By Jaymail - 11/10/2020 10:01 - United States - Chicago Tourism Today, I was stuck in backed up traffic because of construction for so long that my phone actually listed where I was stuck in traffic as a place I visited. FML I agree, your life sucks 1009 You deserved it 57 1 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, I spent a nice night with the guy I’ve been madly crushing on for the past year. When he went to the bathroom and left his phone unlocked, I looked at his photo album and saw photos of my house, my room, me sleeping, and my naked body. FML I agree, your life sucks 7612 You deserved it 1232 56 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Kaboom - Canada Today, I went out for a smoke break. A homeless person walks up to me and asks for a cig. As I pull out my pack he says "Oh... Menthols... no I don't smoke that cheap shit". I was called cheap by a hobo. FML I agree, your life sucks 60568 You deserved it 19622 257 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Portland Today, I was excited that my sister called me for the first time in months. She asked me to stop watching "Friends" so she could use the Netflix account. Now, I still have an absentee sister and no Friends. FML I agree, your life sucks 27877 You deserved it 3184 87 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I was sitting in my school's crowded auditorium. When our single, abstinence-only ballsack of a Sex Ed teacher was announced to be stepping down due to being pregnant, I burst into uncontrollable laughter. My reward was aching sides and a week of detention. FML I agree, your life sucks 31747 You deserved it 7615 213 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By sasquatch - United States - Katonah Today, my boyfriend requested that I shave my lips so I spent an hour in the shower carefully removing every trace of pubic hair. Turns out he wanted me to shave my moustache, not my carpet. FML I agree, your life sucks 16689 You deserved it 33471 161 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Asirual - United States Today, while handing out business cards to promote my new dog grooming business, I stopped to talk to a potential client. She let me get all the way through my 15 minute speech, before bothering to tell me she didn't have a dog. FML I agree, your life sucks 28279 You deserved it 13072 116 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ADD - Bulgaria Today, I asked my boss for a raise. He responded with "Who the hell are you?" FML I agree, your life sucks 42645 You deserved it 4495 19 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By NickDrakeFan - United States Today, I overcame my stage fright and got up in front of a café audience with my acoustic guitar to sing a few of my songs. Some asshat kept yelling stuff like "NEEDS MORE COWBELL!" and "FREEBIRD!", which made me lose my nerve and flee. FML I agree, your life sucks 42586 You deserved it 4530 85 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Nikse - United States Today, I was at the store with my mother in the facial care section. I found this device that scrubs your face with those anti-bacterial pads. The aisle was crowded and noisy, so I shouted to my mother, "Can I have this vibrator thing?" It went silent. FML I agree, your life sucks 19298 You deserved it 51901 97 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By littl3storm Today, I was trying on bras in a shop when a little kid stuck their head under my stall. I was completely topless and completely surprised when they asked if I was their mommy. I'm 16. FML I agree, your life sucks 2196 You deserved it 157 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By corfan01 - United States Today, I got a red light camera ticket for $100 in the mail. After checking the date and time, I realized it was from when I was rear ended into the intersection while STOPPED at a red light. FML I agree, your life sucks 46618 You deserved it 2350 93 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By rejectedson - United States Today, my father got married. He left me a voicemail to tell me all about it. FML I agree, your life sucks 34558 You deserved it 2240 53 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By hopelessteej - Australia - Sydney Today, someone put a whole packet of glitter on the blades of my ceiling fan. Too bad I only noticed when I turned it on. FML I agree, your life sucks 34047 You deserved it 4080 157 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Barnhart Today, I woke up screaming like a little bitch. I'd been having a bizarre dream where I was having sex with Homer Simpson, when he suddenly had a heart attack and fell on me, crushing me to death. I think my brain needs a douching. FML I agree, your life sucks 54487 You deserved it 8126 114 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Talented73 Today, while brushing my teeth, I applied the toothpaste to my toothbrush