Work: Today, I had to have a word with my boss about how him coming... - FML

By Christinemh329 - 17/02/2012 06:22 - United States

Today, I had to have a word with my boss about how him coming into work drunk is probably not a very good idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 690

You deserved it 2 501

Triage

You tried

Woodland mystery

By poppet2010 - 17/01/2010 15:58 - France

Today, my uncle died. It was also my grandpa's 85th birthday. His reaction to the death? "Best birthday gift ever!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 629

You deserved it 2 828

By Anonymous - 28/11/2010 06:16 - United States

Spicy

Today, while making a move in a board game that helped my boyfriend win, he got all excited and said "I love you, babe." I smiled until I realized this was the first time he told me that other than when he wants a blow-job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 749

You deserved it 6 281

Lesson learned

By katharine - 15/03/2010 20:12 - United States

Today, I was daydreaming in bed when my phone rang from across the room. I scrambled out of my covers, tripped over a pair of boots I had by the bed, and slipped on some jeans laying on the floor. Luckily, I answered my phone in time, but only to have my mom tell me to clean my room before she got home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 038

You deserved it 30 583

By bubblewrap - 20/10/2015 10:13 - United Kingdom - Swindon

Today, I noticed a guy checking out my ass in the mirror behind the bar where I work. He was cute, so I thought I'd put on a little show. I bent over to reach for something near the floor, which caused me to let rip a series of uncontrollable farts, like popping bubble wrap. He quickly left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 421

You deserved it 11 726

By Anonymous - 04/07/2014 19:04 - Netherlands

Today, on my first day as a lifeguard, a man had a heart attack in the pool. I jumped in, pulled him out, and even went to the hospital with him. He seemed genuinely offended, saying "You should've let me die." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 852

You deserved it 3 420

Whoops

By Teen - 24/01/2009 23:28 - United States

Today, I was trying on clothes in a store that had just screens set up for changing. As I took off the first pair of pants had I tried on, my foot got hooked in the cuff and I fell out in my underwear in front of the whole store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 072

You deserved it 2 974

By Ellie - 09/10/2013 23:15 - United States - Mission

Today, I dreamt that I beat someone up for using Comic Sans in a project. Now I can't look at him without being irrationally angry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 304

You deserved it 7 097

By Anonymous - 23/05/2015 07:03 - United States - Tampa

Today, my dad came to my 8-year-old daughter's birthday party wearing a shirt that said "Small penis, huge dick." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 035

You deserved it 2 516

By Katrin - 30/10/2011 19:13 - Norway

Today, I got into my car after a long shift at work. When I looked in my rear view mirror, a horrifyingly evil face grinned at me from the back window. I leaped out of the car, only to be chased around by two people in clown masks. It turned out to be a prank set up by my co-workers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 480

You deserved it 3 472

By Anonymous - 13/09/2014 06:56 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I discovered that one of our cats is super creepy. He humps the blankets on my mother's bed while staring at her while she's sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 775

You deserved it 3 646

By lurna301 - 17/07/2012 00:58 - United States - Glendale

Today, my boyfriend's mother introduced me as his "friend". We've been together for 10 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 661

You deserved it 3 250

By janie - 30/01/2009 23:17 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was sexiled. So that my roommate and the boy who I confessed my love to two days before could hook up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 567

You deserved it 2 391

By whasian - 21/09/2009 16:32 - United States

Today, my soon to be mother-in-law sent me a birthday present. It was a necklace for me to wear at my wedding. The pendant is a well known lesbian symbol. I'm a woman and I'm marrying her son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 841

You deserved it 3 109

By Anonymous - 20/09/2011 07:24 - Canada

Today, I walked in on my daughter trying to tan herself with her regular desk lamp. She won't believe that it wouldn't give her a tan. She's 16 years old. This isn't the first time this has happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 173

You deserved it 5 128

By allergic - 21/10/2010 03:12 - France

Today, I found out that I have a gluten allergy. What this basically means is that I can't eat anything with wheat in it; bread, pasta, cake, you name it. I am Italian, this basically limits me from eating any of the awesome food my family makes almost every night. Here I come plain rice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 655

You deserved it 3 280

By sprained neck - 24/11/2015 05:49

Today, I had whiplash after my dad and I were rear ended by a suburban. Despite the state trooper saying I should go, my dad delayed taking me to the ER because he wanted to pick up the dog from "doggy daycare" and take her for a nice long walk, while I waited for my mom to come home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 843

You deserved it 1 502

Victim blaming

By Anonymous - 28/08/2014 21:16 - Portugal

Today, my demented little sister walked up to me and kicked me between the legs. I told my parents, but they just accusingly asked me what I did to provoke her. When I said, "Nothing", they accused me of lying. There is no justice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 047

You deserved it 3 471

By JellicleCat - 24/04/2019 19:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I met the man of my dreams. Insane click. He’s just as in love with me. He’s also got a condition I research in my job. It’s literally unethical for us to date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 401

You deserved it 311

By littl3storm - 13/10/2018 12:00

Today, I was trying on bras in a shop when a little kid stuck their head under my stall. I was completely topless and completely surprised when they asked if I was their mommy. I'm 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 220

