside by putting him in the kennel. He punished me by breaking out of the kennel and destroying everything in my house. Including Christmas presents. FML
Today, my drunk neighbor couldn’t get into his apartment and thought it would be a good idea to poop in our yard. He left a pile of diarrhea under our window, and poop-stained napkins all over the lawn. FML
Today, I heard noises outside my front door. I looked out through the window, only to see my boyfriend encouraging his dog to take a dump on my welcome mat. FML
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Top comments
iomnomnomux3 0
you go glen coco.
misfitmonroe 4
That is hilarious
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Comments (161)
pelletman67 16
Your full of shit. I heard this on the radio when they phone tapped someone.
P374RD3D 9
You're a mean one Mr. Grinch
pelletman67 16
This is bull *****. I heard this same thing on the radio yesterday when they phone tapped someone.
shootxtoxkill172 0
Get a video camera that can see your whole yard then when you get the evidence its him call the cops for trespassing.
perdix 31
I can see where this is going: Next time he's going to blend his two modes of vandalism. You'll wake up one morning finding reindeer with Dirty Sanchezes, Cleveland Steamers, Boston Pancakes, Alaskan Piplelines and Alabama Hot Pockets. Maybe you'll have Santa getting a blumpkin from Rudolph.
KnucklesDeep 5
Do something about it you spineless little twerp. Take a shit on his doorstep or something like that. Let him know how it feels.
amyjadee 0
Your neighbor is very creative.
UsEumYong 4
Or maybe it's like toy story and they move on their own when you aren't looking.
SSgt 0
That's gross...
nu1alex 0
Damn.