when a few bristles got caught on the lip of the tube and flung a glob of toothpaste into my eye. My eye is now bloodshot, but at least it's minty fresh. FML I agree, your life sucks 4046 You deserved it 363 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Hungary - Budapest Today, I had a horrible case of the flu. I have a fever of 102 degrees and I can't breathe through my nose. Choosing to sleep it off turns out to be enough for my mom to call me a lazy fuck and scream at me for doing nothing all day. FML I agree, your life sucks 14264 Phew, glad it wasn't me 1471 50 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By kilamo80 - United States - Clarkston Today, I found out why we've had to replace 3 washing machines this year. My sister thinks that "huge capacity" means "load the washing machine until no more clothes will fit." It blows the motor every time. She's 31. FML I agree, your life sucks 52367 You deserved it 4140 109 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By jalopenos - United Kingdom Today, my friend had to leave work early for a funeral and on his way out I wanted to say something. All I could think of was "have fun". FML I agree, your life sucks 9719 You deserved it 22593 19 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ugh - United States - Lancaster Today, I ended up taking a massive dump after being constipated for a while. I thought I was alone, so I pretended I was giving birth to my turd, and let out all kinds of sound effects. Next thing I know, I hear a knock at the door and my mom asking, "Should I call 911?" FML I agree, your life sucks 25724 You deserved it 40758 72 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Denmark - Randers Today, my 18-year-old boyfriend freaked out and kept asking me if I was sure I wouldn't get pregnant, because I forgot to take my birth control pill last night. We didn't actually have sex; he apparently thought me simply missing the pill would magically get me pregnant. The hell? FML I agree, your life sucks 37584 You deserved it 5968 121 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, my girlfriend woke up in the middle of the night, crying. When I asked her why, she said that she had a dream where we were getting married. FML I agree, your life sucks 36662 You deserved it 3573 134 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ssnickel - United States Today, I accidentally dropped my birth control pill on the floor and my dog ate it. The good news is, I startled her and she spit it right out. The bad news is, I still had to take it after it had been in my dog's mouth. FML I agree, your life sucks 43861 You deserved it 19653 276 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By come on man - United States - Sunnyvale It's the thought that counts Today, I sent my boyfriend a dirty picture to turn him on. He texted back: "Jfc, why wud u tease me like that?? Srsly fuck off". FML I agree, your life sucks 35271 You deserved it 7386 94 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 26/11/2020 18:58 - United States - Maryville Masterchef 2020 Today, I was eating some cake that my roommate's girlfriend brought by for us. I felt something weird in my mouth, so I stopped chewing to grab it. It was a fingernail. FML I agree, your life sucks 833 You deserved it 44 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Norway Today, I decided to end things with my boyfriend, thinking it would be fine since things have never been at all serious between us. He cried for hours before having his grandmother text me to say how heartless I am. FML I agree, your life sucks 47084 You deserved it 8518 65 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Failure - United States Today, I was taking a final test online that would account for 65% of my final grade. I had worked extremely hard in that class. I had one submission for the test. My roommate thought it would be funny to click the "Submit All" Button while i was getting a glass of water. I got a 13%. FML I agree, your life sucks 44976 You deserved it 3460 131 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By moduschic - United States Today, at work this woman came up to my counter and handed me gold top covered in gold sequins. I like to chat with the customers sometimes at work so I got all excited and said "Ooh! You shopping for Halloween?" She gave me the biggest death stare. Turns out she wasn't shopping for Halloween. FML I agree, your life sucks 23826 You deserved it 17437 52 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By lotrgeek - Canada Today, in the midst of having sex, my boyfriend decided that, as a joke, he would pretend to be a zombie whilst going down on me. Sadly, the thought turned me so much that I came. This was the first orgasm he's ever given me in over a year of dating. FML I agree, your life sucks 38047 You deserved it 6982 157 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous