Today, someone put dog turds underneath all the decorative reindeers' butts in my front yard. The chief suspect is my curmudgeonly, holidays-hating fuckball of a neighbor. Last week he repositioned them in very suggestive poses. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I wanted revenge on my neighbor, whose dog craps in my yard, so I spent a day at the dog park gathering up dog shit. I piled it up by the property line and ran over it with the mower, intending to spray his driveway and car with turds. Instead, it gummed up the mower. Now it stinks too bad to fix. FML
Today, I saw my neighbor's Christmas tree they had put up on their porch, with decorative presents under it. Being that my neighbors hate me, I figured I would take a present to piss them off. While walking back home with the present, I opened it. Inside it read "I knew you would, douche bag." FML
Today, I reported my neighbor to the leasing office for never picking up her dog’s turds. They told me they couldn't do anything without proof, so I snapped a picture and sent it in. Ever since then, I’ve been getting dog turds thrown on my porch. Coincidence? I think not. FML
Today, my husband announced that he was fed up with us being known as the neighborhood slobs, and prepared to take down all the Christmas decorations still up from last year. He then decided it was too much effort, and that he'd leave them up to give us a three month head-start. FML
Today, the snow in my backyard melted, revealing just how much dog shit accumulated underneath it this winter. FML
Today, I took my dog for a walk. He started crapping on someone's lawn, then I noticed that the owner was outside and giving me a death stare. Not knowing what to do, I picked up the crap with my bare hands. The man started laughing at me. FML
Today, I finally discovered the reason my front room smelt funny. My dog, thinking the Christmas tree was real, has been peeing on it for the past two weeks. FML
Today, I punished my new dog for taking a shit inside by putting him in the kennel. He punished me by breaking out of the kennel and destroying everything in my house. Including Christmas presents. FML
Today, my drunk neighbor couldn’t get into his apartment and thought it would be a good idea to poop in our yard. He left a pile of diarrhea under our window, and poop-stained napkins all over the lawn. FML
Today, I heard noises outside my front door. I looked out through the window, only to see my boyfriend encouraging his dog to take a dump on my welcome mat. FML
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Top comments
iomnomnomux3 0
you go glen coco.
misfitmonroe 4
That is hilarious
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Comments (161)
OfficeNinja 5
Reposition the dog turds to just outside the drivers side door of his car.
katydid91 31
Just wrap the turds up and set them on the front porch!
Christala 8
Stake out your yard from an upstairs window. When you see him trespass onto your property, shoot him in the face. Don't take that shit from some crusty old bastard.
Zaxnu 0
I want your neighbor
MangaManiacNat 13
Call the police and file a complaint.
ty1992_farmlife 12
Get that fuckball Grinch back lol
s1ckpup 0
Break into his house and smear shit all over the walls and interior
Boots31 1
I laughed at the word "fuckball".
Okayitwasme 0
You deserve it, and it's funny! All the crap people buy that now has to be store every year, is a waste of hard earned money! If you can't make money with it, it's a waste of money!
kookylocka 0
How curmudgeonly of him to do that