You deserved it 160

By mastermind - 01/09/2019 02:00

Today, I can add "Ferrari" to the long list of cars I’ve almost been hit by. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 343

You deserved it 205

By Clumsy - 25/04/2009 09:09 - United States

Today, I was doing a fitness test. Though clumsy, I managed to spin around a bat then dash across a balance beam, run through some tires, and walk across a log floating in water. Pleased with my performance, I walked to the bathroom, tripped on my shoelace, and bust my head on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 478

You deserved it 5 460

By Laurendorcus - 14/03/2010 23:13 - France

Today, I called out "personal" from work because I had to study for a major test that is taking place tomorrow. An hour later my manager called to fire me for "not taking work seriously", then I got an email that the test is being postponed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 333

You deserved it 4 022

By BloodyHands - 17/12/2017 15:00

Today, my coworker and I were written up after we dropped a glass table, which shattered and left us with big cuts on our hands and arms. We weren’t written up for breaking the piece, but because a nearby customer heard us both swear in pain and reported us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 369

You deserved it 305

By 613tanner - 19/05/2011 05:30

Today, I got pulled over for going about 88mph. When the cop asked why I was speeding, I replied, "I was trying to go back in time". He didn't like that answer and gave me a ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 447

You deserved it 70 177

By girlymae - 27/02/2013 07:59 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I was in bed when I rolled over and saw a hand right beside my head. I freaked out and nearly peed myself, just to realize that it was the huggable heart pillow my boyfriend had given to me on Valentine's Day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 420

You deserved it 23 961

By Anonymous - 05/11/2010 19:18 - United States

Today, I lost control of my vehicle while driving. The car went off the road, rolled over, and ended up being totaled. The policeman asked me if I was alright and I said I was. He seemed relieved at my answer. Then he handed me a $300 ticket for failing to maintain my lane. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 300

You deserved it 5 996

By themanzz - 08/10/2010 12:08 - Canada

Today, I was helping my Dad pick up the pieces of bark that came off the tree that we'd just cut down. I bent over to grab a dark looking piece of bark. Turn out it was my dogs crap. Fresh, warm, moist piece of crap to be exact. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 517

You deserved it 8 614

By Screwed Up - 09/05/2013 05:30 - United States

Today, I went to therapy. I started talking about my childhood and my life. By the time the session was over my therapist was crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 337

You deserved it 4 280

By notagoodtime - 06/02/2016 20:52 - United States - San Francisco

Spicy

Today, I was forced to get up in front of ten swim teams, including my own, and a hundred spectators to swim 100 yards with an obvious boner sticking out of my suit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 835

You deserved it 5 084

By xxbobsan - 21/04/2009 05:17 - United States

Today, I told my girlfriend I was quitting the town baseball team. She said "Great. Now we can get someone with actual talent on the team." I laughed because I thought she was joking. She then replied "What's so funny?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 635

You deserved it 5 498

By ScreweD- - 16/11/2015 21:39 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I got a writing assignment back. After meeting with my professor specially after class and meticulously combing through every word of that paper, I got a low D. Turns out, he graded me down on every suggestion of his that I took. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 058

You deserved it 2 085

Not in front of Him

By Username - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend wouldn't kiss me because there was a picture of Superman on my shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 229

You deserved it 10 309

By sel2207 - 06/01/2009 03:27 - France

Today, I lent my brand new earrings to one of my friends. Everyone told her that they are pretty, and look really great on her. I've been wearing them for the last 3 weeks, and no one has ever mentioned them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 105

You deserved it 2 548

By Anonymous - 19/07/2017 07:00 - United States - Coplay

Today, my school brought in therapy dogs to help with stress. I was attacked by one of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 604

You deserved it 477

By Mush - 27/08/2015 16:42 - France - Montpellier

Today, after an 8-month wait, I went on my big vacation. The beach, the sea, the dive, the jellyfish, the allergic reaction, the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 645

You deserved it 1 722

By Anonymous - 27/10/2010 05:58 - United States

Today, I spent all day handing out flyers advertising my services as a psychic. I got only one call. The caller wanted to inform me that I had misspelt the word "psychic" on my flyer. She was right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 773

You deserved it 42 478

By Anonymous - 28/12/2018 02:00

Today, I bought a car off my aunt, then I got 7 speeding tickets. Apparently my aunt forgot to tell me the speedometer is faulty, so while I thought I was doing a safe 28 or 29 mph in the 30 zone on my way to work, I was probably doing closer to 35 or 36. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 524

You deserved it 395

By Rusty - 12/12/2015 00:49 - United States

Today, I did slightly below average on my programming project. Aside from it being unnecessarily difficult, I also couldn't focus on it due to problems at home. After I confided in my colleague about it, I heard him mutter, "I knew women are crappy programmers". FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 095

You deserved it 2 743

By life_sucks - 16/01/2010 18:46 - New Zealand

Today, this huge wasp started flying around me. I freaked out and started running from it. Then I slipped, landed face-first in some dog poo, and got stung by the wasp on my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 964

You deserved it 7 500

By KaityK - 19/04/2016 19:15 - United States

Today, I let my little sister play a game using my Facebook account. She then accepted all of the people that had sent me a friend request. Among them included my boyfriend's crazy ex, and 3 people I've never met. Now I'm getting strange messages from all of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 209

You deserved it 5 008

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Send a private message

Friday 17 February 2012 12:04

Ask for a raise - every hour

Send a private message

Friday 17 February 2012 13:33

OP's Boss: "Hey! Who do you think wears the big boy pants around here?!" OP: "But sir, your not wearing any pants..."