There you go Today, our work computers are down so I've been trying to fix it via my home computer for 3 days. My 12-year-old son took one look at the screen, changed 2 settings on a drop down menu, and the problem was fixed. My 12-year-old is better at my job than I am. FML I agree, your life sucks 3699 You deserved it 1448 16 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By alex327 - United States - Dayton Today, I tapped my sister on her shoulder to get her attention. I guess I was too close to her neck, which is where she is most ticklish, and ended up in the emergency room with a broken nose after she elbowed me in the face. I was just trying to repay her the $10 I borrowed from her. FML I agree, your life sucks 22237 You deserved it 2012 37 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Chicopee Today, I finally got around to cleaning out my mother's things after her passing. In the process I found a fancy box. What did it contain? A collection of crack pipes. FML I agree, your life sucks 40860 You deserved it 3183 68 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By NightzGremlin - 12/9/2020 14:01 No sleep for the wicked Today, I came home from work to find construction workers repaving my street. I work the graveyard shift. FML I agree, your life sucks 1215 You deserved it 88 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By bobthenun - United States - Santa Barbara Today, I went out to a restaurant to meet a girl that I met online. When I arrived I texted her and she said she was wearing a blue shirt. The only person that was wearing anything blue was a fat man smiling in the corner. FML I agree, your life sucks 42103 You deserved it 10730 118 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By superman_not - United Kingdom Today, I had to play the role of superman in a production on stage. They had to stuff my underwear because my 'thing' wasn't big enough. FML I agree, your life sucks 79744 You deserved it 7333 213 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By lol smiley face - United States Today, I woke up feeling awesome. I turned to face the sunrise in the window, and as I stretched and let out a big yawn. Only for my boyfriend to say "Baby, turn back over. Your breath smells like turds." FML I agree, your life sucks 32738 You deserved it 10390 79 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By look before you speak - United States Today, I was at a swim meet. I asked my friend if he could be my wingman and help me get a date with a girl I really liked. I told him my plan, and as I finished and turned to go to her, I noticed her standing right there, listening in on the whole conversation. FML I agree, your life sucks 46553 You deserved it 13754 108 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By whyyyyyme - Canada Today, I also needed to add, "Does not currently live in a psychiatric hospital, after being declared 'Not criminally responsible for a crime'" to my list of qualities that I want in a man. FML I agree, your life sucks 22630 You deserved it 2215 37 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Today, I inadvertently gave passers by the middle finger as I tried to stop my glasses from sliding off my face. FML I agree, your life sucks 6106 You deserved it 1367 18 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - United Kingdom Today me and my boyfriend were in an adventurous sexual position and as I started to orgasm he slipped, landed awkwardly and dislocated both my hips, while I was in the middle of an orgasm. Somehow the pleasure of the orgasm made the pain worse. I don't think I'll ever want sex again. FML I agree, your life sucks 3536 You deserved it 396 17 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Wetarse - United Kingdom - London Today, I was laughing at the new granite stool sculpture our work put in the office garden. I said to my colleagues for a laugh that I'd be the first to sit on it. Turns out it was a bird bath. FML I agree, your life sucks 2144 You deserved it 4360 11 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By RichardPencil | 29 #7944272 - Sunday 11 October 2020 17:18 "Tourism in the Time of Coronavirus." We could sure use more Gabriel Garcia Marquez fan fiction! Send a private message 6 0 Reply
By RichardPencil | 29 #7944272 - Sunday 11 October 2020 17:18 "Tourism in the Time of Coronavirus." We could sure use more Gabriel Garcia Marquez fan fiction! Send a private message 6 0 Reply
Today, I got home from work a few hours early to find my mum cheating, right in the middle of the act. So much for a nice afternoon off. FML I agree, your life sucks 737 You deserved it 53 4 Comments
Today, barely able to pay rent while working 3 jobs, I decided to give in to the idea of making online sex work photos and videos. Everyone else seems... I agree, your life sucks 887 You deserved it 312 6 Comments
We could sure use more Gabriel Garcia Marquez fan fiction!