Today, some pig slapped my ass as he passed me in the street, then looked back at me with a dirty grin. His grin turned to horror when he realized that I'm actually a guy, then to anger as he bitched me out for "tricking" him by "looking like a chick". FML
Collection
College Life
Packed lecture halls, a sketchy roommate and frat parties: welcome to college, the real thing.
Today, my boyfriend and I were play-fighting. I managed to pin him down and win. He saw my grin, snorted, and bitterly said I'd only won because, "let's face it, you're a bit of a porker, eh babe?" FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were walking around when she got lost in a crowd. And me, being a pig, playfully grabbed her butt. I realized it wasn't hers when the guy whose butt I'd grabbed by accident knocked me unconscious. FML
Today, at the supermarket, a guy started yelling at me for staring at his "woman." She frankly looked like someone had carved Mick Jagger's face into a turd. When I told him I have better things to do than ogle random women, he started harassing me for being "a queer." FML
Today, while walking home with my boyfriend, he jokingly slapped my butt. A man as old as my dad drove by, yelled "Wooo, spank that ass! DAMN!" and kept leering at me before finally driving off. FML
Today, I was drinking from a water fountain. I bent over to sip the water and felt a HUGE slap on my ass. Completely confused, I turn around to see some guy with a horrified look on his face. Apparently he thought I was his girlfriend. Then I saw his girlfriend standing behind him, giving me the evil eye. FML
Today, I was walking with my friend. The girl in front of us had a really nice ass, so I turned to my friend and said, "Damn, she has a perfect ass." He replied, "That's a guy." FML
Today, I was at the mall, when a guy started screaming at his buddy for sleeping with his sister. It was pretty hilarious, so when he stormed off, I mockingly yelled, "Pussy!" He then whirled around and beat the absolute hell out of his friend. Now I feel like I'm going to reincarnate as a turd. FML
Today, I walked past a group of men on my way to work. Instead of catcalling me, they made pig and whale noises at me, and yelled fat shaming comments. By the time I'd reached my building, I had been reduced to tears. FML
Today, I saw an old man who needed help crossing the street. I went over to him and helped him across the street. When he thanked me, I said, "No problem, sir." They responded by hitting me in the happy sacks and screaming that they were a woman. FML
Today, I was tricked into seeming like a sexist pig. A girl at the gym asked me to show her how to use a machine, so I did, then she started screaming at me to leave her alone. An hour later, I was all over the gym social media in a phone video heavily edited to make me look like a creepy gym bro. FML
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Top comments
qwtf 14
Perverts like him should be locked up. What a disgrace to the male gender. Sorry OP
Firedragoncody 7
You should have bitch slapped him.
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Comments (174)
TXFernwoods 26
Well that really sucks. You could look at it optimistically! Now you know you have a nice ass :P
Witchylady 18
You should have punched him . There would be no mistaking that.
91hayek 31
Should have responded with attraction. That macho assbandit is unsure enough of his sexuality that he blamed you for his mistake; should have made him more confused by pursuing him and trying to grab his ass as well. Lol overtly macho assclowns like him are the most insecure and unsure; making them doubt themselves is hilarious.
worldclassrager 41
Well I think he'll quit doing that due to the mix up...one less pervert on the road thanks OP
toesparkle 13
Sadly, I don't think it'll stop him. Guys like that think they have a right to a woman's body; he thinks he's charming.
xNephilim 19
This is what's wrong with our society. Morons think it's okay to touch another's body without consent and then get mad when things don't go their way.
Psycho_Babydoll 26
That guy is a textbook asshole.
zZLightZz 13
"Today I realized I was gay when I slapped the best looking ass I've seen in years"
Queenie2014 11
You don't touch anyone's ass regardless of sexuality
FYoLifeLol 10
You better have punched him.
vikky538 29
he deserves a black eye...what a pervert...
rocker_chick23 27
I would have punched him. He should know it's wrong to sexually assault anyone.
91hayek 31
I will assault you to teach you assault is wrong!
rocker_chick23 27
How do I know he wouldn't try to rape me after slapping my ass? I have a right to protect myself
Queenie2014 11
You have a right to defend yourself if someone assaults you
rocker_chick23 27
Slapping a strangers ass is sexual assault. Don't believe me? Look it up.
hokie16 13
I would have punched him too, but it's not self defense if he just slaps your ass once and walks away. You'd probably get away with it anyway, but definitely not with a self defense plea.