Today, some pig slapped my ass as he passed me in the street, then looked back at me with a dirty grin. His grin turned to horror when he realized that I'm actually a guy, then to anger as he bitched me out for "tricking" him by "looking like a chick". FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend and I were play-fighting. I managed to pin him down and win. He saw my grin, snorted, and bitterly said I'd only won because, "let's face it, you're a bit of a porker, eh babe?" FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were walking around when she got lost in a crowd. And me, being a pig, playfully grabbed her butt. I realized it wasn't hers when the guy whose butt I'd grabbed by accident knocked me unconscious. FML
Today, at the supermarket, a guy started yelling at me for staring at his "woman." She frankly looked like someone had carved Mick Jagger's face into a turd. When I told him I have better things to do than ogle random women, he started harassing me for being "a queer." FML
Today, while walking home with my boyfriend, he jokingly slapped my butt. A man as old as my dad drove by, yelled "Wooo, spank that ass! DAMN!" and kept leering at me before finally driving off. FML
Today, I was drinking from a water fountain. I bent over to sip the water and felt a HUGE slap on my ass. Completely confused, I turn around to see some guy with a horrified look on his face. Apparently he thought I was his girlfriend. Then I saw his girlfriend standing behind him, giving me the evil eye. FML
Today, I was walking with my friend. The girl in front of us had a really nice ass, so I turned to my friend and said, "Damn, she has a perfect ass." He replied, "That's a guy." FML
Today, I was at the mall, when a guy started screaming at his buddy for sleeping with his sister. It was pretty hilarious, so when he stormed off, I mockingly yelled, "Pussy!" He then whirled around and beat the absolute hell out of his friend. Now I feel like I'm going to reincarnate as a turd. FML
Today, I walked past a group of men on my way to work. Instead of catcalling me, they made pig and whale noises at me, and yelled fat shaming comments. By the time I'd reached my building, I had been reduced to tears. FML
Today, I saw an old man who needed help crossing the street. I went over to him and helped him across the street. When he thanked me, I said, "No problem, sir." They responded by hitting me in the happy sacks and screaming that they were a woman. FML
Today, I was tricked into seeming like a sexist pig. A girl at the gym asked me to show her how to use a machine, so I did, then she started screaming at me to leave her alone. An hour later, I was all over the gym social media in a phone video heavily edited to make me look like a creepy gym bro. FML
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Top comments
qwtf 14
Perverts like him should be locked up. What a disgrace to the male gender. Sorry OP
Firedragoncody 7
You should have bitch slapped him.
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Comments (174)
Emmy2086 9
You let a dude slap your ass and just walk away??? lame-.-
badluckalex 23
I think it was punishment enough to find out that he slapped a mans ass. Though, I still would have done something about it - especially if he got in my face blaming me like an idiot
Gittoh 21
yea because violence is so cool!
2i1337i2iscore 13
And tolerance is never overrated. No one uses the guise of tolerance as an excuse for having no confrontational spine!
mkcherry 14
If someone grabbed your genitals or behind Im sure you'd feel differently. Im not a violent person but I cant think of what other reaction public groping should illicit. If they get away with it long enough, without anyone fighting back, most offenders move on to assault/sexual assault/rape.
dmcd_39 14
Bite him scratch him and pull his hair
zandalee 20
Then poke yr tongue out...?
dmcd_39 14
What are you on about retard
Ewelty3 19
Lucky
llamaslikesoda 21
That sounds so awkward... FYL
Respect101 17
That dude looks like a lady! I think Steven Tyler had the same issue and thus the song was made!
ohSNAPyall 27
Turn the other cheek, dear.
purbur 9
I don't know if that pun was on purpose, but you have the best one out of all of these
ohSNAPyall 27
#78 Baby, maybe you're wrong, but you know it's all right! That's right
BigBootyBenches 13
Dat ass though
FrancesShiver 20
Maybe you're one of the lovely guys who gets why we need feminism
DeeDeeJay 15
I think he's too embarrassed that he slapped a guys ass, so he's blaming you instead.
PotatoPal 11
He should be embarrassed and ashamed for slapping ANYONE'S ass.
zZLightZz 13
You must have luscious man lumps.
therealjc_fml 14
Shouldn't he have his own FML on here shortly?
toesparkle 13
"Today, I slapped some hot bitch's ass on the street, then, when I have her my "come get some" smile, she turned into a dude. WTF, I'm not gay, man! FML"
DanielleinDC 34
And that would be the easiest YDI in the world. Mr. Street Harasser should learn to keep his freaking hands to himself. By the way, OP, please don't call creeps like this pigs; it insults actual pigs.