By Jaymail - 11/10/2020 10:01 - United States - Chicago Tourism Today, I was stuck in backed up traffic because of construction for so long that my phone actually listed where I was stuck in traffic as a place I visited. FML I agree, your life sucks 1028 You deserved it 57 1 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By kherien - United States Today, I realized that if I died tomorrow, the only photos available for my funeral would be crappy family Christmas portraits, acne-filled yearbook photos, and several pictures from my MySpace days, where I'm sporting coontails and looking paler than Edward Cullen's ass. FML I agree, your life sucks 22045 You deserved it 8150 132 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Crawley Today, some friends got upset with me as I wouldn't leave work early and cycle 12 miles to meet them to fix their punctures because they had no spare tubes or repair kits. The same friends that always mock me for being so prepared on bike rides. FML I agree, your life sucks 24823 You deserved it 1705 63 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Essie - 13/5/2021 22:01 - Australia - Sydney Detective work Today, I found out that my boyfriend lied about not only talking to one other girl, but 5 other girls, and it wasn't just talking, it was wanting to meet up, nudes, sex, getting high together etc.. This has been going on for months, and even when I confronted him about it with evidence, he still denied it all. FML I agree, your life sucks 1072 You deserved it 144 9 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Cass - Australia Today, I got the feeling that my phone smelt of cigarettes and B.O. I smelt it, realised that it was my hands that smelt, then got confused and thought maybe it was my nose piercing that smelt. I then realised my psychology class was watching me trying to smell my own nose. FML I agree, your life sucks 7780 You deserved it 28643 106 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By lilybelle11 - 3/11/2020 08:02 - Australia - Brisbane New quest Today, it became apparent that my boyfriend only showers when he levels up on World of Warcraft. FML I agree, your life sucks 887 You deserved it 131 12 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Tracy Today, it took a whole half hour of scratching my head before I realized with horror that the weird tickling sensation I'd been feeling was actually a spider crawling around in my hair. FML I agree, your life sucks 35913 You deserved it 3192 75 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By my back hurts - Australia - Campbelltown Today, I spent a large portion of the afternoon playing hide and seek with the door-to-door salesman who saw me sneak in the back door and won't stop knocking. No amount of hiding behind the couch will make him go away. FML I agree, your life sucks 40504 You deserved it 7407 131 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Penkkis - Finland Today, I was so lonely, I tried to hold hands with plastic "horror hand" I bought for Halloween. FML I agree, your life sucks 27516 You deserved it 9039 92 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, it's my birthday. I was excited because of all the wall posts I got on Facebook. Then I saw I got a "Happy Birthday" from the girl my boyfriend cheated on me with. FML I agree, your life sucks 36808 You deserved it 7427 94 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Canada - London Today, I finally gave in to my long-distance boyfriend's requests and texted him dirty things. Any time I would send him something, he would reply, "What?" or "What do you mean?" Either I'm not doing this right, or I'm in a relationship with the most innocent person ever. FML I agree, your life sucks 52810 You deserved it 7297 98 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By waterbottlehit - United States Today, a private number called me telling me to "Beware the water bottles" as soon as a water bottle flew through my open window, hitting me. FML I agree, your life sucks 30317 You deserved it 3447 114 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By MineAlwaysTouching Today, while studying pictures of a cadaver for an anatomy class, I found myself jealous of its thigh gap. FML I agree, your life sucks 3366 You deserved it 1759 26 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By IRum - Russian Federation Today, my three year old sister asked me to go to the amusement park with her. Since I was late for work, I politely refused and said we'd go tomorrow. She punched me in the nuts so hard that I could barely walk. FML I agree, your life sucks 32033 You deserved it 5453 167 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By hannaholic - United States Today, I went on an excellent first date. After the 'end of the date kiss' came, "I suppose this is where I tell you that I'm married." FML I agree, your life sucks 60411 You deserved it 4896 121 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By HunkyFez - 28/8/2020 08:06 - Australia Dad joke number 287474 Today, my dad offered to make me lunch as it was my first day at a new school. Today was also the day I had to eat a penis-shaped sandwich in front of my new peers. FML I agree, your life sucks 1637 You deserved it 225 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By pyrogypsy - United States - Seattle Today, I was the weird girl on the city bus who falls asleep then makes a loud, weird noise and wakes herself up. FML I agree, your life sucks 33237 You deserved it 4600 51 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - Australia - Frankston Today, after a recent move into my new apartment, I woke up early to study for an upcoming exam. I hadn't left my bed yet or made a sound, when my neighbor texted me and asked why I was awake. No one in the building has my phone number. FML I agree, your life sucks 7273 You deserved it 489 27 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By madiison09 - United States Today, I got a letter from Yale law school saying I got a 4 year full scholarship. I called my dad crying and read the whole thing... even the bottom, which said, "April fools! Love mom and dad." FML I agree, your life sucks 65149 You deserved it 6496 146 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By applesmama - United States Today, my daughter spoke her first words. Her dad had been practicing with her for weeks in secret. She crawled to me and said, "I poop." FML I agree, your life sucks 30402 You deserved it 4662 86 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By IcyWinter - Canada - Winnipeg Today, I had to tell my daughter that just because markers say "washable", it doesn't mean that you can draw all over our newly-painted walls. She's 15. FML I agree, your life sucks 45549 You deserved it 6480 72 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By arianelagolden Today, I see our boss, visiting from USA, press the button on the coffee machine, probably thinking the cup will drop automatically. No time to explain, I grab a cup in the cupboard and put it under the now pouring coffee. Next thing I know, I'm lying on the floor, my boss's bodyguard on top of me. FML I agree, your life sucks 17698 You deserved it 1314 78 