Comments

robpressley93 8

Send a private message

Friday 17 February 2012 12:03

whatever sounds like the perfect boss to me ask him if he wants to grab a drink later?

Just_STFU_Please 13

Send a private message

Friday 17 February 2012 12:15

Who knows, maybe a drink after work will lead to an exponential raise??? It's worth a shot!

instnt1nfction 17

Send a private message

Friday 17 February 2012 13:31

6- was that a pun? It was amazing

thiscrazything 1

Send a private message

Friday 17 February 2012 14:25

Party with the boss = raise. Unless he is a mean drunk, then you are SOL.

Just_STFU_Please 13

Send a private message

Friday 17 February 2012 20:30

22- I didn't intend it to be a pun to be honest. Haha. After I submitted it I just told myself that that comment was perfect.

Send a private message

Friday 17 February 2012 22:49

aa?

Send a private message

Friday 17 February 2012 12:04

Maybe its just me but I don't understand what's so bad about this

Send a private message

Friday 17 February 2012 12:04

Ask for a raise - every hour

Send a private message

Friday 17 February 2012 12:06

Don't be such a buzzkill.

Send a private message

Friday 17 February 2012 13:15

Pshh... what could possibly go wrong... >_>

Send a private message

Friday 17 February 2012 13:22

It's obvious your sarcasm detectors need a tune up. But it's hard as hell to detect that in only text.

Send a private message

Friday 17 February 2012 13:30

Benabus - you're a frickin buzzkill!

hotPinklipstick 24

Send a private message

Friday 17 February 2012 13:57

24- I wouldn't say you are famous on FML. When you have 4000+ comments like DocBastard or Perdix then you can claim your "title".

Send a private message

Friday 17 February 2012 14:50

If I'm famous, where's my royalty check? Come on, FML!

Send a private message

Friday 17 February 2012 15:38

25 - you mean these guys are famous (to you) just for posting on FML, that is hilarious. Then to top it off, if they each have posted over 4,000 comments, they are Ratards who have no lives...... Really.....

Send a private message

Friday 17 February 2012 17:16

Benabus - I have a secret list down in my evil lair which contains the names of FML commentors i hate. Guess what, bro. You're on it. Perhaps... famous for all the wrong reasons?

Send a private message

Friday 17 February 2012 17:26

TunechiXXL - I'm a Ratard? *checks dictionary* Shit, I can't even find word anywhere. Please define it for me so I know what you're talking about. And as for no life, I'll have to ask my wife and children about my lack of a life and how I can go about getting one. I had no idea that posting comments on a website means that you don't have a life! Maybe you can help me get a life! Please advise me, oh guru.

Send a private message

Friday 17 February 2012 17:38

*Facepalm* Why do i even bother? Doc, being a 'Ratard' sounds pretty damn terrible. Fancy coming over to my cave for a while so we can analyse this new insult? Oh, cake will be served too?

Dracoboxer357 35

Send a private message

Friday 17 February 2012 18:24

44- DocBastard, "ratard" is obvious: You come from vermin decent, being "Rat-arded." It's a noble title for someone infamous, not famous, here in the world of fml. ;)

Send a private message

Friday 17 February 2012 18:44

I thought it might be a combination of "rat bastard" and "retard", but that guy doesn't seem clever enough to come up with that himself.

Send a private message

Friday 17 February 2012 19:26

Benabus, I've been reading FML for almost a year and this is the first I've ever heard of you. You have like 180 comments. That's nothing. You sound like a self important twit that no one has ever heard of.

Send a private message

Friday 17 February 2012 12:13

Try extortion? :P

Send a private message

Friday 17 February 2012 12:24

You should've had a word about that promotion he promised you!

jerseyboy732 16

Send a private message

Friday 17 February 2012 12:27

ORRRRRRRRR you could have suggested beer pong wednesdays :D

Send a private message

Friday 17 February 2012 15:42

No bounces!

Send a private message

Friday 17 February 2012 12:38

You shouldn't have been talking to him, should have gone to his bosses.

Send a private message

Friday 17 February 2012 12:38

Your boss is a great role model

Send a private message

Friday 17 February 2012 12:44

Sounds like a great boss to me

Nearly

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I was diagnosed with a meat allergy. You can imagine the jokes my boyfriend has been thinking up since we found out I can’t "handle his meat" in my mouth anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 586

You deserved it 76

Today, a guy drove an hour and a half to get to where I live, only to literally last less than 30 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 681

You deserved it 143