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By WtfDoIDo?! Today, my girlfriend told me that she wants to marry me and have my children. I’m 15. We've been dating for 3 weeks. FML I agree, your life sucks 2104 You deserved it 218 26 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By vicious circle - Sint Maarten (Dutch part) Today, I called the HR department of a big company, inquiring about a vacancy for a website designer. Boy, do they need one; there are dead links, malware warnings, and a layout from the '90s, but no info at all about recruitment. The lady just angrily referred me to the website and hung up. FML I agree, your life sucks 21531 You deserved it 1670 38 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By boogery - United States Today, after putting a bag of dirty laundry in the laundry room to wait for an open washer, I came back to find a "free stuff" sign on all of my expensive jeans, new towels, and favorite sweatshirts. The bag was over half empty. FML I agree, your life sucks 29616 You deserved it 13463 99 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By yourmom - United States Today, I went to a museum that had exhibits of wax people in the hallways. We were taking pictures of what we thought to be a waxwork old lady. Turns out she was real. FML I agree, your life sucks 24948 You deserved it 9495 105 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By fuck your indoctrination - 26/3/2021 09:01 - United States Batshit Today, my cousin died of a very treatable illness. She was pressured into herbal and holistic "faith healing" instead of seeking "poisonous western filth". Her husband, church and family all seem to think she made the right choice. I’ve been shunned for disagreeing. FML I agree, your life sucks 1330 You deserved it 72 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, stood in line for hours to see the new Harry Potter. Unfortunately, once inside the theater, I was stuck in the bathroom with the runs for the entire length of the movie. FML I agree, your life sucks 35858 You deserved it 6994 170 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By UnluckyJulie - United States Today, it was my 17th birthday. I didn't want my family to spend money on a cake, so my dad made this delicious apple ring. At least, it was great until my mouth began to itch and my throat closed. I have been allergic to nuts since birth, and my dad put walnuts in my birthday cake. FML I agree, your life sucks 41248 You deserved it 2685 74 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By chlolivia - Canada Today, my bra burst apart in the middle of class. I then had the privilege of asking my male teacher if I could borrow his stapler to put it back together. FML I agree, your life sucks 31665 You deserved it 4374 200 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By zetuga - United Kingdom - Luton Today, my girlfriend asked me to take my belt off as the buckle was hurting her leg. I didn't have a belt on. FML I agree, your life sucks 28395 You deserved it 5333 116 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By grannygirlfriend - United States Today, my boyfriend admitted the reason he was dating me was because he has a fetish for grandmothers and apparently I look, smell, and act like one. FML I agree, your life sucks 36215 You deserved it 5063 124 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Canada Logic 101 Today, my 17-year-old daughter didn't do the laundry. Her excuse? "If it was meant to be done, it would have done itself." This is the same daughter who yesterday tried convincing me she was responsible enough to get a dog. FML I agree, your life sucks 1449 You deserved it 228 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I camped outside of a Best Buy to guarantee I'd get a cheap Blu Ray player. My friend who got there five minutes after they opened also managed to get one. FML I agree, your life sucks 10327 You deserved it 41125 98 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 15/11/2020 08:08 - United States - Bakerville Thanksgiving 2020 is going to be a doozy Today, I'm stuck at my minimum wage job, listening to people who make twice as much as me complain that, "they only get the week off for Thanksgiving." FML I agree, your life sucks 871 You deserved it 91 2 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By cjay2200 - United Kingdom Today, my son was eating a plum. I was busy in the kitchen, and he came running in saying "Mummy my plum is wet", I told him it was fine and bit a bit off to prove it. He looked at me and said "No Mummy! Can you wash it please, I dropped it in my potty". I feel ill. FML I agree, your life sucks 36103 You deserved it 9875 113 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By adopteddd - United Kingdom Today, my Dad sat me down and told me that I was adopted. I was unbelievably shocked by this revelation and asked him why he'd never told me this before. His response was, "I didn't know!" FML I agree, your life sucks 45500 You deserved it 3063 205 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By GrossedOutKary - Puerto Rico Today, after finally moving into a better neighborhood, my family and I were greeted by the elderly couple who live window to window to us. How? By hearing them have sex loudly and then praying for forgiveness even louder. Welcome to the neighborhood! FML I agree, your life sucks 39813 You deserved it 3382 95 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I politely complimented a stranger's excellent posture. She responded by saying "I have a metal rod in my back." FML I agree, your life sucks 29495 You deserved it 7165 114 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 1/5/2021 13:57 Blood is thicker… Today, it's been a dozen years since I had sex, as my husband is mentally dealing with molestation as a kid by his uncle. Meanwhile, his mother is on vacation with the molester. Yes, she knows. FML I agree, your life sucks 1386 You deserved it 76 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By bummed - United States - Cresson Today, after years of waiting, I finally got to meet the band whose music got me through one of the hardest times I have ever experienced. When I turned down the lead singer for sex, they told me to leave. FML I agree, your life sucks 38114 You deserved it 13638 358 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By RichardPencil | 30 #7944272 - Sunday 11 October 2020 17:18 "Tourism in the Time of Coronavirus." We could sure use more Gabriel Garcia Marquez fan fiction! Send a private message 6 0 Reply
By RichardPencil | 30 #7944272 - Sunday 11 October 2020 17:18 "Tourism in the Time of Coronavirus." We could sure use more Gabriel Garcia Marquez fan fiction! Send a private message 6 0 Reply
Today, the girl I've been flirting with for a few weeks invited me to a house party. I gradually found out that she's been talking to my good buddy, they've... I agree, your life sucks 536 You deserved it 96 4 Comments
Today, I came home early from work and walked in on my husband in bed with his two young female "bible study students" from his church. Now I remember... I agree, your life sucks 957 You deserved it 58 4 Comments
We could sure use more Gabriel Garcia Marquez fan fiction!